I'm not crying

S

Shaylah Rouge

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OOC First Name
Taneaka [main]
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15" Ebony and Raven Feather
Shaylah sat on her normal rock by the lake as she looked out over the waters. She was still thinking about the meeting she'd had with Ryker. What if he was right?? What if all of this was her fault?? What if she was the reason people were all moving away from New Zealand?? Her whole family had now moved away and so had all of her friends. She was alone and all of it was her fault.
Shaylah was so destracted in her thoughts that she didn't notice the tears rolling down her cheek. It wasn't a normal thing for her to cry so she wasn't used to it. Shay was used to hiding her feelings from everyone. She was a secretive person and that was how she had been brought up. Now she was being taken over by her feelings and it was causing her feelings to pour out.
 
Ryker was walking around the grounds. He had just sent off another letter to Kenny. Just because he was no longer with him in school doesn't mean he can't keep up with the gossip. As he walked around he noticed a certain familiar short @rse sitting by the lake. He was about to walk away when he noticed a shininess on her face. The kind of shine that came with tears.

Ryker began to walk over to the small girl, glad his message had sunk in, or, at least, he hoped that was what she was crying about. "I see you got off your high horse and decided to feel the truth." He stood over her and crossed his arms. She seemed like a good kid from what Markov had gushed about her, he hoped they could be friends.
 
Shaylah turned her head when she heard a familiar voice, no matter how much she didn't want to. She sighed and looked away from him again. "I don't know what the hell you're talking about so get the f**k away from me." She didn't want to see him right now. She didn't want to see anyone. She just wanted to be alone so she was able to think. But she wasn't even allowed to do that. There always seemed to be some @sshole trying to butt into her thoughts. Today just happened to be someone she knew. "I don't need you right now. So just get the hell out my life." Shay was happy for most people to get the hell out her life. It made things so much easier.
 
Ryker sat down in front of her, looking in her direction. "I'm talking about this." He reached up and wiped away her tears with his thumbs. "You're crying Shay." He shortened her name, not caring if she had a go. She was releasing her emotions in an emotionally stable way. Now he definitely knew she still liked Markov, no matter what she called him. "I'm not going to leave. Markov cared about you too much for me to hate you. You have no idea what the nights were like in our dorm." He smiled at her, forcing himself to not do his imitation of the nights he had spent listening to Markov gush. He had gotten quite good over time.
 
Shay was surprised when he wiped tears from her cheek. "I'm not crying." She looked away from him. She refused to look him in the eyes. "I don't care what the nights were like. I have things I need to think through. Now p1ss off." Shaylah was surprising herself. Usually by now she would have hurt him in some sort of way. She hated people seeing her like this so she took her emotions out on anyone who did. It was how she kept her feelings secret. "Just give me a break" Then she looked at him, hoping he would just leave her alone.
 
Ryker shook his head. "One thing you should know about me, I'm just like Markov, I don't give up when I want something." He smiled and moved so he was more comfortable. "Come on, tell me what's up, I know it's not just what I said, You'd have hit me by now if it was." He waited, patiently, for her to begin. He would take the abuse this time, physical or verbal, eventually she would speak and he would be happy to help her.
 
Shaylah sighed. If he was telling the truth and he was like Markov then she would just have to tell him the truth. "Everyone I care about has moved away. First my dad, then my aunt and uncle along with my cousins, then my mum with my siblings and now all my friends. I'm alone and it's all my fault." Shaylah could feel fresh tears sliding freely down her cheeks. She suddenly felt like she could open up to Ryker. It was an unexpected feeling and she didn't know what to do with it but for now she would just take it as it came.
 
Ryker had to chuckle, it wasn't a mean chuckle. "First of all, your dad didn't exactly move away by choice did he?" Thanks to Markov he knew everything about her. "Your mum and siblings went to Scotland because she was in love. The only reason you're not with them is your mum let you stay here because you're happy here." He sighed, it was slightly weird how this was the second time they had actually met and yet he knew almost everything about her. "Markov and Ivy moved so they stay together as a family, I don't know about your cousins though." He hoped that would work, Markov would kill him if he ended up changing Shaylah in any way.
 
Shaylah felt comforted by Ryker's words but they were making her confused. One minute he was blaming her and the next he was saying it was nothing to do with what she did. "Ok, so is it my fault that Markov and Ivy left or isn't it because you're just confusing the hell out of me." She tried to get her head straight as she gripped hold of the rock under her bum. Her world just felt like one big confusing mess and Ryker wasn't helping her to make sense of it.
 
Ryker shook his head. "No, It was just you didn't think you were so obviously you weren't taking in the message." He leant over and hugged the small girl. "It's Benny's fault and what's her face, Sam." He paused, not sure if he should say what was on his mind. "He really loves you you know, Mark."
 
Shaylah looked up at him. She was surprised when he hugged her but she didn't reject the hug. She liked it and she hugged him back. Then she shrugged. "If he loved me so much then he wouldn't have been such a tw@t. He should have realised what he was doing and not done it. Simple as." She looked out to the water again so she didn't have to think about Markov.
 
Ryker laughed. "Haven't you met Mark? He is a tw@t." He sighed, every guy could see his side of the story, luckily for shaylah Ryker could see both. "Look at it from his point of view. He's just gotten you for himself, selfish but something that makes him happy, next thing he knows you've met another amazing dude. Someone who could potentially take you away from him. He's bound to be a tw@t about it, any guy is unless they don't plan on having a proper relationship with you." He kept his hand on her back comfortingly. "Just think about it yeah?"
 
Shaylah felt bad about what she had done. "I never thought about it like that. I just thought he was being possessive and controlling." She started feeliing guilty for what she had done. Markov was only trying to make sure Shay didn't slip away. He obviously loved her so much that he wanted to stay with her. So why was Shay being so idiotic about it?? "Why didn't he just say that before instead of going all psycho on me??"
 
Ryker laughed, again, she apparently did not understand entirely how his head worked. "You want Merkov to turn around to you and admit he's scared of something? Think about that for a second." Of course he wouldn't have done that, that could make him appear clingy and make her leave aswell.
 
Shaylah sighed. "He still could have done something other than acting all possessive. He knew me well enough to know that would make me hate him." Shay had known Markov since they were little kids so he should have known that she would hate his behaviour if he did that.
 
Ryker laughed. "Markov isn't all that smart when it comes to keeping a real relationship. Trust me, I spent too many nights listening to him mumbling in our room about what he should do. In his eyes it was admit that it scared him and seem like a poof, tell you he didn't want to loose you and appear clingy or tell you he didn't like your friend an have you annoyed at him. You annoyed was the best option to him, you would get over it quickly once he apologised." Markov had spent more than a small amount of time talking to himself about the matter at hand. Everyone in their group knew his plan.
 
Shaylah groaned. "I was annoyed because I thought he was trying to be controlling. If he had just said it straight then I would have listened." She hadn't understand why he had picked that option and now she had regretted it completely. "How do I get in contact with him. I need to talk."

(Soz it's lame. I need to go to rehearsal./
 
Ryker shrugged. "That's the kicker babe, you can't." He moved so he was lying on the grass on his front but still looking at Shaylah. "Kenny told me he had left and Kenny doesn't have his address. I dunno how to talk to him. Kenny did say Markov was planning on coming back here when he leaves school though." Ryker was just going to wait to see one of his best mates, most of them had gone somewhere so this wasn't that difficult for him.
 
Shaylah groaned. "Why didn't he leave any form of contact?! How stupid is he?!" Shay didn't like calling Markov stupid but she was frustrated and that was when things just slipped out. She had found that out the hard way when she had told her dad that he was a selfish tw@t for leaving her home alone all the time. She never meant what she had said but it just slipped out and by the time she realised what she had said it was too late. "For God's sake. This is so annoying." Shay had to struggle to keep her words quiet.
 
Ryker shrugged. "He had like two days of notice that he was moving. I'm guessing he didn't have time to tell anyone where he was going. When he spoke to Kenny he didn't even know where he was going, just that he was going to Salem school." He then realised they could probably just send an owl to the school but it would take ages to get there, wear out the bird completely and they didn't even know if it would reach him. "Hey, look, he's going to be back before we know it, until then just live your life and have fun." The more they waited for him to come home the slower it would go, he knew that much.
 
Shaylah sighed. "Oh, yeah. What joyous fun my life is. I'm obviously going to enjoy every second that he's not here. Shay wouldn't have minded as much if it wasn't for the fact that she had hardly anyone who she could go to to talk. Ryker was probably the only person and she barely knew him. She didn't even know where he lived or what family he had. What a great friend she was. "God, I must look like a complete idiot. Shaylah could feel that her eyes were still red from crying and her cheeks were probably the same. Her hair was in the same mess that it always was so she wasn't bothered about that.
 
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