i'm walkin on the sun and i wonder if it feels alright...

[Jonathan Holland]

The trip back to Europe to retrieve the rest of his stuff took less than hour. Less than an hour ago he had been with Willow, one girl he couldn't seem to feel as if he was falling for her more as each months go by. There's no denying it anymore. He loved Willow, she was a bit of the tough side, but through those tough walls held a lot more than anyone could see. The song playing in his apartment had been him thinking about her more as he packed. She was his and he was her. She loved him and that's something he could by the way she behaves around him. Its like seeing her from a whole different point of view, the more he dug out the rest of his stuff, the faster he did just to go back to her. Back to her in Boston where they belong.

Muse came bursting from his amp radio, " i was searching You were on a mission then our hearts combined" he sang along humming a little than sang along some more. He look through a few of his folders with school achievements. So many were bunch up in a pile, he used an organizer that sprung wide open to put his important papers away. Now all he had to do was pack a few clothes, and toss a few furnitures away. He would be than no less than two hours. In two hours he will be with his girlfriend again. They had plan to meet up somewhere in Rhode Island, to actually have a good time at David Busters. A muggel lounge sort of gamer club, point to hang out and have fun.

 

[Zehava Brimital]

After finding out where he lived - through numerous people and a lot of hassle, Zehava paused at Jonathon's door and shut her eyes. The radio was playing inside, and Jon was humming. He seemed so peaceful, as though he didn't have a care in the world. Zehava contemplated him having another girlfriend, but she didn't want to believe it.
She knocked on the door, and then almost walked briskly away, but willed herself to stay there. She didn't know what on earth she was doing. She had left him, left him because she was stupid, immature. But didn't he ever wonder what happened to his baby? Didn't he even want to know?

Tears welled up in Zehava's eyes, and she knew she was about to blub. She couldn't hold her emotions in anymore, she needed Jon, she needed to talk to him, put things right between them. Wiping her cheeks vigarously, Zehava waited with red eyes for Jon to answer the door. He had to be home - the radio was on.

 

[Jonathan Holland]

In the mist of recovering his belongings, Jon heard a distant knock on his temporary apartment suite. He hadn't expected anyone today, nor did he had a roommate here to answer too. He found it strange yet he went over to answer the door anyways. Maybe it was his next door neighbor wanting his furniture like he promise to give. It was a couple frat boy who always seem to lose the value of half of their furnitures. Jonathan fix his face to welcome guess, when he did open the metal door did he came to a surprise. Standing just outside his fading welcoming mat he bought from a second hand store couple weeks back, resemble the girl in that picture he tossed away in a box of old memories.
Zehava Britimal stood staring at him with swollen eyes. She seem normal, nothing left behind of his child ever dwelling inside her abdominal. He stop breathing, that's what been hunting his dream besides Zuka. The child he would've missed growing up because Zehava decided to skip down and not care or regards to Jon feeling about "it". And now "it", was gone? Or was "it" really? He stood astonish without any words or emotions to express how he felt right now. He felt lost to be truthful. Maybe a little angry, maybe a little heart, add more to it and he would say betrayed. Than he wanted to just ignore her and careless to why she came back. That's hard to do, when she was standing just outside your old apartment.

 

[Zehava Brimital]

When Jon opened the door, Zehava watched his smile fade. She wanted to run, but she stayed, as though her feet were superglued to the ground. She couldn't take her eyes off Jon. He hadn't changed much, but then nor had she. Trying to read his eyes, Zehava guessed how Jon felt. And she couldn't apologize - It wouldn't have been enough. So instead, she just stood, tears in her eyes and looking a mess. She wanted to explain everything - everything about their child, what had happened and what was going to happen, but she was not going to do that on his door step.
Zehava looked past his shoulder and into his apartment. It seemed pleasant, welcoming, like Jon himself. She stared inside, and felt herself crying. No sound came out of her lips though. They were silent tears, making Zehava wonder if she was imagining it. But the way Jon was looking at her - She knew everything was real now. Nothing was ever a dream, though she wished it was.
'Jon.' She whispered sadly, tasting salt on her tounge. 'I.. I just need to...' More tears gushed down her cheeks, and she wiped them with the back of her sleeve. She couldn't pretend everything was alright now. She just wanted to lean into him, breathe in the smell she missed, his smell. But she didn't. What if he had another girlfriend? What if she was in the apartment with him now?
Thoughts rushed through Zehava's mind, and she knew she had to leave, unless he said something quickly.

 

[Jonathan Holland]

A surge of anger spread across his face, what he could never seem to help is see a girl cry. No matter what the situation brought forth, he couldn't witness any female crying, especially if it had loads to with him. But right now, she made him mad. Infuriated, that she would do this now. Now that he's actually making an effort to move, but with someone new. She decided out of her own free will to come when she please. And lay those fake tears on him, so he would just fall to her whim like he's done before. Jon waited, waited for more words. He stop himself from lashing out enough to say, "Come in....not out here..."
He pushed the door aside, he didn't wait for her to enter. He just went inside and waited for her to close the door. That gave him enough time to calm down and relax his demeanor. Enough time to cool himself before he pop s vein somewhere in the back of his neck. Enough time just to hear what she had to say. Stop her from blowing what needed to be say out of portion, just say it and be done with it. Aftermath will be easy to recover, if they had mutual understanding, that the past should be left in the past. That's all he wanted, that's all he cared about.

 

[Zehava Brimital]

Zehava entered the apartment and closed the door behind her. She felt scared, worried about the angry look across Jon's face, and his attitude towards seeing her again. Not that that was surprising - She had suddenly left him and dissapeared - He must have been heart broken. She knew sorry didn't cover it, but she had to say it.
'Jonathon, I'm sorry.' She whispered, more tears falling down her cheeks. She didn't wipe at them. She wanted him to see she was upset.
She didn't know how to tell him what had happened. She didn't want to tell him. But she knew it was for the best, and besides, didn't he wonder?

'Jon, I..' Zehava stuttered, afraid of his reaction, afraid of everything. 'I..' She just couldn't get the words out. It was so hard. She was heartbroken and thinking of her baby just made her sadder.
'When I moved away..' She started, taking a deep breath. 'I was forced.' She said, and it was the truth. 'This man. He... I was stupid, Jon. I was just joking, but he was drunk and.. He took me. I don't remember, I just woke up.' Zehava began to cry again, memories flooding into her eyes which she couldn't banish, couldn't just get rid of. They were a part of her now.
'But I was alone. In a flat. It was... covered in..' Zehava shut her eyes. 'Puke and.. and.' She was almost in hysterics. 'And My waters broke there, and there was nobody there, he had left me and..'She couldn't carry on. She collapsed onto the floor, crying her eyes out and wondering what would have happened if she hadn't messed with the yobs in the park.

 

[Jonathan Holland]

Every word hit like a nail in the coffin. When you take that last breath of air before you set out to swim a long part of the ocean ahead of you, it felt like that in every way. He wanted to believe her words, yet a bit of him rejected the idea of this being true. What about the child? She got rid of it and brewed this idea up, thinking he would believe every word she said. Still he felt pity, pity because this may be true in every word she said. This guy?, what's his name? What was she joking about? Why didn't she tell the authorities? Why him? Why now! So many questions and not one came to his lips. He remain in silent, from the moment she cried and spoke his name till she crumble before him.
Great. Now he had to be the one to make it seem better, when it really wasn't at all. Jon closed his eyes, his body swaying side to side mimicking a small tile waves. By the time he felt bold enough to crouch down besides her, he reached up to lift her chin towards him. "I'm sorry Zehava, its...its gonna..." he paused thinking if he said alright, than he would be lying to her truthfully. Instead he just gather up the floor and held her like he was giving up all his strength for her to stand. Jon didn't know what to say, he still mad, but what's done can't be taken back. He had to be the stronger person here, till he no longer can hide it anymore. He felt the tears shed, his throat scratch. He felt the sickness in his stomach, he felt everything just turn upside down like a horrific cried hurricane, taking the lives of many. In his case, they took the life of a promising child, who he never got to see or felt while she dwell inside her mother's womb. Life not fair, its not fair!

 

[Zehava Brimital]

Zehava willed Jon to say the word, but he didn't. Perhaps that was because they both knew that it wasn't going to be alright. He had to believe her. It was the truth, and even if they didn't get back together, she needed him to know, and to believe it.
She felt him holding her, and opened her swollen eyes, no child with her, her baby, the part of her she could never let go had really gone, and for the first time, it was sinking in.
'I want her back, Jon, I want our baby.' She whispered through her tears. She remembered how she was prised out of her arms, they held her back, but she wouldn't let go, she was her life, her only hope..
'No!' She screamed suddenly, and then realised she was in Jon's flat, and it had already happened. She looked at her stomach, no bump where their baby used to be, no trace of her ever existing.
'I called her Emma.' Zehava whispered, tears still falling down her cheeks and dripping into her lap. She looked into Jon's eyes, wondering how he must have felt.
She leaned up, and slid her hands around his neck, hoping he wouldn't try a resist. She needed him to love her again, hold her like he used to..
She kissed him very softly of the lips, her arms snaked around his neck, and waited for him to pull away angrily.

 

[Jonathan Holland]

The kiss was bitter sweetness. Nothing felt so right but wrong. And he flat out point blank knew it was wrong. It felt good to feel her again but he loved Willow. He wanted Willow, he needed Willow. No matter if life was taken from her still, it’s the past. And if it means being her friend so be it. Just not like this anymore, no he couldn’t do that to Willow. He promises her and was keeping that promise for good. “I can’t Z, I can’t be with you anymore. I feel your pain, my daughter would’ve meant the world to me…” and if it were true, he was still gonna investigate no matter what. “I’m going to be here for you but not like this…..” he held her back with tears still slipping through as he looked down. Times change for the good, the bad or the ugly he had to not her by lying to her this way. No he wasn't going to mention Willow, it would be selfish of him if he did. He left her out for now, to at least help in anyway that he can. "You shouldn't even put yourself in life drama. You need help, we need help. This just can't happen without justice. and he knew two bodies that can help them. Dow now she needed to get well, and catch that s.o.b who took his daughter away from him.

 

[Zehava Brimital]

Zehava looked away from Jon as he pulled away, embarrassed and not wanting him to see her tear stained face. She didn't want it to end, but it already had. His words struck her painfully. Her daughter did mean the world to her. Hadn't he thought about that? Did he not realize the pain she went through as her baby was taken from her whilst she was pinned down?
And now, the only thing that could make her feel better was him. Jon. And she wanted to kiss him again, but it wasn't right. She wanted to start again. Start a family again, for Jon to fall madly in love with her again and scoop her up and kiss her.
But he didn't.
The way he was so un-romantic just proved what Zehava feared most. He had a girlfriend. He was in love with someone else. And they didn't deserve it. Whoever it was, Zehava wanted to rip their head off and chop it into a million pieces.
And Jon. If what she thought was true... How could he? Sure, it had been a long time since she had dissapeared, but if he had really cared, wouldn't he have stayed single? Wouldn't he have been too upset to ever date again? Perhaps he didn't care as much as she'd hoped. Perhaps she was kidding herself.
'Kiss me.' She cried, looking back at him through blurred eyes, her pulse quickening. She wanted to be with him again. She didn't care about whoever he might have been with. In her opinion, that was already over.

 

[Jonathan Holland]

She pulled away from him and cried. Cried for the child, cried for Jon not wanting to be with her, she cried till she looked back at him. Demanding that he kiss her, and Jon lost at words not understanding why she wouldn't just let him go. She pain him enough, pain him enough for him to say no. Though he couldn't say but he didn't react to her demands. He stood still, and saw his escape. He saw the door behind her and his jacket tossed in a pile of boxes nearby. He saw that and it meant get away for now. If not he would be doing something worst than she had done to their child. He would be falling for her every whim and let her get away with what she caused. Its your fault, its your fault Emma not here, she gone because of you. The tears were now stinging him because he felt anger wash over him, its your fault he scream bloody hell on the side. "I can't do....it...its your fault..." the words slipped from his mouth, and just like that he tore away towards the boxes. Turning everything upright down, he got to his jacket. "Its your fault Emma gone, not my fault! You live with it dammit, and I hope your happy for what you've cause. Dammit to hell!" he storm out of the apartment failing to get his stuff from there, he quickly apparated away from her sight, and hope that he would never have to see her again.

 

[Zehava Brimital]

Zehava gasped as Jon started to shout. The words hit her like bricks. It's your fault, it's your fault Emma's gone.. 'No!' She screamed as Jon left. She had to follow him, tell him he was wrong.
She stood by the door and shouted down the corridor.
'It wasn't my fault Jon, it wasn't my fault!' But she knew he didn't care. And now she was alone in his apartment. She had to let him know somehow, the whole story.
She picked up a pen and a piece of scrap paper and left him a note.

Dear Jon,

I understand your pain. I know I dissapeared, scared you, but I would never have left you on purpose. The boys locked me in the flat, left me to deal with things on my own, but I couldn't. Then they phoned the social services. They told them I was living there and not looking after my baby. They broke in and took her, the social services, not the boys.
I know I broke your heart Jon, but it wasn't my fault. And please, Don't you ever think that again.

I love you Jon. I always have and I always will. All I ever wanted was for us to be together, have a real family. Get married. Why can't we go back?
My life's not worth living without you Jon.

Love,
Z xxx

A tear dripped onto the page as she folded it up and went to his bedroom. She placed the note on his pillow. And then, she took out of her pocket the only memory of Emma she had. her little pink bow. She put it next to the note, and left the apartment.