No Better Version of Me

[Lux Hamilton]

Winter break was over and done with and Lux was relieved to be back at Hogwarts although it was admittedly less so than years previous for two reasons. The first being her little sister, Leila. There was nothing similar about them except their names and parents, although at times Lux doubted this very much. Still she knew that she had to look out for the first year and help her out because they had been both thrown under the bus and had so little information about their upcoming lives. While the blonde did not have any older siblings to advise her, she did have a friend in Ferdinand. He was a different topic altogether unfortunately. The athletic girl had a crush on him for some time but knowing he had been dating Kelsey made things easier, she had no intention of acting on those feelings while he was in a relationship but over the break she had learned of a particularly juicy and equally hilarious. In part she did feel badly for her friend’s loss but it was too funny not to enjoy his descriptions of the conversation at least a little. Or at least it didn’t make her predatory for it because it had occurred to Lux to now act. To flounce about, to act like a quirky, cute girl who gets the boy at the end of the movie but that was not who she was. As much as Lux wanted a different relationship with her dear friend, it was never going to happen and to get things out of the way on this front and make her life honest and easier, she had planned to meet him on the quidditch pitch for a quick one on one while they spoke and were relaxed as possible. If anything went wrong, too, she could fly far away from Ferdinand which was a happy accident that occurred to her as she fixed her trousers and then mounted her broom.

The teenager kicked off strong with her brightly coloured trainers and hovered high in the air, trying to get her thoughts straight while she waited and shivered. It was perhaps a little too cold to be doing this but she had committed and there was no backing out now so she decided to attempt to warm herself up a little bit by doing a few laps around the pitch. A shaky start and the blonde was off, speeding around the track to clear her mind and to warm her fingers and it worked well enough until she saw someone enter the pitch. She stopped short and then waited, straightening her slightly dishevelled blonde locks.​

 

[Ferdinand Oakley]

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Ferdinand's friendship with Lux was one he had kept for years so it was all but a surprise when she invited him to the quidditch pitch for a one on one chat post winter break. Not being an avid flyer, or rather swearing on his life to never fly again once his first year classes ended he had half a mind relocating their little chat somewhere more indoors and away from the cold, however chose not to from fear of annoying the only friend he seemed to have left. When the events and consequences he had written about hung fresh in his mind he was relieved to know the person on the other end of his letters didn't choose to ignore his existence like the rest of his peers. Lux was truly a person he could only describe as a diamond in the rough of his self-shattered life, and the only relationship he had yet to ruin and would never if given the chance. In the midst of transition between winter and spring Ferdinand wished for a sunnier day to stroll oudoors, but having lived in New Zealand his whole life knew enough about the climate to assume the weather would quickly freeze again before any sun peeked through the clouds. The beanie pulled over his brunette curls threatened to fly off in the brisk wind so he was forced to hold it down as the stone path slowly turned to frosted grass crunching beneath his shoes. When he finally entered the open air of the quidditch pitch he looked up to catch the sight of a blonde silhouette in the sky he could only assume was his friend. He took a hand from his beanie and waved a greeting, hoping she would return to stable ground and not force him to hover on a broom for the first time in six years.

"Get down here!" He shouted at the top of his lungs in the hope she would hear and cater to his wishes. Feeling anxious in the air and most certainly out of his comfort zone was the last thing he needed today. Not when telling Lux the whole picture behind his break up instead of the watered-down version described through quill and ink was gut wrenching enough. "I have serious things to tell you!" He still had no idea if she could hear him from so high up but whether or not his voice reached her ears, he waited patiently knowing she would touch down on the ground sooner or later.
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i hope my posts get better because this is disgraceful.

 

[Lux Hamilton]

Going round and round the Quidditch Pitch at such great heights and speeds, could be scary but after four years of practicing as much as she did - despite never trying out for the team - was almost second nature. Her form was nowhere near perfect but she did love to fly, it was a n entirely different sport than all the muggle ones she enjoyed so much. Football had to be her favourite, of course, but it was so much more freeing to be in the air. At least this was what she tried to convince Ferdinand but it was to no avail. She, of course, could forget of his discomfort on brooms from time-to-time because of her distinct joy in that moment. At least this was until she had stopped short and saw what she could only think to be her friend. “Merlin help me,” she coughed out as she straightened her askew hair. She could not hear the person down on the green clearly but she could hear enough to know they were yelling for her so she flew down. Once Lux had gotten close enough she had not bothered to touch down and dismount, she just jumped off her broom and kept walking towards her friend and now crush, as humiliating as it was to think of him in this way.

When she had gotten directly beside him, Lux said with a nervous laugh in her voice, “Hey Ferds! I completely forgot about the flying thing, sorry, I’m a prat.” She grinned at him, flashing her pearly whites while doing so, before she looked down at their feet in the manicured grass not in shame but in uncertainty of what to say or do next because her nerve was leaving her with every passing second. Lux Hamilton was no Gryffindor. Still she was a Slytherin and there had to be something to say for that as she looked up at him and said, “I figured we ought to talk in person. Letters can be so dissatisfying.” Her thin yet strong shoulders shrugged underneath her thermal jumper which made her wind blown hair cover her pink cheeks for a moment before falling back down. Lux was so unlike her sister in that she was in no way a feminine person and yet the temptation to twirl her hair between her fingers and bat her eyelashes at her friend was there even if he would indeed tease her for it. Matching the athletic blonde with flirting made as much sense as a fish with a bicycle and so she would spare herself the humiliation. The rest of their conversation was likely to be as uncomfortable without undue flirting and subsequent embarrassment.

 

[Ferdinand Oakley]

Ferdinand could barely swallow the momentary peak of anxiety he experienced when he watched Lux descended and jump from her broom rather than touching down safely. If he could describe his friend with one word right now it would be daredevil, because not once in his life could he imagine himself attempting to fly again let alone muster enough bravery to leave a broom before his toes touched solid ground. He chuckled at her apology and attempted to shrug it off though the sheer possibility he could still be made to fly caused his gut to tighten further. Never mind he knew Lux wasn't inconsiderate at all and definitely not enough to drag him away from his comfort zone for fun the idea wasn't so easily done away with. When his friend averted her eyes and changed the subject he felt relieved but his nerves from earlier quickly returned since remembering the reason he agreed to this meeting in the first place.

The whole story, he reminded himself. Every grueling detail that caused his throat to turn dry and his stomach turn knots. Telling Lux was nothing less than a terrifying thought, but he knew he needed to get this over with first and foremost, cut to the case before his friend said anything to distract him. "Letters are dissatisfying. Which is why I have to tell you a couple of things." He swallowed before his gaze dropped to the ground and he opened his mouth to say what he had avoided all winter. "I told you about what happened with Kelsey, but not all of it." In his letters the subject was glossed over because he had yet to come to terms with what happened. The memory was so fresh in his mind, like it happened only yesterday and he hadn't realized how much of his precious time was spent wasted on a person he now wished he never met. "When she got upset over the dog, her brother intervened. He told me that Kelsey never liked me. That she just wanted to know what it was like to have a boyfriend." It was easier for him to pretend like the break never happened, like his heart wasn't shattered in two from some petty argument over a dog, but as much as he wanted the ability to will himself from feeling it would never happen. He kicked the ground, not bothering to look up to gauge a reaction from his friend and now the only person who knew why what seemed a happy relationship ended so suddenly over a short break. "One year and five months of nothing, I guess." ​

 

[Lux Hamilton]

If jumping off her broom was daring, what the girl would do next was positively suicidal. She was standing on the edge, creeping closer and closer until her chance was taken from her to be honest and open. She wanted nothing more than to rip the ever loving daylights off of this bandage but she couldn't quite yet. Chewing on her bottom lip, the girl felt that the words might fall off her tongue if she didn't have something to distract herself with and show restraint, which she would be grateful she had when everything was explained.

Somewhat befuddled did Lux glance over at her best mate because she had been certain that all that he had to report was being tired of his ex-girlfriend's exhausting personality, which she could not fault Ferdinand for. What more could there have been unless they had gotten back together? She might have guessed as such if it weren't for the broken look on his face. If she could have eased whatever pain he had she would have but the fourteen year old could not have had less of a clue with how to react or how to help except to listen at the entirely upsetting story. "Oh Christ," she mumbled under her breath. Not knowing what to do even more so now except that she was very, very mad with Kelsey Bonehart the girl grabbed her friend by the arm firmly to get him to look at her for a moment. What happened to her friend was truly awful but she was not going to express this now, he knew it, but the way he was looking at the ground made her feel like maybe he might feel that she didn't want him as a friend for the absurd reason his ex-girlfriend didn't really want him for a boyfriend. "Ferdinand, you're probably the best person at this school and she's a complete nutter. Don't let any of what they said even cross your mind, you're fantastic." If her cheeks weren't already pink from the wind burn they would have been in embarrassment for saying such things about the older Ravenclaw when her feelings were so rampant. Lux dropped her hand from his arm and looked at the ground, furrowing her brow for a moment as she said, "Besides... I like you loads. You don't need her." The girl might've rolled her eyes at herself in this moment but she waited on baited breath for what might be said in return. How he would feel about her affections would change the dynamic, just as airing her feelings would alter it too. She had been seen as a boy, a bro, or one of the guys with her friend for such a long time but she liked him and she needed to tell him not because she actually thought they would ever date - she knew too many things about him and vice versa for that ever to happen and as she didn't want to dwell on it, being honest was all Lux could imagine would help her get over whatever ridiculous feelings she had for Ferdi.​

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[Ferdinand Oakley]

A defense mechanism Ferdinand always relied on was losing himself within his thoughts, and it was within a deep corner of his thoughts which Lux dragged him from and into eye contact with a firm yet sudden grip on his arm. Confidence was something he was known for because rarely did he let insecurity take over before rationalizing it away, though he had been forced to question everything in the wake of seeing a whole other side to a person he had known for the better part of six years. Even his blonde friend no longer seemed like a friend as she spoke the obvious truth, words he knew were honest but to his ears sounded like a blatant lie. Such a needy, insecure voice nagging the back of his mind was something Ferdinand never thought he would have. It was not in his nature to rely on others for reassurance but as Lux's words eventually comforted him more than he cared to admit, the fact was obvious that through all the petty drama he truly needed a friend (spite the fact he refused to believe he had any). The Ravenclaw shook his head, attempting to flush out any negative thoughts before opening his mouth to apologize for questioning the honesty of Lux's friendship longer than a second. "I'm sorry." He spoke out of context, interrupting the end of her spiel before she wasted another breath. The selfish, uncaring and obnoxious personality he allowed to take over during the holidays was anything but fantastic. She had only seen his genuine side that was now buried beneath an arrogant mask. However before he had time to correct her, she diverted to an entirely different subject in which his mind was too caught up in itself to realize.

"I like you a lot too." Ferdinand responded in autopilot, not taking time to fully understand the meaning of her words and dismissing them as comfort from a friend. Anything more than a close friendship with the Slytherin had never piqued as a possibility in his mind which explained his ignorance in not realizing she meant something more than friendship behind the word 'like'. Ferdinand wanted to thank Lux for being his friend with every ounce of honesty he could muster, but all that came out when he opened his mouth were a few appreciative words. "I'm glad you're my friend." Without so much as a warning he pulled Lux into a hug and squeezed her tight. After the holidays the only people who stayed by his side and seemed to understand his pain were Lux and Mars. Neither any of his other friends nor his parents gave him an impression of sympathy, but it was their lack of sympathy that made him truly appreciate Lux for staying even when his insecurities made him question everything.

Wtf is this. I'm sorry!​

 

[Lux Hamilton]

so late. so bad. soz. ily tho.

It was truly shocking to see the confident, even cocky at times, Ravenclaw suddenly hurting so much. It was understandable for him to be so upset but that did not mean that Lux wanted to see it and yet as she scoured her brain for ways to make Ferds feel better he apologized to her, something which puzzled her visibly. Before she had a chance to question his words she was silenced again and then pulled into his arms. For a moment she was receptive as any girl would've been but he'd not understood and she needed to clarify before she did something foolish. Lux frowned into the hug. She should be smiling, she knew this, and yet she was acting like a child but still she pushed Ferdinand back gently and sighed. She was glad they were friends too but she liked him in a way she shouldn't and she needed to be honest with her older friend. When she had successfully parted from him, the Slytherin clasped her hands together and fiddled with her fingers anxiously. "I don't think you understand," she finally said, "I like you, Ferdinand." The thought of it was honestly disgusting because she was as bad as Nice Guys for wanting friendship to turn into something more. It couldn't, though. Firstly, not when he was so insecure within himself but it was just bad for their relationship. They were friends but they were also in this unfortunate situation where friendship and crushes sort of became one in the same and so she had to end this hug - this affection before she did something she would regret. The temptation to get back on the broom and fly farther and farther up until she was so far away from facing this entire conversation was building but she stood straight backed and proud. She knew that her friend would be taken aback by this, at the very least, but here she stood trying not to run as fast as her muscular legs could take her.