Forgive and Forget

[Sebastian Rossi]

As he left his room, Sebastian made a vow to himself to not return until he had cornered Trilby and spoken with her. Much to Sebastian's annoyance, Trilby had turned out to be really skilled at avoiding people. Other than the classes they shared, Sebastian had not really seen her around all that much since the day of the greenhouse. He knew things had gone much farther than they had expected them to. The semester was drawing to a close, and he knew he wouldn't be happy going home without having some kind of talk with her.

Knowing that he would have to seek her out since she hadn't come looking for him, Sebastian had attempted to stop her after class several times, but . He had also paced the area around the girls' dormitories one night earlier in the week, but had left when several girls walked by giggling and he had heard them whispering about the greenhouse.

Wondering where she might be, Sebastian walked around the school. Probably the library or the prefect's room, Sebastian thought, stopping for a moment to look through a window with a view of the grounds. For the millionth time since March, Sebastian wished he could go out on the grounds, but he had been banned by both the headmistress and his grandmother from stepping a toe outside the castle. It would have been easy for him to sneak out onto the grounds, but it wasn't worth it to Sebastian. He had enough to deal with without adding another spot of trouble.

At least the school is empty today, Sebastian mused as he sat himself in the windowsill and stared out of the closed window. He was tired of hearing the rumors about what Trilby and he had done in the greenhouse. He didn't know where anyone was getting their information from, and was astounded at how scarily accurate some of it was. Although there were tons of Beauxbatons students milling about on the grounds, Sebastian prayed that Trilby wasn't one of them. He hoped that she was inside somewhere and that he would find her because he knew that this was the perfect opportunity for them to air out whatever problem they were having.

 

[Trilby Kiedis]

Trilby was walking on cloud nine of late, Xavier had asked her out and she had said yes. The only darkness on the horizon was the fact that herself and Sebastian still weren't talking but after over hearing what himself and Alexius had been discussing she had wanted nothing more than to never see him again. She had never felt so humiliated and had listened to enough sneers and snide remarks about what people suspected had happened. The suspicion was no longer there now for many had eavesdropped on the boys as they had talked. Now that she was dating the boy more famous for being the 'school flirt' she had risen in the eyes of some of the girls. The shallow girls who went by popularity and the fact that she had 'done it' had also raised her in their eyes. She kept herself hidden away as much as possible, if it weren't for classes and the times she spent with Xavier she probably wouldn't venture out of her dorm at all.

Walking now to the library knowing many were outdoors, Trilby stopped. Her gaze was rivetted to her best friend or at least the boy who used to be her best friend. It pained her to look at him, a tug in her heart letting her know that she was still hurting because of him. Could she walk by without being noticed? Why wasn't he out side like everyone else? Taking a deep breath she decided once and for all to confront the last of her demons and walking up to him, clad in her uniform she exhaled slowly.
"Why did you do it?" her tone was immediately accusatory, "why did you have to go and speak about us ... about what we did?" It was strange how even now she felt an urge to be closer to him but put that down straight away to residual lust from the greenhouse. This was after all the first time they had spoken to one another in almost forever.

 

[Sebastian Rossi]

Getting the feeling that he was being watched, Sebastian turned his head slightly and saw Trilby. He took in a sharp breath. Alexius was right about one thing...she's definitely pretty. More than that even, Sebastian thought to himself as he gazed at the girl he had once called his best friend. Now, he wasn't sure where they stood. He moved to get off the windowsill and realized that she was walking toward him. Finally, he thought as a faint smile crept onto his face and he made to wave his hand in greeting. He knew that if their friendship was as strong as he thought it was, they'd be able to talk things out.

Before he'd gotten his hand fully up, Trilby was in front of him and asking him why he'd spoken about the greenhouse incident. He was surprised at the tone she was taking with him. With a bewildered look on his face, Sebastian dropped his hand to his side. "What are you talking about?" he asked in disbelief as he took a step back. He couldn't believe that she would think he would say anything about what they had done. He had even gone so far as to tell Alexius to mind his business when he had tried to get something out of him, and he knew he hadn't breathed a word of what had happened to anyone not even Trilby. She can't really think I'd spread rumors about her, can she? the teenager wondered.

"You're not talking about the day I was serving detention, are you? " he asked quickly, the thought suddenly coming to him. "You've got it all wrong..." he added as he shook his head, wondering how he could get her to believe him.

 

[Trilby Kiedis]

She had wanted so desperately to believe that her best friend had not been capable of hurting her as much as he had but she could not disbelieve what she had heard with her own two ears. Her heart had broken that day and if it were not for Xavier she deduced she would now have serious trust issues.

"What am I talking about?" her French accent grew thicker when she was frustrated and exasperated beyond reason. He was going to deny it then, deny it all. She was the object of ridicule about the school for the past few months because of the horrible rumor that of course she knew was based on truth but that was not the point, the truth should never have been put out there, should never have been leaked.

"Then explain it to me. Explain to me how you and Alexius were discussing 'us', please I would love to hear it" she stood with hands on hips, fire flaring in her eyes when for so long because of the absence of him in her life they had seemed so dull and lifeless. Whatever had happened between them and whether their friendship were ever to survive this, she knew without a doubt that she did miss him in her life.

 

[Sebastian Rossi]

Sebastian closed his eyes as he heard Trilby mention Alexius. Damn...Sebastian thought as he opened them again and listened to Trilby. She sounded frustrated with him and Sebastian felt hurt, more hurt than he had felt in the past weeks and months when she hadn't been speaking to him. This was definitely not going how he had hoped it would. Not at all.

As she waited for an explanation with her hands on her hips, Sebastian's mouth felt extremely dry. He looked his lips nervously even though he knew that it was all a great, terrible misunderstanding. "Tril" he began, the nickname he had given her nearly the first time they'd met sounding foreign on his lips, "it's not what you think it was." He was about to take another step closer to her but paused as he glanced at her eyes again. As angry as she looked, he figured she might just slap him at any moment and walk away so he didn't step closer. He had to get this out before she walked away and out of his life. Sebastian knew he couldn't let that happen. He missed having someone to goof around with and to tease. Things just weren't the same at Beauxbatons for Sebastian since the two former best friends had stopped talking.

"That day you saw us in the entranceway...Alexius tried to get me to talk about what happened. He was trying to get me mad. I don't even think the jacka** knew you were there. He asked about all of the rumors but" he said, shaking his head and his voice grew stronger, "I didn't tell him anything. I told him to mind his own business." Sebastian left out the part about the two getting into a fight unsure of whether Trilby had heard about it and figuring it was irrelevant to mention.

As he continued to speak, his voice softened to a pleading whisper, "I would never tell anyone about that Tril...you know that. That was between us...noone else. I don't even know how anyone else found out." Sebastian twisted the earring on his ear nervously. If Trilby didn't believe what he had just told her, he didn't know what else to do. Every word that had come out of his mouth had been nothing but the truth.

 

[Trilby Kiedis]

She listened trying to be impartial but how could she be when it was all concerning herself. No matter how much she tried to fight the urge, it seemed to grow; all she wanted to do was fling her arms about him and tell him how much she had missed him. His friendship meant everything to her, when she had no one he had been there for her. When Carlisle had literally vanished from her life, it was Sebastian who had stepped up to the plate. Even now as she watched him become upset in trying to explain things to her, she could not bear it. Of course she believed him, Alexius Strauss was known for his underhand tactics and if she hadn't been feeling so confused and so sorry for herself, she would have seen that straight away.

"It was all guess work I think, we had been gone too long and apparantly looked all flushed when we returned" she hung her head slightly before looking at him again, "I believe you Sebastian. I am sorry I couldn't speak to you after we... well, you know. It just.. well, I was ... embarrassed and confused by it all. The longer I left it, the harder it became. Can you forgive me?"

 

[Sebastian Rossi]

Everything was riding on how Trilby reacted to what Sebastian had told her. He had no loyalty to the school, having only been there for a year and Trilby had been the only real friend he had in the school. There were a couple of other people who weren't too annoying, but for the most part Sebastian had had a difficult year. The best memories he had of the year all involved Trilby.

When she looked up at him and told him that she believed him, Sebastian let out a huge breath. It felt like a pressure had been lifted from his shoulders, one that had been weighing heavily since the beginning of the term. He listened as she attempted to explain why she hadn't come to him sooner and he realized that she had felt much the same way he had. Confused. Afraid. Alone. With a small smile, Sebastian shook his head. "There's nothing to forgive Trilby" he began and then realized that wasn't true. If the two were going to move on, he had to get it all out. "I just wish we could've done this sooner then maybe the semester wouldn't have felt so slow" he said jokingly and then his face went serious again. " Besides, I'm the one who should be sorry..." he mumbled just loud enough for her to hear. He didn't continue on but hoped she knew he was apologizing for taking things so far. The longer he had gone without speaking to Trilby, the guiltier he felt about their having sex in the greenhouse. The halls were quiet which was just as well because this was not a conversation for the whole school to hear.

 

[Trilby Kiedis]

Trilby moved to stand beside him at the window seat, leaning her back against it instead of sitting down. Her fingers fumbled with each other as he spoke, it would probably be a while heavens knew how long it would take them to get back to the point where they once were but somehow she knew they could never go back. Their friendship would have to take on a different path, one marked with experiences that both seemed loathe to remember and yet she also knew that in years from now looking back on her first time she would be glad to have shared it with Sebastian of all boys.

A smile traced her mouth as she glanced up at him. She knew why he was apologizing now but it was crazy for them to keep blaming each other.
"Sebastian don't, I could have said no. I could have stopped us" at least she would always tell herself this, "can we put it behind us please, maybe when we're older and wiser we can laugh about it together but not now."

It would only break her heart if they began discussing it all, she was still too confused. Knowing that she had felt something more for him that day, knowing that her feelings for him had seemed heightened but she had pushed those thoughts and feelings aside. Had concentrated solely on the embarrassment and pain until she could not bear to even talk with him. She had since found comfort in Xavier's arms and even this seemed like too much to break to Sebastian. Their friend ship really did seem tainted.

 

[Sebastian Rossi]

Sebastian moved over a bit as Trilby moved closer to the seat to join him. In the past, he probably wouldn't have but now he was unsure how close they should be to each other. He noticed that Trilby too was acting much different than they usually did with each other. When she asked that they put the whole incident behind them, Sebastian nodded quickly. Perhaps she would be right and they would be able to laugh about this years from now. He sure hoped so anyway.

"Ok...new subject" Sebastian said, his hand reaching up to twist his earring again. "Did you hear the howler my gran sent me a few months back?" he said with a mischievous smile. It was a much more light-hearted topic than the one they had been discussing and he figured they could both do with something less heavy. Perhaps it would help them both relax. Besides, he had never told her why he had been cleaning the floors on the day she had seen him with Alexius.

 

[Trilby Kiedis]

She couldn't help but notice him move away when she went to stand beside him, so this was what they had come too? It was extremely sad in a way, she could recall with perfect clarity the crazy classroom assignments they had always paired up for, the dance lessons that had gone awry, so much that they had been inseparable for, as if joined at the hip. And now... now they could barely stand near one another. It definitely wasn't water under the bridge, whatever fragile bit of friendship could be gleaned from this would have to be nurtured with extreme care and caution if it was to become even half way like how it once was.

"I think the entire school heard that howler" she smiled, "So what were you doing off school grounds? I'm a prefect remember, your gran might not have said that part aloud but I was privvy to the information only because the professor needed help deciding on your punishment. I think you got off lightly myself, my option had been to make you dust all the paintings in the corridors".
She chuckled letting him know she was joking here of course.
"Was she very cross with you?"

 

[Sebastian Rossi]

Sebastian chuckled as Trilby said that everyone must have heard the howler. It was probably true. When she asked what he was doing off school grounds, Sebastian shrugged. "Well it was during the weekend when we could go to town. I just kinda...went a bit further than town to visit my friend Willow...in New Zealand" he ended sheepishly. He knew that Trilby would likely disapprove of it with her being a prefect and all.

He listened to her talk about making him dust paintings. He knew she was joking of course and he found himself laughing as well. It felt good to laugh with her again and although this still felt much more awkard than he wanted it to, it was beginning to feel a bit more like old times. "I'm glad you didn't Tril because I would have had to get you back for that" he said with a laugh. When Trilby asked if his gran was upset about the whole thing, Sebastian looked at her with his eyebrow raised. "Do you think I'd be inside by choice? My gran banned me from leaving the building unless it is for 'classroom purposes'...If I step a toe outside without the permission of a professor, she's threatened to homeschool me, and I'm sure she'll have something else to punish me when I get home." Sebastian was keeping his fingers crossed that his grandmother wouldn't be too hard on him when he returned home. She had given him permission to invite Willow and her boyfriend for a week, so perhaps she really wasn't that upset.

 

[Trilby Kiedis]

She looked taken aback when he said he had gone as far as New Zealand and something stirred when he mentioned a girls name.Trilby had known he had left school grounds and had gone farther afield than the local town but she had not realized that
he had gone quite that far. She wondered why she had never heard of this friend before, why he had never told her. Was this Willow more than just a friend? Again a little something akin to jealousy stirred but Trilby chose to ignore it as best she
could. She had made her decision, it was his friendship that she needed nothing more. Though Sebastian being friends with any other girl was just not something she liked at all.

"Well that made two of us who left the school for that country at least I was not so foolish as to get caught" she smiled then, knowing he had probably been expecting a long lecture but she was not in the mood to give him one.

A chuckle escaped her as he spoke about getting her back if his punishment had been the one she had wanted, shaking her head animatedly her hand seemed to naturally reach out and playfully push him. It was only a small little shove but no sooner had she touched him than she pulled her hand away. Physical contact was simply not something she needed with him right now, no matter how used to it they had gotten.
No more hand holding, linking arms, dancing, nudging or anything in her mind it led to other things. Her thoughts had taken her directly back to the greenhouse and to his lips on hers, she blushed crimson because hard as she tried she knew that they had both felt something other than lust that day. She was grateful that he continued to speak about his grandmother, a neutral subject at least.

"Homeschool you? Goodness this school would not be the same without you so you had better behave" she had meant it as a friendly gesture of course, the saying of something nice because they were trying to be friends but as she looked up at him it was as if she were relating with her eyes alone, that it was not just the school that would not be the same without him, that she wouldn't be either. Glancing away quickly
she turned to look out the window at all the other students having so much fun.
"I don't think you're missing too much really" she grinned.

 

[Sebastian Rossi]

Sebastian noticed an odd expression on Trilby's face as he spoke about going to New Zealand to see Willow, but figured it had something to do with her dissappointment that he'd left not only the area but the country. He was pleased that she seemed almost as upset about the whole homeschooling idea as he had been when his grandmother had first threatened him with it. "Don't worry. I don't think she was that serious about it" Sebastian said with a grin, "It'd take away from the time she could spend in her lab...and I think I'd go crazy being home all the time." Sebastian glanced at Trilby and silently added, And I'd miss you, though he wouldn't speak those words out loud. It was a small victory for him that they were speaking again. He didn't want to ruin it and make her go running off again by saying something like that.

"Besides, do you really think I'd leave you to fend for yourself with all of them?" he asked as he glanced out the window as well. Many of the students were already laid out and beginning to work on their tans, while others flew around on brooms and still others played with fanged frisbees. "Yea, I guess you're right."

Sebastian raised his eyebrow and gave Trilby a sideways glance. He had one last thing he had to hear from Trilby before he would be able to rest easy. She hadn't mentioned anything about it so far, so he knew he would have to. "So...what's this I hear about you and Snow?" he asked, forcing his voice to sound as even as possible as if he could have been asking about the weather. He'd heard rumors about the two of them, but wanted to hear it from the source. Although Sebastian knew he had no right to be jealous, he rationalized it, telling himself he was just looking out for Trilby and only wanted the best for her.

 

[Trilby Kiedis]

It felt as if they had never had the past few months seperating them, as if their friendship had been flawless. She smiled at him, grateful for the time they had met and recalling it now with perfect clarity. Her eyes welled up affectionately and she berated herself for being so sentimental. Glancing away from him as he spoke about his grandmother and how he would go crazy being at home she knew just how he felt. At least she knew if she were stuck at home she would miss him so much as well.

Her thoughts worried her, whenever she was near him her feelings for him over-rode all else and it bothered her. She cared so very much for Xavier, yet perhaps the feelings for Sebastian were merely those of a best friend. She loved him and knew this as surely as the sun rose and the moon phased. But she was not in love with him any more than she was in love with her boyfriend. Once upon a time she had been, had been certain of it but now... now she would probably never trust her heart like that ever again.

Sebastian asked her then about Xavier and she blushed. Looking up at him before looking down at her fingers.
"It depends I guess on what you hear. If you hear that I am tutoring him then that is nonsence he is very intelligent really. If.. " she glanced up at him, willing herself to keep eyecontact as she said the words, "if you heard that I am dating him, then yes. I am".
Why she felt guilty was beyond her but she could not help feeling this way somehow. It niggled her greatly as she turned her gaze back to the students outside.