I'm Alone. Will I Manage?

[Ai Nightray]

As Ai Edogawa lay on her bed, she couldn't help but think about how much of an idiot she was. It was nearing the end of January and the second semester was already starting. Normally, she would worry about all of her duties. Quidditch, Heta Omega, Head Girl. But right now, those were the least of her worries. How could she have been so stupid to fall for him? She even refused to say his name anymore than necessary. After she had given everything to him, he had just left her like he didn't even considered their relationship or he didn't even acknowledged the friendship that they had before everything. And even knowing her current condition, he still refused to accept her, refused to acknowledged that she needed him. He had chosen Arianna over her. It just wasn't fair and she couldn't even bear to look at both Gryffindors anymore. They had left her alone through all this, and now that she needed someone, anyone, most, nobody was there with her. With a groan, she stood from her bed and opted to take a walk on the school grounds.

Ai had decided on casual clothes for today seeing as she didn't have any classes yet anyway and it was still too early in the year. But for Ai, her childhood and teenage years had already disappeared before her. All that was left was a girl desperately trying to become a woman for her own sake and her child. Yes. She now bears a life inside her and though she was young, she could not bear the thought of just ending her problems. No. Even if the father had left her alone to deal with this, she would try her best for the child at least. But as she walked and eventually arrived at the lakefront, her hand rubbing her tummy where she knew the child was, she couldn't help but think if she would be able to handle this. How could she? The child would grow up without constantly having a father, she didn't have friends, she didn't have a family. She would not give Ryuuji-niichan or Grace or Shiloh the burden of caring for her. She knew they were disappointed at her, and truth be told, she was disappointed at herself as well. She was such a disgrace and now she knew that she really wasn't right for any kind of status that had been given to her. As she sat herself on the grass by the lake, her hand lazily wandering on her belly, she couldn't help but ponder on her thoughts and one stood out amongst all others. She was an idiot who never deserved any achievements in the first place.

 

[Professor Cyndi Kingsley]

Returning to the castle had brought Cyndi a respite from her hectic life. Although she wasn’t running for the Minister of Magic position, her life had become increasingly difficult during her husband’s campaign. There was constantly something to do, whether it be helping Cameron prep for interviews or photoshoots, or attending different functions so he could be seen as an accessible candidate. Even their downtime was busy, the pair trying their best to make up for lost time with their children. Slowly, the family seemed to be getting used to the new routine. For Cyndi, though, who already felt that she didn’t spend enough time with her sons, there was a lot of galleons spent on toys and other gifts to make it up to them. The boys didn’t seem to mind and even seemed to enjoy the attention of being photographed when they were outside, something that Cyndi still didn’t enjoy though she had become used to it. Within the castle, the woman felt like she could breathe. No longer hampered by the Deputy Headmistress position and its responsibilities, Cyndi was able to enjoy some free time before classes officially began. It didn’t take long after breakfast for the woman to find herself outdoors, enjoying a good jog.

After, she made her way to the lakefront and took a seat on the grass, her mind wandering as she watched the small waves crest. It had been years since she had jumped into the lake, but the woman still loved this spot. Taking out her wand, the woman cast a spell that made the water closest to her burst up about a foot every few moments. It reminded her of a fountain that she’d seen on vacation and put a smile on her face. Enjoying the quiet moment, Cyndi was a bit disappointed when she heard noise behind her that let her know that someone else had made their way this way. When she glanced back, though, she realized that she didn’t need to worry. It was only the Head Girl, a student that she’d never taught but had heard good things about aside from the prefect meeting incident. Cyndi wasn’t going to hold that too much against her though. As the Head girl settled herself onto the grass as well, Cyndi gave the seventh year a tiny smile. “Good morning, Ai” she stated pleasantly.

 

[Ai Nightray]

As Ai sat and pondered about the events that had occured, she couldn't help but wonder how the heck did she manage to survive all that has happened. in the span of one year, she had lost all that she had left. It was even a surprised that she had not lost herself. or did she already lose it as well? That would be unacceptable! She needed to live and get through all of this. For herself and for her unborn child. She would have to deal with every single thing that came to her, and that included the fact that she has to raise this child without a father. Maybe someday, she would find a man that the little one could consider a father. A better father than what Jeremiah Raven could ever be. Al she could think about for now though was how she was going to fo all of that. The Hufflepuff had jumped out of her little reverie as a single voice spoke.

Ai had not expected that and she had to wonder when said person sat beside her. Or was there even a person there first? She did not know thanks to her current state of mind which left her distracted all the time. When she turned to look at who it was, she was quite surprised to find Professor Kingsley, the Gryffindor Head of House. It only served to remind her further of the budding relationship between her ex-boyfriend and her friend and it saddened and troubled her, though tried her best to hide it from the woman. She had no fault in this after all. "Good morning, Professor. I'm sorry I did not notice you right away," the Head Girl smiled sheepishly as she took in the woman's features. She seemed a kind woman and she was sure that she was a loving mother too, to both her biological children and the Gryffindors and didn't take a sickle to be tossed in the air to let Ai get distracted again by thoughts of her own unborn child as she wondered if she could be a great mother to him or her when the time comes.

 

[Professor Cyndi Kingsley]

As Ai spoke to her, the professor continued to look at the girl, noting that she seemed a bit distracted as she spoke. She confirmed it as well, telling the professor that she hadn’t noticed her. It didn’t bother Cyndi any that she hadn’t been noticed. She had been distracted by her own thoughts and wouldn’t fault anyone else for feeling the same way. It took some concentration to keep the spell going and after another moment, the head of Gryffindor House allowed the spell to taper off, the lakefront becoming smooth once more. With another glance over at the seventh year, Cyndi decided that perhaps the student needed to voice her concerns. Cyndi was a talker and usually only felt better once she’d spoken to anyone who would listen about whatever it was that was worrying her.

“Worried about your NEWTs?” she asked, picking the most obvious seventh year concern she could think of. In her experience, many of the students spent the first half of their seventh year trying to avoid thinking about the fact that they would be sitting the most important exams of their lives, and the second panicking over their future and the NEWT exams. She didn’t think Ai had anything to worry about. From what Cyndi had heard from some of the other professors, Ai was a model student. She hadn’t become Head Girl for no reason.

 

[Ai Nightray]

Ever since Ai had found out about her pregnancy, she tended to dwell on what else the future may bring. And while others might just give up on studies after experiencing a problem of this extent, Ai made this into a motivation. Motivation to do better in class and her NEWTs. It was not that she had too high of a pride to let Jeremiah help her in financing her and their child. It was simply because she didn't want to let him be an unwilling father to the child. She would rather raise the child without a father rather than letting him or her grow up knowing or finding out that his or her father was just forced to be with him or support him. She knew how painful it was to grow up knowing that someone didn't want you in the family. She knew how painful it was to be alone and Ai swore to herself that she would never let her child experience what she had gone through.

Ai was taken out of her thoughts by the sudden question of the professor. Worried? About the NEWTs? Was she really? She didn't think so. In fact, she was more worried over the fact of what kind of life would she be able to give her child. Sure, she was only a little over a month, but she was determined that her child would see this world after eight more months have passed. Right now, he was the only one that was keeping her from losing her mind and from losing herself to darkness. So, the Hufflepuff shook her head at the professor's question. She was not about to lie in front of a Head of House's face. "Just a little bit, Professor," she answered sheepishly. Her thoughts wandered for a few minutes though she least expected them to be voiced out. But then again, it had been plaguing her mind for a while now and perhaps this was a good time as any to ask. "Professor, why do you think I became the Head Girl? It's not that I don't like it, but I'm pretty sure there are smarter ones than me here. And it's not like I'm the one with the cleanest record when it came to behavior," the younger said as she scratched the back of her head in wonder and she had to think whether Professor Kingsley knew the answer. Besides, she wasn't the best student ever nor a good role model. She wouldn't have gotten herself pregnant if she was after all.

 

[Professor Cyndi Kingsley]

Nodding sympathetically as the girl admitted to having some nerves about her upcoming exams, Cyndi recalled her own feelings about the NEWTs. They had turned out to be important, but now with the advantage of hindsight, she knew that they weren't the most important thing in the world. She hoped that the head girl would one day come to that same conclusion. As she continued on, Cyndi frowned slightly. The woman always hated when students questioned their promotions as if they didn't trust and believe that the authorities that be could see something positive in them. It always made her wonder if she had made the right decision after all.

Crossing her legs under her, the woman considered the question. "You would have to ask the Headmistress for her opinion, but I don't think that the decision for Head students has ever been made simply based on how smart the student is. I think other factors come into play" she stated after a long moment of silence. Her friend and colleague, Ava or Professor Davershire as she was known to the students, was a wise woman. Cyndi respected her immensely. "I think it is probably safe to say that Professor Davershire saw something in you that set you apart from your peers...something that you may not yet see yourself since you're asking me that question" she finished, her eyebrow raising to punctuate her point.

 

[Ai Nightray]

The frown that the professor showed on her face did not go unnoticed by the observant eyes of the Head Girl. Ai always knew when a person was unhappy because of her words and she mostly had two choices which were mostly to ignore or to answer. This time she had opted not to ignore since she had by no means not intended to sounded rude or anything with her question. "I'm sorry that I asked Professor," she said with a little scratch behind her neck though her other hand continued to wander on her stomach. "Well, I just tend to wonder," she admitted and was certainly the truth. Though she really tended to wander whenever she would get into trouble or she would do something that would blow things out of proportion. Like being with Jeremiah, giving everything to him and then getting pregnant afterwards.

The Hufflepuff nodded in agreement as she tried her best to take in the information that the professor was giving her. She agreed in all of it. It wasn't all smarts. It wasn't all behavior either, probably. Though what the headmistress saw in her, Ai would never find out. The younger nodded to let the older woman that she had understood the point that she tried to get across. Though Ai had other thoughts in mind as well. "It's kind of hard to see the good things in me when I just keep messing things up," the younger chuckled though she was telling the truth. How could she find out the good thing about herself when those she loves and cares about leaves her so suddenly. "And it's not just the Prefect Meeting, which I am really, really sorry about," she said as she looked over to the older woman though more than the meeting, her thoughts were more focused on her other failures. Like her relationship with Conan, her relationship with Heath and her relationship with Miah. And of course, her sudden pregnancy would not be out of the list either. All in all Ai was an utter mess.
​

 

[Professor Cyndi Kingsley]

Cyndi smiled faintly as the teen girl offered an apology for asking the question. She always tried to temper herself, but that particular question always proved difficult for her to control her emotions. As Ai continued to speak, Cyndi watched as her hands moved around, though she was unsure if it was a nervous habit or just her manner of speaking. Cyndi's father was a big hand speaker, often people told him that they could follow his conversations simply by watching what his hands did. To some extent, Cyndi did that too, though she was nowhere near as crazy as her dad was with it. "I suppose it is only natural" Cyndi conceded with a small shrug.

It became apparent to the Gryffindor Head of House that the Head Girl was feeling overwhelmed about something. And, although, she would have normally left such a matter for the girl's Head of House, she wouldn't push her away while she was talking. Who knew if she would open up again? A soft chuckle escaped the woman as the subject of the prefect meeting came up. Time and again, she'd found herself in conversations over this same incident. "I think there were a lot of people to share the blame on that one" she pointed out. One of her own had been punished for his role in that meeting, in fact. " Have you spoken to your Head of House about how you're feeling? Effie is really good at fixing problems. I am too, if you wanted to talk about anything specific" she added, giving the girl an opportunity to get anything she wanted to off of her chest. Cyndi could remember feeling overwhelmed by everything during her last semester. Just knowing that she'd be off to the real world was enough to do that. Even outside of that, she could sympathize. Being the wife of someone running for Minister wasn't easy.

 

[Ai Nightray]

Ai continued to listen as the Gryffindor Head of House spoke to her and probably acknowledged the small apology that she had given earlier. Though, it rather surprised the Head Girl that the woman had chuckled at the mere thought of the prefect meeting. It was a rather confusing response, yes, but Ai would rather be confused rather than face the grudge and wrath of a woman that she barely knew. Although she had the lingering sense that the older woman could become quite frightening should she choose to be. Well, how else would she be able to keep Taylor and Jere-... that person in line. It would be quite an impossible task if you ask the Head Girl. At least Professor Kingsley was open-minded about the idea currently and she couldn't help the sheepish smile that formed on her features at what the professor had pointed out. "Hea-... Some people tell me the same thing," she admitted with a shrug though blatantly refused to mention the Heath's name to the woman since he was a memory that Ai preferred not to linger too much upon. "Guess it's been a pretty bad habit of mine to blame myself for some of the deep sh-," the Head Girl cleared her throat rather quickly in an attempt to save herself before continuing, "troubles, that I've gotten myself into," she ended with a sigh. She really had to get a hold of herself and her mood swings at some point.

Ai was caught off guard by the next question that had been raised by the gryffindor Head of House. The young girl shook her head as one of her responses to the question that had been given to her. "No, I haven't," she said though in the very back of her mind she had been seeking for the thought that she pasted in her mind that she would have to talk to her Head of House concerning rather delicate matters. And of course, it was no secret that she would have to talk to Professor Kingsley too considering that Jeremiah was one of her Gryffindors. On days like these, Ai really preferred to have less troubles to think and worry about. "But I do suppose that I need to talk to Professor Kingston about some serious matters," Ai tried to point out without elaborating or blatantly stating what was the subject matter. But she supposed that it would be a rather hard feat considering that her thoughts hadn't exactly been organized the past few days. "It would be nice talking to you about them too, Professor," the Head Girl smiled, though in the very back of her mind, a single thought ran through her head. Assuming that you won't try to expel me or shout at me too much or anything that would lead to violence and headaches. With a sigh, a wandering and lost thought escaped past her lips unconsciously as she was lost in her thoughts. She knew not if she had said it out loud, or barely above a whisper but by the time she realize the thought that escaped her lips, it was already a tad bit late. "Since you will really know about it one way or the other."
​

 

[Professor Cyndi Kingsley]

The professor's eyebrows rose at the fairly obvious near slip up, a smirk on her lips. She respected when people could control their language. Nodding her head, Professor Kingsley was pleased that this wasn't something that the teen had never heard before. It sounded like several people had told her before. Perhaps if she heard it often enough, it would stick. Cyndi smiled. "That doesn't mean you should never blame yourself. Just...do it when it is called for, I guess" she explained, her shoulder rising and falling.

Listening as Ai stated that she would reach out to Professor Kingston, Cyndi wondered if her work was done. Surely, the girl shared a much closer relationship with her head of house than she did with Cyndi. As the Head Girl mentioned that she'd be happy to speak with her too, Cyndi smiled though she remained quiet. Sometimes, it was good to just jump right in. Other times, she knew it was good to let the student get around to what they wanted to say in their own time. It seemed that Ai would fall into that latter category. With her next words, the pleasant smile froze on the Gryffindor Head of House's face. The word choice left the professor with a rather ominous feeling in the pit of her stomach. "Oh?" she replied, the curiosity apparent in that one word. "What's going on, Ai?"the woman added in a slightly stern tone. This was beginning to sound like something more serious than stress over NEWTs.

 

[Ai Nightray]

Ai knew she was stupid. She knew she was an idiot. And she knew she was careless. She just never thought that she could be a hundred percent of all at the same time. And she just had to be in front of the Gryffindor Head of House, Professor Kingsley. This was certainly not a good thing. Or maybe it was? She couldn't be too sure now as the thumping inside of her chest got louder with nervousness and panic and her hand shot to her stomach as she caressed it, hoping that it would help soothe her nearly bursting nerves. Maybe the baby could help her keep calm. She had three choices: lie, be vague about the truth, or just tell the whole truth. The first choice didn't seem so promising especially since it seemed that Ai had gotten the woman riled up and wanting to know what was going on. There were really times that the Hufflepuff had to learn when to shut her mouth. So, she was left with the choice of either being vague, or coming right out with it. Neither seemed promising in her own point of view as well. Who in the school even knew about her condition? There was only Morgan and Jeremiah. She was yet to speak with Professor Kingston after all, and now she was talking to Miah's Head of House. Ai was at a total loss for what to do.

"I... uh... It was... uh," the Head Girl stuttered out. Okay, so she was not only loss for what to do but also what to say. Could she even veer this conversation? She didn't think so. This was probably a conversation that she could escape. She might as well come out with the truth though it seemed to prove harder since the Hufflepuff barely knew the woman. Of course there was also the idea that Jeremiah might just strangle her for letting the truth out like this. He was still in denial on occasion after all. And there was also what would Professor Kingsley do when she finds out. But with the sternness present in the professor's voice, it was obvious that she was finding out the truth right here, right now, one way or the other. The Head Girl didn't know for how many minutes she kept her mouth shut or pondered on what to say or how to go about with the situation she found herself in, and it took her long enough to decide. Ai would just have to settle for the fact that Professor Kingsley would know before Professor Kingston and Miah will just have to deal with whatever's going to happen after this. "It's just that... uhm... I'm... uh... It's kinda like... we... I," words were constantly failing her right now and the only way that Ai could have said the last word properly was because it had already gotten down to a whisper, but she was sure that the woman would have heard it. "Pregnant."
​

 

[Professor Cyndi Kingsley]

It was in moments like these that a much younger version of Cyndi would have been greatly amused. As the Head Girl stuttered her way towards telling the Gryffindor Head of House what was going on, Cyndi waited patiently, her eyes searching the girl’s face for clues as to what announcement she was going to drop. If she happened to look lower, perhaps she would have spotted a touch to the stomach or something else that would have alerted her to the news. As it was, she was pretty clueless. Her stammering revealed nothing other than that someone else might have been involved. It was the final word, the one that could barely be heard over the slight breeze on the lakefront that revealed all. “Pregnant” , the whisper made its way to Professor Kingsley’s ears. Her eyebrows rose at the word, but the professor was struck speechless. For a moment anyway.

It was obvious to the woman that Ai’s Head of House would have to be notified immediately. Ava would have to be informed as well. It wasn’t every day that students in the school became pregnant, though it did seem to be happening more frequently. “Wow…um, ok.” Cyndi was still fairly shocked by the news. Of all the students she might have expected to come to her with that announcement, Ai wasn’t one of them. Standing up, Cyndi beckoned for the seventh year girl to do the same. “Come on. We have to go find the Headmistress and your Head of House. They have to be told” she announced to the seventh year. As she waited for her to stand, Cyndi closed her eyes and rubbed the bridge of her nose. “Thank Merlin Rumor Has It isn’t around anymore or I’m sure this would be headline news” she muttered. “The father. Is he in the school?” she asked, hoping for an answer different from she was sure she was going to hear.

 

[Ai Nightray]

After finally getting that out of her system, Ai wondered what was going to happen next. For sure, this news will not be kept a secret and even more so, Jeremiah was going to find out about this one way or the other. In reality, the Hufflepuff had been extremely incapable of telling the Gryffindor the current truth of her condition. It was not that she was afraid to admit it, heck, Professor Kingsley was already the fifth person to know about it. It was simply because of the roughness of the relationship she shared with the male Gryffindor. Their break-up was not exactly a smooth one and it was much, much, much worse than her separating with Heath. And there was also the fact that he was probably attracted to Arianna and obviously vice versa. And so, every single time that she would approach Miah, it would always end up with his cold exterior, angry self and brushing her off. It wasn't the best experience she had. Truth be told, they were the worst and she had to wonder if it was necessary for him to even know about the baby. She could tell him that she had gotten pregnant after they had broken up. Well, he was most likely to believe that story anyway. Sighing, Ai was caught out of her thoughts when Professor Kingsley finally responded to her confession.

The Head Girl expected some yelling, some scolding and maybe a threat of expulsion. Well, obviously neither of those happened and though she was relieved, it had surprised her to some extent. Maybe the anger part of this discussion would come later? Really, she would much rather get that part done now than later. Well, at least Professor Kingsley was coping up with the news rather well. She must be used to this? Ai did not know. When the woman stood, Ai followed almost instantly though cringed at the thought of telling the Headmistress and her Head of House. She was not very prepared for that yet. Well, maybe she was willing to handle Headmistress Davershire first before Professor Kingston. Yep, that was probably a good idea. "I'm going to tell Professor Kingston later on directly after the House Meeting," Ai told the older woman as she watched her rubbed her nose and mutter about Rumor Has It. Indeed, Ai was rather fortunate to not have that dreadful magazine around at this time. She wasn't sure if she'd be able to handle that after all, since she could even barely handle it without that gossip. Ai's features turned to that of a mask of horrid and shock before regaining her composure. She should have known that that question would come immediately. Ai merely nodded her head, there was no use turning back now. The professor already knew the situation, might as well know who was involved. "He's a Gryffindor... Miah," she said meekly as she thought about how she was going to break the news to Jeremiah about the pregnancy without him strangling her. She cringed at the obvious that this would be a hard part indeed.
​

 

[Professor Cyndi Kingsley]

It didn’t take long for the Head Girl to get herself up and for the two of them to begin a slow walk back to the castle. Nodding as the girl spoke about telling her head of house, Professor Kingsley glanced over to the girl. “Make sure that you do, please” she stated in a somewhat stern voice. Teenagers seemed to be particularly skilled at this, and though Cyndi would respect the girl’s decision to not tell her peers, there was no way she would let her get away with not telling people who needed to know in order to protect her. Cyndi knew that it had to be difficult for Ai to have revealed her pregnancy to the woman. Looking forward, the " She can help. They both can" she added. Gryffindor Head of House continued on, thinking back to her own pregnancies which had happened when she was well into her twenties. Being a parent wasn’t easy and she was sure that it was even more difficult when you were a teenager. At least, in telling her Head of House and the Headmistress, Ai would have some support from women who’d been through their own pregnancies and had their own war stories to tell. She hoped that Ai would get that and that she didn’t feel like she was being punished in some way. What was done was done in Cyndi’s mind. Ai could, though, move forward and make some more responsible decisions with guidance from some of the women that Cyndi most admired.

She was looking towards the castle, watching students as they wandered around the outside of the castle, so she missed the look of horror on Ai’s face at her simple question. With a sigh, she received the news that one of her Gryffindors was the father of the Head Girl’s child. The nickname was easy to decipher, there was only one Jeremiah in her house. Jeremiah Raven. Cyndi wondered if he knew about this situation or if he was moving around the castle ignorant of the fact that he was about to have his life turned upside down. “I see” she replied quietly as she entered into the castle, her eyes taking a second or two to adjust to the lighting. The woman remained quiet as they continued on, mulling over all of this information. Finally, she spoke once more. “Does he know that you two have a lot more than NEWTs to worry about?” she asked with a sigh. Cyndi had been silly to think that the Head Girl had been worried about her NEWTs. That was probably the last thing on her mind at the moment.