I'll Follow You Into the Dark

[Izaak Finch]

There were not many of his possessions that Izaak Jay Finch could say he loved, a real, deep and true love that is. Not the kind of love one might have for a comfortable old sweater or a song they could recite all the lyrics of backwards. He had realised this only that morning as he had made a list of them in his head, and now stood with them gathered around him at the foot of an apartment building. Well, most of them anyway. Yes, he had his surfboard grasped in his left arms; moulded with the most sleek of fibreglass and patterned with the most intricate of designs. There was his dog, Kobe; ever faithful and loyal as he crept down by his master’s side, those big brown eyes forever on guard had him wondering what they were searching for as they surveyed the surroundings before the pair. And if Izaak should look up he’d see the window of his friend’s apartment, he might even see her busying about in there, carrying on with life as it should be. But even with his hobbies, his furry companion and his friends all right there at his fingertips for him to hold onto for this godforsaken life itself, the most important part was missing. The other half of him, his partner, his soulmate, his love for life. His Alexis Marie.

In these long and treacherous few days without her, Izaak had questioned her being his ‘other half’. It was an endearing term, sure. But since that night he had lost his stomach for food, had his peace of mind for sleep swallowed up by his nightmares, cried his heart out into the folds of her pillow and thrown up whatever else was left of him into the toilet bowl out of anxiety. How could Alexis have possibly been his other half when she had taken all but the shell of him in her sudden passing? She had been, and still was, his absolute everything. The thought wired a depressive and unwelcomed shudder through the broken man and if he had any tears left to cry surely they’d be running down his chin by now. But with a slow and needy breath Izaak stared straight ahead, his swollen red eyes taking to the stairs that stretched up before him. They would be home now, until he had the heart to try and piece himself back together at least. And if Melodie would take him of course. Staying in their home had gotten too overwhelming for him. To sleep in the bed they had shared, to shift through her clothes when he wanted to change into his own and to sight her shelves upon shelves of literature in the corner of his eye was to break his heart anew. The little things she had left behind hurt; her phone, the book she had been half way through, her shoes at the door, they created the illusion that she was coming back to get them. But she wasn’t, she wasn’t ever walking back through their front door. And the worst part about it? It was all his fault.

Izaak climbed the stairs at a ginger pace, with Kobe ahead of him every step of the way as if knowing that without a little guidance his master would be walking around in listless circles. It was like the beginning of a new chapter in his life as he stood before Melodie’s door, adjusting the duffel bag on his shoulder but all he could think of as he stared down at a crumpled photo of his dead lover in his hand, laughing up at him, was how much he didn’t want to turn the page from the last one. Fate had done it for him though, torn it from his shaking fist as he rapped that very same one across the door. Breathe in, don’t cry, breathe out, have a little dignity, breathe in... And wait.

 

[Melodie Lowe]

Staring out of her apartment window Melodie Lowe sighed. Though life should have been getting better, though she had recovered and though she had her sons back it still felt like something was missing. There was a nagging feeling inside of her, a feeling that she should be getting out, having fun. The best years of her life were over, and all she wanted to do was turn back time, back to when Izaak, Marcus and herself were unstoppable, when they went out and partied each night until the sun came back around again. But those years were behind her, Melodie's sole purpose was to be a mother, something she wasn't all that good at if she was completely honest. When she looked at her sons she saw nothing. No matter how hard she tried all she was to them was a carer, perhaps it was the attack that had robbed her of her sanity and all those around her. All she knew was that there was only one thing in her life that hadn't changed, and never would. Her relationship with Izaak. As the veela looked out of her window she thought of him, of his smile, and of his voice. She hadn't seen him since the night he and Clavell had ripped eachother to shreads and she missed him terribly, but Alexis had him on a tight leash recently and she didn't feel like medling in the relationship.

Answering the call of a screeching baby, Melodie found herself torn from her daydreaming and thrown headfirst back into life as she walked like a soulless zombie through to the nursery, one foot in front of the other, slowly but surely. However she found herself interrupted by a soft but precise knock on the door of her modest apartment, and taking the screeching child with her, she retraced her steps back into the living room, and made a beeline for the door. Saddling Aiden on her hip she peered through the peephole and was surprised to see her best friend and what appeared to be his belongings on the doorstep. Flinging the door open Melodie was met with her friends face, but it wasn't the same. He wasn't smiling like usual, his expression wasn't even moderately enlightened. Looking into those azure blue eyes Melodie knew at once that something was up. "Izaak?" she asked as she pulled open the door, though she knew it was him she was uncertain as to why or how he had turned up on her doorstep, instead of his fiancee's. "What are you doing here? You're not in the dog box again are you?" she said, a light laugh on her voice as she said, it wasn't at all unbelievable for Izaak to have been kicked out, he wasn't always on his best behaviour, but she had seen a change in him since he had been expecting the baby. Raising one eyebrow Melodie waiting for one of those token remarks to come from her friends lips but it didn't seem as though he was going to utter a single word to her, which was when she noticed his face.

That usually clean and soft skin was cut and bruised, and his eyes noticably darker. Stepping forward, the twenty one year old placed her delicate hand against the torn skin and looked right up into his eyes as she did so. "Izaak" she said, as if saying his name again would somehow pull an answer out of him, some sort of explanation as to why he was here, and what had happened to his face. There was no doubt that something was up, and she was going to get to the bottom of it, afterall it was her duty as the best friend. Juggling the sobbing two year old on her hip she pulled the door right back on his hinges and motioned towards the couch. A solemn look on her face.

 

[Izaak Finch]

At the sound of one of the twins wails, Izaak’s throat began to contort. To hear the click of the doorknob as it was twisted open knotted it painfully. But to see Melodie before him, to hear his name float from her lips and to try and speak her’s back to her had it caught up in such an excruciating pain that he couldn’t for the life of him speak. Sad blue eyes grappled for her, unmoving and unchanging in both expression and lack of lustre as he pleaded for her words to stop. There was nothing on this Earth that Izaak Finch wouldn’t give to be in hot water with Alexis, instead of having had killed her with his carelessness. What he wouldn’t pay for a cure of these nightmarish memories, to rid himself of that haunting image of her devastatingly peaceful face or her body slumped against the seatbelt. Or, just to have died alongside her that night in his Chevvy, at least then he’d be with her and Ella now. Death didn’t seem quite so daunting anymore, in fact it was quite the contrary; welcoming, beckoning, a cure for the pain he was sure he’d never be rid of. Though as Melodie’s soft touch caressed the bruises that had marred his skin and the total extent of his injuries; the three stitches he’d needed to sew up what the flying shards of his windscreen had sliced open, Izaak was reminded of his presence in other’s lives. It wouldn’t be fair on them to take his own life but he’d never let on how tempting an option it seemed right now.

Tears began to prick the corner of his eyes and feel as if they had stabbed right into the back of them as well. No amount of composure-seeking breaths seemed to solve the onslaught either. But all the while as Izaak stood before his friend, he willed the glue that had pieced him together to hold up for a moment more. Her footsteps fell softly away, treading their way towards the couch with the silent suggestion that the pair of friends continue their one-sided discussion there. But Izaak couldn’t physically do anything more than rest his board against the door frame and drop his duffel bag to the ground as a series of violent shakes rocked his weary body. The tears were building and brimming in his azure eyes, they stung what had already been logged with their salty composition and blurred the figure of Melodie before him. “Can we... Can we...” Between the unloosenable knot that tied up his throat and the fact that his teeth were gnawing down hard on his lower lip in a meek attempt to stop the tears from tumbling, Izaak’s voice was barely above a whisper as it echoed between them. Hoarse, sore, tired. As if it were a lifeline, Izaak intensified the grip he had on the photo while the Border Collie at his feet curled in closer against his legs. “... Stay with you?” The words were the last straw for Izaak, his trembling lip gave way as did the lumped knot in his throat and the tears streamed mercilessly down his face in grief.

Blah.

 

[Melodie Lowe]

Melodie walked alone back into the living room and looked back at her friend, wondering why he hadn't followed. She saw the pain in his eyes and watched as the tears brimmed on his eyelids before rolling down his broken cheeks. His words were ones she thought she'd never hear after the silent act Izaak had put on as he stood like a puppy on her doorstep. "Of course you can" Melodie replied immediately, gently letting her son down onto the ground. Something was up, but if their one sided conversation was anything to go by Izaak wasn't going to let up on what it was anytime soon, so the veela went about life the only way she knew, and busied herself with carrying her weeping friends bag through to the living room. As if he was just part of the furniature her friend stood still as stone, the only sign he was still present being the tears rolling down his cheeks. Falling into his arms Melodie held him in her grasp, her soft auburn hair a contrast against his shirt as she looked up at him, her hazel irises begging for him to share his burdon. "I love you" she whispered into his chest, hoping this would be some sort of consolation to the pain he was so obviously feeling as they embraced rather awkwardly on the doorstep.

"Lets get you inside" she said quite sensibly, breaking the hug and leading Izaak to the couch they had sat on so many times before, the silence between them stabbed at Melodie, whatever this was she had to fix it, simply put she couldn't bear to see him like this, so broken and lifeless. Shooing Aiden from the room Melodie's hand slipped over her face in attempt to cover her mouth, wide open at the sight of his wounds. They brought back a wave of memory, of when the tables had been turned and she had been in his position, her face scarred and bruised. "What-what, happened?" she managed to utter, trying to dismiss the thought of her dear Izaak getting into another fight, surely not. Slipping onto the couch next to him Melodie's eyes darted back and forth, trying to gain contact with his as Kobe, ever faithful, waited at his master's side. Perhaps if the twenty one year old had tuned into the news, or had a spare moment to read the Daily Prophet, she would have spared Izaak the pain of telling his story. For it wasn't one that she wanted to hear, that Alexis was gone, and their dear Ella Mae gone with her.

 

[Izaak Finch]

Had he really been so foolish to think that if those words, that acceptance of his question, came from Melodie's lips then it would all be okay? Because the pain was still there, welling like a flooded dam inside of him. What happened to the relief it was supposed to bring, the escape from all the little things that haunted Izaak as a constant reminder of his fiancee? There was not a sign of it, not a breath or a whisper or a taste. The thick tears just keep at a constant, if not heavier, stream down his face. As cold and as lonely as it was, this was life now. Without Ella, without Alexis, without that spark that the both of them had kept alight with their presence in his life. He'd not only have to start another chapter but a whole book anew now. Without his love, Izaak was not Izaak, it was as simple as that. There had been years and years that had stretched on before their meeting of course because no matter how much it felt like it, the pair had not known each other a life time. And now, as his sparkling azure eyes came to settle in Melodie's, he wondered if she'd be able to help him, even if it was only a little, to regain his memory of what life had been like without Alexis Marie Richarde by his side. It was almost as if there had been a telepathic connection between the long time friends as she moved into him, her arms curling their warmth around his waist as his wrapped mechanically around her shoulders. Izaak squeezed his eyes shut until the skin on his nose crinkled too as she told him that she loved him. There was a want to say the words back, a need for that familiar comfort of a best friend. But Izaak could not think further than how much he wished it was Alexis in his arms at that moment, speaking those words to him.

Zombie-fied, Izaak shuffled to the couch he was being led to. One he didn't even need to see to know it was there, for he had laughed and smiled upon it so many times over. Not once had he ever cried seated in it's sunken comfort. In fact, Melodie had not once seen him like this either. Sure a touch distressed at times though it was unusual for him not to be his happy, grinning self around her. But wasn't there a first time for everything? Still shaking fitfully, Izaak steadied himself down onto it and froze there in apprehension. There was no cloud of doubt about what was looming before him. She'd want answers, and try as he might, Izaak was not entirely sure he had the physical ability to croak them to her. "What-what, happened?" And bang, there it was. A rough hand rubbed at his face, trying to smother the tears and end them once and for all. But all he came to do was tremble harder in anticipation of the answer he would have to give in all it's blunt and brutal honesty. His face fell devastated into his palms, his back curled over as he spent a minute in a desperate attempt to rectify his sobs and untangle the knot in his throat so he could possibly tell Melodie what kind of awful trick fate had played on him. "Alexis... " Her name, caught in a sobbing whisper, echoed hauntingly between the friends as his tears struck down onto the picture of her he was still clutching. "There was an accident. My fault, all my fault. And she got... She got..." There was not a chance of supressing his sobs now as he lifted his face to stare brokenly into his friend's eyes, like a child would its parents as its broken arm was bandaged, pleading that they'd find a way to make the excruciating pain come to a most final end. He tried to speak the word, but to say 'killed' would be the end of him surely.

 

[Melodie Lowe]

Melodie had never seen Izaak like this, and no matter how many years she had known him, how many times she had told him that everything thing would be alright, nothing could have ever prepared her for this. There was no need for Izaak to say any more, because she knew exactly what had happened just from looking at the pain in his eyes. She didn't want to believe it, every inch of the woman was willing that little ounce of hope to come out, to put her friend out of his misery, and she out of hers. "No." she said, adamant that something like this couldn't have happened. "No" she said again, her voice growing hoarse and a warm tear stinging her cheek. The feeling so unusual against her skin, it was the first time she had cried in almost a year, and the image of Izaak sitting like a broken doll upon her couch wasn't going to stop the flow. Melodie suddenly became so aware of what was going on around her as she realized she had been standing staring at Izaak for much too long. She reluctantly fell onto the couch beside him and joined in staring out into space. The two friends had finally taken their lives back, and now it was as if with one sentence spoken, everything had tumbled down again, and they would have to start over again, rebuild the foundations they had spent so long securing. What was she to say? There was nothing she could say that would ever heal the pain, she could only try to make the burden a little lighter, comfort him like she always had.

"I'm so sorry" she said, as if the fact that she was sorry would make a difference to the situation. Though the only thing Melodie could think to do was simple, slipping her arms around Izaak's toned torso and pulling his arms around her she held him like a mother would her child. She didn't want to ask questions, but she wanted answers. She wanted to know why cruel fate had taken Alexis from them, from him. And what about the baby, that precious bundle of joy that the couple had long awaited, a glimpse of hope in the usual world of darkness. What had they been left with? Nothing but pain. As she cradled the grown man, Melodie knew not of how it had all happened, but she knew it had, and that was all that was needed for her heart to ache something terrible. "What happened to the baby?" she managed to whisper through her tears, her voice muffled in Izaak's shirt. She couldn't imagine what he was feeling, losing somebody so close to him, losing everything. Though Melodie didn’t know it, losing a child was something you never recovered from, something that her postnatal psychosis would never let her feel. Feeling his tears, she squeezed him tighter, from this moment on she would never let him out of her sight.

 

[Izaak Finch]

Izaak’s brow furrowed and fell into a deep and devastated frown as he listened in poignancy to the denial that spewed from his friends mouth, his face screwed into anguish, more tears slipped from beneath his thick lashes. He couldn’t deal with his own denial and his own heartache right now, how the hell was he supposed to cope with Melodie’s as well? The lids of his red raw eyes squeezed shut even tighter than before as if he was wishing his hardest that when he opened them again he’d wake up from some horrific, prolonged nightmare. But that was a wishing he had been depending on for three whole days and yet to no avail. Again his heart sunk as he opened his glassy eyes to see not his bright-eyed lover, not a happy and healthy baby girl but Melodie sitting down on the couch beside him with tears streaming down her cheeks. "I'm so sorry" Izaak gave a shake of his head, still baffled as to what that response even meant but he never would have guessed it was one he’d be forced into getting used to. But his confusion didn’t last long because when his friend’s arms curled around his body it simply dissolved into the devastation he had practically become. All he wanted was Alexis and so badly it made him sick, literally. Nothing else in the world matter quite as much as this all-consuming yearning.

For a moment or two more he shook and he trembled and he cried in his best friend’s arms, fisting his hands so tightly into the back of her shirt as if she might be able to soothe him out of this inconsolable state. But then she whispered a question, one he was surprised to have heard above his distress, that only jarred him further. The baby, his baby, her baby, their baby, their sweet little Ella Marie. Clearly something higher had spoken, that he had never meant to have either of them, that Alexis should have died that night the werewolf attacked her. Clearly his saving of her life had turned on him threefold. But why? Izaak Finch had all the questions but wasn’t any wiser on their answers. Aware that Melodie was waiting on his words and that her tears were soaking into his chest, Izaak gave a fluid cough and almost choked on his own tears. “Ella.” Her name was a good start and the hurting young man was able to break from his friends hold to look her shakily in the eye. The tears were still tumbling down his face, his chin was still trembling and his brow was still screwed in misery but it was a step forward. “I took Alexis to- to Italy for her birthday a-and she went into premature... labour. We rushed back to the hospital and Es gave birth to her but she was a... a stillborn.” His tears flowed heavier now, his voice had been dangerously quiet and his heart now inflicted with twice the pain, reminded not only of the death of his daughter but of the time when he had assured himself that he and Alexis would get through it together.

Seeking comfort he knew was unattainable, Izaak curled back into his friend’s side and rested his head low against her shoulder. But it wasn’t for long as he suddenly was possessed with a raging demand for a reason. “What did I do so wrong Melodie? Why can’t I just f*cking have them?!” Azure eyes darted about the room in an attempt to gather his thoughts for what he could possibly do to compose himself but they caught Aiden standing timidly by the door frame. More tears pooled into his eyes, guilt for his rage and profanities washed over him and yet Izaak couldn’t seem to tear them away from the little boy he loved like his own nephew, especially not as he seemed to edge his way carefully closer. “Hey little man.” He managed to croak, hoisting the toddler up onto his lap and kissing the top of his head. The boy seemed bewildered by the tears that rushed down Izaak’s face and even more so by the prickle of the light beard he had not been bothered to shave as it touched Aiden’s still baby soft skin. “I just want her back, I need her back.” He whispered tearfully to his friend, his voice the distinctive sound of a heart breaking. But Izaak knew as he held Melodie’s son close to him that if anything at all he had to be stronger for Aiden, for Lucas, for Jane and for Jay especially. They didn’t deserve this exposure, they were just kids.