Knowledge is power

[Jessame Rose Trewelly]

Jessame Rose was glad to find that the library was on the same floor as her house common room. She spent every spare moment she had there, after exploring the castle and grounds so she knew where everything was. For JR, muggle-raised, knowing was everything. Whenever she entered a new situation, she liked to observe before participating; she didn't like going in without a clue, she watched, learned, imitated. She had begun by reading all the year books. In her present situation, she wanted to know everything about the school, so she could behave accordingly. She shivered at the thought of being voted 'most' something and having her picture splattered all over the pages for everyone to see, but she knew she didn't really have to worry. Jessame Rose was an expert at blending in, she thought.

This evening she was sprawled out on the floor reading the newspaper. She moved every now and then, following the warmth of the sun as a square of it crept across the carpet. She had her diary and a pen next to her, and took notes every now and then. It might have looked strange if someone had seen her: a tiny first year in the first week of school taking extensive notes from all kinds of books. She'd gathered quite a collection already, and would lay awake at night, organising it in her mind, filing away everything she'd discovered during the day. Yes, it might have looked strange, for what first year homework assignment called for this kind of research? Jessame Rose had assigned herself her own project.

When she had discovered the magical world, she had hoped to find her biological parents, assuming (as anyone might) that magic was hereditary. That meant she suddenly had a much smaller pool of people to search through, which in turn meant a higher chance of finding out the truth about herself. The moment she discovered the existence of 'muggle-borns,' she reacted with anger. It was like her whole history fell away, crumbling into nothingness before she had a chance to reach out and touch it. She resented everything magic, and refused to believe she herself was a witch. By finding out everything she could about this sick, wrong, unnatural magical world, she planned to bring it down. Destroy it. Shake the foundations and watch everything come crashing down around her.

 

[Samuel Sykes]

Sam sat quietly in the darkest, furthest corner of the whole library, pouring over a potions instructions book. Potions was his passion, his life. Ever since he was a boy, Aunt Lola was always buying him My Little Cauldron for young Witches and Wizards each year a new one came out. Ignoring the instructions on the packet, his concoctions made many raise their eyebrows, which interesting properties like a new cough syrup, or a drought to turn your eyelids purple. It was the only thing he knew and understood here at Hogwarts.

Flying, charms, Herbology, even History of Magic was beyond his reach at the present time. Such a shy boy was lost in amongst the crowds. He thought he would have felt more at home with all this diversity around him, but it was not to be so. He never spoke half a word to anyone unless he had to, and blushed whenever he did. Growing up amongst both muggle and wizard children, he knew the best of both worlds back to front. Still, he did not fit anywhere. This school was more terrifying than he had thought. However, in this state of pure privacy, he’d noticed many things about his fellow students. Sam knew everyone’s name and face, even the way they behaved in class or with friends. It was the only reason he had the courage to talk to anyone at all; this way, he just barely knew everyone.

Sam stood with his enormous pile of potions books and heaved them up. Ten fat books were a bit much to carry, as he was soon to find out. He hadn’t walked ten steps before they went tumbling down – right onto the table of another person. It was Jess, another Hufflepuff first year.
“Oh!” he cried as the books went everywhere. One fell and stubbed him on the toe. Resisting the urge to hop, he exclaimed “Goodness, I’m sorry!” as his arms flew to takes his books from hers.

 

[Jessame Rose Trewelly]

((She's on the floor, not at a table ))

Jessame Rose was aware of someone carrying something heavy coming towards her, but she expected them to just walk past. When the boy tripped, she moved out of the way quickly to avoid having anything fall on her. She was crouching like a cat by the time the books landed where she had just been lying. She looked up at the boy and recognised him as being in Hufflepuff. She didn't recall his name, then realised she'd never actually heard him speak or interact with anyone. She liked him immediately. "'Sokay," she said, quietly and picked up some of his books. She was going to hand them back to him, but realised he had too many to carry all by himself. She noticed they were all potions books, and reminded herself to look at them the next time she came to the library. She hadn't bothered with it so far, as she didn't have potions class until after Christmas, and there were many more pressing things she wished to discover.

Jess had seen the book fall on his toe, but she had recognised straight away that he was trying not to let the pain show, so she ignored it. She hated it when people asked if she was okay, it usually brought on tears, even if she'd only been mildly hurt. "Too many books," she stated simply. She didn't know what else to say, not being one for small talk. She just looked at him, waiting to see what he would do.

 

[Samuel Sykes]

(( < _<. ...I knew that ))

“Oh!” exclaimed Sam as he recognised her face. “Why, you’re Jess!”. He often got a lot of ‘How did you know my name?’s, but he was just observant. “I’ve seen you around a bit. I ought to have taken the time to talk to you, but...” he indicated the books as he crouched on the floor, “This wasn’t the best of introductions.”
Sam was very polite as usual, but never formal. A boy like him sort of radiated harmony. There was often times when he’d noticed Jessame Rose look quite unhappy, even sullen at times. He longed to cheer her up, if only with a wave or a smile. Someone ought to have asked her how she was by now. Had they not? She seemed just as uncomfortable at Hogwarts as he was.

“Oh gracious,” he sighed as he spotted a large dent on one of the new books. “Would you look at that...”. That had been a brand new potions book: Swigs for Sickness. He had only just ordered it in. Best just to forget it until he learned to repair things.
“Even so, it’s nice to talk to you finally.” It was nice to talk to anyone these days. “I’m Samuel Sykes, first year Hufflepuff.”

 

[Jessame Rose Trewelly]

Jess wasn't sure she liked that he knew her name. Either he was observant like herself or he was spying on her (Jess was not above paranoia), but when he continued, she decided he had just picked it up from watching carefully. He was too nice to be spying, surely. "'Sokay," she repeated. She wasn't particularly good with words, not when she had to speak them at least. Despite his apologetic words, he seemed calm, and it rubbed of on Jess. She listened and watched as he inspected a mark on a new-looking book and decided she liked the way he spoke. He used odd expressions and strange words, like her grandmother. The socially awkward young girl just stared at Sam momentarily after he had introduced himself, then blinked and returned his smile.

"Hi Samuel Sykes. Can I just say Sam?" she looked around for something else to say, as if she expected the bookshelves to offer suggestions. "I know you're in Hufflepuff. Why do you have all these potions books? We don't have potions this term." JR's voice was quiet and awkward. She wasn't used to chatting with strangers. She'd never been good at making friends.

 

[Samuel Sykes]

"Sure, Sam is just fine." he answered. Jess seemed awkward somehow as though she didn't quite know what to say. He was quite content with this as he felt this often himself. The only difference was he reacted to this by speaking gently and with a cheerful edge. Nobody found themselves truly hating him. Even if Sam was shy himself, his only objective was to make other people happy.

Sometimes people laughed at him, though not unkindly, for speaking the old words. His Aunt Lola was a lady with a soft voice and used proper English. As a result, they crept into his own speech at one time or another. Sometimes people pointed it out and added 'You're a strange boy.' He could only blush and look away. Maybe it was true.

"Well, I like to read up on Potions. It's a talent of mine, in a way. It's probably one of my only non-muggle hobbies. Generally I just swim or fish, sometimes play soccer and all that." That was another thing people said he was strange for. How many children had three different kinds of cauldrons in their room all simmering at once? In that, he was a wizard through and through. As for all the rest, well. He may as well have just been a muggle.
"How about you, then? Found your niche?"

 

[Jessame Rose Trewelly]

Jess was pleased to hear Sam liked 'muggle' hobbies, and his friendly countenance put her at ease, so when he asked her if she had 'found her niche,' she wondered if he would understand if she told the truth. She looked at the newspaper spread out at their feet, and her notebook full of magical rubbish. She didn't look at Sam as she spoke. "Nope, it's not here." Then she did look at him and continued, "I'm not really a witch. I know I'm not. I only like muggle stuff." She wasn't sad about it at all, more defiant than anything else, as if half-daring anyone to claim she really was a witch. Of course, the Sorting Hat had already done that, and she hated the stupid thing for it. "Why do you like potions? What's it about?" Even in her denial and conscious shunning of the magical world, she couldn't curb her curiosity.

 

[Samuel Sykes]

"Well, that's the thing," said Sam thoughtfully. "You don't have to say you're a witch. If you grew up among muggle kids like I did, it's probably one of the last things you'd want to call yourself." Generally Sam found it was better to grow up among muggles instead of all wizards. Wizards were alright, just too old fashioned. Muggle kids had more fun. "To me, you don't come to Hogwarts to change your life around. It's like learning how to juggle, or to ride a bike. So that when you want or need to, you can. I think that's what they're trying to teach us; how to use and not use an awesome gift. Me, I probably won't need half the spells they teach. It's just good to have around in a tight spot."

He didn't mean to go off an a spiel like this. He just thought it was important that people didn't lose who they were at Hogwarts. Sam could use magic, but he was still just a kid, and wanted to do normal kid stuff like play games and swim without needing magic. That's when things got bad... when you started to need magic to do anything.

Sam grinned when she asked about Potions. Most people didn't care all that much about it. "Well, Potions is kind of like working for a chemist, or perfume maker, or with shampoo's or anything. At least, that would be the muggle equivalent. I mean you can do crazy things like making liquid luck, or love potions or whatever. But I like using useful potions. Like cleaning vanishers, or hair curlers. Or ones that make your hair change different colours,"

Once again, this was one of the few topics he was animated on. In the back of his mind though, Sam felt quite sorry for Jess, though not in a pitying way. More than one person hated magic around here. He wondered where their sense of childish awe of the world had gone. Learning magic was like an adventure you could look back on and say 'Yes, those were good times.' So he decided to find out more about her.

"What do your parents think of this? Do you have parents?" Sam hoped it wasn't a rude question. He had no parents or siblings himself, but some people became sad at the mention of it, and he would hate to upset her.

 

[Jessame Rose Trewelly]

Jess had thought she was just listening to Sam, but she soon found herself really drawn in, she actually cared what he had to say. His idea of magic being just another skill to learn almost sat well with her. Almost. He'd certainly offered her something to think about. She was pleased he had obviously had a muggle upbringing, she wasn't sure how many people were in the same situation as her, and she was too shy to ask. She couldn't help thinking, though, that there was something not covered by his argument. She decided she would have to do some serious thinking on it.

When he explained what potions was, she was rather relieved. "So it's just science, then," she allowed a small smile to play in her eyes. Nothing magical about that, she thought, and the thought was warming. Then he mentioned changing hair colours. Jess immediately thought of Maria, and that awful Alex Cullen. She was momentarily torn. She wanted to like Sam, but she hated Alex and what he had done to Maria and herself. Suddenly she realised they were talking about something entirely different from what she'd witnessed at the Hufflepuff party. Then, there had been no potion, just pure magic. Pure, evil, disgusting magic. She let out a smile in her relief and looked at Sam, who seemed to be deep in thought, too. She wasn't prepared for his next question.

When it came at her, she put her head to one side. Her smile faded as she thought about how to reply. Her whole life, people had looked at her strangely when they saw her with her parents. They were clearly not Maori and, well, Jess clearly was. She suddenly realised that being at Hogwarts might have one small advantage. No-one would have to know she was a foster kid. She had let it slip during that meeting earlier in the year, but she doubted anyone would remember; she'd learnt that very few people had a memory as good as hers. Now she could talk about Tim and Sarah the way she thought of them: as her real parents. No-one would ever see them. No-one would ever know. "Yes, I do. I don't really know what they think of it. They're muggles, too. They've just kind left me to it since I got my letter. I think they just think they'll never understand, so they're not bothering." Here, Jess sighed. "I wish I could do that, too."

Jess almost asked a question after that. Almost, but then she figured she knew the answer already. She was going to ask if his arens were muggles, but then she thought that was a stupid question. He'd said he'd grown up with muggle kids. Obviously his parents were muggles. It was perhaps Jessame Rose's thickest moment. For a kid so sharp, she sure was being dull right now.

 

[Samuel Sykes]

Sam smiled with not a trace of sadness in it. “My Aunt Lola is a little bit like that herself, only she’s a witch. In a way, she never really got used to magic. Neither of us found out who our parents were, so we couldn’t tell if they were muggles or magic or anything else in between. I’m just lucky they found her, otherwise I would have stayed in that muggle orphanage.” He didn’t regret not having parents, but sometimes he wished he had had siblings. Maybe he did, but he would never know. Somebody out their new, but they certainly weren’t telling.

“Either way, after I went to live with Aunt Lola, I went to a muggle school and was just a normal kid, except I brewed potions and watched my aunt do cleaning spells every now and then,” he laughed. “But one day you should try showing your parents a few tricks, if just small ones. It’s kind of like visiting Narnia except you have more than a fur coat and a head full of snow to prove you’ve been there.”

Magic was just fun for Sam. He didn’t consider what the effect both statements would have on Jess. One, he was parentless and grew up in an orphanage, and secondly the suggestion that magic could be fun. Perhaps he should have been a bit more careful with what he said, but he liked Jess. She was curious about the world around her and quite intelligent. Now that he thought about it, Potions was a science. It had been a clever thought. Perhaps that was why he liked it so much. That you got results from real ingredients and with the sweat of your brow, instead of waving a stick so that sparkles would come out. A smile had grown onto his face, and Sam thought he very much approved of Jess.

“What subjects do you think you’ll like the most yourself then, hm?”

 

[Jessame Rose Trewelly]

Because of her previous thoughts, Jess was surprised when Sam said his aunt was a witch. She berated herself in her mind for being so dim-witted, but then forgot all about it as he said he never knew his parents. "An orphanage? That would suck. Your aunt must know you parents, though?" For the first time in her life, Jess had met someone she might be able to talk to about having no parents, and she had gone and lied to him. She cursed at herself again.

Listening to Sam talk about his childhood and suggest she show Tim and Sarah magic, she was shocked. That someone so nice could think that it might be fun to play around with magic, just for the sake of showing off? Her stomach seemed to sink, she tasted something unpleasant in her mouth; Jess was sorely disappointed in Sam. He had been a potential friend. She looked at him with disgust, but couldn't bring herself to say anything nasty. That would mean opening herself to criticism as well. The less you say, the less attention you'll get, JR, she told herself. Staying in the background was imperative for Jess' survival at Hogwarts. Well, anywhere, really. She couldn't stand being the centre of attention.

Sam's final question took Jess off guard. She'd been so busy losing all respect for him that she was almost unaware that nothing had really changed, and they were still having a conversation. No longer trusting Sam one bit, she lied. "Oh, I think I'll like, um, Charms." Why not? It seemed far enough removed from potions that he wouldn't want to talk about it, and maybe he'd catch the hint that she was contradicting herself - saying she'd love Charms after saying she didn't think she was a witch, and realise she was trying to keep him at arm's length. She didn't know how to start conversations, and she didn't know how to end them, either. She wanted away from this filthy boy who turned out to be just like all the other dumb Hufflepuffs, excited about magic and unaware of the blatant problems with it.

Jess sighed, not sure what to say. He was a nice enough kid, maybe she should tell him how wrong magic was? Maybe he was actually unaware of the foulness of it? No, she wasn't confident enough to do that. She'd bide her time, and one day she'd show everyone that magic was wrong.

 

[Samuel Sykes]

Sam saw the disgusted look on her face and berated himself instantly. The conversation turned to ice and something drastic had changed. It must have been something he said, of course. Contrary what Jess was hoping, her hatred of magic was famed throughout the entire year of Hufflepuffs. Sam knew perfectly well what he had said wrong now, and it would be hard going to resolve the situation. All at once, determination struck him. He had never been so fascinated by one person before in his entire life. Far from being turned off completely by her coldness, he warmed to her strength of will and found himself aching to know what she was feeling.

"So tell me what you really think." he said slowly, looking her in the eye. If Jess had a chance to convince anyone that magic was wrong, it would probably be with Sam. He was extremely impressionable, and though no idiot, his intense curiosity for the unknown made him susceptible to a change in opinions. In fact, Sam didn't even have an opinion. He wanted to know every side of every story, and this one was getting the better of him. What on earth had happened to make her hatred of magic so strong, even to the point of forcing it on others? He didn't know that that was what she had planned of course, but he could sense the loathing behind her eyes.

"Don't tell me something about liking Charms again, because that's obviously bollocks." he said with a frown. The thing he hated most about a person was not being honest about their feelings. Like those who were nice on the outside, but cruel on the inside. Or even vice versa. It was obvious that he wasn't going anywhere until he was satisfied.

 

[Jessame Rose Trewelly]

Jess was surprised at Sam's response. She was unaware of how bad a liar she was. She was unaware of a lot of things about herself, despite her habit of watching and listening and learning, and knowing nearly everything about others. She felt her cheeks heat up and was glad, again, for her dark skin. She'd been caught out. She began to say something, but nothing came out. Her nostrils flared and she pouted slightly. Her large, dark green eyes were filled with panic, betraying the air of nonchalance she was trying to put on.

She held out the pile of Sam's books that she was still holding, and dropped them on the floor where they landed with a dull thud. She quickly, trying to be calm, collected her things together and slung her bag over her shoulder. "I like Charms, Sam." She knew he didn't believe her, but she felt she had to say something, and that was all that came out. She placed the newspaper she'd been reading back where it came from and the other books on the sorting trolley. She hated a messy library. But once she'd done that, she strode purposefully towards the door.

"I-I'm going outside now." It was lame, but she really didn't know what else to say. She turned once, and stared at Sam with intense curiosity, then continued on her way.

((Feel free to follow, or not - I just felt the whole thing was too static.))

 

[Samuel Sykes]

Instead of being irritated and dropping it, Sam felt an influx of very unusual emotions that most people wouldn't feel in this sort of situation. He felt quite sad for Jess. She seemed like she was a very sweet person in an unpleasant environment that she couldn't get used to; a fish out of water. The problem was, she was a witch. It was one of those things that just couldn't be avoided. The more he listened to her, the less convinced that he would be able to help her embrace magic and for all the good it could do. Undiscouraged, the best Sam could do would be to offer her a listening ear. After all, Jess could never voice her opinion at Hogwarts without receiving some terrible backlash by unforgiving people.

Therefore, Sam's only position would be to understand her instead of judging her. After all, he had grown up in the magical world. He hadn't lived the life that she had. Perhaps if he was in her position he'd feel the same way. As it was, Sam resolved to think of this as simply preference. Some liked carrots and some didn't. Some might like the idea of magic and some might not. It was just a shame that Jess had to come to Hogwarts. If one was exposed to magic a little bit at a time, the idea would be easier to get used to. Instead she was in what she felt was a terrible environment full of crazies and freaks. Sam had to help. There was nothing for it.

Sam stood as she did and walked quietly behind her, following. He didn't try to catch up or call out to her, or even stop her. He'd completely ignored her last two remarks. No she didn't like Charms, yes it was obvious and no, she probably had no reason to leave other than to get away from him. He ignored it all and continued after her. If and when she stopped, Sam would sit beside her and wait. Suddenly this was very important to him. If I don't stay to listen, who will?

 

[Jessame Rose Trewelly]

Jessame Rose knew Sam was following her and it surprised her. She wasn't used to anyone other than Tim or Sarah or Georgie paying this much attention to her. It made her feel... weird. As she walked, she focussed all her attention on Sam without looking at him, trying to figure out what his game was. Everything she'd noticed about him so far was nice, so what he was doing now just didn't make sense. Why was he bothering her? Unless... Jess got the feeling he was being nice still. She was a good judge of people... well she had been until she got to Hogwarts and everything got mixed up in her head... but in any case, she couldn't sense anything underhanded or ill-intentioned about Sam.

She needed to get out of this awful castle. It was doing her head in. She walked down the stairs to the third floor, not stopping when the staircase moved and lead her to a different corridor from where she intended to go. She just kept walking and walking until she got out of the giant front door. She scanned the area with her large green eyes and chose an area that looked empty of other students. She needed to clear her head. She decided she wasn't going to say anything else to Sam until she'd sorted through her thoughts. The last few things she'd said were horrendous efforts at communication, and Jess didn't want to continue that way.

Finally, Jessame Rose found herself, Sam still in tow, at the cliffs, with the wind in her hair and the smell of the ocean making her homesick. She hadn't been here before. The cliffs were out of bounds to students, and Jess didn't break rules intentionally, but this was where she'd walked to, so she sat down and stared at the choppy grey sheet of water that stretched to the horizon.

((I've started a new thread at the Cliffs))