London Bridge is Falling Down

[Hudson Worth]

Continued from here:

Hudson was happy with Vivian and as they walked along he wondered what would become of them, he did have an urge to tell Vivian that he was thinking his feelings were deeper than just liking him. But he wasn't too sure how the older boy would respond. Of course Hudson always lived in a feared state of rejection, having been told many times by Fleur that he was weird and odd it had really gotten to his core. He was glad to hear that his idea about seeing each other during the break wasn't off putting for Vivian. "Well, I don't have to go home, Anna-Jo lives near Brightstone and I could stay with her probably for part of the holiday break, saying I prefer Winter over Summer, which I guess I sort of do. The cold is nicer I think," Hudson said honestly to his boyfriend. They seemed to continue on for awhile until Hudson saw a nice spot they could lean against a tree trunk and look at a nice view and he pointed with his hand and a tilt of his head to question if Vivian wanted to sit there or not.

 

[Vivian Brackenstall]

It was nice to walk with Hudson, enjoying the warmth and fresh air. Vivian listened to the other boy talking, nodding as he thought about it. "That would be nice, we could spend time together here in the holidays." He smiled, enjoying the thought. Vivian never really knew what to do with himself in the holidays, and he was especially nervous this year, as though he didn't mind spending time with his mother's boyfriend's family, he still found it a bit awkward to be around Flavio. He nodded in agreement at Hudson's comments about the weather. "I think so too." He said softly. "Though I do like when it's warm enough to swim." When Hudson pointed out a spot for them to sit, Vivian smiled in agreement. "That looks perfect..."

 

[Hudson Worth]

Hudson was glad things were going well between him and Vivian, he couldn't imagine a better guy to date. Vivian was always so relaxing to be around, not loud or mysterious. He'd have to go write a letter to Anna-Jo to ask her about staying for the holidays or at least part of them. He wasn't really put off that Vivian liked warmer weather, he honestly wouldn't mind seeing his boyfriend swimming thinking he'd probably look nice in a swimsuit. Hudson thought his body was too skinny sometimes to really not have clothing covering him. They moved over to the tree and sat down, they kissed for awhile which was enjoyable of course. At some point Hudson pulled back and looked in Vivian's eyes, really he was really happy with him. He even thought, "I..love you," about the guy. He hadn't even realized he'd said it aloud, Hudson just continued to smile and stare into his boyfriend's eyes as they sat there enjoying a nice fall day with a slightly cool breeze coming through.

 

[Vivian Brackenstall]

Vivian settled down at the foot of the tree with Hudson, one arm around the Ravenclaw. It was nice to be able to sit and cuddle with someone out in the open, and it felt even nicer to kiss Hudson, though Vivian sometimes found himself missing the scrape of Tristan's stubble, and Tristan's tendency to take command of every kiss. It was nice to be soft and gentle with someone though, and Vivian had a smile on his face when they finally separated. The smile froze in place though, shards of glass piercing his heart as Hudson spoke. Somehow, Vivian had never expected Hudson could feel like this about him, and it felt... horrible. It felt cruel of him. How could he have tricked someone into loving him, when he was still thinking about Tristan while they kissed? It had been wrong when Tristan had done this to Kauri, and it was wrong now when he was the one doing it to Hudson. He pulled away without thinking, heart racing, pumping the sharpness and pain all through his body. Vivian couldn't tear his eyes away from Hudson's face, the evidence of his own mistake painted all over the other boy's expression. "I... I'm sorry." Vivian said shakily, trembling all over. He knew he owed Hudson better, but in his panic, Vivian needed desperately to escape, now. And what words would ever be good enough? How could he ever soften this blow? "I... I've made a mistake. I'm so sorry." Vivian stammered out, his breath coming fast and shaky as he struggled to find any sort of words that would help, but none were forthcoming. "I.. can't do this any more. You... shouldn't feel that about me. You deserve someone... someone much better than me. I'm sorry." Vivian's words were tripping over one another as he got to his feet, one hand on the tree trunk. He needed to get out of here, to run. He had done exactly what he resented Tristan for doing, he had broken a heart, and it hurt so deeply. How could Tristan ever have brushed this off?

 

[Hudson Worth]

Hudson realized his mistake was not thinking when his mouth opened speaking words he felt inside. As soon as he said it and saw Vivian's reaction he knew it was too soon. Sure they'd been dating for awhile and sure feelings would come up but it was clear Vivian did not feel the same for him, at least not yet. There might be still hope, but that was soon dashed away in Hudson's mind as Vivian stood up mumbling and not making any clear sense. Hadn't they been having a nice time and talking about holidays? Couldn't Hudson love Vivian even if they older guy only liked him, his feelings would probably grow the longer they dated and the more mature Hudson became. Hudson was confused, "I.Iii," he struggled as his boyfriend...ex-boyfriend? stood up and told him he deserved someone better. "You're who I want, I don't want someone better, I don't care about that sort of stuff, I'm not like Fleur or Gracen who have expensive taste. I just want normal and and love," Hudson said his eyebrows furrowing together. He stood as he spoke to stand with Vivian hoping to plead with the older boy to stay. "It's okay, you don't have to feel the same, I didn't really think about saying it, I..I didn't mean it, mean to say it out loud. It was just a thought, everything is fine, please!" Hudson was near the point of begging Vivian, he could feel water pooling in his eyes having the sense his words were pointless against whatever Vivian was feeling.

 

[Vivian Brackenstall]

This moment was agony. Vivian's heart only ached more as Hudson pleaded with him, mind racing back to memories of how Kauri had looked, feeling the exact same. This was monsterously cruel, this person he had become trying to emulate Tristan, and the thought of causing this much pain was more than he could bear. He shook his head at Hudson's comments, trembling all over. "I don't... mean it like that." He said weakly, stomach clenching. Vivian felt sick with himself, still trying to conceal his wrongdoing, to save face even when looking directly at evidence of the consequences. "I... I've done... I've done things that... that would hurt you if you knew about them. I'm not... a good person." Vivian's heart clenched as he realised that was true. When had be become this? This person he despised? It felt like it had been a slow slide, compromising one moral after another, until everything he had held to be right had fallen away, and he hadn't even seen it happening. "You... you never did anything wrong, I promise." Vivian croaked, trying to do what he could to preserve Hudson's feelings. "I'm just... I can't do this to you. You deserve... someone who'll... who'll love you properly." Vivian felt sick, taking another step back. He wanted to run, run back to the castle and hide away, somewhere nobody would find him. Not Hudson, not Tristan, nobody. Somewhere he could be alone with his shame, and reconsider the choices he had made.

 

[Hudson Worth]

Hudson was feeling hurt, more hurt than he could ever remember feeling. When he had been told about his parents death he was young and hadn't understood the pain of losing people who you loved. Now he felt that pain only tripled since Vivian was hurting him too, but by choice. He wished he could go back and tell himself not to say his feeling out loud. So this was how he'd know he could feel, from the pain of heartache. What could Vivian have done while they were dating that'd make him a bad person? Was Vivian apart of some secret club at school for people interested in joining that group of so-called evil people the scitamotiri or whatever they were called? That wasn't really that bad, was it? Hudson looked at the ground as he stood there unsure what to do. He felt like everything good that'd come from his first four years at school was being torn away from him. He didn't really have friends to go to after this, he'd be alone again. Tears fell from his eyes and he turned his back to Vivian. He couldn't face him while he was crying. "Go then, just leave," he said waving his hand behind his back. He held his head up pretending to be fine though with his back turned Vivian wouldn't see the tears streaming down his face and landing on his jumper.

 

[Vivian Brackenstall]

It was a relief to the cowardly part of Vivian, when Hudson told him to go. He could escape this awful moment, this horrible thing he had done, run away and pretend it had never happened. It still had though, and the ache of watching Hudson cry was all too raw. Stepping back, Vivian mustered up the strength to speak one last time, saying simply, "I'm sorry..." Before he turned, shuddering slightly, tears running down his face as he headed back up to Hogwarts. Vivian was going to have to take a long hard look at how his morals had eroded so thoroughly that he could become this person he hated.