My own reflection

[Lynette Ferguson]

After serveral hours of pacing around the endless stream of corridors and rooms, Lynette had finally found the only place she felt at home, and she deeply inhaled the inviting smell of old leatherbound books, coated in dust and eager to be read. She wouldn't have called herself a bookworm, she was just eager to absorb as much information as she possibly could before lessons started. The thought of coming top in her classes made her smile, yet she hadn't even attended one yet, but simply the idea of doing well would put a smile on her face for the rest of the day. And when she was happy, the people around her seemed to lighten up too, although she still didn't dare talk to them, for fear of sounding too strange. Every morning she'd look at herself in the mirror, and try to pluck up the courage to have a conversation, and every time she would fail once more. In the knowing that if she couldn't speak to her own reflection, she'd never get anywhere in life, Lynette would then start her day in a miserable mood. So she was please that finally she was smiling, even if it clearly wasn't going to last. All it would take was somebody to elbow her as they walked past, whether it was on purpose or not, and Lynette's mood would drop once more, so she tried to avoid everyone altogether. She knew she was hiding away, and obviously that wouldn't do her any good, but what else was she supposed to do? Sometimes she would try and force herself to cry. She'd pinch herself so hard that her eyes would fill with tears, and yet they never fell, and instead of a promise, 'Lynette never cries', had become something true, something she couldn't change no matter how hard she tried. She often wondered what it was like to cry, as she hadn't done it for several years. Yes, she'd had a few sad moments where she'd get the sniffles and she'd feel the tears brimming in her eyelids, but not once, since Diana's death, had those tears made it any further. No matter how hard she blinked, trying to coax them out, they just wouldn't have it. She honestly believed that maybe she'd cried all of her tears away when Diana had died, and she simply did not have any left. She had no other explanation, anyway, and it was what she thought. Her Mother, of course, had noticed her lack of emotion when things got rough, but she had always complimented it, calling her 'strong' for not bawling when she hurt herself or fell out with a friend. It was as though her Mother had told her that crying was a bad thing to do, and it was so implanted in Lynette's mind that she could never let it go.

Warm and quiet, the library seemed like the perfect place for Lynette to be at this time, and she certainly had nothing better to do. A few students were reading, but they looked older than her, and they had a reason to be studying, whilst she was quite clearly hiding. She acted as though it wasn't though, inwardly telling herself that her Mother had asked her to research something for her, and she was simply doing a nice favour by helping her out. She convinced herself this, and then headed to the first isle of books. Unfortutately, she caught the librarian's eye, and she hurried swiftly to the back of the isles where nobody could see her, and sat herself down at the small round table where a student, or an adult, for that matter, had lazily left their books for somebody else to put away. She briefly skimmed over their titles, and picked up the first one she had seen. 'A history of magic', she murmured to herself, glad to be in the confined space of the library corner. If anybody had heard her, she'd have turned bright pink and walked away as though she was completely normal, which, she obviously wasn't. And if she was, she didn't believe it. The looks that people would give her when she walked past them made her feel like an alien on the wrong planet, not fitting in with the other students because she, for some reason, was simply 'different' to everybody else. She was far too young to be feeling this way about life, but she didn't know what she could do about it. Sighing calmly, Lynette flipped open the dark brown leather book and traced over the words with her finger. She wasn't even reading, as her mind was far too occupied with more important thoughts than Ancient Egypt. Much as she tried to get into the learning scheme of things, she couldn't quite concentrate properly. She put a hand to her forhead as she widened her eyes, thinking that it might actually help her to read better. Instead, it just made her eyes sore, and she soon gave up with trying to read. She may as well have had a big neon arrow pointing above her head, flashing 'She's pathetic!', and suddenly somebody appeared from around the corner.

Lynette sat up straight immediately and started to read, properly this time. She'd been snapped out of her daydream, luckily, and she could finally start to take in what the book was desperately trying to tell her. But she couldn't ignore the presence of another student nearby, and even hiding behind her hair, she felt vunerable and small. Fortunately, it only seemed to be a first year, or a very small older student, and they were most likely harmless. She found it funny how she stereotyped small people as harmless and she smiled a little to herself, before glancing up at the person who had joined her. She wanted to speak to them, to get to know them, but they probably wouldn't have noticed she was there, even if she spoke. Feeling invisible to everybody else was slightly troubling to Lynette, and she often doubted her own existence. And right now, her Mother wasn't there to tell her if she was dreaming or not. Even that didn't help somtimes, as her Mother could have been saying this in her dream, but when she thought about this, her mind felt like exploding and she tried to change the subject. She looked up again slowly at the young student, not daring to make eye contact in case they'd heard some sort of strange rumour about her. It seemed likely, what with hormonal teenagers in the castle, and she didn't really want to think about the idea of people whispering rubbish about her behind her back. 'Hi', she attempted to say, but it came out in a small, croaky whisper. Immediately, Lynette looked back down at her book as if nothing had ever happened, and hoped they'd go away.

 

[Sidney Carver]

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<SIZE size="50">The school was huge. It was a lot bigger than the small boy's mind had imagined it would be. He had thought that it would be a good size, a size where he didn't have to spend hours upon hours exploring to find everything he needed. Of course, this was not entirely a complaint, but there were just no enough hours in the day to be able to explore everywhere that he needed to. And this did not bode to well for the young boy. Sidney Ryan Marcus Carver was not the type that liked to sit around. He liked being someowhere, outside, inside, it didn't really matter. He was stuck in his dorm room, pretending that he was in some hidden prison where no person would be able to find him. Not then, not ever. But, he was pretending to break free. Like in the Great Escape, a movie Sidney had not seen but was fairly interested in seeing. He was walking around the school, every so often breaking into a run, pretending to run away from imaginery people who wanted to take him back to his cell. Despite the fact he was at hogwarts and now reality was interesting, there was still a part of Sidney that desired the imagination to be let free. Yes, it made him look impossibly weird and odd, but them it didn't really matter to Sidney. He didn't care that he looked weird. Or that people were even wondering how he was 11. Sidney was small for his age. but he would grow, both his parents were quite tall, so he knew he would be too. He was certain of it. As would his brothers and his sister. But, he shook his head and rid his mind of his family, he missed them dearly, and sparing even fleeting thoughts for them was hard for him. All he really wanted to do was enjoy his time at school, but his family were important to him and he really did mmiss them everyday. Each and every hour. He had a fairly big family and both his brothers idolized him, so it was fairly simple for him to miss them. Sidney was pretty much sure that the homesickness would fade away with time and he cwould be less awkward about being so far from home. It would only be a few years before his eight year old brother Cassidy joined him at the school. He was looking forward to it. More so than anything else. Sidney wanted to make some friends, but then having his brother around would also be good.

It was soon clear to Sidney that he'd found himself in the library. It wasn't a place he expected he would go to so soon, but then again it also made perfect sense. He loved fantasy and he loved other worlds, books drew him in normally. They just attracted him in and made him feel perfect. Like he was the king and all those around him were merely minions. Of course this could not abe said for the entire time. Of course in his worlds there would be problems, bad guys that would hurt him, but he always defeated them, because that was what he did. As king of his worlds defeating the bad guys were his job. His passion. But, this reality that he was in, he was unsure as to what evil there could be. Maybe a few bullies, but he couldn't really tell. It was hard, there were so many people. and he was sure it was not just the Slytherins that were the evil ones. Sidney didn't really believe that the houses decided how evil a person was. They could just be misunderstood. Sidney knew he had evil in him. he was sure he could be an evil ruler, just as much as he could be a nice ruler. It just seemed weird for him. To be nice was easy, to be mean was hard. And he was sure for others it would be the other way round. Each person was different, the boy knew this. However a library was a good place. He loved to read, but the books he read, were mostly muggle books and they were all fantasy. And there were many, many fasntasy books. He knew that it would maybe be a while before he found any real wizarding fantasy books. Sidney Carver understood that it was unlikely he'd find any. The whole magical world was almost like fantasy. He would just have to wait and see. Although, since he'd never been in this library before the boy did not know quite where to start looking. After a few times visiting, he knew he'd get the hang of it, but in this first moment he had no idea where anything was or if he'd ever find what he was looking for. Sidney wandered into a small section. He reached up for a book, while holding down his jumper as he did so. The jumper was one his mother had made. It smelled like home, and reminded him of home too. It was his favourite jumper. Sidney took the book and quickly read the back before placing it back on to the shelf. He was no longer being chased through a castle. He was in the world where he was king, and he was in his personal library. He wandered around until he reached another area, where a girl who seemed to be around his age sat, he flashed a friendly smile and then went back to the books. He picked one of the shelf and smiled, it seemed interesting. It was as he opened the first page when he heard the quietest of whispers behind him.

Sidney Carver glanced round to the girl and wondered if she'd been the one to speak. he looked around. No one else was there. He gave a warm smile towards the girl who was pretending that nothing had happened. He took the book and walked over to her. He sat down next to her and smiled. "Hey" He said warmly to her. Sidney was smiling at her. "So, I know it was you who said hi. Don't worry about being nervous around people. I am too." He continued, realising that he probably didn't sound too nervous, but that was only part of it, he was. But he would try. "I'm Sidney, Sid. Depends on what you prefer, short or long. My brothers don't like my first name, so they call me Ry, or Ryan. To be honest, I don't actually mind what I'm called. What's your name?"​

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[Lynette Ferguson]

Lynette wasn't used to having somebody speak to her so confidently. Most people would have backed away slowly, as though they hadn't heard her, or simply give her a bewildered look before carrying on with their routines. It hurt Lynette to think about this, and tried to see the positive side, which was that at least this boy had spoken to her. It was something she could work on, anyway. Shuffling around in her seat a little, she closed her book, scattering dust into the air and blinking rapidly. "Hey.. Sid", Lynette replied slowly, a nervous smile on her face as she tried to stop her mind from panicking. "I'm Lynette. Or just Lynny', she added cautiously, barely making eye contact with him. It was something she struggled with, and she had been told to look at something close to the eyes instead, for example the nose, but she had a habit of looking somewhere completely different instead. She understood that this offended some people, but others realized that she was just worried, worried about making herself look stupid, worried about hurting someone's feelings or staring at them for too long, though both had the same effect, which was making Lynette worry even more. The cycle of thoughts that ran through her head was crazy, but try as she might, she could never fight them enough to remove them from her mind completely. They were always there, telling her that she wasn't good enough to look into people's eyes, that she was below them, and she didn't belong with the others. The truth was, Lynette would have happily stayed away from everybody. She didn't particularily feel loneliness, and she was proud that she'd thrive if she was ever left on her own, for whatever reason that may have been. Right now, the voice was pestering her, telling her to leave the library, but she tried to push it back, tell it that it was wrong - She was just as good as everybody else, and she deserved to have equal attention from people. Bravely, Lynette met Sidney's eyes for a second, but then they darted away quickly, wandering around the room as though they had met his by sheer coincidence.

Lynette felt like mentally kicking herself. Why can't you just be normal? She asked herself as she frowned slightly, looking back down at her closed book. She wanted to have a proper coversation with Sid, but she couldn't work out what to say. She never could, she always came out with small, quiet words which didn't truly make real sentances, or she'd babble on for ages about nothing in particular as her mind drifted between thoughts. It was better to be quiet, in her opinion. She looked at Sid again, deciding that this time she wouldn't be weak. "What house are you in?" She asked like a normal first year, suddenly feeling immensly pleased with herself for such a simple achievment which nobody else would think they should feel proud about. In fact, post people would be completely baffled about why Lynette thought she had done well. But her happiness glowed on her cheeks as she genuinely smiled at Sidney.

 

[Sidney Carver]

Since his little brother, Jeremy was only four years old, Sidney had gotten fairly good at communicating with him without words. The boy could now speak, but neither Sidney or Jeremy had to really bother with words. It was just the way things were for them. Simple and effect. It meant he was pretty used to odd silences between people, and was fairly good at just being normal because of them. He knew that although most would hate it. Silence being something that could be awkward and weird, the Gryffindor boy thought differently. He enjoyed it. He enjoyed how the silence made him feel. Like he was free in a world that was pretty amazing, and although he spent most of his time in the worlds he created for himself, there was little denying that the world he had in reality was just as amazing as the others. Slightly less perfect, and tales didn't always end with happily ever after. He could live with his reality, it was good, his worlds were just at times better. And while that was probably not the view of most, and eventually he would have to grow up but for now, as a small first year he was perfectly okay with just doing this his way. His reality separate from absolutely everything else. It would be silly to be any older than he actually was. His parents were keen on him reading and being imaginative. Obviously he was sure that this imaginative was not quite what they had in mind, but they had always told Sidney to be himself, that a person was only really young once. And that was what he wanted to be. Young. Himself. Something that most at eleven would not be comfortable with. But, Sidney wore the clothes his mother made for him proudly. He spoke of his family fondly and was sure to do anything for them. Sidney cared little for what others thought of him. He was a Gryffindor to care, was weak. And he had to be strong. He had to be the strong one of his family. Of his siblings at least.

The girl in front of him was quiet, which had gotten him thinking of his family. But, he still smiled at her fondly. Like they were already friends, despite only having met a few minutes before. Something he was sure most would not think. But it didn't really matter to him. She seemed nice, quiet but nice. And she might just have a bad background and not trust him. He placed the book he was holding on to the table and then looked back up as she said her name. Lynette, it was a nice enough name. "It's nice to meet you Lynny." She was pretty quiet again, as if thinking. He watched her as she did so, knowing it would look pretty weird that he was, but it didn't bother him. He was taken by surprise when she was the first to speak again. He smiled at her. "I'm a Gryffindor. I was so nervous about it. but, I'm seriously pleased of the outcome. What about you?" Sidney said quickly. Only briefly stopping for air. "So you like to read? What do you like to read? Like Fantasy, sci-fi, real life, factual?" He asked, hoping to engage the girl in a little more conversation that she would probably be more used to. Prehaps, for all he knew she hated reading and just pretended it to stop people from talking to her. But Sidney didn't think that would true. She looked like a very nice person. "Mine is fantasy." Sidney added.​

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[Lynette Ferguson]

Having been anxious around most people at Hogwarts, it was coming as a surprise to Lynette that she wasn't panicking whilst she spoke to Sidney. In fact, she felt a calmness wash over her as she sat and smiled politely. She enjoyed listening to people more than she did talking, which could make her a very good friend. Unfortunately, people usually didn't hang around her long enough to find out what a lovely, caring person she actually was. All they saw was the shy, quiet Lynny who didn't speak to anybody, who was a loner, a freak. She didn't fit in very well with most groups of people. In a group, there tends to be a mixture of personalities, but there's never a shy one, which is where Lynette would have slotted in perfectly. Instead, she was the one who didn't have a place in a group, who didn't have a bunch of friends to hang around with all day and gossip to, like all the other normal first years did. She didn't plaster her face in make-up like the other girls either, which she had decided she'd rather not do anyway. She couldn't help but giggle at just how orange they all looked with their make-up, which usually got her into trouble. Truthfully, they were all too young to be wearing make-up anyway, but it seemed to be the done thing. Lynette followed the crowd most of the time, only glad to be unique when it was a good thing she wasn't copying everybody else. This boy, Sidney, had spoken to Lynette as if he'd known her for years. And something about this calmed her greatly enough that she didn't feel pressured to speak, she actually wanted to speak.

Smiling, Lynette held in her giggle in case Sid thought it was aimed at him, which it wasn't. She was just enjoying the way he spoke to her as if his own uniqueness was nothing. Lynette found herself having great admiration towards him. However, she still didn't really know how to reply to his question. She read a lot of books of all genres. She didn't have a favourite. But she knew that if she told him this, he'd think she was purposely trying not to make conversation so he'd go away. Lynette was fairly clever with working out what other people would think, although she often got it wrong too, and would end up imagining people would be mad at her when really they didn't care. She shrugged helplessly. 'I like fiction. And factual. I've never read a fantasy book before', she said, blushing sheepishly. 'I'm a Ravenclaw. I wanted to be in this house so i'm really happy with that', Lynette smiled, then tried to carry on the previous conversation without much success, hoping he wouldn't think her weird. She looked up at him, not realizing he'd been looking at her for a while, and turned a brighter shade of pink. 'I like reading everything though, I guess I could try a fantasy book some time'. Lynette was happy to talk about books, it being one of her most knowledgable subjects, but she didn't want to brag, and so kept quieter than she could have been.