Here and Now

T

Toni Addison

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Rowan Wand 15" Essence of Fang of Basilisk
Toni had seem to disappear the past few days. Not that she literally left the school. No that wasn't the case at all. More so that Toni went to class and stayed by herself when not in a crowded classroom. She barely talked to her group of friends and deep down she was wondering if she was avoiding them. Well maybe not all of them just Sam.

Ever since that day at the lake, Toni wasn't sure what was going on between Sam and herself. Did she once more have feelings for Sam or had those feelings never truly gone away? Did Sam still think of Toni as a friend or had she once more gotten to a level of something more? So many questions surrounded this simple twelve year old relationship/friendship. All of it just as confusing as the next.

With her thoughts buzzing, Toni decided that she did have to clear her head. Walking out towards the cliffs in one of her new outfit, Toni wasn't sure if this walk would even help. Fresh air was supposed to clear the mind and calm oneself, but Toni wasn't sure something as simple as the outdoors could cure what she was going through.

"Maybe I am just thinking too much about this" She said to herself as she looked over the cliffs her blonde hair blowing gently in the wind. Her brown eyes focused on the bottom below and her mind wondering to every which way.
 
Sam lay on his bed in his empty dorm. Thoughts rushed through his head as they always did when he wasn't doing anything. But the thouhgts didn't change. They were of Toni. He couldn't stop thinking about her and he didn't like it. Was he falling for her again? Everytime he saw her he got a stomach full of butterflies and his heart sped up to a speed he didn't even think possible. He turned over on his side as if hoping that the thoughts would just disappear. But they didn't. They were still there. Was I ever even over her? he asked himself, though he couldn't answer it. He wasn't sure. Deep inside his feelings for her could have always been there but he just ignored it for his and Jenna's sake. Sitting upright quickly Sam swung his legs of the bed. He couldn't take it any longer, he ran his hands through his spiked hair fustratedly and then stood up from his bed. He threw a hoody over his mostly black outfit and left his dorm quickly and quietly.

He made his way out onto the grounds where a soft breeze blew. He didn't know where he was heading to but his legs seemed to. As he walked through the grounds the same thoughts were still swiming in his mind. I thought a walk was meant to clear the mind? he thought stubbornly to himself. Sam walked over the vast lawn and past the gardens and shortly found himself on the cliffs. He hadn't been here much and didn't know what brought him here today, but he didn't question it further as he saw a figure standing there. A figure which he instantly recognized as Toni. Toni! Its Toni! He thought with excitement but also wanted to walk or run away quickly. He hadn't seen her in quite a while and maybe now they could catch up? He slid his hood down from over his head and also took his hat off. He ruffled his hair from being flat so it was now in a messy spikey state. Once again Sam's legs took him towards Toni without his approval and shortly was behind her. "Hey." he said softly so not to frighten her. Though he couldn't think of anything else to say and his mind searched frantically for a word any word. Finding it was pointless he then took a small step so he was beside her instead of behind. She looked so beautiful and at the sight of her he felt a rush through his body. He smiled to her. It was all he could do.
 
Her thoughts were all over the place as this young Slytherin thought about Sam and what they were going through. She thought about the year before this. The time when Sam and her were a couple. She thought about when Jenna and Sam were a couple and when Beau and herself were a couple. So much drama had evolved around both Toni and Sam. Yet nothing seemed to phase the feelings that she had for him. Yes there she was finally admitting that she had feeling for Sam. The problem would stand that Toni wasn't sure she could ever admit it to Sam. What if he doesn't feel the same way. She thought guessing and almost feeling as if she knew he didn't.

Running her hands through her hair, Toni was almost frustrated with herself. What was she doing besides causing more drama. Sam and her were happy being friends and here Toni went wanting to be so much more. It's always me trying to mess things up She thought recalling what her mother told her once back when Toni went to her old private school. Causing drama was a job back then. Now at Hogwarts it happened even when Toni didn't want it to be so.

Though with a simple 'hey' Toni was pushed out of her thoughts. Before even turning around she knew who the voice belonged to, but it had to be confirmed. A smile spread over her lips when she turned to see Sam beside her. "Hey" She returned the greeting. The butterflies making their way back into her stomach. Something that only seemed to happen when she was in the presence of Sam. "Long time no see" She said feeling like a complete idiot that she couldn't find something else to say.
 
Sam shoved his hands in his pockets and tried to act as casual as possible though he was never a good actor. As Toni said that it was a long time since they saw each other last Sam replied a little too quickly "Yeah I know." Him and Toni weren't so good at meeting up with each other, in fact the whole group seemed to lack that this year. Again, Sam was lost for words. It only ever seemed to happen when he was with Toni. When he was with Taylor or Hoshi he had plenty things to say and on the rare occaisions that there was a silence it would never be an awkward one. Not like one that was filling the air with Toni and Sam at that moment. "Umm...so.." He began, "How are things for you?" He asked feeling stupid for having to have small talk with Toni, his best friend.

Best Friend Sam thought thinking about the phrase. He realized that he didn't really put that and Toni together. He wanted something more. Like before. Now there was no Beau so what was in the way? Maybe the fact that she won't feel the same way and it would completely ruin the friendship Sam reminded himself, almost convincing himself of this fact. As much he wanted him and Toni to be something again there was a lot of risks attached. It took some time for him to trust Toni again and it was tough to build up the friendship again. Could they do that again? Again, another question Sam couldn't find an answer to. Sam's calm blue eyes caught Toni's gaze and all thoughts were swiped from his head. He didn't move or say anything else, he waited for Toni's reply.
 
Toni only wished she could get her head in the conversation and stop the butterflies from flying all about. Why does he do this to me? She wondered almost wanting to blame Sam for making her have these feelings even if Toni knew deep down that she was the one to blame for her own feelings, not Sam.

Not being able to keep eye contact for too long, Toni looked out over the cliffs once more running her hand through her hair for something to do. Though when Sam agreed that it had been way too long rather quickly, Toni's heart skipped a beat. Even a simple thing had given her a small piece of hope even for a moment. Just friends. Friends Friends Friends She reminded herself strongly.

Bringing her gaze to meet Sam's once more she wanted to just laugh outloud at the fact that Sam and her were making small talk. After everything that they had been through they were making small talk. Just go with it She thought opening her mouth to speak finally. "Things are good" Toni said the smile staying on her face as she couldn't look away from Sam.

Her heart speeding up slightly more and more with each second that passed. "Exams are coming up and all that fun stuff so I've been trying to study. Though trying is without a doubt the keyword" Toni said laughing slightly. "How have you been?" Toni asked wanting just to talk like friends should. Yet Toni truly didn't want to just be friends. Was that the fact that was throwing their conversations into small talk central.
 
Sam was angry with himself for having small talk with Toni. This is something people did when they were acquaintance not when they had a history and were friends for a whole year. Though as Toni continued to go along with it Sam had no other choice. He let a small laugh escape his lips at what Toni said about her studying and when she redirected the question he just shrugged. "I haven't really been studying all that much. I couldn't be bothered to tell you the truth." He said lazily. Think of something else to say He tried to think of all the things that had happened since Scorpius' birthday. Quidditch try-outs he thought with excitement. "So Hufflepuff finally had there try-outs." He said with an excited smile. "Though I don't know if I made the team or not...it hasn't been annouced." He said in a disappointed tone. "I also started up a band." He added quickly, he all of a sudden had so much to say and it all just came out awkwardly. A goofy expression spread across his face at his own silliness and he looked down at the ground beneath him.
 
Toni smiled as Sam said he couldn't be bother to study. Usually that would be Toni's reaction but she couldn't not study this year. It was her new goal to become prefect in her fifth year. This meant the perfect grades and the best extra activities. All for the power of prefect and the pride that the position holds. Pushing that thought completely out of mind, Toni tried to think about the conversation Sam and her were having but more importantly trying not to totally blow that she was having a hard time finding things to say.

Luckily Sam had a lot of things to mention even if they were things mentioned off hand and in a rather noneventful manner. Smiling however Toni listened coming up with some of her own thoughts about the topics. One topic being quidditch. The mention of the Hufflepuff try outs brought her back to the thoughts of Slytherin tryouts. "Oh I forgot to tell you" Toni said the smile widening on her face as she turned to face Sam directly. "I made the Slytherin team as Keeper" Toni announced. This was one of her many goals and it was nice to announce it to Sam first, her best friend.

"I bet you will make the team though" Toni said knowing that Sam was great at Quidditch. "And you started a band" She said excitedly. How had she missed that? Not that Toni would try out for a band. Sure she could sing but not many people knew that. Really Toni had only sung for one person outside her family and her choir back home and sadly that person wasn't Sam. "I'll have to see your band's first performance. Just let me know." Toni continued.
 
As Toni informed him that she made the team a large happy and even a proud smile escaped onto his face. How great was that for Toni. "Really? I didn't even know they were on...I didn't get to wish you good luck!" Sam said still smiling for his friend. "Thats unbelieveable! Well..not unbelieveable..I knew you could do it." Sam paused, "Well I didn't..know but..eh?" Sam couldn't believe how dorky he was being. What had come over him. All he wanted to do was congratulate Toni and here he was making an absoulute mess of it. He scratched the back of his head awkwardly and then gave her a small smile as she said that he'd make the team. He really wasn't sure. Everyone else who tried out were also very good. He just hoped that he'd make it. It was all he could do now.

He returned his hand to his pocket as the topic moved on to the band. "Sure. I may even get you VIP tickets...you might even be able to meet the band if you're lucky." He said with a boyish grin on his face. "Though we've only had one rehearsal...so don't be expecting a concert anytime soon." He said with a small smile. That wasn't so bad Sam thought to himself, it was better than the dorky Quidditch comment. Anything was better than that, even the fish comment! Zoning back from his thoughts to the conversation at hand Sam realized things had gone silent again. "Yeah..so it was quite a busy time." He said just to save the awkwardness spreading between them. But he wasn't even sure it helped, in fact he thought it made things more akward.
 
Toni welled up with happiness as Sam seemed almost more excited that she had been when it was announced to her. Yet deep down a tinge of sadness surrounded the fact that she didn't get a congrats hug. Still smiling she couldn't help but laugh at Sam's reaction and babbling that seemed to be occuring. "Well I was in complete shock" Toni continued. But not as much shock as when Hoshi realized Henric was on the team as well Toni thought holding back the smirk that wanted to come onto her face. Instead the smile remained as she looked at Sam.

As Sam promised her VIP tickets she let out a small laugh and nudged him slightly. "Oh I feel honored now. I get to meet the band and everything. Maybe I should just get your autograph now" She said playfully rolling her eyes at the last part.

"But I guess you have been busy." She said her mind twirling around what she could say next. One of her greatest fears was saying something completely stupid in front of Sam, not that it hadn't happened before. Sure it had. But as of now, Toni wanted to seem like she was completely losing her mind every time she met up with his eyes or heard his laugh or saw his smile. Keep yourself together Toni commanded herself mentally. "Have you had time to hang out with Knight or Taylor?" Toni asked feeling slightly bad that she had kept her distance from the entire group. It was just something she felt like she had to do until she was able to get her mind back in it's proper place and clear. Yet here she was talking to Sam without a clear head and she was managing to the best of her ability. "I feel like I haven't seen the 'group' in so long." She said smiling slightly not wanting to admit that it was her fault she was keeping her distance from her friends.
 
Sam let out a laugh as Toni said she should get his autograph. "Thats if I have time for you.." He said in a joking manner. Inside he knew he would always have time for Toni. Even if he became a famous Quidditch player, Toni would be someone who he would definetly never forget. Sam would make time to spend with Toni, though at the rate they were going he would have to improve on meeting up with her and all of his friends.

As Toni brought up Knight and Taylor Sam shook his head sadly but also quite confused. "Y'know I haven't seen either of them since Scorpius' birthday and lord know's when I've last seen Hoshi." He said thinking back to when he last saw Hoshi, she hadn't shown up for Scorpius' birthday 'party'. "I suppose they are spending a bit of time together..y'know?" Sam said with a slight grin. Now that Taylor and Scorpius were together they probably wanted to spend time together, alone. "Its crazy isn't it?" Sam said in response to Toni. "This year we just never seem to spend time with each other.." He said sadly. Last year they always managed to hang out even with all the drama and they were all so close, he didn't want that to be messed up. "We should all meet up again... though now they might be studying." He said with a playful eye roll. "But after the exams, we have to." He smiled as he looked at Toni in the eye but then quickly looked away.
 
Toni let out an eye roll when Toni joked about maybe not having enough time for her. Someday he probably won't have time for me. Just forget me she thought sadly not showing an ounce of sadness on her face. That would be for a long time before Toni and Sam split their separate ways. Don't think about it now She thought listening to Sam continue on about Taylor and Knight well in Hoshi, but Toni never really cared about Hoshi. Hoshi and her had made a simple pact to act like friends, even if they did hate each other.

"Yeah I guess they think they deserve some alone time" Toni said thinking about how Knight and Taylor were a rather cute couple. Even if it did sort of separate the group just slightly. Everyone seemed paired now. Hoshi had her new 'goth gang'. Knight and Taylor had each other. That left Sam and Toni out of the loop. If only She thought knowing that even if Toni was the last girl on the earth, Sam wouldn't feel the same way about her. That was how this young Slytherin viewed this whole situation. Just get over it She thought wishing it was that easy. No things like this were never easy.

"Surprisingly the less time we spend together the less drama though" Toni said joking of course. Yet her statement was rather true. Very little drama had hit Toni this year and she hoped it would stay this way at least for one year. "But we will have to plan something. I mean after exams is the Yule ball. I might need Taylor's help for picking out a dress" Toni continued the thought of the yule ball hitting her for the first time. How was she going to survive the Yule ball alone? "Then we get a break." She continued knowing that she was staying in the school for break. What was Sam doing? Should she asked? "But during that time we should have enough time to figure things out and plan a little get to together" Toni continued knowing quite well she was babbling yet for some reason she was unable to stop.
 
Sam didn't want to admit it but he could already see people in the group separating : Taylor and Scorpius were now an item, Hoshi had her brother and another group of friends in Slytherin. That just left him and Toni. Did that mean something? No, you are looking into it way too much Sam told himself. Sam and Toni were already an item and it didn't work out. Chance blown. But now there's no Beau.. he thought Stop! Sam figured he was just being ridiculous, things would never happen between himself and Toni. These feelings that he had for her would just have to go away.

Sam laughed at what Toni said. It seemed to be the truth though, last year was just full of drama but if being close to his friends meant dealing with drama he would just have to deal with it. He wouldn't change his friends for the world. When Toni mentioned the Yule Ball a thousand thoughts swam in his head. He hadn't thought about it at all this year, who would he go with? (He knew who he would like to go with) Would he even attend this years event?

"Yeah I am sure we could plan something in the break...or even at the Yule Ball?" Sam blurted out not even knowing what he was saying. "I mean...I am sure we could all meet up there..if I was going." He said mumbling the last part, he wasn't sure if Toni heard it or not. "Are..are you going this year?" He asked her, again, not knowing what in the name of Merlin came over him. He was being such a dork around Toni, he almost wished he ran away instead of going up to talk to her, which was a first.
 
Thoughts of the Yule ball swarm through Toni's head. Who would she go with? Who would actually go with her was more of the correct question. No one other than her group of friends seemed to care for Toni at all. The rest of the school either hated her, thought she was completely stuck up, or was completely mutual. Not like it mattered. Toni only really had one person that she'd want to go with the ball with, the boy that probably didn't want to go with her, the boy standing right in front of her, Sam.

Yet when Sam even said the name 'Yule ball' the butterflies in Toni's stomach swarmed about faster than ever. Almost to the point in which she felt like she was going to be sick. He didn't mention anything about you and him at the yule ball. Forget it Toni thought trying to calm herself down. Instead she took her eyes off Sam unable to even think about calming down when she was even looking at him. Why was he making this so difficult for her.

If I was going The last lines Sam said sunk Toni's heart right away. So he's not going Toni thought sadly having any hope of 'accidently' running into Sam at the Yule ball smashed into so many pieces. The question as to whether she was going crossed her mind as she dug for an answer. Truthfully she hate to go alone, but there really wasn't an option. "I...think" She said pausing as she tried to find the right words.

"I think I'm going to go. I just don't want to look like a loser showing up alone. But so many people do go alone so it won't just be me. I mean well" She paused letting out a small laugh as she realized how she was once more speaking way too much, making little sense. "I really don't know what I mean" she admited shrugging slightly as she looked over the cliffs. Stop being such a complete dork She thought opening her mouth once more to speak. "Are you going?" She asked not sure if she wanted the answer.
 
Sam didn't know what he was thinking bringing the Yule Ball subject into further subject. Sam was no where near the point on asking Toni, he couldn't take the rejection but he had promised to have a dance with her last year but that never happened and then they promised that they would steal a dance with each other this year. That thought excited him a little. He didn't have to actually go with any one but still manage to dance with Toni. What if she doesn't want to dance with me? He thought worriedly, Another rejection?

As Toni began to babble Sam let out a soft chuckle. He only babbled when something was up and usually that was the case with everybody. He wondered what was up with Toni? Maybe she wants to go with someone? That thought killed him. He never really thought of Toni with another guy, Beau was bad enough, he knew that was silly but it was the truth. And the fact was that all he guys were probably chasing after Toni. She was smart, funny and beautiful. Sam had no hope. When she returned the question to him he shrugged, "I dunno..I doubt it.." He said with a chuckle. "I wouldn't know who to bring..so I guess if I am going, I'll be going solo." He said almost regretably. He wanted to ask Toni but new that if he did, it'd just be rejection and embarassment.
 
Toni's cheeks turned slightly pink as Sam chucked due to her useless babbling. Was this slytherin blushing? What is wrong with me. Just keep it together She thought mentally shaking herself out of it as she let a few strands of her hair fall into her face. Anything to distract from the fact that she had actually had pink tinted cheeks. Bringing her eyes gazing around the area, Toni wished she had something to add, something to save from the moment she had just had.

The fact that Sam didn't seem thrilled about the Yule ball killed her. Though she didn't show it on her face. Instead she portrayed the emotion of carefree. This Slytherin refused to give any hints that she was upset that Sam wasn't confident that he was attending such an event, an event that almost all girls looked forward to, including Toni.

"You're going" Toni said a smile spreading across her lips and her tone one of jest. Act as if you are just friends One voice in Toni's mind said. Yet another voice reminded her simply that her and Sam are just friends. "You can't skip the Yule ball. It gives you a reason to go shopping for an outfit. Plus I'd be totally left out of the loop if you weren't there. Knight and Taylor would be together. And I don't think trying to hang out with Hoshi would be the best plan in the world" Toni added with a small laugh. It seemed like she was able to talk freely now, relaxing. When really inside she was reminding herself to act as if she wasn't confused about her feelings, as if Sam and her were really just best mates and nothing else.
 
Had Toni just blushed? Sam asked himself, hoping that she did but he came to the conclusion that it was most likely just wishful thinking and that it was probably just a slip of the eye. Sam took his eyes of her and looked down at his scruffy black coverse. When she persisted for him to go Sam looked up at her. "Who said anything about shopping for an outfit. I was thinking something along the lines of what I am wearing now." He said with a joking grin indicating his casual outfit. Sam made a face as if he was thinking about it, about her offer, when in fact he was. Toni would be left alone and that wasn't fair. "I'll consider it." He said to her with a hint of seriousness in his voice but a smile on his lips.

If Sam went alone he could still hang out with Toni and it would almost be like they went together. That thought excited him, even if it was a silly dance, he would be there with Toni! Sam was liking the idea more and more. "So you'll definetly be there?" Sam asked her with interest. There was zero point in him going if she wasn't there.. or if she was there with another guy.
 
Unable to tear her gaze from Sam, those nervous butterflies once more appeared in her stomach fluttering about like they didn't have a care in the world. If only Toni was that care free. This isn't something to worry about. If fate whats it to happen it will She thought smiling at the fact she had just made way for fate to take over. This Slytherin didn't even believe in fate, well not to such an extent. But after everything that she had been through these past two years, what she was going through now, and what she knew she would experience in her future years, Toni felt slightly better thinking that she wasn't the only one controling her life. Mostly during the times when her life seemed to be out of control and confusing.

As Sam said he wasn't going to go shopping but instead wear the casual outfit he was today, Toni could only roll her eyes. "Typical You" She teased. "You'd stuck out like a sore thumb in that outfit" Toni continued already picturing a great hall of people in black tuxes then having Sam there in his normal attire. The thought brought a small laugh to Toni letting it gently escape her lips. "If worse comes to worse you can wear the outfit you wore last year" Toni said almost wishing she could take back that comment. Last Yule ball was something that Toni didn't want to think about at all. She had had a great time last year but still memories she didn't want to relive were brought up.

"I'll be there." Toni reassured him. Flashing him a smile she hoped this was a good thing. Maybe the two of them would meet up and it would be like they were going as a couple. Yet you will still be friends She remembered hating that her hope was crushed so easily with one simple reality. That was basically it too. Toni had to stop living in the dream world in which everything was perfect and went her way and live in the reality of things where her and Sam were just friends. "I don't know what I'll be wearing but we have some time. I'll let you know so you can pick me out of the large crowd" Toni said knowing very well that even if everyone was dressed the same, Toni would be able to pick Sam out of the crowd. She was always able to.

This Slytherin began to fix her hair as her gaze fell to the cliffs. The topic, Toni hoped, would branch away from the Yule ball. Truthfully Toni wasn't sure how much more talk about the dance her stomach could take. From going from excitement to nervous to sadness and back on the rollar coaster again. But what could Toni talk about that wouldn't make her stomach butterflies go all haywire. Nothing if she was talking to Sam about it. "I like it up here" Toni said randomly "at the cliffs I mean" she continued looking over at Sam for a moment. "May overtake my old favorite spot" Toni said smiling as she thought about she did care for the North tower until she experence way too much drama there. Hopefully her cliffs wouldn't end up the same way creating another spot in which Toni couldn't stand to be.
 
Sam couldn't take his eyes of Toni. Not only was he physically unable to but he didn't want to. He was glad she didn't look away either that only made things better for him. His heart began to pick up a speed once more and he began to feel the feeling he was getting quite used to- the butterflies in his stomach.

Sam shrugged, it was already uncomfortable enough to dance in converse but to dance in uncomfortable shoes and clothing, that was just painful. "Well, I'll see how I feel on the day." He said lazily absent mindly waving his hand. "Why do you care so much about what I wear anyway?" He asked her teasingly though not really expecting an answer from her. Sam was just joking, he knew Toni didn't care what he wore. She only wanted him at the dance so she wouldn't be left alone. Not that she actually wanted him there.

Though when she confirmed that she'd be there Sam wanted to let a big smile spread across his lips but he knew that it would just turn out to be very goofy and she might question why he was smiling. "You? Not knowing what your wearing? Toni, for shame. I thought you'd know at last three months in advance." Sam teased sticking out his tongue. Of coarse he was over-exaggerating but he still thought Toni would know what she was going to wear. As she said that she'd let him know what she was going to wear so he would be able to pick her out Sam blurted out without thinking, "You won't have to do that." Idiot! Say something. Fix it! "I mean..eh..you'll probably be with Scorpius and Taylor, so I'll find you there.." Sam said knowing that it was a completely lame excuse but it was all he could think of in such a short space of time. The truth remained that he could find Toni in a large crowd like a black sheep in a field full of white sheep. Sam could always spot her, she'd probably be the most beautiful girl in the hall.

Sam quickly looked away from Toni at his dorky mistake and could have hugged her for changing the subject. "Yes, I like it here too." He agreed with a simple answer "I haven't been up here that much." He told her looking at her at the corner of his eye. "What was your old favourite spot?" Sam asked her, "If you don't mind me asking?" He added quickly. He prayed that her favourite spot wasn't somewhere that she spent with Beau. That would just kill him.
 
Toni wasn't sure where this situation would take them. The whole concept of the Yule ball seemed so foreign. Of course, Toni had been there before but this time was different. Never had she attended a dance alone and now she was going to just in hopes that she could steal a dance from Sam. Was that completely pathetic? Probably. Though Toni knew she wouldn't do anything about it. That possible dance was all that Toni needed to get herself to the Yule ball solo.

Once more this Slytherin rolled her eyes playfully at Sam. "I will not be seen at the Yule ball with someone who dresses so informal" Toni said as she held her chin into the air. Of course, Toni was completely joking but it was no surprise how well she played someone so stuck up. Maybe this was why half the school actually thought she was that way. Not that it bothered Toni one bit. This young girl didn't care what those sort of people thought about her. Yet when Toni thought back on the statement she hoped Sam didn't take it the wrong way as if Toni meant with with as if they were going together. Though at the same time, Toni hoped he did take it that way.

As Sam teased her about Toni not having a dress, she stuck her tongue out at him. "Oh shut up. I will have a dress in no time" She continued her thoughts focusing on what colour dress she wanted this year. Last year Toni wore a white dress. Maybe a silver dress this time. Or maybe even a blue. Toni would just have to have her sister send a few dresses over and let Toni pick from them. At the sound of Sam's next comment though, Toni's face broke out with a smile. Did he mean what she thought he meant? No listen to him correct himself. Like you stick out to him Toni thought looking away from Sam back towards the cliffs.

"The North Tower actually" Toni said answering Sam's question without much thought. Sure she could have thought about the place where Sam and Toni carved their names into a tree. Or maybe she could of said the place in which Beau and her 'skated'. Though Toni knew both places being mentioned would be a killer to this conversation. As the conversation kept going, Toni didn't want to be the one that killed it on the spot.
 
Sam let a quiet laugh escape his lips as Toni acted a snob. But the meaning behind the joke confused him. Did she want them to go to the ball together? He had no problem with that. That would just be perfect. But he knew things didn't work out that perfectly and if he asked her she would probably say no, or just agree out of pity. No, Sam wouldn't ask her, as much as he was desperate to.

Sam had no doubt that she would have a dress in no time. And it will probably be beautiful on her he thought almost longingly. When they danced (Sam smiled at this thought) at the ball he would probably look like some person living on the street compared to Toni, even if he did wear a tux. Even if he wore the most expensive tux he'd still look like nothing compared to Toni.

The North Tower? Sam asked himself, wasn't that where we broke up? He questioned further. He always remembered that day. He doubted he'd forget it. Its probably her and Beau's spot Sam thought with distaste, he knew Beau was well gone but he was still threatened by the thought of him. What if he returned one day? Sam would be completely heartbroken if that day came.

As Sam was thinking these thoughts he realised that he hadn't said anything. Think of something to say! Sam didn't know how many times he told himself to do this in Toni's presence, he was just lost for words with her. "Umm...so what are you doing for Christmas?" He asked her. He didn't even know what he was doing, he didn't know what he wanted to do either. Colin was pretty lonely last year. Maybe Ava could stay with him? Sam thought wandering off from the present moment with Toni, but quickly snapped out of it and awaited her answer.
 
Toni had a small smile on her face that just wouldn't go away. It was something about Sam that just made her so happy all the time. Yet her smile had to be small. No matter how much Toni wanted to flash a huge smile, she knew it would just look goofy. Goofy was an adjective that Toni never wanted to be used to describe her.

Though Sam didn't seem to say another for a little bit. Was he thinking about her words? Did they confuse him? For some reason that amused Toni slightly. She got Sam thinking. That was her goal, to get him thinking about them. But she doubted it would work. 'Them' would always be a term for their friendship. Never anything else.

Finally Sam spoke. Bringing up the Christmas holiday. "I'm staying at the school" Toni said not having to think about it at all. Why on earth would she spend the holidays home with her mother, father, and all them. Sure she missed Amanda, but Toni knew she would might up with her young sister in the summer. Not worth seeing the whole family for just one decent member. "What are you doing for the holidays?" Toni asked wondering if Sam was staying as well. Last year the both of them stayed yet Toni spent all her time with Beau. Maybe if he was staying it would be different this year.
 
Sam contemplated on the fact that Toni was adament on staying at Hogwarts. It really made the whole thing seem more appealing to him. Last year he had stayed but he hadn't spoken to Toni at all, she had spent her time with Beau and Beau alone. But this year could be different? He hoped so, but he didn't want to seem desperate to see her so maybe he'd just 'accidently' bump into her.

"Umm...I think I'm staying" Sam said, well I guess thats settled then Sam thought to himself as he realized that that was his desicion and only because of a girl. Sam couldn't believe he was going to stay because of a girl, but its Toni, thats different. It was true Toni was different to every other girl Sam knew. There was something about her that made her so special.

Sam looked away from Toni, he was convinced that his stomach would explode with the amount of butterflies in it if he looked at her any longer. He ran his hand through his hair just for something to do. "So I guess, we'll see more of each other then?" Sam blurted out. What?!What the hell was that? He asked himself feeling incredibly dumb after what he had just said. It didn't even make that much sense. He had to think of something to do and fast. He had already used the 'hair' thing he needed to do something else. He turned his head around to look at Toni and smiled to her, a bit helplessly really.
 
Toni face lit up in a smile as Sam said he was staying. This will work Toni thought happily as she dimmed the smile down slightly not wanting to seem over excited for something as simple as Sam staying during the holidays. "Great. We'll have ot hang out at some point" She said trying to be as casual as she could even though inside the butterflies were flying and thoughts of the holidays were popping in her head. Now she would have to get Sam a gift, a great gift. Something heartfelt and something that would show Sam how she felt.

Once Sam looked away, Toni too brought her brown eyes away from him. The smile still on her face as she thought about just about everything. But before she could say anything Sam made a comment.

What did he mean by that? Toni wondered this but she wasn't quite sure. So I guess, we'll see more of each other then? Toni repeated in her mind a few times trying to make sense of the statement. It could be something as simple as they would bump into each other some times during the holiday or at the yule ball. Or it could mean something more. "Yeah I guess we will see each other more" Toni said a little oddly.

Looking at Sam for a moment she tucked a single strand of hair behind her ear. "You know we should probably head inside" Toni said hating that she had just let that come out of her mouth. God dont' be so stupid She thought not really wanting to go inside. Toni loved spending time with Sam yet she didn't know how she was able to with all these butterflies floating about. "I mean if you want to head inside" She said looking away for a moment.
 
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