Closed Fleeting thoughts

[Professor Geovanna Adler-Cade]

Professor Adler knew that for some students, the Boggart would be one of their most difficult lessons. She tried to give them as much preparation as she could, but for some it seemed as though they would occasionally bite off more than they could chew. In the case of one of her Gryffindors, Mania Athanasiou had no only struggled with her boggart, but completely fled the classroom, leaving Geo to tuck the Boggart back into the wardrobe for the next student. While the woman was here to protect her students as much as she could, she also wanted to make sure that they were equipped to deal with whatever was thrown in their way.

The blonde had sent an owl to the third year, asking her to come by her office so they could talk things through. She didn't expect Nia to turn up to the following lesson acting as though this wasn't something she needed to reflect on. The door to her office was already open, and Geo was sat behind her desk marking her first year's tests as she waited for the third year.

 

[Mania Athanasiou]

Mania had right out screamed in horror when she got that owl from Professor Adler, this was not the type of owl she wanted. The Professor must have been disappointed beyond words, probably ready to echo everything her Boggart had been telling her. Nia had paced the dorm, considered asking one of her friends or sisters to accompany her but Felix had been right. She was more equipped to handle the situation now that she was aware of it and she could do it on her own.

Nearing the door to Professor Adler's office she saw it was open. She could still turn around and run away, right? That was always an option. But it was then that she thought that'd be letting the fear win, she could do this. She could face the woman that'd become her favourite Professor among the History of Magic one and her possible disappointment in her. She was a Gryffindor and she would not be afraid this time. Walking into the office she stayed by the door and cleared her throat. "Um, you wanted to see me Professor." She said, keeping her eyes strictly on the ground lingering somewhere around her shoes and the tiles of the floor beneath them.

 

[Professor Geovanna Adler-Cade]

Geo heard the steps coming up the stairs towards her office, presuming it was the Gryffindor. She didn't look up from her work to begin with, but hearing Mania's voice confirmed her suspicions. "Thank you for coming, please, take a seat," she told her, writing out the last few notes on one first year's humorous attempt to pass the exam by submitting something that would make Geo laugh instead of actually answering the question.

Laying down her quill, the blonde finally looked up to look at the student who'd joined her. "Do you know why I've called you in?" she asked. She wanted to help Mania but there was a point she needed to make to her too, and it wasn't as simply as just repeating the exercise without making it first.

 

[Mania Athanasiou]

Mania did not want to take a seat. At all. Taking a seat would mean getting away was more difficult and that made the third years skin crawl. She stared at the seat in front of the desk hesitantly, contemplating on whether to do as she was told or not. "I'd rather stay standing, if that's alright with you." She told the Professor, walking behind the chair and leaning her hands on it. Sitting down made her feel like she'd be locked in the situation and she knew if she felt like that she'd just get up and flee again.

"Yes, because I failed and disappointed you. It's okay I know." She said, gripping the back of the seat for dear life staring at anything that wasn't the woman in front of her. She liked the Professor and her heart would break even further if her eyes mirrored even a semblance of what she found everytime she looked at her mum. "You don't have to tell me how I shouldn't have ran, I know. It was a knee-jerk reaction, I couldn't stay. I couldn't." She explained, uncomfortable at the prospect of even talking about it again. She wasn't proud of fleeing but she also knew that it'd been far too much to her in the moment.

 

[Professor Geovanna Adler-Cade]

Professor Adler was surprised when Mania decided not to take a seat, although didn't show as such on her face. If anything it was an admirable trait, to be able to stand up (no pun intended) for what she knew was good for her. "Alright," Geo sat back in her chair, crossing her arms over her chest.

Just for an instant, Geo suddenly saw one of her daughters in Mania. It had been a tough afternoon, but the similarity that she believed Geo thought of her as not quite good enough had lingered with the blonde for a while. After Mania had tried to explain, Geo stayed quiet for a moment with nothing but the occasional crackle of the nearby fireplace to cut the silence.

"I'm not disappointed in you Mania," Geo spoke eventually. "Running from something could potentially be the difference between life or death," at least, it could be for an Auror. Running from something just meant she had something worth protecting. "Besides, it's my job to protect you. If you can't face something during your time at school, stepping between you is precisely why I'm here."

 

[Mania Athanasiou]

The silence was unsettling, waiting for the woman to tell her just how disappointed she was made Mania want to disappear right then and there. She wished the floor might swallow her entire body, or a natural disaster might hit and sweep only her away, a tornado with only one target. Only the Professor never told her she was disappointed.

Mania's eyes shot up, involuntarily, her face turning into a confused frown. "You aren't?" She asked, quieter than she meant. That was yet another adult that wasn't disappointed in her, even when she failed. "I know... I was very mad at myself over it, in the end that was what bothered me more. The fact I just turned around and ran instead of facing it. In the end I was more upset at that prospect than anything else." Mania explained, shifting her weight every couple of seconds.

 

[Professor Geovanna Adler-Cade]

Geo listened to the Gryffindor, nodding as she continued to explain. "While you're at school Mania, you have the ability to take a step back. You can leave, come back, try again later. I'm not going to ask you to repeat the exercise but you can if it would make you feel better. While at Hogwarts, you're free to practise as much as you need." The blonde could tell Mania was surprised to hear she wasn't disappointed, but in the professors eyes she was beating herself up over the wrong thing.

"I called you in because I don't think you were ready." Geo sat a little straighter in her chair. "We have lessons leading up to the Boggart where you can prepare yourself, opportunities for you to make sure that when the time comes, you're confident with what you're doing." Perhaps it was harsh, but in this subject it paid off to be harsh if it meant that someone didn't put themselves in unnecessary danger. "Confidence without preparation is just arrogance."

"One day you won't be in the protection of the castle or around me, anymore. One day running away might be the best thing for you to do. Things will catch you off guard, surprise you in ways you didn't expect and you can never be ready for everything, but putting yourself in dangerous situations while ignoring the chance to prepare yourself first?" Geo sighed, "I don't want to see you do that again. If you are unsure, if you have doubts, you don't put yourself in the way, because one day this won't be a classroom."

 

[Mania Athanasiou]

Mania wanted to cry all over again. She'd ignored the chance to prepare, not because she was truly arrogant but because she was scared. Sure she'd explained it to herself in a way that she wasn't scared of anything because that had been easier than admitting that she was scared and insecure most of all. "I didn't ignore the opportunity to prepare because I thought I could do it without, I did it because deep down I knew what would come out of that closet." She explained, shifting uncomfortably. "Coming to Hogwarts meant getting away from my mum, from the constant rejection and for the better part of my life I have done nothing but ran from that feeling of rejection. I don't want to face it because it hurts. Rejection hurts and I'd rather jump into a burning house than feel it," the third year sniffled a little, gripping the back of the chair for any form of solid founding to ground her.

"It didn't take me too long to figure out it'd be my mum that would step out of the closet, I wasn't arrogant I was a fool. I thought avoiding it would make it go away, like she thinks avoiding me will make me go away." She should have known that wouldn't happen. She'd done it sill. "I told myself I wasn't scared of anything and I'd be fine because that was easier than admitting the truth, of admitting that the last two and a half years instead of moving forward I am still at the same spot I was when that hat was placed on my head. Hoping, wishing to belong somewhere. To be enough, to be deserving of those around me," These were things she hadn't spoken out loud ever, but it was all bubbling out now.

"I knew that seeing my mum here," she gestured to the office around them, in a sense to the castle as a whole. "I knew it would pull that carefully crafted rug of false sense of comfort and safety from beneath my feet, I knew that her presence here, no matter if its just in the form of a stupid shapeshifter, would taint the work I have done to create a place where I can be myself." It was easy to ignore the side her mum brought out when she wasn't around, but seeing her in that classroom had broken something fundamental in Mania's brain, Hogwarts had been the one place where she hadn't had to put up with the negativity of the woman. "I should have come to you before and I know that, but I have never been good at facing things like that. I turn around and run because that way at least I feel in control of it buts it foolish and stupid more than anything else." There were warm tears on her cheeks hat she wasn't sure when they'd started to fall down her cheeks but the stupid Boggart had rattled her, more than she'd realized and she was letting it all out. She'd told people about it before, how her mum made her feel but something about this conversation felt different.

 

[Professor Geovanna Adler-Cade]

As Geo listened to Mania, she felt conflicted. Her experience as a parent was incredibly different to the opinion she held as an Auror, and while Mania may never have ever desired to work in that field, it was still necessary. If she failed at her job to teach her students how to look after themselves, she would fail the parents, too. Perhaps things were different if she wasn't Mania's professor, but right now Geo's priority was make sure that Mania was safe, above comfortable.

"I'm sorry, that your relationship with your mum is strained," the blonde knew it was difficult to raise children, she'd done it many times now. "I think if you need someone to talk to about your relationship, you should reach out to the councillor," the staff at Hogwarts would always help where they could, and they'd be able to give Mania an approach that while Geo felt in her heart, was hard to express if she wanted to do her job properly. "You knew seeing your mum would make things difficult, but you chose to ignore that. Do you know what kind of outcome that could result in if you continue to do that?" She didn't want to dwell on it but it was important to make the point.

"Rejection might hurt," Geo paused, debating whether to finish her sentence. She knew this would cast her in a different light and perhaps it would be unkind, but this was the one subject that had to put emotions to the side if the students wanted to do well, "but there are far worse things in this world that will try to hurt you." Of course no one liked rejection, it would make you uncomfortable, but feeling helpless when your friends and family were at risk was a pain like no other. "Facing your fears is hard, but letting them control you to the point that you neglect your safety is downright foolish, and I didn't take you for a fool." Geo was watching the third year intently, "If you need to practise, the door is always open. If you need alternative arrangements, or you are uncomfortable, or you feel like you can't do something, it is much, much smarter to reach out and talk to me about it, than to pretend it doesn't exist."

 

[Mania Athanasiou]

Professor Adler was repeating everything Mania already knew, she wasn't sure what point the woman was trying to make. Nia pondered the whole situation, in her opinion thirteen year old wasn't old or mature enough to face their worst fear, it was a lot to ask from a kid that was figuring their life out if she was going to be honest. Nia kept that part to herself. She regretted coming here, regretted talking about it. Even regretted taking the subject all together, she could be stubborn and foolish she knew that but it didn't stop her from being that way. "I guess you don't know me that well then," she said as the woman said she hadn't taken Mania to be a fool.

Pursing her lips together Mania thought back on her chat with Felix and she thought how he'd said good things about her. She thought how Monty had believed in her during tutoring, how Pim seemed to always be there for her and see her as capable too in all her chaos. The cogs took their sweet time to turn in her head, but they were turning. Clearing her throat she spoke up again. "You are right, I am not a fool. Not usually, like I said before that whole situation got the best of me but it won't happen again. I don't want to endanger myself unnecessarily and if facing it head on is what it takes I'll put my big girl pants on and do it." If she wanted things to change she'd need to make the first move herself and not hide behind the fear. If she wanted to stop running she'd have to make her feet stop. There was a reason people around her, even the Professor in front of her, believed in her. There was a reason she'd been sorted into Gryffindor, she just needed to find the courage within her. She could do it. "I want another try at the Boggart, I should have reached out to you before the lesson but better late than never?" She was brave, she'd already proved that many times it was about time she started believing in herself.