Gone forever :'(

[Ellie Sparks]

Ellie ran out into the Gardens, it was pouring with rain, big droplets, but she didnt care!
Falling down under one of the big trees she re-red the letter her dad had sent her, re-reading and re-reading, every time taking in no more than the first.
Tears poured down from her eyes in buckets and her bare arms and legs were numb with the cold, but she couldnt feel, couldnt feel her body, but she could feel the pain in her heart and she felt like she would die with it.
It couldnt be, Her mum couldnt be dead. Her mum who had been there for her growing up, her mum who had loved her soo much, her mum whom she had loved, her mum who had done soo much for her!
It just couldnt be!
Looking down yet again onto her now wet letter, she could still see the marks were her dads tears had spilt, the black ink had run there.
Ellie didnt want to believe what she was reading, didnt want to believe that her mum was gone were she could never cuddle her again, ask for her advice, moan too when things werent right!
But not beleiving wouldnt bring her mum back!
Joannaleigh was gone, gone forever!
Ellie looked down at her legs, they looked unusually pale in her denim shorts, and her white canvas shoes were covered in mud, but Ellie didnt care, she wanted her Mum.
"MUHMMM" She screamed, her voice trailing while she looked up at the skies, her head falling backwards.
"MUHMMMMMMMM" She screamed again, hoping by chance that her mum would come and hold her in her arms, tell her everything was alright, but ofcourse she couldnt!

 

[Harriet Turner]

Harri walked out into the rain. Tears were dripping down her face she was sad. She was having a down day and all she could think about was Emma. She had a big thick hoodie on, skinny jeans and plimpsoles. She was warm but she felt like an ice queen. She felt like she could no longer feel she was cold and unfeeling. Her hood was up and her long straight hair was beginning to go back to its curly mess. She looked up and saw Ellie crying. She walked over and sat down. Ellie was one of Harri's best friend but she couldn't bring herself to do anything. She walked over and sat down next to her. "Ellie" she whispered her voice was husky due to the fact she hadn't used it in so long. Tears were still streaming down her face "Whats the matter?" she asked gently, her face was puffy and swollen from crying and not sleeping. Her sleves were long and covering her scabby cut arms.

 

[Ellie Sparks]

Ellie continued to sob non-stop and fast, her heart banging against her chest as Harri arrived at her side.
She couldnt explain what was up, she felt like shed never speak again, and her tears would never stop, so she passed Harri her dads letter wih a shaky hand, Tears falling as fast as rain and leaving Mascara marks on her face.

Ellie,
Im sorry to tell you, god that sounds so empty
You..Yo..Your mum's, i can hardly bring myself to say it never mind believe it, d..dead
Its definitely her, i had to go identify the body
its the most im-mobile ive ever seen her, even when she sleeps she mumbeling what her plans are for the next day
i..i.. well, ill let you know whats going to happen
Thell be a postmortan, we dont know what caused it

Love you soo much, take care of yourself and see you soon, dad and simon
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Her Dads hadwriting was shaky and she wondered if Harri would be able to make it out, in amongst the tear and rain stains, but all thoughts to do with things like that were in the back of Ellie mind as she continued to wail, she wanted to die, be sucked into a hole, were she could be with her mum.

 

[Harriet Turner]

Harri sat down next to Ellie her hood was up but her long blonde hair was poking out of it. She saw Ellie was upset. Really upset. Ellie reminded Harri of herself. Too much. It was scary, a few weeks ago she had been the same and she still was. She had recovered no better, she was still the same ghost of a person. As Ellie thrust the piece of paper at her she backed away quickly. She scrambled up, letters bought bad news and the last few she had recieved had sent her in a state of almost manic depression. The letters haunted her, her nightmares revovlved around the words that had been written in them. They made her scared and fidgety and again her hands were working like manics below them. She suddenly realised she was standing up and quickly sat down again. She stretched out her hand about to grab it before she snatched it back. "Sorry" she mumbled under her breath. She took a deep breath and, although her hand was shaking uncontrollabley, she took the letter. She read through it not taking anything in then she read it again. She let out a cry and jumped to her feet. She Hated letters more then anything in the world at the moment every single one had bought tragic news. Although this news was not her own, it made her sob like a baby. "I hate letter!" she cried tears pouring down her face. Her head spinning. "Ellie I don't know what to say. Because nothing helps. I know!" she cried looking at Ellie. She had been through the situation herself. Although this was Ellies mum Harri could totally realate to what she was going through but no matter how much she tried she knew no words of comfort, because there simply weren't anny. Nothing anyone could say helped her too feel better.

 

[Ellie Sparks]

Ellie cried harder as Harri was resistent to take the letter, she knew why and she hated to dump all this on Harri after it had happened to herself, but before she could take the letter back Harri had taken it and was reading it.
As Harri also cried Harder and said she didnt know what to say and that nothing helps, she tried to say, its ok and that she was sorry for putting this onto her ontop of everything else, but the words wouldnt leave her mouth, it was like she had lost her voice and all she could do was cry and wail, wich she done extremely loud.
Ellie looked up, seeing Harri standing there and got up, her legs wobbely and numb, putting her arms around Harri she hugged her, her way of saying Sorry and thank you, thanks for caring!
Ellie knew that nothing anybody said would help and she didnt want them to feel the need to, she knew they wouldnt know what she was feeling, unless they had lost someone, she knew Harri did know what she was feeling and she knew how difficult it was to find words to say, because her herself had done so with Harri!

 

[Harriet Turner]

Harri tried to smile but her lips resisted, they couldn't. For she had nothing to smile about or be happy about. Her world was crashing down around her and now so was Ellies. Ellie was her closest friend here and she couldn't do anything to help. She cried harder feeling like a failure as a friend and she knew that in the last coupple of weeks she had been a terrible friend, but at the moment she felt she didn't have the power to change that. She hugged Ellie back she helf her tightly getting the friendly feeling she had missed. The feeling she got from hugging Emma. Harri tried to open her mouth to speak but nothing came out. No words could express how she was feeling, and no words were good enough to comfort Ellie. She stood there hugging Ellie for what seemed like an eterntiy. Harri felt like collapsing on the floor. Going to sleep and never waking again. But she couldn't she knew she couldn't. The rain poured harder still stinging her skin. She pulled out of the hug and roughly rolled the sleves of her jumper up. She was greeted by an immense stinging sensation and she looked down and saw her bruised and battered arm. She quickly pulled her sleve back down feeling a huge pain through her wrist which felt like it was broken. Her wrist was pounding harder and harder but she didn't care. She couldn't care. She desperatly wanted to tell Ellie that it was ok. But she couldn't. She couldn't lie to her best friend.

 

[Ellie Sparks]

As Harri released her Ellie tried a weak smile it just didnt work! She didnt know what to do or to say and she now felt as if she knew what Harri had been going through when she lost Emma, when Ellie didnt know what to say, didnt know how to word how sorry she felt, But now Ellie felt like they didnt need words, they knew what they were each going through, and just being in the company of her Best Friend made Ellie feel like she was not alone in this cruel world, even though she had lost her mother, she had someone to go through the hard times with, someone who was going through the same!
Ellie fell back to the ground, she was Thoroughly soaked now and the rest of her body looked like her face, covered with never ending, fast flowing, burning tears!
Ellie felt like her whole body was drowning in the Firewhisky, she had once sneaked a sip of, burning her throat as it went down into her stomach. Only this pain didn't stop at her stomach, it kept going all the way down to her toes!
She didnt care about the pain in her body though, she felt like she deserved it, felt like that was her way of paying her mum, for all those years she had loved and looked after her, done things for her and basically just been there, Ellie felt her pain was a tribute to Joannaleigh!

 

[Harriet Turner]

Harri slumped on the floor next to Ellie, landing awkwardly on her wrist and screwing her face up in pain. She ripped down her hood and let the ice cold water flow over her body. The coldness reached her cheast and she felt as if she was drowning in an arctic pool. But she had had this feeling for a long time. She felt like an ice queen. She had done all the feeling and thinking in the world and now she couldn't do anymore. She felt iscolated off from the world and felt like the only person she could talk to was Ellie. Even her uncle made things awkward. She loved him to pieces she really did but at the moment she couldn't talk to him. For most of the holidays she had locked herself away. She couldn't do anything or talk to anyone without bursting out crying and now the tears poured but she felt nothing but longing for Emma. She was sad and lonely, but she was shutting off the rest of her emotions she was shoving them down to the bottom of her body, locking them away. She knew they would burst out eventually they always did. And when they did she would know about it, all her feeling would explode out of her body and there was nothing she could do to stop them. Slumped on the floor she felt like she could never get up again. She put her arm round Ellie, trying to transfer the little heat she herself had to Ellie. She knew the first few days were the hardest, but that didn't mean it got easier as the days past cause it didn't. It was terrible mulling things over in your head. Wondering how things could of and should have been. She sat there staring over the gardens wondering what she had done to deserve such a terrible life.

 

[Ellie Sparks]

Ellie cried harder and moved closer to Harri, so as to try and keep as warm as they could, they would both end up like ice cubes!
Ellie thought of what had happened, she just couldn't make sense of it, her mum couldn't possibly be dead, but she was, were there people out there deliberately trying to hurt her and Harri, did they not care that they were hurting so much.
Ellie thought back to a few weeks ago, when her mum and Emma were still alive, she wished she could go back to then and make things not happen, make everything okay!
She remembered Christmas day, her mum, dad, simon and herself sitting around the big tea table, there faces full with laughter as they read the Christmas cracker jokes. None of them had been thinking that this would happen then, and Ellie wished they did, so she could have made it as memorable as possible. Ellie remembered just a few years ago, when she was convinced there was monsters in her wardrobe, and how her mum had cleaned them all away with the hoover, then kissed her on her forehead before singing her a lullaby, Ellie had loved her mums lullabys, she always fell asleep to them, into cute, happy, fluffy dreams. She knew she would never have a dream like that again!
Remembering the memories made Ellie cry harder and Harder and she wailed, tilting her head back again and screaming in a shaky voice she didnt recognise., "MUUHUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMHMMMMMM, MUHHHHHHHHHMMMMM" Like she was once again a little kid who needed monsters hoovered out of her closet.

 

[Harriet Turner]

Harri moved in still closer. Shivering like mad, her teeth chattered violently which was about the only sound she could hear in the whole gardens. Everyone was silent and still. They had no worries, they didn't have to go through the ordeals that Ellie and Harri faced. Harri's future seemed bleak and she was disgusted with herself for not having the right words to comfort Ellie. Her pupils were dialated and her breathing was shallow, the pain in her wrist was becoming unbearable and no matter how much she tried to block it out, it wasn't working. She sudddenly cried out in pain, pain that was not only coming from her wrist but from deep inside were the pain was like a thousand knives stabbing her. Ellie suddenly cried out and Harri panicked, she didn't know what to do. A thousand thoughts were running through her head, the silence had lasted so long and then was suddenly pierced by Harri and Ellies hysterical cries. "Ellie!" she cried sobbing harder "Ellie, please. I'm sorry and i know that doesn't help! believe me I know! But i don't know what to say!" Harri cried tears running down her face and mascara dripping from her eyes lashes. Harri hugged Ellie feeling like she never wanted to let go, her wrist was killing her, murdering her inside, but the pain was good it reminded her she was still alive. Her face winced but now wasn't the time to be focusing on herself. Why did she have to be so constantly selfish. She hugged Ellie tighter putting pressure on her wirst and feeling the pain soak through her.

 

[Ellie Sparks]

Ellie hugged Harri tightly, Her tears spilling onto Harris shoulders, "A..Are you ok..okay?" She managed to ask through sobs, she had heard Harri crying out in pain but hadnt been able to do anything about it at the time, she had been hysterical.
She hoped Harri was okay, she didn't know what she would do if there was even a broken bone in her body, but she would make sure she definately lived!
Its sounded stupid but that was the kind of things going through Ellie's mind, what would happen that would hurt her next, she was sure there'd be something!

 

[Harriet Turner]

"I'm fine!" she sobbed lieing really badly, the pain got too much and she cried out again "Its just my wrist nothing really" she mumbled look at her swollen wrist which looked to be in the wrong place. Harri tried to comfort Ellie she knew that Ellie would probably be thinking crazy thoughts because Harri had been thinking the same when Emma died. When someone close to you dies all you can think about is dieing. And that was going through Harris head, every miner injury every headache made her fearfull. Headaches were the worst, Emma had died of head injuries and everytime her head banged she felt like she couldn't breather, fear errupted over her body. "I'm fine really!" she added, though the pain was increasing by the second.

 

[Ellie Sparks]

Ellie cried out, the tears erupting from her eyes, "NO, Harri, we have to get that seen to, please, please go to the Hospital Wing, ill take you" Ellie begged, Harris wrist was badly bruised and swollen and it was really worrying Ellie!

 

[Harriet Turner]

"I'm fine!" Harri sobbed thought the pain was mounting "I don't need any fuss!" she said but screamed again as she lent on it roughly. "It hurts Ellie!" she mumbled holding it up. She had injured it during the holidays but no-one noticed as it was her right wrist and she was left handed.

 

[Ellie Sparks]

Ellie sobbed as Harri held her badly bruised and injured wrist up, "Harri Please, we have to, Its hurting you, we have to, please" Ellie cried, standing up and taking Harri's left hand, trying to pull her up.

 

[Harriet Turner]

Harri finally gave in the pain was unbearable "OK!" she mumbled feebly allowing herself to be hoisted up by her left arm. "I'm sorry I'm meant to be comforting you not the other way round" she said looking guiltly up at Ellie.

((I'll PM one of the new nurses!))

 

[Ellie Sparks]

(( Ok I have to go home now but will be on in 5 10 mins soon as i get there ))

Ellie managed a weak smile, happy that Harri was going to get her wrist seen to and waved away her apology, "No" She said through renewed sobs, "Were helping each other"!

 

[Harriet Turner]

((I have to go now but will replie tommorow ))

Harri managed a weak smile through the pain "Thanks!" she whispered "Though I don't feel I've helped at all!" she confessed. "I have just been a pain" she added truthfully.

 

[Ellie Sparks]

Ellie smiled, before crying even more, "You havent beed, youve been great, i dont knwo what id do without you" She said truthfully, If Harri hadnt come tonight Ellie didnt know what she would have done, they hadnt said much, but just Harris presence made Ellie feel a bit better, like she wasnt alone, herself, with no-one to confide in!
"And to be honest i think its me that hasnt helped any" Ellie said, saying what she had been thinking ever since Emma had died, she didnt feel like she had been a big help to Harri atall!

 

[Harriet Turner]

Harri smiled weakly back, both of the them were going through the same thing and Harri felt not so alone when she was with Emma. "No don't be silly you have been great! I couldn't have coped if you weren't here!" Harri said before crying harder. Her right wrist ached so much and the pain was now shooting up her arm. She cradeled it in her right hand to try and stop the pain.

 

[Ellie Sparks]

Ellie returned Harri's weak smile through hard sobs, the rain was harder than ever now, battering down onto there backs and Ellie was scared by how much Harri's wrist was hurting her, she knew a Nurse would be able to fix it up in no time though.
"Harri, lets go" She mumbeled putting her arm over Harri and leading her up to the castle.

 

[Harriet Turner]

Harri sobbed harder feeling like a baby "Okay" she said through muffled cries, she allowed herself to be led to the hospital wing by Ellie, the rain was pouring harder down on them but Harri doubted that either of them noticed.

 

[Ellie Sparks]

(( Ill see you there ))

 

[Harriet Turner]

((Ok are you starting it or am I?))

 

[Ellie Sparks]

(( I have ))