Lawn,

S

Steph Shirley

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'Yew Wand 13 1/2" Essence of Phoenix Feather'.
Steph walked down to the lawn, she had been up for a while and wanted to get out of the castle. Her large t-shirt was flapping around in the wind, she pulled a baggy sweater out of her bag and pulled it on.
Steph sat down beside a tree and pulled her knee's towards her body, she sat thinking for a while, thinking of her family, thinking of James, thinking of Rose, and how much she missed her, how much she regreted not being with Rose.
'Its all my fault,' Steph said quietly, ever since Rose died three weeks ago, Steph had been blaming herself, Steph thought it was her fault she wasnt there for Rose.
Tears poured down her cheeks as she sat with her head in her hands, 'All my fault.' She said.
 
Harri walked quietly around the lawn, she had been here with Nina just a day or two ago and she had successfully managed to cheer Harri up but now she was having a down day. Again. It just wasn't like her, usually she was happy but so many things felt like they were going wrong. She felt enoromously guilty about running out of the common room the other day when she had seen Steph and as she walked along she shook her head, disgusted with herself for not being there for her friend. She carried on walking untill she broke into a run sprinting faster and faster, she felt her breathing increase and the cold air rushed past her body but she carried on faster and faster... untill she spotted someone close by. She stopped for a second catching her breath, when she was breahting normally again she saw it was steph. She took a deep breath walking over jsut in time to hear steph say "It's all my fault," Harri's eyes widened and she felt like turning around and running, that was exactly how Harri had been last year, but she fought it and sat down next to her. "No it's not. I swear to you it's not," she said pleadingly, "I thought the same, I know, I've been through this, but i swear to you, it isn't your fault. And you can't blame yourself, else it will get worse and worse," she said her voice sounding abnormally high pitched.
 
Steph held her head in her hands still, she jumped slightly when she heard Harri's voice, slowly she looked up, squinting at the light, 'It is, if id have stayed in Canada with her, she never would of stopped eating, she never would of gone in hospital, she never would of ..' Steph wiped her eyes, 'gone.'

Steph was crying hard, her eyes were bloodshot and red, she hadnt slept for days. Sighing she pulled her knee's up to her body and rested her head on her knee's her eyes closed, tears still falling down her cheeks.
 
All Harri's instincts(Sp?) were telling her to run, but she couldn't. She had run away from her troubles for long enough, so she sat down next to Steph and put her arm around her taking a deep breath before speaking, "You know what Steph? Last year, I was the same as you. Exactly the same. When Emma..." she paused, taking a deep breath, "When Emma, you know, died," she whisperd the last word feeling her eyes prickling, "I went into manic depression. It was awful, I didn't eat. Me can you believe it?" she said jokingly, Harri ate loads normally "I looked terrible, I couldn't sleep, I iscolated myself. I blamed it all on me, I was so bad I had to go to the nurse for councilling, he had to give me potions," she said each word not as a lecture, but as a warning, "Please, you don't want to go there. It's not nice. I know you probably feel all alone right now, but your not. We're here for you. I'm her for you," she siad squeezing her shoulder. "It's not your fault. You couldn't do anything to stop it," she said truthfully. She hoped with all her heart she could help Steph, she couldn't bare to see her go through what she herself had been through, it was terrible, it had been one of the worst expereinces of her life.
 
Steph listened, when Harri finished she looked up, 'I know you've been through this Harri, and im sorry, but i cant just carry on, its my fault she died, my fault she started this, its my fault she's not here,' Steph stopped, she thought about what she's saying, she sounded so .. so stubbern, 'Im sorry im being like this, i just know its my fault..' Steph whispered, she hated herself for what she had caused, she hated herself for being such a downer, she hated this.
 
Harri shook her head "I'm not saying carry on as normal. That would be impossible, unhuman even! I know you have to grieve! I mean she was your best friend! All I'm saying is please don't keep it botteled up. If you need to talk about anything please talk to someone! Me or anyone else!" she said pleadingly, "But you can't blame yourself, really you can't," she siad, her voice was higher now then normal as she literally fough back tears.
 
Steph looked up, she looked at Harri and sighed, she could see how all this was upsetting Harri,
'I dont want people to think im looking for sympathy, i dont want people coming to me and saying they're sorry, i dont want people to care,' She confessed, 'I need something to keep my mind off all this, i try to think of other things, but somehow it all comes back to Rose..'
 
Harri nodded understanding what Steph was saying, "You have to think of her, you have to remember the good times, think of all the times you spent together. You have to learn to smile when you remember her not cry," she siad, this was the hardest part for her, even now she only managed it some of the time.
 
'Its hard not to cry, even if im not thinking of her, anything sets me off, its been like this since ..since her funeral,' Steph said, at Rose's funeral it finally clicked, Steph knew, she was gone, gone forever. 'I just cant wait to get to my brothers house for the holidays, me and James are going, i need to get away from all these people that havnt got a clue.'
 
Harri nodded, "I only told a few people, before you were here only 3 people knew. It was too hard to talk about. I couldn't talk about it with people I didn't trust completly. It felt wrong to have people who didn't know her talk about her..." she trailed off realising she was meant to be here for Steph not herself, "But the holiday will do you good. Are you staying here in New Zealand?" she asked.
 
Steph was glad they were changing the subject, she wiped her eyes and told herself to pull herself together,
'Yeah, i cant face Canada, not now anyway, so me and James decided to stay with Alex, plus i havnt seen him in ages, he came to the.. the funeral, but he had to go straight after, y'no work.' Steph told her, 'But for the last few days of the holiday we're visiting my sister, because her baby, its due at the end of the holidays..'
 
Harri nodded, "Oh that'll be nice!" she siad nodding, "Your going to be an auntie! Wow! That's pretty immense!" she said, in a lame attempt to cheer Steph up.
 
'yeah, its pretty cool,' Steph said with a weak smile,
'My brothers fiance is expecting as well,' She added,
 
"Oh wow! That'll be great!" Harri said smiling, "So you'll have to new editions to the family," she said.
 
'Yep, im quite excited really.' Steph said, smiling at the thought of the baby's.
 
"So you looking forward to the yule ball?" Harri asked, picking at a blade of grass.
 
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