Closed Once Lost and Not Yet Found

[Margo Fox]

The tension Margo had carried around with her most of last semester had eased up finally. Talking to Michael had helped. She still caught herself staring up at the owls as the mail was delivered each day but she had stopped holding her breath as the weeks went on. She had done her part and now it was up to Avery, wherever he was. So she had been surprised when a small but neatly folded letter landed in front of her. She recognized the writing without even having to read it. Margo reached out hesitantly and looked around for one of her friends, she didn’t want to do this alone. But they were all elsewhere and after all this time she couldn’t wait another second and tore open the seal.

Margo,

So you’ve been looking for me.

I should have expected you would. Even if, in my head, you're still just a kid. But time has this funny way of passing without you noticing, and you’re not a kid anymore. And I always knew you were smart.

I’m sorry I stopped writing to you. It was cruel not to say goodbye so you felt like you needed to track me down. But it felt like the right thing to do at the time. I can see now that I did you a disservice by turning into a mystery.

More than anything I needed to keep you safe. I still do, which is why I haven’t tried to see you or reach out sooner. You have to understand that it’s all I’ve wanted to do.

If you write me back, send it to the address below. It’s not where I live, but it will get to me.

Avery

 

[Avery Fox]

Avery had been thinking a lot about the letter he had sent to Margo and the one she had written to him to find at Hogs Head. He couldn’t stop thinking about how Brayden had looked at him. The old man didn’t know anything about their family. Or what Avery had been through at the end of the day. He was trying to make a difference and that was dangerous. But still he couldn’t help but feel a nervous knot in his stomach as he stopped by the address he had given his sister to write back too. Usually he tried to avoid becoming a regular at any place but he made an exception for this. It would likely come back to bite him but there was apparently still something soft in him that had him coming back day after day until finally he had a letter waiting for him. He knew he shouldn’t linger but he ripped open the letter there in the street.

Dear Avery,

It’s so good to hear from you! I hope you get this letter soon. I feel like I have so many things to tell you and I can hardly keep up when I try to write them all down. It would be so much easier to tell you in person.

I can’t claim to know why you ran away from home. From me. And I’m not sure why you’ve stayed away so long. You say you want to keep me safe, but safe from what?

I’m not sure if I want to know.

Some days I’m so angry with you I can hardly think straight. Then there are others when I feel like crying. When I still feel like the little kid you left, the one you remember. But I’m not. I’ve grown up in spite of the hole you and our parents left.

I thought that finding you would help me make sense of things. Put some reason to the last ten years of my life. But so far I’m more confused than ever. I just want to understand. I just want my brother back.

Love,
Margo

 

[Margo Fox]

Margo had been shaken by her brother’s first letter. She hadn’t known what to expect when he finally reached out but it wasn’t that. She had known what she wanted to happen. She had wanted him to apologize for his absence and rush to organize some kind of reunion. For him to write to their grandmother and come home. Instead he had apologized, kind of, but was so distant he felt even farther from her even with his words in her hands. She was quick to write him back in case he slipped through her fingers again. Now that they had made contact she was on edge again as the mail came everyday until finally a letter came for her.

Margo,

Your letters are the brightest spot in my day and I understand your anger. It’s an anger I know well. An anger at the unfair things in life, like what took our parents away from us.

Be angry with me if you must just know I’m fighting for the both of us. For everyone.

That is why we can’t see each other. You have your future ahead of you and I can’t be the one to tarnish it. Go and live your life. Live well, like our parents would want. Tell Gram and Aunt Willow that I’m well.

Avery

 

[Avery Fox]

Avery fully expected not to hear from his sister again. But still he showed up every day to check for a letter. It was like a bruise he couldn’t stop pressing on. A dull ache he welcomed. A reminder there was still something precious out there, which terrified him as well. In the spaces he traveled it wasn’t wise to have soft spots. He was trying to keep his distance but it was like a dam that had finally burst and he was helpless to stop it, even though he tried. He had tried to cut things off with his last letter but he had a feeling Margo wouldn’t let go so easily. She could be tenacious when she wanted to be. She had found him after all. Finally after a few days he was proven correct.

Avery,

I still don’t understand. Are you in trouble? I’m sure Aunt Willow could do something to help. Or maybe one of mom and dad’s old friends? You say you worry about keeping me safe but am I not allowed to worry about you?

I just want to see you. Just for an hour. I just want to know you’re alive and well. If you’ve ever cared about me you wouldn’t be doing this. Don’t you want to see me?

I was six when you left. I’m older now than when you left home. I’m not sure I can even imagine how much you must have changed in that time. Avery, you are the only brother I have. Our family is so small already.

Please.

Your sister,
Margo

 

[Margo Fox]

Margo could barely eat in the days after her last letter from Avery. She hadn’t known what to say and when she did, she replied a bit desperately. But she hadn’t known what else to do, how else was she supposed to react to her brother’s refusal to even see her. She could feel him trying to pull away for good and she couldn’t bear it. She probably sounded pathetic but she didn’t care anymore. She was out of moves so she bared her heart. Her restlessness was worse than ever as she waited for a response. She tried her best to move on in case her brother had shut her out for good. But when another letter arrived she nearly cried with relief. Until she actually read the contents.

Margo,

I know what you’re trying to do.

I can understand why you feel that way but you’re being too emotional. You have to think about this rationally. Our family was broken a long time ago. Have you considered to ask why our family is so small?

I don’t say this to be cruel. I am just trying to tell you the real stakes of what I’m doing.

I’m doing important work and that makes me a target. I really can’t say more than that. People could be reading this.

Know that I am safe for now.

Love,
Avery

 

[Avery Fox]

Avery had stopped checking daily for letters from his sister. He knew that if it did come they would likely be scathing which isn’t something he could blame her for. She had already pleaded with him and he knew she wasn’t likely to do it again. He knew he was hurting her, his last letter had not been kind. He had tried to avoid this by staying away in the first place. But he couldn’t help but check when he was in the neighborhood. His heart was heavy but relieved when he found the letter waiting for him. He stepped outside and read it quickly. With a sinking feeling he knew every word was what he deserved. She was graduating. She had mentioned she was in her final year in her first letter she had left for him but it still felt so bizarre to think of his baby sister as all grown up. Maybe she could protect herself. Maybe he could- Before the thought could even take hold he tossed it aside. He wouldn’t cave now. Not after all this time. As he walked away he lite the letter with a simple incendio charm and kept moving as the ashes fell through his fingers.

Avery,

I don’t know what else to say. I’m not sure why I’ve tried to convince you to be there for me when you never have.

My graduation is in May. You’re invited but I won’t beg you to come since you’ve made yourself so clear.

I just thought you should know.

Margo

 

[Margo Fox]

Margo sent her final letter to Avery with a lump in her throat that she couldn’t seem to swallow. She had tried to plead with her brother but he wouldn’t listen. He made it clear that she could write him novels and it would all fall on deaf ears. Nothing could come between him and whatever vendetta he had taken up all these years. She worried terribly that he was into something actually dangerous. What would their parents think? But there wasn’t anything she could do about it. She was trapped at school and couldn’t track him down herself where she could demand her answers. So for now she had to settle for the reality that her brother loved her less than whatever ghosts he was chasing. It was a bitter pill to swallow but she guessed she did have some answers now. Just ones she didn’t want to hear. The silence was clear enough.