Girls Like Girls

[Zara Cohen-Knight]

The holidays were well underway and although Zara had many things to do at her grandparents home her mind always went to Darcy. She thought of telling her all that she hid and how the girl's reaction would be to her truth. Some were fantastical and some were awful but Zara felt lighter the more she imagined it. The tightness in her chest was manageable and it left her with only one conclusion: She had to tell Darcy. However, Zara knew that she could never tell the girl face-to-face because she was nowhere near as brave and bold as she would have to be for that. Instead she looked at the family owl and knew the only way Zara could be truthful was through a letter. Words were never her strong suit because she muddled them up and never got across what she wanted to but they would have to do today. So once everyone else had gone to sleep Zara wrote a letter and sent the owl off, hoping that if there was a response from Darcy it would be positive but more than that everyone in her house would respect privacy and not read any response she got. She wasn't ready to tell Lennon. Her heart hurt at the thought of losing him and one step at a time was the only way she could take this.

Dear Darcy,

I'm writing because I have something difficult to tell you and I can't tell you face-to-face. It's far too hard to imagine doing so but I hope that even though I am writing this down you will do me a kindness and burn this letter after you've read through it. I trust you enough to know that you will not share this with people as I'm not ready to do so. Only one other person knows and it is Xavier Jeffreys.

The reason I caused a stir last winter/summer and sent you home was not because of anything you did. In fact, I'm not sure why you weren't more angry with me because there was nothing you did wrong. This was the reason I broke up with Asaiah too as I couldn't face lying to him even though I so wanted it to be the truth. I had to face the fact that I like girls. You're relationship with Olivia helped me to realize that I want what you two have but I'm not brave like you are. I suppose the reason why I caused our fight was because I knew that it was strange to have certain feelings towards girls and I lashed out at you for it. I'm sorry for that. I've tried so hard to hide this since I've found out that I can barely talk to Lennon and the only person I spend my time with has hobbies that are the most disgusting things one could imagine. I deserve it for being so immoral. I'm still not sure how to consolidate this but I felt I had to tell you.

I hope this hasn't furthered the wedge between us because you are my best friend and I want to remain that way but I will understand if this has.

Zara.

 

[Darcy Pratt]

Darcy knew it was not nice to keep Zara waiting for a response for as long as she had, but the truth was that the letter had come as quite a shock to Darcy. For the past year she had been processing her own feelings towards girls and slowly been getting comfortable being okay with it in public, and regaining her friendship with Zara. But to hear that Zara had the similar feelings for girls made her feel something dangerous in the pit of her stomach. It was a bit like hope, yet something about that felt wrong. She had a girlfriend now and she was enjoying the thrill of being in her first true relationship and although whatever feelings surfaced for Zara, Darcy knew from this letter that more than anything Zara needed a friend to understand her. So Darcy decided to write back to her once she had figured out everything she wanted to tell her.
​

August 1, 2044​

Dear Zara,

I apologize for responding to your letter so late, I needed time to process everything. I understand how hard it is for you to admit this to yourself, let alone someone else, so I'm glad you told me. I hope admitting it has lifted a weight off your shoulders even just the slightest. From here it gets easier.

I, too, have a confession to make about last winter/summer. I didn't truly realize I liked girls until that moment when I saw you. I didn't try to stop you when you kicked me out because I felt disgusting so I thought I deserved the way you lashed out at me. It was awful and wrong and I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable at all. The only reason I finally started being true to myself and gave it a shot at a relationship with a girl was because I thought I had already lost you as a friend. I thought you wouldn't want to be friends with someone so disgusting and wrong, so I figured I had nothing to lose when I'd already lost you. But then you showed me that we could still be friends despite all that.

I am with Olivia now and I am glad we can be friends again so nothing inappropriate will occur to make you uncomfortable. How do two girls who happen to be attracted to girls be friends without making the other uncomfortable accidentally?? I promise I will not try to jeopardize that in any way.

I don't want to tell you how to live your life Z, but I don't think it's fair to drag Xavier along like that. If you broke up with Asaiah for realizing your attraction to girls, I think it's only fair you do the same for Xavier. It was the same reason I broke up with Cato in my fifth year, but I couldn't admit the real reason to you at the time because I was too scared to tell you.

I don't have much more experience in this whole thing, but we can try to navigate through it together. I do think you should try to tell your brother though, I'm sure he'd love you just the same and it might be nice to tell someone other than me. You've known each other your entire lives, you owe him that. Though to be honest, I can understand your apprehension since the only reason I told Kennedy was because I couldn't avoid her at school. I know your Head of House sucks so if anything you can talk to her for advice? She sort of helped push me into going for it and asking Olivia out.

We all deserve to live our truths in peace. If nothing else, you'll always have it with me.

Yours truly,
Darcy