Closed I Don't Know

[Eloi Kristiansen]

Eloi had been waiting for this eagerly. He didn't have anyone else to tell, anyone else to talk to. He had Zerrin and he always felt like he was annoying him, being too much. After all, his life, his whole everything was too much, to ask someone to become involved was a lot, though he had appreciated that Zerrin's family had really pitched in to help. It just...he couldn't always. His mother didn't love it, no matter how much he reminded her that it was not for her. He hadn't told Zerrin's family about what he'd found out, though he was sure telling Zerrin would make them find out, but he was just, he just needed to tell someone safe before he told anyone else. Eloi had tried to dress nice, he wanted to make a good impression, but his hair was all over the place, his trousers had paint stains, and his shirt was old. He had arranged for them to meet at the park, thankfully without the kids for once, but he didn't exactly have money or any places he knew. So this was it. He was sat on the swing and waiting to spot him, half convinced the other boy wouldn't show.

 

[Zerrin Fergusson]

Zerrin was eager for a break. He'd been so busy at school, trying to focus on being a good example, but it was hard. He had thrown on his favorite pair of jeans and a cute, form hugging ribbed sweater. It was light enough to not be too hot. He was running a little behind, but he'd hurried down as soon as he'd noticed he was late. He jogged up to the park, his hair a mess, smiling and waving when he spotted Eloi on the swings. He picked up the pace, half jogging and half running over, sliding to a stop a few feet away. "Hey!" He greeted, smiling brightly. "Sorry I'm a little late,"

 

[Eloi Kristiansen]

Zerrin was late. That wasn't a particular comforting thought, the longer he was late, the more Eloi thought he had misread the relationship, the more he thought he had misjudged this. it didn't matter that all of the letters he'd received pointed to the opposite, it didn't matter that he was sure it was just that he was running late and would be there as soon as. He felt relief flood him as Zerrin turned up, and he smiled at him. "It's okay," Eloi stood up to greet him, almost going for a hug, but stopping, unsure of himself. "It's good to see you,"

 

[Zerrin Fergusson]

-godmod approved-

Zerrin saw Eloi start to move for a hug and he fell into it, immediately leaning in and catching up his friend in a tight, pick-him-up hug. "It's really good to see you," He agreed, leaning back from the hug. He smiled, reaching up with one hand to try and straighten Eloi's hair while the other stayed loosely around him. "You're really rocking this disheveled look," He teased gently. "How many kids had you waylaid this time?"

 

[Eloi Kristiansen]

Eloi near fell into the hug, holding on tightly for as long as Zerrin would allow before leaning back and letting Zerrin adjust his hair. He near leaned into the touch, into the affection shown to him. He gave a tight smile at what he said. "It's just me, they're with my mum for some of the day," he said, and there was a tightness to his tone. "How was the end of your semester?" he asked, not wanting to get straight into it.

 

[Zerrin Fergusson]

Zerrin raised a brow, seeing how much Eloi seemed to need the attetion. He ignored the question and shifted slightly, looking around. Spotting a tree nearby, an idea hit him, and he turned back to Eloi with an almost impish grin. "What do you say we go curl up under that tree and cuddle a while?" He offered. "You could use some rest."

 

[Eloi Kristiansen]

Eloi followed his gaze to a tree, and then looked back at Zerrin. He wanted that, wanted just a moment to exist without his head telling him all the different things he needed to now think about. Eloi gave a small nod and then wrapped his arms around himself. "I'd like that," he said. He smiled softly motioning a little with his head for Zerrin to lead the way, "But, before we rest, there's something I gotta tell you," he said, if he rested, he knew there was every chance he just didn't tell him, and he needed to tell someone.

 

[Zerrin Fergusson]

Zerrin had started towards the tree but stopped when Eloi spoke. He turned back, brow raised. He offered out his hand. "Then tell me," he encouraged, looking around and spotting a bench between them and the tree. "Wanna sit down with me?" He questioned, wanting to give Eloi the option to have a little more comfort for whatever news he needed to share.

 

[Eloi Kristiansen]

Eloi had been following Zerrin and then gave a little frown. he moved to sit at the bench and then looked back at Zerrin. he hadn't answered the question, and had just sat down. His leg began bouncing under him immediately, even as he pressed a hand to his own knee to make it stop. "My mum's pregnant again," he said, ripping the bandaid off by just saying it. "She promised me that she'd be more careful, Tyr wasn't exactly easy for her...and now...we don't have the space....I just...She promised me,"

 

[Zerrin Fergusson]

-godmod approved-

Zerrin sat with Eloi, though he paused for a moment as his friend let it all out. "Well, damn," He murmured. He shifted, reaching out to offer both hands for Eloi to hold. "Hey, breathe," He encouraged. "Look at me." He waited until they'd locked eyes. "We're goig to make it through this. You're not alone this time. I have one more semester, more or less, and then I'll be back full time. And my parents are around. You're not doing this on your own anymore." He hesitated for a second before he pulled one hand back and reached up, cupping Eloi's cheek in his hand, brushing his thumb over the skin. "I've got your back. I promise."

 

[Eloi Kristiansen]

Eloi looked at Zerrin's outstretched hands, and took them, he took in a long deep breath and after a moment met Zerrin's eyes as instructed, and then he nodded. He wasn't alone in this sure, though he couldn't burden Zerrin with it, even when he was done with school. he could rely a little on the boy's parents, but they already had enough of their own kids to worry about. He leaned into the hand on his face and sighed softly. "I know, but, I just, I'm worried, and I'm tired,"

 

[Zerrin Fergusson]

Zerrin smiled softly. "I know," He murmured, his thumb rubbing gently against the boys cheek. "I know, Eloi. We'll get through this somehow, I promise. It'll be easier and easier as the rest of the kids get older." He promised. "I'll steal you away more. You just need to rest. Come on." Zerrin stood, trying to pull Eloi up with him. "I believe I promised cuddles. You could use a nap."

 

[Eloi Kristiansen]

Eloi leaned into the touch and smiled, letting himself just believe what Zerrin said, to believe that it would get easier, as he had always thought, it just with another kid, even as they got older, he still had plenty to take care of. He let himself be pulled up and nodded. "Tyr hasn't been sleeping well, will only sleep if I'm next to his crib, and then the twins love waking me up all too early by jumping on my chest," there's a fondness in his tone even as he complains. Eloi loves his family, his siblings even when they're ruining his sleep.

 

[Zerrin Fergusson]

Zerrin chuckled, walking over to the tree. He conjured up a few pillows to lean against as he sat down, and once he was comfortable he held open his arms so Eloi could curl against him. "Well its just us, and I promise to give you a decent nap before waking you up," He teased. "And I'm sure we can figure out a few mornings where you can sleep in,"

 

[Eloi Kristiansen]

Eloi followed Zerrin to the tree and then moved to sit with him, to curl against him when he let him. He felt relieved, happy to have finally told someone, to know he had the support from him. Even if he felt bad. Zerrin was a head boy, he was successful, there was no way he really wanted to be dragged down by a kid with so many siblings. "You're so nice to me, I'm sorry every time we meet up or write, all I can talk about is the kids," he said with a sigh.

 

[Zerrin Fergusson]

Zerrin chuckled, wrapping his arms around Eloi and playing with the boys hair. "Hey, don't worry about it. I talk about my siblings all the time, too. I just have extra support at home, so I can get away more." He hummed. "I can understand how overwhelming it must be. But I've got you, it's alright. We'll figure this out."

 

[Eloi Kristiansen]

Eloi leaned into the touch, leaned into him, and sighed softly. Part of him was so grateful for him, for him wanting to help out. For providing him with the support he had needed. He was and had been for a while just truly overwhelmed, and only now with the help of his family was it easing. "Tell me about school," he asked.

 

[Zerrin Fergusson]

Zerrin hummed at the question. "Well, it's been a little stressful, honestly. Being the head boy is a little... overwhelming for me, but it's entirely my fault. I just want to have this really good speech, you know? My siblings are bound to read it in the yearbooks eventually. I just want it to be something they can be proud of," He sighed. "I'm probably just, I don't know... I guess I just feel like the outsider sometimes and I'm trying to earn my place." He admitted, voice soft. It had been more than Fraser had asked, and Zerrin was a little embarrased to realize he had teared up a little. He reached up and swiped at his face in what he hoped was a subtle movement.

 

[Eloi Kristiansen]

Eloi hadn't thought about how stressful it would be to have to speak in front of people, or to have to write something which was the summation of a time at school. Eloi looked up at him, and with a nervous hand reached up to also swipe at Zerrin's face. "You know, I'm going to bet that they'll be proud regardless," he assured him. "I'm sorry you still feel like you have to earn your place, I'm sure that you have really,"

 

[Zerrin Fergusson]

Zerrin nearly jumped out of his skin when Eloi touched him. He let out a slightly embarrassed laugh, and in an effort to shift attention he leant down to press a kiss to the boys forehead. "Sorry, but I do believe we were talking about your stressed out state," He sat up a bit, smiling and brushing Eloi's hair back again. "You should take a nap, you know. I've got you."

 

[Eloi Kristiansen]

Eloi got the impression that Zerrin wanted to change the subject. "Hey, I've always got space for your stresses," he said with a little smile, hoping that it wasn't too forward, or didn't make Zerrin feel like he was just saying it. He knew he had his own stresses and wanted to also be the guy who helped with them.

 

[Zerrin Fergusson]

-godmod approved-

Zerrin's heart skipped a beat. It was something he'd heard before, from family, but he'd always felt like they were obligated to say that sort of thing. He was quiet a moment, just looking at Eloi. He studied the boy- his soft, chestnut hair, the gentle curves of his cheeks, before his eyes fell to Eloi's lips. Acting on a sudden impulse, Zerrin leant in and kissed Eloi, cupping his face between his hands. Realizing what he'd done, Zerrin froze- perhaps in a bad position, as he didn't move away at all.

 

[Eloi Kristiansen]

Eloi wasn't sure what was happening until it then happened. Zerrin had leant down and kissed him. He froze for a moment, as it seemed that Zerrin did too, before his brain seemingly caught up and he pulled him back in and kissed him back.

 

[Zerrin Fergusson]

Zerrin lingered a bit in the kiss, before eventually breaking away. He stayed close, not opening his eyes and just trying to savor the moment. "So, um..." He swallowed hard, his hands tightening a little on Eloi's face. "That happened," He offered shyly. He was already doubting himself. Had they really just kissed? Maybe Eloi hadn't kissed him back and it had all been in his head?