Hold My Hand, It's Not Weird

Leopold Cohen · Jun 14, 2017

INTRODUCTION

Leopold Cohen has been hired to ward a mansion for an elderly, upper-class couple who appear to have double-booked him with another warder, Mikael Ramsey.

Setting: Great Britain

Tenile Bryce as Mikael Ramsey
Kelsey Stanbrook as Leopold Cohen

Leo squinted at the man opposite him, clearly displeased with the current turn of events. 'I figured the old place'd be too big for one man on the job, you see. Hope you don't mind, he's a nice young man, just like you!'. Sod off. If you were going to ward with a partner (or, even rarer, as a group) then you had to be in sync. Were he able to make the comparison, Leo would have likened it to Jaeger pilots from Pacific Rim. Still, the payload would be worth it if he could pull it off; this guy wouldn't have a part in it, if he could help it. Leopold worked alone.

Mikael smiled politely, though anyone that knew him would know that he was rather annoyed at this turn of events. He was not used to working in pairs - though he wasn't against the idea - he had only literally just met this man. It was completely inappropriate for one to think that this would go perfectly. The best he would be able to do is try and work with a complete stranger, and not destroy the house.
"Yes, thank you," he replied quietly, trying to get his new employer to leave before he just ruined Mikael's mood further. Turning to his current partner as their employer left, he held out his hand to try and make this seem somewhat official.
"Mikael Ramsey. Good to meet you - wish it were under far different circumstances, however."

Leopold grunted in agreement before remembering his manners. "Leo Cohen," he obliged, shaking his hand quickly before stuffing it in his jeans pocket again. He decided to get straight to the point now that the 'niceties' were out of the way.
"I'm not sure what your plans are now, but I intend to finish this job and I'm going to do it the way I originally planned; alone. If you want, I'll compensate you for time lost," he added, not entirely gracious.

Mikael's eyebrow rose. "Mister Cohen, I've been brought here to do a job. I intend on doing it, and I also intend on not stepping on your toes in the process. The property is very large, and not only would it take several hours more to do it by one's self, it would also be very difficult. I don't mean to question your abilities, I'm sure you could get it done, but I suspect that our employer has hired two warders so the job is done quickly. Even if he clearly has no understanding of the details involved. The issue stands: our employer wants this done quickly and correctly. We can stand and argue about who does what and who compensates - or we can try and work together. I think it's possible, if we both try. The worst thing that happens is some fool's house goes up in smoke."

Leo couldn't help but glare. "That is the worst case scenario, and you can be damned sure I won't risk it! I've never lost a house once, not in nine years. If it takes several hours more then I'll bill him for that, too, but we'd bring the place down around our ears if we tried tangling our wards together!"

Mikael's arms folded across his chest, not planning on backing down. "I too, have never lost a house. I think it's possible to be done, if we take the time to step around each other and be careful. There is risk, but that is life. Besides, it would be rather good training for both of us."

Leo pressed his lips together, disliking the man intensely. He couldn't fault his logic, which made it worse, but he wouldn't back down. He supposed that he could respect that, since apparently they had the same designs on doing their own work, but it was going to be an uncomfortable and tense experience, working so closely with a stranger. They would have to collaborate constantly, and he wasn't sure that he could refrain from correcting technique or simply shooing him away when he was concentrating. Short of petrifying this 'Mikael', he'd just have to lump it. Eventually he sighed and relaxed his eyebrows a bit from their heavy scowl.
"Well, we're not splitting up and taking half the house each, that's for sure. Our magics will battle for dominance till the end of time ... so it's just a matter of picking where to start."

Mikael's face softened considerably once his stubborn side found no need to remain. Coming to a gentle smile, he turned to look at the house, looking for an appropriate place to start. It really was rather huge, and there would be a lot to do.

Leo sighed again. It seemed he was going to be doing so for most of the day. "Well normally I'd just say back of the house, but this place is a mansion. Backyard, furthest wing on the right and making our way west?"

Mikael found no fault - fortunately the house had clear boundaries in the way of stone walls and that would prevent them from missing anything. Rolling up the sleeves of his robes, he began walking toward the east of the house, hating it more with each step as it became apparent that the backyard was bigger than initially thought. Admittedly, it probably was a rather large project for one man, and he was rather grateful that his stubbornness had stopped him from just walking off. He'd have felt rather slack.
"Does this backyard ever end?" he said, shaking his head, though not quite speaking to Leo. It was more of a verbalised thought.

Leo had to agree; the further they walked, the more irritable he felt about the whole situation. "I'll admit, this would have been quite the job by oneself ... A team would have been much better for this overdone pile of bricks and mortar." The warder cursed under his breath.
"Don't clients do any research these days? Fast, he said. And then asked for blood wards against his sister!"

Mikael rolled his eyes, in utter agreement. "I know. You know, when he contacted, he said that this would be a 'routine operation' and 'quite simple' - it's so ridiculous, I'm almost laughing." He ran his hands through his hair.

"Ha," responded Leopold sardonically, then paused as he looked up (and up) into the windows of the west wing. "Look, I'll be honest, I haven't done tandem work since my apprenticeship days, and that was just hand-holding so I didn't fu- screw it up. Why don't we start on the bottom left window, let the wards mesh, and if we break the bugger then we repair it and try again?"

Mikael nodded. "The only person I've ever warded with was my brother. If you knew him, you'd realise why I'm rather optimistic about us being able to work together. You seem capable, and reasonable. Two things my brother never quite developed." Whilst he rarely rambled about his family, he was trying to grow comfortable with Leo, even if it meant throwing out information whenever it was plausible. Even the smallest amount could make this easier on them both. Withdrawing his wand, he agreed.
"Or we could just piss off and get a couple of drinks." He smiled, then cleared his throat, returning to professionalism. "But we're professionals."

Leo snorted despite himself. Maybe he didn't hate this man quite so much as he'd like to. "Merlin, this is going to be a long one ... Alright," he said, removing his wand from his pocket and rolling his shoulders and neck.
"On the count of three." On three, Leopold began casting on the bottom left hand corner of the window whilst making it clear that Mikael was to take the right. He didn't bother with his Ward Spectacles for their test-run, but he would feel the magic creeping like spiderwebs over the glass panes, sealing in a basic pest protection charm. Thirty seconds passed, and Leo ended up jumping when his magic touched Mikael's. It was rather intimate, for a wizard; unpleasantly so in his eyes. They were not family or comrades. Still, he refused to let it break his concentration, and forged ahead until he felt the boundaries of the glass window. This time Leo did remove his Spectacles from his shirt pocket, and when he set them on his nose and scrutinised their mixed work, he uttered a quiet exclamation.
"Well, would you look at that ..."

Mikael began on the window, working rather cautiously should any trouble occur within the first few moments. He wanted this to go well - mostly to get the job done quickly and not have to be standing around fixing windows until they finally found a rhythm to work with. He stared carefully at the window, the pit of his stomach feeling a little heavy as the hard stuff began - having their magic interact with each other. It lightened considerably, however, when the first few waves were over, and a rhythm and peace were seemingly reached, with the window seemingly not falling to harm. He blinked slightly, before dropping his glasses from his head to his nose, and grinning brightly. It was rather perfect. Blended well, yet distinct and neither one totally consuming the other.
"That is beautiful, if I do say so myself."

Leopold frowned as he watched the little ripples of magic flow in and around each other. "Yes, it is, but I think we have a problem. I don't know about you, but that took rather too long for a section about four by six feet. If we speed things up a bit, we're going to start overtaking each other and have the wards start fighting it out, but if we slow down then we'll be here for days. What do you suggest?"

Mikael put his glasses back up his head and stepped away, taking a quick measure of the house with his eyes. The house by itself would be a mission - let alone the entire property itself.
"We could take more windows, and slowly try to speed ourselves up. The more we work together, the easier it should become as long as neither of us snaps and goes crazy. Clearly we're already got some sort of affinity - I think it wouldn't be at all impossible for us to come to a point where we can work together and be faster. We can't split up, and we can't be here for days. I really, really don't want to be here any longer than absolutely necessary. I've never snapped at a client before, I'd rather like to keep it that way. Another option is getting a third party and hoping that they would blend well with what we've managed to achieve - but I don't think that would be wise."

Leo almost shuddered at the idea of trying to integrate with a third warder. "Well I can't promise you I won't snap, but I won't go crazy," he replied with a slight smile. He didn't like the idea of having an affinity with anyone, thank-you-very-much, but at least it was useful under these circumstances. He certainly agreed with not splitting up. The opposite would be much more useful ... A very good but exceedingly uncomfortable idea occurred to Leopold precisely at that moment. There was a great pause as he considered, wincing outwardly, what uttering it would mean for his pride, but damn his pride if it meant leaving the wretched manor sooner rather than later. With his third sigh of the day, Leo made a suggestion that began with a question.
"Look, do you remember your mentor holding your hand when you cast box-wards for the first time? Literally, I mean, so that they could feel what you were doing without interfering with your casting ..."

Mikael smiled back. He was a firm believer that if someone was joking, then they were workable. He doubted his magic would work with someone that didn't have a sense of humour - so Leo had to have some somewhere. He waited quietly, however, as the man seemed to be painfully considering something, and pursed his lips slowly as he tried to recall the days when he was learning the ins and outs of his current trade.
"Ah yes. He'd always go on about the blood of the palm meeting the blood of the heart and your 'magical inner core' - he was a little... odd. Perhaps slightly too old to be interacting with people, but he was right." Looking around for his employer (and so happy to find that he wasn't around - he didn't feel like trying to explain this) he stuck his hand out and waggled his fingers.
"If we're going to do this in a respectable amount of time without abandoning the project and killing our employer instead, we better get started now and see if this speeds up our progress."

Leo looked pained at the man's apparent enthusiasm, but he knew enough about Mikael now to know that he kept a stiff upper lip. He also knew that he'd be taking him up on his offer of a drink later, jest or no. The dark-haired warder took his hand like he was forging into battle with it, and lifted his eyes to the eaves of the house.
"I'm all for progress," he commented, evaluating their starting point, "So sod the windows, we're doing the lot in one hit. If you need a break, for God's sake let me know so that we can taper off instead of leaving it like a gun half-cocked."

Mikael nodded firmly, looking up at the house. "You're certainly ambitious. Okay then, if it becomes a little too overwhelming let's say a squeeze of the hand? My mentor used to say that he could 'feel my magic calling for pause', but let's try and not get too mystical here. I'm rather sure he was on something."

He couldn't help it. Leo laughed low in his throat at Mikael's description of his mentor. "What a kook. I did just mean the back wall, by the way. If we went for the roof and the sides, I think we'd expire, and believe you me when I tell you I am not dying holding anyone's hand."

"Don't you want to share the emotional journey of death, Mister Cohen?" Mikael teased, feeling slightly more comfortable with him.
"But seriously, I say we do the wall, take a short break to see how it sits and make sure nothing pops up with time, and then continue. I might cry if we get it all done only to have our magic break down after a few moments alone."

Leo made a face. "Don't make predictions. I'm not superstitious, but I might become so if we try this only to have the wards fall apart as soon as we stop touching- don't even mention the building itself." They'd been holding hands and just talking for a few minutes now, and the stoic man was alright starting to squirm inwardly, so he cleared his throat and raised his wand in his left hand.
"Alright, give us a count down."

Mikael shrugged, but respected his comfort and flourished his wand. "Okay, on three. One, two, three." Mikael, just as with the window, began casting on the upper corner of the wall, and beginning to slowly work his way downward. It was wiser to begin with the simple spells first, working their way up to the more complex of spells later when they were by far more comfortable. Whilst now feeling as if he were somewhat able to joke with his new partner, that didn't mean that their magic would hold the more complex they got. Leo's suggestion, however, was rather brilliant. The physical connection provided by their hands was helping him keep tabs on what Leo's magic was doing, and helping him shape his own before their magic even began interacting directly.

As much as he'd later avoid analysing it, the touch of their hands kept him anchored to the ebb and flow of the magics they performed. He'd never felt so powerful and in control, and they cast like maestros over the orchestral pit. Leo's Spectacles, which he'd also rested on his head like Mikael's after their first use, dropped down on his nose a few minutes after they started. He could admit a curiosity in seeing their wardwork take shape; it was astonishingly beautiful. Fifteen minutes earlier than he'd originally estimated for the back wall, Leo squeezed Mikael's hand without real thought, responding to his own need for rest before his mind had even caught up. Sweat dotted his upper brow, but it was light and cool on his skin. He felt himself smiling.
"Magnificent."

The squeeze of his hand pulled him back from his casting, and he slowly began to wrap up. The wall was complete, however, and Mikael took a deep breath in through his nose, and exhaled through his mouth to sober himself, before finally releasing Leo's hand and taking his glasses from his head to wear them. He admired their work, nodding rather proudly.
"I agree - your plan worked absolutely perfectly. But I really need some water- you feeling alright?"

Now taking the time to analyse it, he was feeling rather faint, but not in the exhausted way that he was used to. His left arm was sore (though thankfully not his right arm as well, this time), his feet hurt from standing so still and he was quite hot from sun slowly rising higher in the sky, but Leo could not put his finger on the part of him that was feeling the most drained.
"Yes, I think so," he said slowly, opening and closing his right hand a few times. "Water, yes. And I wouldn't mind a spot of lunch, too. Inside? Old Harps-A lot took off for the morning to the country club, or whatever, and said we could use the kitchen. Through the servants entrance, I might add. Who even specifies that, these days?"

Mikael blinked. "Servant's entrance," he repeated, slightly bemused. "How utterly posh. Considering we're currently warding the place, I'm curious to know what he thinks will stop us from ... say, using the front door? A window? Perhaps parachuting from the sky down a chimney?" He shook his head, having half the mind to ward the house with something that'd keep their delightful employer away.

Leo chuckled again, deep and thrumming. "It tempts one, it tempts one ... But no. Ramsey, you are putting very unprofessional thoughts in my head." Once said, words could not be retracted, but he could have gotten away with an Obliviate, he would have. Merlin's ballsack, why did one thing often sound like another? Best to ignore it and raid the pantry instead. Food always cheered him up. Despite finding the idea utterly condescending, he did lead them around to the servant's hall to pick up some food. Leo was in the mood for something simpler, and settled with half a round of bread, some sliced cheddar and a small bunch of grapes.

Mikael chuckled quietly, not taking pity on him. "We can get as unprofessional as you like, Mister Cohen. Later." He winked, laying it on thick, before his mind immediately went to the prospect of water when he realised how dry his tongue was and how wibbly everything appeared. Glaring at the arch framing the door of the servants entrance, he first went for the water and poured himself a generous glass and sitting on a large barrel filled with dead bodies for all he knew, and sipped, humming happily at finally being hydrated once more.

Oh, how Leo hoped to Mother Earth that he just meant the pub ... He watched his impromptu partner sip his water like fine wine and shook his head to himself, gulping from his own and picking at the food. He liked to eat, but he did tend to shred things before consuming them; a habit that had irritated his mother to no end.
"Ramsey, I'm quite impressed," said Leo idly as he swallowed a bite of cheese. "You're a skilled warder. Do you work in this area often?"

Mikael stood up on his barrel, looking for something to eat now in the higher shelves, simply because he was too lazy to get off his barrel, and wanted to rest from using his magic after their previous work. He paused in his rummaging to look back at Leo, however.
"Thank you, you're not so bad yourself. I'll be honest, I thought the worst as soon as I was told that I was expected to work with someone else. I'm pleasantly surprised. However, I dont usually work around here - I actually work a little more south, family homes, semi-detached, that kind of stuff. Rarely mansions like this. Yourself?"

Leo shook his head in agreement. "No mansions for me, either. I usually leave them for the teams, but for some reason this guy wanted me. Flattering, briefly, until you realise he was just trying to cheap out. Fat chance, he'll be paying through the nose for this job. I had to hold hands," he lamented, surprising himself by saying something for the sole purpose of making another individual laugh. Mikael was an interesting man, to have that effect on him.
"Anyway, I ward under my own license and business registration, so I'm not picky about jobs. Houses, businesses, bicycles, whatever."

Mikael snorted, before breaking into a short laugh. "Oh yes, the hand holding. Hardest part - special warder's charge for that in the fine print, I'm sure." He stretched a little higher, and finally found something interesting to nibble on.
"Ooooh! He has raisins!" He immediately reached out for them, and sat back down on his barrel with his water. A bag of chocolate chips was also beside him, and he happily began eating both.
"But I know what you mean - he was rather irresponsible for hiring two solo warders to do a job that, personally, I would've hired a proper team. Maybe four at the least, just to make it easier on them. I don't think he realises that if one of us sneezes wrong his entire house could just go and he'd come home to an impromptu pool."

"It would make it a very shitty pool," Leo growled, enjoying their mutual irritation with their employer. Still, he'd pay well (or be fined for skipping out on the bill; one way or another, Leo would get his money).
"I'll admit that having some support make things a bit easier. Working alone for nine years does take a toll on one's body."

Mikael sprinkled chocolate chips on his tongue happily, before eating them with an additional raisin. It probably would make a shitty pool - but no less shitter than their employer. If there was a charge he could think up with the department jumping down his throat, he certainly intended on doing it.
"I worked with my mentor properly for about three years, then worked a little by myself, but I did a lot of warding for my family and would often ward with them. They say it's easier with family but seriously, they're lying. The closeness makes it easier, but just because someone's your brother, it doesnt mean your magic is going to play nice. But I have worked with others before, which was why I wasnt totally against the idea of working with you - stranger or not - I haven't really hit any serious issues when working with someone else. It might just be me, maybe my magic's friendly."

Leo thought he was getting faintly ill from watching Mikael's rather improper lunch trickle down this throat, but when he stopped picking at his own food, he realised it was more.
"This is going to be a two day job," he said eventually, dragging the words out of his mouth like it was physically painful.
"I think I f****d up my power supply." He couldn't even be bothered censoring himself this time. Better put, Leo had gone into overdrive with his magic, borne on the thermals of excitement at a well-cast ward. He was sure he could keep going for another few hours, but without a good night's sleep and maybe a Pepper-Up, he'd start running on empty and then there would be proper long-term problems.

Mikael's nose crinkled at the thought of spending even more time here. It was a nice enough place, but he was by far more used to a slightly simpler lifestyle and the majority of his clientele was the same. He nodded, sipping more of his water before responding.
"You good to finish off the day or are we raiding the cellar for a little pick-me-up?"

Leopold sniggered, but it was hardly as energetic as it could have been. "Believe me, I don't want to spend another minute longer in this stupid castle, but it's either that or you finish the job alone (not preferable), or I burn out mid-ward and then there'll be nothing left but cellar." He finished the sentence looking thoughtful, and consumed the rest of his meal in due course.
"Actually, I wouldn't mind one more day to muck around with power-sharing as well. So long as the owner heads off to Toffs-R-Us again, it shouldn't be too hellish."

Mikael finished off the chocolate chips and pocketed the raisins. "Don't worry, I already thought about that. He and his missus were thinking about sticking around to make sure we did our jobs and didn't, you know, ransack their house. I told them that, whilst wards are being placed, it's best the entire property be empty until it's finished." His smile grew slightly.
"I may have made it seem like they'd need to be gone a couple days to let the spells set. I don't think he'll be back tomorrow - and if he is, it'll be a very short visit indeed."

Leo stood very slowly and seriously, and approached Mikael. The brunette warder clapped him on the shoulder and nodded.
"You are now my friend," he said, then jerked his head towards the door and headed out to begin again.

The feeling that this was some sort of honour wasn't easily shaken, as Mikael's new partner in warding didn't seem like the type to just make friends willy-nilly. In fact, he came off as a complete loner, which seemed rather boring. He hopped off of his barrel and opened the door, kicking it backwards a little as he passed to have it still swing for Leo, and put his glasses back on his nose.
"If we're lucky, we can get a couple more hours in before the sun goes and the pubs put their prices up!" He withdrew his wand from his sleeve.

Mikael Ramsey · Jun 14, 2017

THE PUB

The two men, starting to become unlikely friends, unwind at a bar after a hard day warding.

By the end of those few hours, Leo was ready to intentionally collapse the monstrosity, and Mikael had to convince him not to add a door-to-door salesmen lure into the wardworks. Fortunately it was a short walk to the local inn, no need even to apparate, and Leo slammed himself onto a stool and growled "Vodka Tonic" at the barman.

Mikael dropped himself beside Leo, resting his elbows on the counter and his chin in his palms. "Scotch, please," he ordered, his fingers now raking through his hair. His drink was delivered, and he ignored it for a moment, instead picking at a little basket of pretzels.
"Now that I think of it, maybe we could just go muggle and plant old milk in the air vents," he mused in between pretzels. "If we go magic, he'll just hire some other poor soul to fix it. No one ever thinks to check the air vents for bad milk."

"You have siblings, don't you," said Leo to Mikael, smiling wryly as he accepted his drink and took a long swig. "No, it'd be obvious that it was us. Well, unless that servant's entrance is actually used for servants, then we could blame it on them. They're probably just as thoughtless with their staff as they are with hired labour."

Mikael nodded. "I have four brothers, two older than me, and a younger sister," he explained, He was no stranger to having to prank older brothers, and tease younger siblings.
"With a house that big and personalities like theirs ... do you see them cleaning their own pool? It could host the Olympic swimming events. Nah, they definitely have help." He finally took a swig of his drink, finding that it already began to make him feel better. He savoured the taste for a moment, before stuffing more pretzels into his mouth.
"You got any brothers or sisters?"

"No, only child." replied Leo, eyeing his drink. Was that muggle vodka? Eugh. He should have specified. Ever since he'd tried the wizard variety, he'd developed a taste for it. "I don't s'pose it would have made much difference, personality-wise. I'm a bit of a grump," he said matter-of-factly. It was true, and it wasn't like he was ashamed of it. His mother was a good woman and had done her best by him, but he'd never been very social or forthcoming. The idea of having whiny sisters and bullying brothers didn't appeal to him, but imagining the sort of pranks they would have pulled on him gave him an idea. A dark grin spread over Leo's face, and he turned it towards Mikael.
"We should dye the pool. Keep it blue, and let them come out looking like grindylows."

The concept of being an only child had crossed Mikael's mind during his years, when being one of six was just too frustrating. But now, that he had his own life and so much family to go to if he needed it, he was very grateful for his siblings. Even if on most occasions they were hard to live with. He didn't have to live with them anymore! He grinned, however, when Leo suggested his own idea.
"Nice, very classic. You sure you haven't done this before?" He finished the pretzels and leant over to take another basket to eat that, too.

"I have an active imagination," Leo nodded regally, taking another sip of vodka. He was feeling the burn; the bread and cheese earlier in the day hadn't gone far.
"Woah, slow down there champ," he teased Mikael stone-facedly, "They're not going to replace the pretzels if you start inhaling them ... and I know you still have raisins."

Mikael didn't stop eating the pretzels even after he was brought up on it. To say he had an unhealthy method of eating was being kind. Rather than having proper meals like the rest of society, the man preferred to nibble on everything he found throughout the day whenever the mood struck him. Such as now. Being reminded of his raisins, however, he snapped his fingers.
"That's right! I completely forgot about them." Without missing a beat, he pulled them out and began throwing some into his mouth with the pretzels.
"Okay, so sticking dye in the water, may or may not put milk in the vents ... maybe we could clog a drain just for fun. Stick enough toilet paper anywhere and you've got yourself a messy disaster."

Leo chuckled like the grumble of a bear. "Now we're just being juvenile. Where'd you get that from, your kids? Hm ... got any?"

Mikael rolled his eyes, before shaking his head. "Nah, no kids, no wife, no husband, just a dog. Right now that's all I need - I'm only twenty-seven, I've got a long way to go before I start seriously thinking about children. I'm just naturally juvenile"

Leo shrugged. "My aunt had four before she was twenty-eight. Doesn't stop some people. I dunno ... being an only child makes me wonder if I'll ever want any. S'pose you gotta want a partner before you want kids. Working on it," he said. "Wanting one, I mean. Working on trying to want one." He watched the bubbles pop in his tonic.
"I mean, what else have I got to do when I'm too old to work anymore?"

Mikael paused his eating of his pretzels and raisins, and sipped more of his scotch. "Well, my mother was my age when she first had my older brother. It's all about perspective, I guess. She's been trying to marry us off - my siblings and I - for years. Finally succeeded with my brother, to some broad he doesn't even know." He shuddered at the thought of receiving the same treatment.
"So, I'm looking to marry at least someone eventually, otherwise I'm probably going to be a victim of my mother's match-making. As for you, though, you could just bachelor around for the rest of your life. Save some cash, go see the world or something. Swim with dolphins, climb Mt Everest, feed a capuchin monkey - I don't know. You got dreams or something?"

At that, Leo looked a bit uncomfortable. It was a bit of a conversation killer to say that you didn't have dreams, but he couldn't think of a single thing he wanted to do with himself. After his business took off, it was work and more work, and he kept on working when most people had holidays. On days when he was sick or just couldn't be bothered, he read the newspaper, had coffee, sat in his garden and reworked his own wards for the thousandth time.
"Well, I wouldn't mind building a house," he said slowly, thinking whilst talking. "Do it from scratch; hand mix the cement and wall facings, cut the shingles, that sort of thing." That would take a good number of years ... but what else?
"I should probably go to one of those match-making things one day. Find someone who won't piss me off and who won't get pissed off by me, occasionally want a shag, maybe likes yard work."

Mikael couldn't help but think that Leo really needed to get out more, and perhaps have a proper holiday, or work less, or something.
"Building a house's cool, good bonding and stuff. I'm not much of a builder though - I only kind of try to fix poop that breaks in my unit, and I build a kennel for Caramel - my dog - but I nearly nailed my hand to the wood in the process. I can't really say much on the match-making things, though - it sounds a little too much like my mum, for me. I'm willing to just stumble upon 'the one', or if I get really desperate work something out with a friend and marry them to get my mum off my back." He was mostly joking. Sort of. Now spoken, the idea didnt seem half-bad, really. He ate more pretzels.
"Anyone, like I said, no rush. You've got plenty of time to search about - maybe a holiday's what you need."

Marrying a friend didn't sound half bad; if only he had any friends. Well, Mikael was a friend, but that didn't count."A holiday? Where the heck would I go?" he said, furrowing his brow. His vodka had disappeared quite quickly, and he waved his hand for another.
"It'd probably only be worth doing with someone else, because I couldn't really care less about old buildings or sacred mountains or whatever, but I could enjoy it vicariously through someone else. Seeing someone else getting excited about random poop is nice."

Mikael shrugged, and had now finished his raisins. He leant across the bar when the bartender wasn't looking, and tossed the scrunched packaging in the bin, before sitting back down.
"I have no idea where you'd go - you know a language? Want to learn a language? Travelling's easy if you've got the money - just go find poop. Hop on a train, take a nap, and get off at a random stop. Wing it. Drag a stranger along if you want, I don't know. I've been thinking about doing the um ... ah yeah, the pilgrimage from France to Spain, because that looks pretty cool."

Leo shook his head. He only knew two languages; English and bad English. He'd never intended to travel in his life.
"I don't know," he said, looking a little gloomy. "It'd just be a waste of time. You should probably only travel if you actually give a poop and want to see other places; I never have." Maybe he and Mikael wouldn't be particular friends, after all. He wouldn't mind having a pub buddy to shoot the poop with, but this kid (wasn't a kid. Was his age. Probably.) actually had a life, and interests. They were different; but then, he always was.
"So ..." he trailed off, swirling the second tumbler of vodka. Perhaps it was making him maudlin, but he was supposedly a friendly drunk. "So you're a native, huh? Where'd you go to school?"

It wasn't everyone's cup of tea, travel. Once he was done traversing France and Spain with an oversized bag, Mikael himself had nothing left to do but sit around and be bored. The only one that would be happy with that would be Caramel, who would probably be lavished with cuddles out of sheer boredom. He got another drink, and more pretzels to nibble on.
"I am, never actually left except to go to Germany for like, a week, and that was mostly being dragged by my ears. I'm a terrible traveller. Anyway, I went to Hogwarts Scotland. Yourself?"

Leo perked up a bit and smiled at the mention of his old school. "Hogwarts, but New Zealand. What year did you graduate?"

Mikael pursed his lips slowly. "Twenty thirty. What house were you in?"

Leo actually grinned a little mischievously. "Guess. I'll try to guess yours."

Mikael folded his arms across his chest. "Okay then. You seem pretty practical - Hufflepuff?"

Leo snorted a little. "Nope. I'm going to say you were a ... Gryffindor?"

Mikael shook his head. "Wrong. Let's see... how about... Gryffindor, yourself?"

"poop," said Leo when he guessed incorrectly. "Wrong again, by the way. Alright, give a man a break, which were you in? I would've bet good money on Gryffindor, and lost spectacularly."

Mikael grinned, and sipped his drink happily at being right. He greatly enjoyed the feeling. "I was a Slytherin, though I was really close to being a Ravenclaw. Not sure why I was going to be placed in either, really. I can be pretty flighty, so maybe Ravenclaw there, but I don't think I'm all that cunning, for Slytherin." He shrugged, and ate more pretzels.
"Doesn't matter anyway, really. I was born late in the year, and to be honest I really didn't talk to that many people in school. I was really shy."

Leo's eyebrows disappeared into his hairline. "A Slytherin? poop, never would have guessed. Guess we had that in common, though, being in Slytherin- and being shy. Well, mum said it was shyness, I just don't think I liked anyone." He grinned again, looking away.
"Never really grew out of that." A third drink, now, and he was just on the nice side of tipsy before being drunk. Leo was tired as hell and pissed off at his employer, but he was managing to have fun anyway. He really did like this Mikael; just a shame that he'd not much to offer as a friend.
"By the way, the zero out of four guesses isn't much to brag about," he told Mikael with a raised eyebrow.

Mikael nodded. "Yeah. I was this weedy little kid, barely spoke too words, and my brothers gave me so much poop." He finished off more pretzels, and got up out of his chair to rescue some more from the other side of the bar, before returning just in time to catch the rest of Leo's sentence.
"Eh, liking people's overrated anyway. Thats why I have a dog. She's happy if I give her food and let her sit on the lounge when it rains." He finished the last of his drink, and decided for water for his next, instead.
"And hey, better than where you were going. Ill take a win wherever it should come."

Leo smiled, picturing Mikael with his puppy. Cute. "Should get a pet. I reckon I'd get along better with a dog than I would with half the people I meet on a daily basis. Where'd you get your girl from?"

Mikael believed that everyone needed a pet, even if it wasn't necessarily a dog. He'd have considered a cat, or a couple of mice or something, but dogs were just a little more cuddly and workable for him.
"I was actually breaking some wards from this rundown building - it was a f*****g danger to society, I'm not even joking. Anyway, halfway through I heard a little whimper, and there was a little chestnut coloured puppy with adorable eyes, and I was kind of melting a little into a massive blob of goo so I finished my work and took her in. She's three now."

Too cute. Leo's face didn't change but his heart melted a little at the idea of finding a little lost stray to take home."If I built that house I was thinking about, I might get some property and ranch horses. That wouldn't be too bad." Beautiful beasts, horses.
"I'd try taming unicorns if I thought it'd work. Actually, thestrals wouldn't be a bad idea ..."

Mikael nodded slowly. Unicorns didn't tend to like adults, especially males. Thestrals, on the other hand, were more flexible.
"Don't see why not. I, personally, couldn't because I can't see them. When I was in Care of Magical Creatures it was really frustrating to learn about them, but have no chance of seeing them. I guess, considering the requirements, I'm okay with not seeing them just yet."

"Mm," Leo responded a bit more soberly. "It was only a fluke that I'm able to see them. Could have done without seeing it, but thestrals are lovely beasts. Not much to look at, but very friendly if you've got a slab of meat in your hands." His next gulp of vodka was a bit big.
"Suppose I should call it in for the night. Nothing else to do but sleep before the last of 'Riddle House' has to be warded." He wrinkled his nose.

Mikael shook his head at the story, agreeing, before outright cringing when he was reminded of tomorrow. He gulped down what was left of his water, quickly shoved the rest of the pretzels into his mouth, before crunching them and swallowing them slightly uncomfortably.
"I still think the milk, clogged toilet, and pool dye is the way to go. Because, whilst I'm going to charge the poop out of him, I want something more ... lasting!"

Leo hummed in thought. "I'm vetoing the toilets; you don't mess with a man's plumbing, that's just cruel. Getting into the vent will be a pain in the arse, but the pool's a long con because they might not use it for months till it warms up, and by that point we'll be long gone."

"You're a party-pooper, you know that?" He grinned, however, and spun around on his stool to lean against the bar. "Okay, the pool it is. It'll be a shame that we won't see it though, but I'm not planning to stick around to see them use it."

Leo smirked evilly. "I'll take many great nights of pleasure thinking about their blueberry faces after they take a swim one summer evening; and can't cover it up with long clothes. Hey, you right to get home? I don't know if you went public Floo or anything, but I think they're closed at this hour."

Mikael looked around for a clock, and found one above the bar. "Well poop." He wasn't getting home, unless he wanted to take the night bus, which was a rather horrifying thought. He'd seen that thing in action, and wasn't really itching to have his face flattened up against glass.
"Hmm ... you know of any that are open later? Taking the Night Bus is seriously the most horrifying thought right now. Like I said - terrible traveller. Apparating and flooing are bad enough." He laughed weakly, already resigning to travel by horrible bus.

"No, mate," said Leo apologetically. He wouldn't wish public wizarding transport on any man. "Can't think of a thing. How far away are you? Apparating at night's a bit poop, but you might be able to do it if you know your house by coordinates."

Mikael was cursing, but it was Night Bus, or apparating, and to him one was infinitely better than the other. He rubbed his hands together.
"I roughly know where my house is. If I rock up to work tomorrow with an arm missing, we know what happened. You good to get yourself home?"

Leo scowled at him. "Sod that, I'm not holding your wand hand. Alright, nothing for it," he said, groaning like a old man as he got off his stool and slapped a couple of sickles down for their drinks. "Come on. I've got a couch."

"Gee, Leo. Hold my hand, come drinking with me, now taking me home. What would my mother say?" He stood up from his stool finally, and stretched as if he was tired - which he was. As soon as he located this mystical couch, he was crashing on it and no waking up until he absolutely had to. His mischievous grin sobered into a genuine, thankful smile.
"Thanks, by the way. You're being pretty damned generous taking the poop I'm throwing at you all in stride, and then offering me a place to crash. You sure you hate people? 'Cause I'm a person, in case you mistook me for an abnormally tall monkey."

"You're not getting a goodnight kiss," he groused as he led Mikael out the door. "And if you use my toothbrush instead of transfiguring yourself one, I will find you." Anyway, he didn't hate people, he just found communication difficult and didn't require their presence. Mikael made talking easier though, somehow. He was a restful presence. Leo didn't feel the need to censor himself in any way.
"I was going to say, it's a short walk from here. Couple of blocks. You can have a cup of tea or something while I put some fresh sheets on the bed." Because of course Leo would be taking the couch, not Mikael; what kind of ill-mannered **** forced a guest to sleep on furniture? His Mama had taught him better than that.

Mikael followed along. "Oh well, I suppose I've got to keep my honour, and don't worry, I promise I won't use your toothbrush." Now outside, the fresh air was making him want to get back inside. Fresh, chilled air was all well and good, but it was hardly something that made him want to sleep.
"The bed? Oh, no - don't put yourself out. I'll take the couch. I broke my bed like, a month ago, I'm used to couches."

Leo looked at him like he's just suggested that he s*****d melons for kicks. "I'll take the couch." Their walk went quickly as they chatted (and bickered good-naturedly) about various things, and soon they'd arrived at Leo's cottage. It was actually rather picturesque; two bedrooms, one being used as a workshop for his warding equipment and various other unimportant hobbies, and the other with his king single plus patchwork quilt that Mama Cohen had made. Other than that, it was truly a bachelor pad. The vines growing up the windows were starting to creep into the house, and a worn trail was starting to grow on the floor from the kitchen table, the bedroom and the loo, as if he'd never deviated from his routine by one step for many years. This was just about true.
"I'll admit to being curious as to how you broke your bed," Leo commented as he opened the door for Mikael and lit the lamps with a wave of his wand.

Mikael tugged on a piece of vine that was creeping along the doorframe. "I wish it was an awesome story," he commented, wandering into the house and having a look around.
"Caramel and I were just lurking around the house and I thought I saw a huge spider. I'm arachnophobic. Anyway, I seriously flipped the f**k out, and me freaking out was freaking her out and her freaking out was freaking me out. The 'spider' was on my bed, and so I kind of ... well ... I reductoed it." He was the colour of tomatoes.
"I also have a hole in my floor that I'm getting around to fixing - eventually. Anyway, turns out it wasn't a spider. It was just a shirt with like, little tassels on it that looked a lot like legs."

Leo gave a great bellowing laugh, rarely heard, that echoed through the warm cottage. "Talk about overkill!" he said when he'd stopped laughing long enough to use his words, and he continued chuckling for some minutes afterwards as he directed Mikael to the bathroom and kitchen to use if he so pleased. The sheets came out of the linen closet and he changed them neatly with his wand before slapping the pillow with finality and heading out to see Mikael.
"Well, sleep whenever you want to. I'll crash straight away; apologies for snoring."

Mikael glared, though he wasn't seriously offended. He knew he reacted like a f******g crazy person. "Shut up! It was huge." He removed his glasses, and put them on the mattress, along with his wand.
"Ah, and no worries. I'm planning to just brush my teeth and sleep. I don't think I snore, but you'd have to be worse than a construction site to bug me. Try not to bend your neck out on your couch, Leo. Night!"

Leopold Cohen · Jun 15, 2017

SECOND DAY AT THE MANSION

Leo and Mikael return to [Mr and Mrs Bastard's] to complete their contract and make a bit of mischief.

In the morning Leopold was in a t-shirt and boxer-briefs, belly down on the sofa, head in the pillows and snoring quietly when Mikael exited the bedroom. He wasn't likely to stir until his guest said anything. One of Leo's vices; sleeping heavily.

Mikael was up bright and early, which rather sucked. He hated being up and awake in someone else's house, he always felt like some kind of intruder. He stayed hauled up in bed for as long as possible, before getting out and stealing Leo's shower. He routinely poked his head into the lounge room, mentally willing him to wake up on his own, because he really didn't want to wake him up just in case he was a grumpy morning person, but time was running short and if he wanted Leo to have a chance to do whatever his morning routine required, he had to at least try and get him up now. Dressed in what he wore yesterday, he wandered back into the lounge room and poked Leo's back several times.
"Rise and shine, Leo, it's morning. We've got an hour and a half before we've got to get going."

Leo made a noise somewhere between a grunt and a groan and looked at Mikael with one striking hazel eye. "Mmph. How long did you say?"

Mikael blinked. "Hour and a half."

Leopold slid off the sofa like a half-set jelly and slumped off to the shower without another word. He'd be feeling more like himself after a wash and a coffee or ten. By the time he sat down at the breakfast table with his hair dripping onto his shoulders and nothing but a towel wrapped around his hips, he realised that his normal morning routine probably wasn't going to cut it while Mikael was around. Clothes were optional when you lived alone and had no friends.
"Sorry," he mumbled around a bite of toast, blinking slowly like a jungle sloth. "M'put something on when I remember how to breathe."

Mikael found the tired Leo amusing, and picked at the vines that creeped through the kitchen window curiously. He gave him a flippant hand-wave.
"No worries. Your house, after all. Just try not to choke to death and we're good." Mikael, for breakfast, had water seeing as he didn't want to go rummaging through Leo's house when he was sleeping, and now that he was awake felt that he could just nibble on something from what'shisface's pantry again.

Leo looked cross all of a sudden. "No wonder you're so skinny. Goddamn son, have what you like. I've got plenty of snack foods, but you gotta eat before this last run. It's the blood wards next, and they're going to be a killer."

"Honestly, I'm fine. I've done blood wards on less than what I ate last time," he insisted. "I'll just nibble something after we're done, or maybe before if I get the sudden urge to eat."

Leo glared at him.

Mikael sank further into his seat. "Okay. If it'll stop you from glaring at me like that, I'll have something. What've you got? Crackers?"

"Yep," replied Leo, relaxing his glare. The warder abandoned his plate in favour of fetching said wheat crackers for Mikael, which he plonked in his lap unceremoniously before disappearing to get changed. Half an hour later, the two of them were ready and collaborating over techniques before they started their walk.
"I'm still in two minds about warding the groundskeeper's shed," said Leo, tapping their rough sketch of the property.
"'Cause there's no way he's gonna pay us for them, but if something happens to it later on down the track we're going to have the devil on our backs. Problem is, extending the wards far enough to cover it will double the cost of the whole job, which will have him in a tizzy, but doing a small separate one's going to come up as a second side job that we have to record; equally poop-stirring."

Mikael ate half of the crackers, and pocketed the rest for later, munching on them as they settled their game plan. He scratched his chin in thought, trying to come up with a solution that didn't involve just blowing up the shed and pretending it didn't exist.
"Hm ... what would could do is stretch them regardless, and just spill the cost over to other reasons so that when he gets his bill he'll have a harder time nit-picking at it. Or, we could just tell him to stick it and accept the cost, or we threaten to remove the ward. It can't just be removed like that, sure, but he wouldn't know that."

Leo blinked, then shrugged. "Either works for me!" he announced, throwing his satchel over his shoulder. "F**k him. As long as I get paid for this bullshit, we'll just go with what works when we draft the bill. Let's roll."

Mikael agreed. He really didn't care how he got his money, as long as he got it he was happy, even if he had to invent costs to ensure they were appropriately paid.
"You've got my vote." As expected, the property was once again left alone with just the two of them anywhere near the structure, which made warding much easier (and hand-holding slightly less awkward). Fortunately, the sun was not as harsh as yesterday, but still made Mikael conjure a hat to put on his head as they extended wards out to the edges of the property after covering the house. The most ridiculous one (in his eyes) of all was up next - blood wards against the owner's sister. Why he'd need a blood ward to keep her away, Mikael wasn't sure - if he was his brother he couldn't be paid to come here. Having had a couple of glasses of water, and the occasional nibble at his crackers, Mikael was rather prepared to start. He shrugged at Leo.
"You ready?"

Leo simply put out his hand in response and raised his wand with his left. He had the same silly determined look on his face as he did last time, like holding hands was a trial that he would get through with dignity.

Mikael rolled his eyes, and grabbed his hand. "If it makes you feel better, how about we swear not to mention the hand holding to our employer, hm?"

Leo whipped his head around and stared at him piercingly. "What the hell, you were going to mention it in the first place?"

Mikael shrugged. "Well, I wouldn't have started the next conversation with it, but we're just two grown men, doing a job, and it happens to involve hand-holding. It could've happened to anyone. The more you look into it, the weirder it gets, so I'm just keeping it as normal and natural as I possibly can."

Leo's face folded strangely, and he looked faintly ill before it became apparent that he was trying desperately hard not to laugh.
"Okay," he said in a high voice, choking back cackles. "Okay we can- BBBBBFFFTTT-" This was the stupidest f*****g thing he'd ever done. Letting go of Mikael's hand, the twenty-seven year old business owner collapsed onto his backside on the grass and laughed till he cried.

The laugh was pretty damned infectious, and Mikael found himself desperately trying not to shake his organs out of their natural spots by trying to keep his laughter down. He had never laughed so much on a job he hated - it brought mixed feelings as to whether he hated being here, or liked it. Standing over him, using his knees to support himself, he eventually managed to stick his hand out.
"Leo, we've got to ward this f*****g house," he wheezed. "And dye the pool, and then raid the pantry and then bill the poop out of them. No more laughing!" Like that was going to happen. Mikael broke into another short burst.

He'd only just gotten his breath back when Mikael reminded him of the poop they were gonna pull after they did their jobs, and he was off again, laughing in great rumbles that echoed all throughout the hilly fields behind the house.
"Oh Merlin's nutsack," he hiccupped eventually, wiping his eyes. "This is ridiculous. Okay, okay, I promise I won't laugh anymore, or paint our fingernails after we hand in our man cards later." He took Mikael's hand up and stayed clasping it for the sake of convenience, before looking to his fellow tradesman for confirmation.

Mikael took a sobering breath before retrieving his wand once more, just to make sure he didn't accidently cast something. Now with his mind focusing back to the task at hand, he squeezed Leo's hand slightly to make sure he was on the same page as him.
"Okay, blood ward for the sister. On three." As soon as he rang out the numbers and reached three, Mikael began working with the first layer of the spell, ever mindful of the magic coming from his current partner.

That was kind of sweet, the squeeze, though he'd rather take the draught of living death than admit that to anyone. He hadn't felt so close to another human being in a very long time, so why did it have to be this half-baked blondie? Well, at least he warded well. Now that they were working again, Leopold was all business. They cast until their arms ached, and then they cast some more, trading nudges with fingers to bring attention to areas of weakness or to strengthen the wards at vulnerable openings. The sun was at his highest point when they were finally finished, and this time it marked the conclusion of the entire job. Panting like he'd run a race, Leo forgot to let go of Mikael's hand when they were done, and just bent over to catch his breath with his fingers still entwined with the other man's.

Mikael pulled his glasses down to quickly check over their work now that they had finished. Nothing was criss-crossing with anything, nothing was breaking apart, the wards all knitted together perfectly. He moved to stretch, thus realising that he was still holding Leo's hand. Itd slipped his mind, seeing as he had been holding it for hours now. It just felt like another work habit. He carefully slipped his hand out of Leo's, and patted his back in an attempt to help him catch that air. He reached for one of the water bottles he had brought out, and began drinking from it like he hadn't had water in years.
"Holy poop. We're finally finished." He dropped his bottle, and began relieving himself of his shoes. "I'm going to test out that pool before we dye it, just a heads up." He was way too hot and bothered to not take advantage of that glistening beauty.

Wiping his forehead, Leo was about to protest at the use of the client's pool before sighing and giving in. He was sweating like a pig in heat, and the water looked so damn nice (and wouldn't be as nice ever again, if they had anything to do with it) that he was sorely tempted.
"You're nuts," Leo told him as he wandered over to the poolside to peer down into the water from the edge. "Have fun."

"I f*****g will!" Mikael hummed, already removing most of his robes until he was just in his briefs, before holding his nose like a five year old and cannon-balling in. He resurfaced a moment later, blinking hard and wiping water from his face. He sighed blissfully. "It's so niiiiiiice."

Leo slowly raised his eyebrows again as his friend shucked everything off. Maybe not as skinny as I thought. He scowled spectacularly when he was splashed, but goddamn the water felt good. The brunette warder sighed and sat just near to the edge, letting his heels touch the surface of the pool. "I hope you're not going to be long, I'm gonna get bored."

"You could, oh I don't know, come in if you think you'll be bored," Mikael retorted, holding his nose once more and diving under to swim over to the deeper end, before swimming back up.
"I haven't been swimming in years. I need to get a pool, some day. But first, probably need to fix my bed and bedroom floor. It's kind of a health issue, I think." He swam to the side, and rested his arms there so he could look up at Leo.
"Come on, the water's great, and D!ckhead won't be back for an hour at least."

"Can't swim," Leo told him, shrugging.

Mikael nodded slowly, before tilting his head towards the shallow end. "There's a shallow end, I bet you could stand up in it, or at least hold the side. Hell, put a bubble charm on you and being able to swim won't even matter!"

He sighed. "You're not going to let up until I'm good and wet are you?". He let the innuendo stand with a perfectly straight face. He'd never exactly been a good man, and discomfiting people secretly amused him more than he'd ever say. Leo figured a dip wouldn't be so bad, so long as he didn't go past his waist. This pool was freakishly big. Sliding far away from the water's edge before standing, Leo undressed slowly and thoughtfully as he considered what it would be to step into a pool for the first time since he was a very young child. He'd ignored the lake at Hogwarts and his mother never bothered with muggle school before twelve years old; she'd taught him herself. Down to his smalls, now, the warder headed to the shallow steps and held the edge as he stepped in at a snail's pace. Thigh-high would do for now. If he sat, the water came up to his chest. Leo sighed once more, but it was a good sigh as he sank back into the water and rested his head on the edge.
"Well, the man may be a tosser, but he owns a lovely pool," he commented eventually, swirling his legs underwater.

Mikael snorted. "I've been told I can be pretty stubborn, and persuasive. Get in 'ere, Leo." With that, be abandoned the side to go for a few more laps, before gravitating over to the shallow end and waiting patiently for him to get in the pool. He respected the speed it took. He couldn't remember a time where he couldn't swim, but he wasn't oblivious to the fact that people could drown, and water wasn't something everyone could just dive into. Once he was in, Mikael returned to bobbing around.
"I know, it's probably the only thing good about him, really." He sighed blissfully, before producing a light splash with his hand in Leo's direction.

Leo spluttered, shaking droplets out of his hair and turning his head to glare at Mikael. "I'm starting to realise that whilst working with you is productive and yields good results, hanging out with you is more like babysitting a constantly-grazing child." Regardless, the warder kicked out and splashed Mikael properly with his foot in retaliation.

Mikael was floating around on his back now, using his arms to propel himself, before sneezing as water went splashing over his face from Leo's foot.
"Oh, don't complain, I'm not that bad. Anyway, what point is there hanging out with someone if you're going to act professional all the time? I'm off the clock, just to work out all that stress that I've developed over this job!"

"Acting professional and not being a child are two very different things, Ramsey," said Leo in bored tones, though his face was peaceful as he waved his arms and legs about. Eventually he opened his eyes and watched the other warder for a bit, eventually commenting
"How do you do that?"

Mikael paused his floating to sit up, and spin to look at him. "Do what?"

"Float," replied Leo. "I just sink like a stone."

Mikael wiggled his nose as he thought about it. "Um ... well, I just lay on my back, and breathe. My brother Eldridge taught me when we were kids, since I never really got the hang of swimming underwater without holding my nose. I can try and teach you, if you like? It's pretty important - that and the doggy paddle, in case you find yourself stuck in water some time."

"I'm not sure I want to learn anything called 'doggy paddle'," replied Leo sardonically. "Well, I'll try floating if it doesn't take too long to learn?"

Mikael stuck his tongue out. "It's just like, keeping yourself afloat by kicking your feet and paddling your hands - like how dogs do - unless you haven't seen a dog swim. Then it's like this-" He paddled closer to him, and hovered for a moment before putting his feet on the floor.
"Anyway, I don't think it's too hard. I don't remember losing any sleep over it. Come out a little further."

"Can't I float here?" asked Leo stubbornly, but he took his head off the edge of the pool and held onto the sides as he wandered out a bit further. When the water level reached his nipples, standing at full height, Leo stopped dead.
"F**k further. This'll do, right?"

Mikael nodded. "That it will. Okay, so I'm going to ask you to lean your head back, and I'll slowly left your legs up. Once you're in position, you should get it naturally. We'll see what happens, yeah?"

"I don't like that phrase," Leo replied, and he wasn't sure if he trusted Mikael yet. One hand on the pool side and one automatically reaching out for the blonde's shoulder, Leo tilted his head back and looked up into the blue sky. "Oooookay ..."

Mikael let the comment slide without note and put one arm under Leo's shoulder blades, whilst the other was just at the bend of his knees, lifting his legs up and levelling his body out.
"There you go, just don't press your head too far back otherwise you'll unbalance yourself. Let the water hold your head up a little, like a pillow."

Leo lay stiff as a board, fearing he'd sink the moment Mikael let go. A mantra of I don't like this, I don't like this rang in his ears, but he held on and waved his free arm a bit too vigorously as though trying to levitate himself out of the water.
"Merlin's sake, don't let go," he ordered, still staring up at the sky with wide eyes. What a stupid idea this was.

"Don't worry, I won't," Mikael replied quickly, trying to get him to calm down. "Okay, you've got to loosen up a teeny bit. It looks really easy, but your legs are actually working a little. I'm going to removed my arm from your knees, and it'll be okay because if you start to sink, my other arm's on your back. Your head won't go under."

The moment Mikael let go of his legs, Leo flailed and tried to kick himself upright. It worked; sort of. He had to roll out of the other man's arms to properly stand up, and when he did he was half a foot away; a half foot too far. He reached out automatically and took both Mikael's shoulders in his hands, wading slightly until he remembered that he could touch the ground. When he stood, panting a little, he gave Mikael a half sheepish grin that literally no one else had ever seen on his face before.
"Again?"

Mikael cocked his eyebrow at him, before nodding. "Okay - try not to flail. I know it's freaky, but you've just got to not flail around and you won't end up swallowing water."

Leo's sheepish look deepened. "I'm not flailing," he muttered under his breath stubbornly, but he turned again and hesitantly put his head back.

Mikael wanted to give out the definition of flailing, but as a show of good faith kept his mouth shut. One hand on Leo's back, the other at the back of his needs, he helped him level out his body on the surface.
"Okay. Gonna move my arm from your knees. Lift them up at your hips - your torso will sink a little but you won't go under because my arm's there. Okay, on three. One, two, three."

Gritting his teeth, Leo obeyed, and this time he forced himself not to kick wildly. His stomach dropped when his chest sank in the water, just as Mikael had said, but he was breathing fine and his face was clear; it was alright.
"Okay," he said eventually. "Now what?"

Mikael smiled meekly. "Well, I move my arm from your back - but before you say anything, I'll move around and put my hands under your head so there's no chance in Hell it goes under. Also, before that, try to arch your back a little, good posture's really useful when floating on your back."

"Right," he repeated, steeling himself for the final plunge. He was sure he was going to go under, but at least Mikael could fish him out with his wand before he actually did drown. Hopefully. Leo arched his back subtly and swooshed back and forth with his legs. It seemed to help.

"Awesome." Mikael slowly moved upward, switching his arms so he could hold up Leo's head and his torso at the same time.
"Okay, moving my arm now. Take a deep breath, lean into the water with your neck and shoulders, and arch your back a little more. My hand's right here-" He scratched the spot on Leo's head that his fingers were. "You're not going to go under."

Leo took perhaps too deep a breath, but it worked anyway. Mikael moved his hand, fear sparked in his eyes, but he stayed afloat and buoyant. He started a laugh, grinning up at the sky.
"This is stupid cool!". When was the last time he'd used the word cool? Yesterday and today was a day of firsts.

Mikael whistled to show his agreement. "Yes it is, and super relaxing. If you get stuck in water and you're super tired, doing this is so nice - once I nearly fell asleep. Try moving a little. Keep your legs stationary for now, just moved your arms. Do you want me to keep supporting your head?"

"Hell yes," replied Leo quickly. "Sorry, you probably want to piss off by now, but I swear to Merlin I'm gonna go down if you let go." He took Mikael's advice, though, and used his arms to keep himself up instead of his legs. Leo floated happily for ten minutes, chatting away with Mikael and glaring when he moved to let him float on his own, but he was happy as a pig in mud. Later, when their fingers had gotten all pruny, Leo waded out of the pool and exited with a stupid grin on his face.

Mikael climbed out of the pool and stretched, cracking his limbs and combing his hair down with his fingers. He clapped Leo on the arm.
"See? Nothing like a good swim. You did good in there, didn't drown once, learnt to float on your back, and I even taught someone something for the first time! It's a world of firsts."

Leo rolled his eyes at Mikael but he couldn't shove his own smile away. He simply grunted in response and knelt beside the pool after retrieving his wand. Not waiting to see whether his friend was watching out not, he dipped the tip of his wand into the water and muttered a short incantation. Blue streaks fountained out from the tip and dissipated, leaving the water looking just as it was but set to ruin the owner's day. He turned his grin back to Mikael, this time looking quite evil.

Mikael snickered quietly, using his wand to dry himself off, and he began dressing himself once more. Now fully clothed, and with his glasses back on his now dry hair, he grinned at Leo, waggling his eyebrows.
"Ready to go out front and see if our employer's deemed us worthy of a visit, yet?"

Performing the same charm and dressing himself as well, Leo nodded. "Let's see the damage." Arriving at the front of the house, the owned waited with foot tapping and arms crossed over his chest, looking displeased with what was probably a very short wait.
"Well?" he said. "Can we go in yet?"

Mikael put on his most charming face, first giving it to Leo to try and get him to follow his lead, before turning to D!ckhead.
"Yes, your entire property is completely warded, and the wards went down flawlessly. Would you like to inspect them?"

"Of course!" snapped the man, brushing past them both and snatching up Leo's offered Spectacles. His tune changed quite dramatically when he got to ooh and ahh at the light show, because of course he'd not been paying attention to the change in magical energies that gave away the ward's presence without the need for the Spectacles.
"And my sister," said the owner, eyeing the grumpy Leo sharply. "She can't get in?". Leo tried not to be insulted, he really did, but Mikael would have to do the talking before he said something rather .... unkind.

Mikael nodded, patting Leo's shoulder as he stepped forward, getting closer to D!ckhead without making it obvious that he was trying to be a barrier. He wasn't sure if he would actually stop Leo if he did try something.
"Sir, she will not make it past these wards. As soon as a single follicle of her being touches this property, you will know about it."

"Well, I suppose that'll do," sighed The Bastard. "Here, I have your papers already." Leo startled. Every time he warded a property, he always drew up his own bills for the clients to peruse and negotiate over. Peering at his copy whilst Mikael got the other, his eyes widened. They were being paid team rates; twice what the both of them were expecting.
"So?" said The Bastard. "Are we done here?". Leo first had to puzzle out how the moron had ****ed it up in the first place. It took him a while to remember how to speak entitled customer, but eventually he came to the realisation that Bastard had literally forgotten one of them, assumed that they'd flaked out of the deal, and either he or Mikael had brought in a team to assist them, hence why they were being paid team rates. He kept his poker face on, but inside he was cackling with glee. What a nice bonus! Leo eyed Mikael first before he said anything, to see what he made of the papers.

F**k yes. Mikael liked to be professional, and have his clients pay the right rates - it was only fair - but the bullshit that this idiot dumped on him, and Leo, expecting them to just roll with it was absolutely absurd. Sure, he got a pretty cool friend from it, but still. The extra money made it very sweet indeed, especially since he particularly hated this man. He looked at Leo, his eyebrows raising, before he inclined his head to the man, once he decided that Leo was probably thinking along the same lines. Take money.
"Thank you, Sir." Truth be told, he had forgotten the guy's name. Sir was a good enough substitute, though. "I do hope that you enjoy your day." And your pool, Bastard. He looked at Leo, and nudged his head towards the gates, he was planning to get out of here before D!ckhead made them both snap.

Folding his copy into the pocket of his jacket, Leo inclined his head to Bastard and followed Mikael out of the gates. They walked silently for about a minute until Leo judged that they were far enough away before letting out a roar of laughter and slapping Mikael on the back.
"How d'you like that! **** got what was coming to him, in my opinion! Hahahaha!"

Mikael joined in, his hand on Leo's shoulder to support himself. "I know! I thought we'd be there arguing 'til the sun set. I swear, when he first handed us our pay, I thought the worst. I was like, great, this clown's thought up his own f*****g prices. We'll be here all day explaining to him why things cost as much as they do. This is awesome!" He folded his into the pocket of his robes, still cackling.
"How about we go get food and have a drink. I'm currently on the moon."

Leo kept chuckling. "You, going out to eat? I'm starting to wonder whether or not I should just send you packets of bird food for you to nibble on." He was only teasing, but the warder began to sober a little when he realised that there'd be no reason to contact this man after today. Sure, they might have made fast friends, but he didn't do friendship. Mikael would get bored and they'd stop talking and then, that'd be it. A pang went through his chest, another first of many. Why did it hurt, thinking of never talking to him again? He didn't do 'friends'.

Mikael rolled his eyes. "I'll have you know, bird seed is edible, and if you're stuck in the wilderness, it's a great meal to tide you over. Thank you very much." He grinned broadly, not offended in the slightest.
"Now come on, I'm hungry and I've run out of crackers. I need to restock on nibbles."

Leo nodded and followed him quietly, deep in thought. He often spoilt his own good moods with dreary future contemplations. Still, if it was just for today, they might as well have fun. F**k it; he was getting hammered.

Leopold Cohen · Jun 18, 2017

</SIZE>

ROUND TWO - AND A FEW MORE ROUNDS AFTER THAT

<SIZE size="150">Leo and Mikael get real at the pub, where true friendship begins to blossom from an unlikely source.

Mikael led them to a tavern, and after the rather decent walk, he was ready to sit and have a couple of drinks after the day's work. In a booth and man-spreading in his half, he twirled the drink he'd ordered between his fingers, and picked at his chips.
"These chips are so good," he mumbled, stuffing more in his mouth before offering the basket to Leo in a 'want some?' gesture.

"Well now I have to, just to figure out what's so good about these dang chips," drawled Leo, plucking the basket out of Mikael's hands and settling it into his lap. Half of them were gone before his friend could even protest, and the brunette creased his eyebrows while he munched.
"They're just chips?" he said through the mouthful, although he didn't give them back.

Mikael stared, before his eyebrows narrowed. "Leave some for the starving man!" He then ordered another basket, before leaning over and stealing some chips from the basket.
"Besides, even burnt chips would taste amazing with how starved I am. I wonder if they have pretzels."

"Goddamn it, Mik, I told you to eat a proper breakfast!" said Leo, scowling as he scolded him. "I had the hot plate on and everything, and you ate crackers instead. You don't get to be hungry." Someone might accuse him of mother-hen'ing, but said someone would be excused for having not looked at his face, which was nothing like indulgent at all.
"Seriously, you eat like a sparrow. How the hell do you get through a full day of wards?"

Mikael rolled his eyes like a rebellious teenager being scolded. "Well, usually I go home and stock up on nibbles - I don't have like, actual food. Except some lamb that I cook up for my dog - she really loves lamb."

Leo put the basket of chips down. "Okay, let me get this straight ... you cook lamb for your freaking puppy, and then nibble on biscuits and crap all day?" He sighed, and held out his hand.
"Alright, hand it over."

Mikael shrugged, and sipped his drink. "I'm not going to feed her biscuits! She's a growing girl!" He then looked at Leo's hand, and drank more of his drink.
"Hand what?"

"Your adult card," said Leo, deadpan. "You're not allowed to be one anymore."

Mikael snorted, before coughing as he began choking. Once he was able to breathe again, he shook his head.
"Someone's got to be the adult! I can't trust a three year old puppy to cook her own meals, you know."

"Merlin's sake, it sounds like she'll be looking after you once her paws aren't bigger than her face," said Leo, rolling his eyes and dragging over Mikael's second basket of chips. It seemed that they were complete opposites when it came to eating. Leo was happy to have normal meals, but when there was food readily available, he didn't stop. Fortunately he was also very active. The warder flagged down passing bar staff and requested spiced rum, which came in due course and swiftly downed. It was going to be a good night.

Mikael nodded solemnly and ordered another drink as he finished his first. "She's going to be such a handful. She already hogs the couch and whenever I run a bath, I'll leave it for five seconds and she'll be in there, just swimming in my bubbles!"

Leo snorted into the rum. "No matter how much some people say that they'd rather have a pet than a spouse, animals still manage to fill in some of those gaps; like hogging the furniture, it seems." A contemplative look came over his face.
"Maybe I should get a cat. Seems more in keeping with my personality. Sort of comes and goes as it wants, occasionally says hey."

Mikael nodded. "Yeah, I'd admit, if my partner went and stole my bath I'd probably be a little annoyed. Can't stay mad at Caramel." He reached out for his basket, tugging back away from Leo and picking at the chips once more.
"As for the cat, they're nice. But they claw the poop out of you if you try to go for cuddles. That's a terrible trait!"

He laughed, keeping one hand on the chip basket to drag it back when he wanted it. "Not all cats do! Oh, well except for the cat I had as a kid. I called him Sid Vicious, 'cause he used to attack me for fun. I didn't mind; we had the funniest stalking games. When he scratched mum once, though, that was it. I got rid of him quick smart." Leo sipped his rum.
"Probably not a good example."

Mikael tugged at the basket playfully as he ate more chips. "That's what I mean. I like coming home and being greeted by a happy puppy - I tried to live with a cat, Socks, but he was just evil. He'd sit on top of my cupboard and jump off on my head like ... Every morning. Caramel has never done that - such a good puppy."

Leo tugged the basket back and glared at him half-heartedly. "We're a pair of idiots. Most blokes sit down at the pub and talk about their missus."

Mikael grumbled and pulled on the basket a little harder, though was smiling slightly. He took a sip of his drink once more. "Yeah, but we don't have a missus to our names. Unless you'd like to make up wives and talk about them for kicks, we'll have to talk about something else."

Leo chuckled lightly. "That sounds like fun, actually! Let's see ... should we make them the craziest woman you ever did see, or should we start describing the perfect woman? Bit of both?". Another drink was sent his way at the wave of a hand.

Mikael snorted, drinking more of his drink. "I don't know about you, but I think I'd wind up marrying a crazy b***h. You start!"

Leo laughed a bit harder. "Yeah, I can see that. Good looks attract all the crazies." He enjoyed another sip of rum before continuing.
"But we have to agree on a basis for comparison. We going craziest, or best?"

Mikael pursed his lips, amused. "Let's go craziest. Try and top each other with the best complaints."

Leo groaned at his first thought. "Well, you know what always pissed me off ... girls complaining about leaving the toilet seat up. What the hell? They leave it down. It's the same thing. Everyone has to touch it, anyway!"

Mikael swallowed his drink hard, shaking his head. "I completely agree - and Merlin forbid you accidentally piss a bit on the seat like, late at night because the last thing you think about when going to the loo is whether the ****ing seat's up or not, you know? It's like, why can't they just pick the seat up after they're done? Why do I have to put it down?" He rolled his eyes.
"I'm always told it 'looks nicer' when it's down. Excuses."

"Speaking from experience?" Leo grinned, taking a swig of rum and closing his eyes briefly at the smooth burn.

Mikael shrugged. "I shared a house with a female friend of mine. She drove me crazy - and I paid most of the rent, anyway. Surely I can decide how the toilet seat sits, you know?"

"It's not even a decision!" exclaimed Leo, gesturing a little dramatically. Whoops. Maybe a bit tipsy. "It's either one way, or the other! If it's not the way you want it, you fix it. Easy." Still, a fourth drink seemed like a good idea. It was heading his way.
"Okay, here's one for you; crazy plus pet. One of those tiny pink girls with ridiculously long nails who carry yappy dogs with them."

Mikael ordered another drink, and outright cringed. "Merlin. No. I think I'd ask the aurors to send me to Azkaban - dementor's got to be better than that." He shoved more chips into his mouth, before snapping his fingers.
"Okay, here's one. A fem-Nazi - one of those women that jumps down your throat for holding the door for her, and Merlin forbid you try to be romantic, otherwise you're stepping on her rights to be an independent woman and putting her in a box that says she has to like flowers because she's a woman."

"Oooooh poop, you nearly got me beat there," Leo groaned again. "Merlin's taint, I'm so glad I don't date. Don't have to wade through that poop to find someone. But!" he grinned darkly.
"I have a trump card. Missus Bastard."

Mikael 'oooooed' and tipped his glass to him. "That's a good one. Dating's not so bad though - I haven't met a fem-Nazi, or anything like that. Now... let me think of something even worse..." He took another swig of his drink, his mind already becoming a little fuzzy.
"poop... I'm not coming up with anything yet..."

Leo nudged Mikael's glass with the back of his knuckle. "Not too deep in your cups are you, mate?" he asked with a lazy half grin. He himself was not much better off.
"Could've just gone with an old historical favourite; Dolores Umbridge."

Mikael scoffed. "I am completely fine, thank you. There just isnt much worse - going for Umbridge is cheating. She isn't even human."

Leo raised an eyebrow at Mikael. "Oh, so you're making up rules now, are you? Alright, how about a personal story? Worst relationship you were ever in."

Mikael shrugged. "Someone's gotta." He finished his drink in another deep swig, taking the time to try and think back.
"Um... hm. I've only been in like, four my entire life. I guess like ... Oh! Okay, so when I was like, twenty-two right, I was dating this older woman. She was like, in her thirties. Anyway, things happened and it was all really great - until I discovered that she had a husband. A husband that was a hit wizard. A crooked hit wizard." He shuddered, and took a comforting sip if his new drink. "It was a nightmare."

Leo tried not to goggle, and his second gulp of rum was rather too big. He coughed and wiped his eyes. "What the hell did you do when you found out?"

Mikael shook his head slowly. "I got my arse outta there! He was going to kill me! I can't go near the ministry without a f*****g disguise for Merlin's sake, just in case I see him there!"

Leo shook his head. "That is a lot crazier than any woman I've ever heard of ... what a trollop! And fancy that t**t blaming you for his wife's infidelity! S'bullshit." he said, nodding in agreement with himself with slightly over exaggerated movements.

Mikael finished off the chips finally. "I know. I always thought that the worst thing that could happen to me was being cheated on, but seriously, it's not. The worst thing that can happen is finding out that you're the guy on the side. He must've thought I was like, some d**k - and she wasn't any help at all. By the end of it, she was yelling at me to get out because I kind of ... Well, I said what you just did. I was like 'well, she's your wife, you should be going off at her'. No one realises that I was upset too - I just realised I was the w***e on the side!"

Leo cursed under his breath and scowled. "You're not a w***e, she was the ... well, anyway. Yeah, that's pretty bad." He sighed.
"Sorry."

Mikael waved his hand flippantly. "Water under the bridge. I was twenty-two, it was a bit of a blow to the self-esteem. Anyway, the second one to that was when I was cheated on. The third was when I was dumped via him telling his friend, who told their friend, who told their friend, who told my friend who told me that I was dumped. My first one, though, when I was like, sixteen was okay though - except that, you know, it obviously didn't work out."

Leo actually started to laugh the further Mikael went on. It wasn't exactly appropriate, but damn ... "You don't have the best luck do you, mate?" he said, trying to stifle his chuckles behind his liquor glass.

Mikael nodded solemnly. "I have the worst luck. I don't know what's wrong with me, I just keep either attracting the wrong people, or I'm the wrong person. Anyway, now it's just been me and Caramel for three years, and I've been perfectly happy! So, yourself? Any dating disasters or poop relationships under your belt?"

Leo sniffed and shrugged. "Never been in a relationship before," he replied as he took a swig of his fourth rum. The idea of more food was starting to sound mighty good.

Mikael tilted his head slightly. "Really?"

"Mm?" he said by way of reply. Was that really so strange? Well, maybe it was. It's not like he was a virgin. He chuckled quietly to himself, remembering how he lost it. That was a good story, though maybe not appropriate between a couple of guys who just met.

Mikael shrugged, and ordered another drink. "Nothin' really. It's just, you've got no pets, and you haven't had a relationship - what, you've got a load of family and friends that come over? Like, you aren't exactly the most like ... People-orientated person and stuff, but everyone's gotta talk to someone, or something sometimes."

Leo blinked slowly at him. "No? I'm an only child. I see my mum every other month or so. I dunno ... I'm solo in my own business, I don't exactly have coworkers or anything." Which was his way of saying that he had no friends, either ... but he had Mikael now, right? He felt a pang imagining not having him anymore, which just wouldn't do. This was why he didn't engage in relationships; any kind, really. Squinting drunkenly, Leo tried to think of other people who he talked to. Sometimes the barista at the local coffee shop.
"Should probably get a pet," he muttered to himself.

Mikael couldn't help but feel rather sad at hearing all of this - seeing his mother every other month? He couldn't stand his mother, but he couldn't stand to see her only once a month, too. Most of his family, really. Couldn't live with them, sure as hell couldn't live without them.
"Well then, I'll be your friend!" He announced happily, swaying his arms in an exaggerated way. "You best say your prayers, my friend. You're stuck with me."

Leo rolled his eyes at Mikael. "You already are my friend, you tit. Besides, since when have I ever uttered a desire to have a relationship to you? I haven't had one because I don't want one. Sex is fine, but I can do without all the rest." he told him.

Mikael rolled his eyes. "But it's official now." He ordered more chips, having found his hand expecting to find more chips in the empty basket. His eyebrows knitted together.
"'All the rest'? Pfft. Look, like, I'm not going to try and preach relationships to you - you don't like 'em, you don't like 'em and that's fair enough. But don't make relationships sound so bad, mate. I mean, there's nothing better than having a s**g with someone that knows what you like, and actually cares whether you get off or not, as opposed to just having a s**g with someone that's just out for their own pleasure. And cuddles are so nice!"

Leo couldn't help it. He started to laugh, his drink wobbling a bit with his hand still gripping it and spilling the rum. "Aw, crap. Ha ha ha, believe me, sometimes it doesn't matter whether they know you or not ... Man, have I got a story for you."

Mikael accepted his chips excitedly, and nodded for him to go on. "I like stories!"

Leo's story is not particularly bawdry compared to some, but it is still not appropriate for this website and, as such, has been edited out to spare the children.

Mikael's forehead rested on the table as he continued chuckling away. "I think my stomach's dying. Best story of the night. I don't think I have one that can top that, as all." He ordered another drink, and once he got it he looked down at it.
"How many have I had?" He looked at Leo, not really expecting him to give him an actual answer. "Aw poop, I didn't check if they had pretzels!"

Leo stared muzzily at his empty rum tumbler. How many had he had? Apparently enough to tell that story. He leant his chin on his hand and slumped a little on the table.
"If you start eating now, you're gonna puke, Mik. No wonder you're so f****d up already, you've hardly eaten all day."

Mikael frowned. "I am perfectly fine, thank you. I've eaten more now than I ever have!" He swayed a little in his seat.

Leo grinned lazily at him. "We'd better get you home, you baby, you're shattered."

Mikael was pouting. "No I'm not!"

Leo licked his lips and flopped back into the booth seat. "Who's the current Minister?"

Mikael stared at him, his mind drawing blanks. poop. Like, nearly all of his family worked in the f*****g ministry and he couldn't get this.
"Um ... Ah ..." He frowned. "I'm so hammered!"

Leo snorted again, this time making himself hiccup. "Oops. Alright, -hic- I'm cutting you off. Let's go home!" he announced, scrunching his eyes open and shut to make sure he could see straight.

Mikael folded his arms across his chest. "This is your fault."

He grinned an utterly non-repentant smile. "That was the plan all along, my boy. Get you and I utterly piss-tanked after that hellish job. If I don't need a full English breakfast and hair of the dog tomorrow, I haven't done my job right."

Mikael Ramsey · Aug 18, 2017

GETTING HOME

In which the two drunk friends stumble their way back to Mikael's and take stock of their situation.

Mikael rolled his eyes, and slowly lifted himself out of the booth. His legs weren't wobbly, but it felt like the world was moving a little faster than usual. "I think I'm good," he whispered, his arms out as if he were an aeroplane.

Leo automatically stood when Mikael did and reached out to catch him, but he was on the other side of the table and simply winded himself. "poop," he giggled. "Might have overdone it, myself." Shuffling out from the booth, he tried again to steady his friend and ended up having to hold him around the waist from the side because neither of them were walking too well. Leo started to frog-march them out of the bar, but not before emptying his wallet of his last few galleons onto the table for the bar. Muzzily, he thought it pleasant that they walked hip to hip, although sober he'd likely be less than impressed.

Mikael blinked hard, and pointed to the large window. "To the door!"

Leo followed his advice foolishly and ended up pushing against the window, pissed that it was hindering their efforts to move on. They were escorted (kindly) by a bouncer to the front door and Leo kept a tight hold of Mikael's waist in case they both fell. At least, that's what he told himself. "poop, I hate drunk walking," he moaned, stumbling along beside his friend.

Mikael had his arm around Leo's back now, and his other hand held onto the hand on his hip. "Don't worry, you like ... You lived around here, didn't you?"

"Don't say 'lived' like I lost my house, or something," retorted Leo, slurring slightly. "You'll jinx it. Yeah, it's ... Um ... this way," he waved vaguely. Looks like they'd be relying on flesh memory to walk them back. "Have to ... set up the couch again ..."

Mikael followed along in the vague direct Leo gestured to, trying to recognise his way but nothing was coming to him. "No! No, don't worry - I can sleep on one half of the bed, and you the other, with pillows and things!"

"You don' wanna share a bed with me," said Leo, wobbling back and forth with Mikael as they walked. "I snore."

Mikael blew raspberries. "No, no Caramel snores. You just make little noises."

Leo looked at Mikael with slightly unfocused, concerned eyes. "You got someone looking after the pup?"

Mikael's face twisted in horror. "NO! CARAMEL!" He began trying to stop, and shuffling around for his wand. "I have to take the f****** bus! She'll be so lonely!"

Leo slapped Mikael on the back of the head lightly. "You wanker, you didn't get a dog sitter? Come on, then. Is your house connected to the Floo? I've got a fireplace shut away in the shed that the old owners used so they didn't disturb the house when they got home. I don't use it, but I've still got some emergency powder."

Mikael was in near tears. "We have to go! She hasn't had her lamb for yesterday or today! She is going to be so mad." He began walking quicker, well, wobbling quicker. "Come on!"

Leo stumbled along with him, trying to keep up with his frantic pace. "Even if we get you home, you can't cook in this state!" he told him, holding onto his waist harder to stop them both from falling over.

"I can always cook!" Mikael announced, now dragging Leo along. "Just stick it on a fire if I must!"

"No," said Leo, firm despite his inebriation. "Hell no. Puppy food and bed." Somehow, somehow they managed to arrive at Leo's house in one piece, and the brunette had the kick the door open to his shed because the lock had rusted shut. Using his wand never even occurred to him, and it took him four more kicks than it should have.
"I'm coming with you," Leo said to Mikael while he searched around for the Floo powder. "To make sure you don't do something stupid like cooking lamb for your puppy at ... midnight? poop."

Mikael repeated the address to Leo several times, making sure it was understood by him, and being pronounced right. Once done, he tried to orientate himself on the other end, clutching his fireplace. He was greeting by a fluffy chestnut puppy with laws too big for her body. Caramel leaped around his feet, before he sloppily picked her up and was rather sobered by her frenetic licking. He cooed at her, before snuggling her tight. The puppy was very pleased with the attention. His home, in contrast to his rather chaotic personality, was extremely orderly - but with clear signs of a puppy. Naming my, the paw-print shaped flour that had been stepped through the unit."What have you gotten into?!"

Leo didn't stand on ceremony when drunk, and flopped onto Mikael's sofa when he arrived. "So this is Caramel, hm?" he said with a sloppily raised eyebrow, watching their little display. He didn't fail to notice that the blonde was now covered in flour.

Mikael put Caramel on Leo and went to investigate. Caramel huffily walked along Leo, before settling near his face and nuzzling him. Mikael returned with a torn bag of flour a few minutes later.
"Caramel!" Caramel looked extremely guilty. Mikael rolled his eyes, and returned to the kitchen to try and sweep it up.

Leo wrinkled his face up at being smooched by the puppy but allowed it. She stopped soon enough after being scolded, and he patted her head. "Don't worry," he told her conversationally. "He thinks you're the greatest thing since sliced bread. You could eat all of his snacks, pee on his bed and tear up every left shoe he owns, and you'd still be better than his four previous relationships."

It took Mikael longer than it should have to sweep up, but managed it, before scooping Caramel up in his arms and laying her across his shoulders, holding her front and hind legs with his hands. He cooed at her, nuzzling their noses together.
"Who's a very evil puppy? YOU!" He spun, before stopping as he became light headed. He blinked to orientate himself. "No spinning." He then looked at Leo, reminded of the fact that he was here.
"Aha! Okay, so you get up for a sec - it's a fold-out lounge - unless you want to sleep there and I can take the tub! Warning though, Caramel will always sleep on the couch."

Leo looked at him muzzily. "You were so ready to get all up in my bed before, and now you're in the tub and I'm on the sofa? What is this?"

Mikael shrugged, making Caramel whinge quietly. "I like the tub!"

He stared. "What, you don't have a bed?"

Mikael frowned slightly. "Well, I do ... But I Reducto'd it, remember? It's a hole in my bedroom, right now."

Leo moaned. "F*** that, hold on." And with that, the drunk warder got up off the sofa, chucked another handful of Floo powder into Mikael's fireplace and whisked off home. Such an abrupt departure would have worried anyone, but he was back five minutes later with a tiny model bed and an armful of sheets. Those he set on the floor, and Leo began nudging furniture out the way despite any protests.
"Stand back," he mumbled to Mikael and Caramel. Leo took the 'model' bed and set it in the middle of the room, pulled out his wand and brought it back to its usual size with an incantation. He'd drunkenly shrunk his own bed and mattress, carried his linen through the Floo and put it in the middle of Mikael's house just so he could sleep on a bed. He was proud of his spellwork before he realised that the headboard was now missing, but after staring at the space it left for a while, he shrugged and started fumbling around to make the bed up.

Had Mikael been clearer of mind, he would have wondered why they didn't just go back to Leo's place, rather than take his bed. He bowed at Leo's magical prowess, honestly not sure if he could've done that without accidentally screwing up. He looked at Caramel, and then Leo. "Can Caramel sleep on the bed? She snores, but has no fleas, and she's toilet trained!"

Leo was already pulling off clothes. "I don't think I'm capable of shoving a puppy off onto the floor, Mik," was all he said, getting down to his smalls.

Mikael grinned, and flopped onto the bed face first. Caramel immediately broke away from him, and curled up right in the middle of the bed, and began snoring within seconds. Mikael rolled his eyes, and wandered into his bedroom. He returned in sweat pants and a singlet and another pillow. He dropped the pillow near one side of the bed and scooped Caramel up, sitting her on it. He ruffled her ears, making her yip in protest, before curling up beside her and yawning.
"We've got a ten minute window before she starts snoring up a storm," he muttered, yawning slightly.

Leo was already belly-down on the bed again, spread out like a starfish with his eyes closed. "You two are stupidly cute," he mumbled into the pillows.

Mikael yawned once more, running his fingers slowly through Caramel's fur. "I know!"

He snorted. "Betchu get that all the time. S'all wasted on Caramel, though."

Mikael snuggled Caramel closer, and yawned once more. "Eh, not many people meet her - I don't bring people home. Not an entertaining place, and she gets shy with lots of strangers."

"Course she does, she's a puppy," said Leo before rolling over onto his back and taking the sheets with him. It tugged both warder and puppy closer, so he wriggled closer and put his arm around them both.
"Cuuuute," he said again, eyes drooping.

Mikael nodded slowly. "Yeah, and she was a couple weeks when I found her, so she's only really used to one or two people at a time." He yawned once more, Caramel mirroring the move.

Leo closed his eyes. pressing them both against his chest. "Shouldn't fall asleep like this ... gonna feel like a right berk in the morning ..." The smell of warm floury puppy. Warm Mikael.

Caramel sneezed because of the flour, and rolled over to expose her tummy to scratches, which Mikael dutifully obliged. He yawned once more, and snuggled in. "Issue for tomorrow."

Leo drunkenly pet Mikael's hair. "Mm. We might even forget the lot. 'Be funny when we wake up like this, with my bloody bed in the middle of your house."

Mikael blinked heavily, barely even registering the pets. He pecked the top of Caramel's head. "We'll work it out."

Leo mumbled something that might have been a reply once, but was long lost in translation. When he woke many hours later, something was licking his face. It was not Mikael.

Mikael woke to a fluffy tail tapping his face, before he blinked slowly. Lifting his head, which was ringing, he reached out and dragged Caramel back to him, wrapping his arms around her. "RAWR!"

Leo jumped a little as he went from half-awake to fully awake at the sound of a very human 'roar'. "What the poop?" he groaned, wiping puppy slobber from his face with the back of his hand. The other hand was wrapped around another human being, bizarrely. It'd been a very long time since he'd had someone else in his bed, and they'd never slept in it with him. Had he taken someone home from the bar after he'd seen Mikael home? No, he'd been too drunk. Process of elimination suggested that he was wrapped around his warding buddy. Greeeeat. Leo just closed his eyes again.

Mikael shhhed Leo to silence, covering Caramel's ears as if she would understand him. "Don't swear in front of the puppy," he whispered, before attempting to unwrap himself. His throbbing head and excitably puppy were not helping. He sighed and gave up, deciding to just lay back down and sit Caramel on his stomach. He yawned, before gesturing to the bedroom door.
"Melly! Get the clock!" It took the puppy a moment of confusion and licks, before running over Leo and falling haphazardly to the floor. She returned a moment later with a sock instead. Mikael was sitting up by this time, leaning over Leo. "No, Bub. Clock."

Leo didn't even open his eyes to stare pointedly at Mikael, but he laughed anyway. "You're ridiculous," he told him. Merlin, he was so tired. He'd been so sure that he would be hung over but Leo just wanted to sleep for another thousand years. His friend wasn't helping, being somehow incredible to cuddle. Maybe it was because he'd never really cuddled before. Well, not at all. Ever. So warm! So much skin!
"Are you crazy?" he mumbled. "Why do you want to know the time? Then we'll be guilted into getting up."

Mikael shrugged, and seeing as Caramel was still sitting with the sock in her mouth, wagging her tail, he gave up. He leant down over Leo, and pulled Caramel back onto the bed, before setting her down.
"You're right." He stretched, cracking his bones, and resting his head back on his pillow. "I'm hungry."

Leo forced himself to pull away from his friend and move onto his back again. He was used to sleeping on his stomach, so his neck was sore, and he already missed the touch of a body not his own, but it was just the way things had to be. Cracking an eye open, he came face to face with a wet nose. Caramel had walked over her master to investigate their strange intruder.
"You're on my chest, pup," Leo said to her. Caramel looked at Mikael.

Mikael shrugged at her, and patted his chest lazily. Caramel took it as an invitation to sit on his chest. He grunted, and sat up once more, cradling the wagging puppy in his arms. He looked at Leo. "I'm gonna feed her. You want like, cooked lamb?"

Leo looked faintly ill. "Not as such, no. Water?"

Mikael nodded, and climbed off of the bed, still carrying Caramel like a baby. "No worries." He returned a little later with a glass and put it on the coffee table, Caramel slung over his shoulder. "Do you want, um ... I think I have apples?"

Leo dragged himself upright, knuckling at his eyes and trying to rub his hair into order. His curls were sticking up in every direction. "Apples. Sure," he muttered. The warder watched him cradle his puppy to and from various destination before announcing, a little louder, "You need a girlfriend, mate."

Mikael patterned about the unit, rubbing Caramel's back only the way, before bringing a bowl of apples out from the kitchen to the bed in his lounge room. He rolled his eyes. "Says the guy who doesn't date," he retorted, wandering back into the kitchen to start cooking lamb for Caramel.

Leo shrugged at him, turning it into a long stretch. "Come on. What kind of girl could you possibly see me with?"

Mikael wandered back in, this time without Caramel (who was now sitting at the front of the oven) and leant on the doorframe. "An extremely patient one."

Leo threw a pillow at him. "And what exactly makes me so hard to live with, hm?" he groused, a smile lurking under his grumpy morning face.

Mikael caught the pillow and put it on his head. "Eh, you're alright from what I can gather - when you're not saying I need to eat more, drink less, and get a girlfriend." He stuck his tongue out at him. "I could see dating you being like pulling a tooth - pain in the arse, but once it's over everything's pretty sweet."

"Okay you definitely need to eat more," began Leo, ticking off his fingers, "And I don't need to be your girlfriend to tell you that. I never said you should drink less, and you treat your puppy like an infant. I suppose women don't like being treated like that, so I guess you're in the clear." He lifted his nose in the air a little. "And you have no basis for comparison; no one's ever dated me." It was time to gather his sheets and shrink the bed again. Leo rolled his eyes at the puppy waiting for its home-cooked meal.

Mikael rolled his eyes, and wandered off as he spoke. He returned with a tin of pineapple pieces, and stabbed at them with a fork as Leo continued. "Well, Caramel's like a little baby, but better. She's fluffy and adorable and house trained, three things infants are not. And as for you dating, well, that's hardly my fault. But from spending like, over forty-eight hours with you - virtually without any separation at all, I think I know a teeny smudge about you." Having now finished the pineapple, he rinsed the tin and returned, now holding a little box of sultanas. "By the way, your snoring is not that bad. Didn't even hear it - not sure if that was because of Melly or not, though."

Leo scowled. "And only a teeny smudge. No better than my old school professors, or my mentor." He'd never admit it, but perhaps he enjoyed being misunderstood- just a little. "Anyway, I wasn't complaining about it, I was just saying there's no point casting aspersions on what dating me might be like because no one's ever come close, and I doubt they ever will."

Mikael shrugged. "I'll still go with it like pulling a tooth. You need help with the sheets, mate?"

"What, these?" Leo indicated to the neat pile on Mikael's sofa. He'd also returned the furniture to their rightful places and shrunk the bed again. Why he'd ever thought bringing his own freaking bed to the other warder's house was a good idea he'd never know, but it sure did feel like the silliest thing he'd ever done. "Actually ..." Well. It was time. "Should probably go. Thanks ... Thanks for everything."

Mikael blinked sleepily, rubbing his head as he sprinkled sultanas into his mouth. "Oh, that wasn't me trying to stealthily tell you to get out." He snorted. "I'm waaaay to hungover for that. Or maybe I'm still a bit tipsy. Can you be both?" He then shrugged. "You haven't even eaten your apples!"

Leo smiled at Mikael from under his mop of hair. "I know, but I should anyway. Otherwise I'll turn into furniture. It's been fun." When he left, he wasn't planning on leaving any contact information. They might run into each other again, but that wouldn't be too bad. It was just better that they kept a polite distance. Acquaintances, more than friends. Either way, he wouldn't be waking up snuggling an acquaintance again after a night of drinking ... and had he told him the story of how he'd lost his virginity? Merlin.

Mikael saluted him as he left, lazily moving his furniture back into position and, to Caramel's horror and dismay, burnt her lamb. The puppy wallowed in a selected corner, staring at the smaller-than-usual meat in her bowl, whilst Mikael apologised profusely, and went about deciding what he was going to do with his generous payment from D!ckhead, after he tried several 'remedies' for a hangover, of course.

Hold My Hand, It's Not Weird

Leopold Cohen

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Mikael Ramsey

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Leopold Cohen

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Leopold Cohen

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Mikael Ramsey

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