Fixing a broken heart?

S

Sam Prince

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OOC First Name
Louise
Wand
Black Walnut/ Maple Wand 12 3/4" Essence of Silver Thistle
Sam was reluctant to return to the dreary dungeons. Not only because he hated the place but also because he was finalising his decision about Toni and might lose a friend in the process. Sam forced his legs down the stairs, which there seemed to be less of all of a sudden. Before entering the dungeons, he thought about his decision once more, Yes, it was the right thing? he finally convinced himself and entered the dungeons.

There was one student in a Slytherin uniform heading for his common room pressumubly. Sam walked up to him confidently and asked if he could get Toni. Sam was glad he wasn't in his Hufflepuff uniform, he was wearing his usual torn-at-the-knee skinny jeans and a Kings of Leon large t-shirt. The student eyed him cooly but Sam stood his ground and eventually the student walked in. Sam flexed his hand for a bit, avoiding it to be clenched in a fist. He waited for what seemed forever for Toni.
 
Toni was up in her dorm room trying to get a bit of sleep. Lately after everything that had happened Toni really wanted nothing but a few hours of sleep. Sadie, her kitten, laid next to her though keeping her distance, as if the kitten could tell that Toni wasn't in the best mood in the world.

Though when she heard her name being yelled from down in the common room she threw the pillow over her face, trying to block out the noise. After her name just keep on being called she rolled her eyes and stepped out of bed. "Coming" She yelled down as she fixed her hair in the mirror wondering why anyone wanted to talk to her.

Walking down from the dorm, Sadie following her. A boy had told her that someone was waiting for her. Toni wondered who but didnt' care about asking. Thanking the boy she walked outside to see Sam. Almost right away she knew this was going to be rather good or awfully bad, not sure which was it was yet. "Hey" Toni said walking up to him.
 
Sam turned around when he heard Toni's sweet voice. "Hey you." he said quietly. "Hows it going?" he asked, being friendly first was always a good thing. Sam didn't know if Toni knew about the fight and wasn't going to bring it up to make things more complex. He was going to ease her in before discussing were they should go from here. "You look tired." Sam hoped he wasn't the cause of that because these days anything that was going wrong was usually his fault.
 
Toni was tempted to let out a sigh when Sam acted friendly instead of absolutely pissed. Though she just smiled slightly. "It's going" She said not knowing what else to say. Everything seemed to happen in such a short time and everything seemed to be her fault.

When Sam said she looked tired, Toni rubbed her eyes. "Sorry" She added. Toni always tried to look her best and looking like she was tired really wasn't the best she could possibly imagine. "I've been having trouble sleeping." She added knowing that probably sounded stupid.

"So how have you been?" She asked casually wondering if this conversation was going to be awkward.
 
Sam laughed, "You don't need to be sorry, I seem to be causing MASS-DESTRUCTION since I came here." he said sadly. "I've been better." he said drly. Sam thought he better cut to the chace. "Okay Toni. I kind of want to talk to you about where we go from here." He said to her. He was preparing what to say in his head for a long time now. He avoided mentioning Beau or Knight in his speech aswell. Just to be on the safe side.
 
Toni smiled a bit though she knew that Sam was not the one causing all the problems. "You know that's not true" She managed to say. After all it was Toni that had caused most of it. Sure she really did like attention but not in this way. She wasn't fond of everything she had caused including the fight with Knight and Beau. Wondering if she should ask about Knight, Toni pushed it aside to see first what Sam had to say.

As Sam said he had been better Toni just nodded. She had been thinking about what was going to happen in this moment for awhile. Really there were only two choices. Neither one would solve everything completely. "Ok" Toni said as Sam let her know that he wanted to talk about where to go from here. It really wasn't so much up to Toni as it was up to Sam. "So what were you thinking" Toni asked not sure if she wanted to know the answer but she sure did not want to dance around the topic.
 
Sam looked down and shuffled his foot uncomfortably. "Umm...I'm sorry Toni.." he looked up. "Right now. I'm too hurt and I don't think I could stand seeing you two together. I don't want to be the one who is depriving you from your friendship with him..or whatever is going on between you two." he said he tried to keep eye contact and did sucessfully. This was extremly hard for him but he knew it was the right thing.
 
Toni guessed by how nervous Sam was what was going to happen. Though she was determined to be strong about whatever it was. They would still be friends no matter what, right? Hadnt' Sam promised her that from the start? Maybe he would go back on his promise now. Though Toni could only listened and find out.

Once he said he was sorry, Toni's stomach dropped. Tempted to just walk back into the dorm on the spot, she decided against it. Just hear him out She thought as she ran her fingers through her hair which had now become almost as much as a habit as twirling her hair.

As Sam spoke Toni guessed he was talking about Beau, about how he didn't want to deprive her of his friendship and all that stuff. Toni nodded. "It is just a friendship because me and him though Sam" Toni said not knowing if that made a difference or not. She just wanted to make herself clear. A moment of Toni pausing before she continued once more "Ok so does this mean that we're...." She paused not able to choke out the 'done'. Instead she looked down at the ground for a moment not really knowing what to say. On the outside Toni was keeping her cool, what else was she supposed to do. It's not like breaking down in tears or getting angry or anything to that mattered woudl help this situation either way.
 
Sam nodded slowly. "For now...?" he said. "I'm really sorry about all of this. Its just.." Sam couldn't say anything, he didn't know what he was saying or even what he was trying to say. Sam wanted to hug or at least feel the softness of her skin. He wasn't over Toni and was nowhere near it. He still had that pain in his side when he looked at her or thought about her and knew it wasn't going to work out like that. We promised we'd stay together no matter what...and now look? he thought bitterly to himself.
 
For a moment Toni really just wanted to lash out tell him that this was all so stupid. That it was just a kiss with Beau and now Sam is ruining the whole relationship. She wanted to get angry with him, hate him, but she couldn't say anything at first. She couldn't hate Sam, it just wasn't possible. Though she could still believe that he was making a mistake.

Yet his words 'for now' sort of got under her skin. What did he expect for her to wait for him to forgive her? Sure Toni wasn't over Sam ,it was going to take some time, probably more time than Toni wanted it to take. Though she wasn't going to pray for him to get back together with her.

"Don't be sorry" She said her voice a bit colder than she had wanted it to be. Realizing that her tone was not what she wanted it to be she flashed a smile. Tempted to say she was sorry, but refusing to say that. "It's fine" She said the smile on her face forced. "Still friends though?" Toni asked trying to keep her tone normal. She wasn't going to lose it all here if she did have to show any emotions of sadness or hurt it wasn't going to be in front of anyone and not Sam out of anyone.
 
Sam looked at her in confusion, her voice was cold. That much he could tell. He was going to say something but she continued. "Yeah, yeah! Definietly." Sam then looked a his hands. He still cared for Toni, for a long time he loved her, I still love her.. Sam thought to himself. "We're hurting too many people by seeing each other." He thought of Jenn and Knight his best friends, he wasn't going to lose them just for his happiness. "I am sorry.." he muttered.
 
Toni could see Sam's confusion that appeared on his face. In a way she felt bad that she had been cold towards Sam. Though at the moment it was the only emotion she could muster up that wouldn't make her look weak. Under no circumstances was Toni going to look weak, not in front of sam and not in front of her own common room.

Though when Sam said they would still be friends, Toni let a small smile fall on her lips. At least they were still going to be friends though she doubted they would ever be the same again. She could only hope that they could manage, maybe get back to how they were before sorting and before Toni had a crush on him. Yet the thought of her name and his name carved into a tree for life made her stomach twist. They hadn't even made it as long as she thought they would.

"I know" she said softly as Sam said they were hurting too many people. Though Toni didn't know how this was all going to work out. Keeping a smile on her face as best as she could "Don't say sorry It's.." she paused at first trying to get the word out "It's fine" She said hoping to make him feel at least slightly better.

"Is Knight ok?" Toni asked suddenly. She had to talk about something else, get her mind onto something else.
 
Sam smiled to her, "Thanks..." he said slowly. How he wished he could scream that he didn't mean any of it! That he wanted to take her in his arms and feel her warmth against him. But he restrained himself and went in for a friendly hug. It was stiff, it didn't feel right. When he let go, he stared into her eyes. Yes, he let go and he was no longer holding onto her but he didn't move away from, he stood beside very closely.

"Oh, you heard about that.." Sam said eventually. "He's okay..I guess. I can't believe this happened. He broke a few ribs and has two black eyes. Actually he's not really okay. He's in bad shape right now." Sam said telling the honest truth towards the end. Still fustrated that Knight would do this for him.
 
Toni really didn't want to hear his thank you. Why on earth would he thank her? Because she was going along with this whole thing even though she knew it was a big mistake or at least she thought it was a mistake. What else could it be? Yet when Sam reached over for a hug, Toni was tempted to pull away. Who hugs after breaking up with someone? Toni wondered but still she hugged slightly and only for a moment.

As he kept eye contact with Toni, she was tempted to look down, back up, something, yet she didn't. Once Sam told Toni about knight, Toni could only nod. Both Beau and Knight seemed to be in bad shape after all that. "Well if you see him before I do tell him I hope he feels better" Toni said looking down at the ground not knowing what else to say.

Looking up at Sam finally she wanted to tell him that this wasn't going to fix anything. Toni didn't see how it could. Beau and Scorpius still got into that fight. Jenna still hated Toni though maybe she would love Sam again. Who cared? The past wasn't going to be changed by the two of them breaking up, but really Toni wasn't going to say any of that. She remained silent wondering if this conversation was going to end before she lost control of any one of her emotions that were brewing.
 
Sam nodded his head slightly, "Mmhmm.." he agreed he send Knight Toni's regards. Sam could tell Toni was angry at him. Yes, she was right to be angry at him. It was only a kiss after all. He looked down at his battered converse. What am I doing? he thought to himself. Maybe just maybe, I can fix this? But when he thought about this realistically, he knew she wouldn't go through with it. Not after he broke up with her.

It was silent for while, too long. He wanted to just walk out and pretend nothing had happened, that he was still with Toni. That they were as good as they were before she had kissed Beau. But he knew that would never happen. He looked into her eyes longingly but drew away quickly. He could not go through with it. He didn't want to hurt anyone over this. "So..." he finally managed to speak, he didn't want to go. It wasn't the same 'not wanting to go' as their place, he didn't want things to end like this. He tired not to think of the promises they made back at their place. Not wanting to think how quickly everything fell apart.
 
Awkward Toni thought as the silence seemed to fill the dungeons. Wondering why no one would just walk in on this, someone to make some noise, to say something. Yet no one was around. After all not many people hung around the dugeons. Why would they? It was freezing. Rubbing her arms as if an attempt to keep warm and just to do something.

Looking up for a moment trying to wonder what Sam was thinking. If only she could tell what was going on through his mind. Maybe she wouldn't be so mad at him if she actually knew why he was breaking up with her. Was it due to the kiss with Beau, the fight between Knight and Beau, the fact that Jenna is an annoying Hufflepuff twit, or possibly the fact that Sam would rather save his friendship with Jenna over his relationship with Toni. The last reason made Toni's heart pause for just a moment. That was probably it.

When Sam finally spoke one word, so, just breaking the silence. He didn't want to leave the dungeons right now. She could tell. If he did he would have left right away saying what he came here to say. Think of something to say Toni thought trying to rack her brain for anything to say. It was odd enough, this whole conversation, without the silence that was about to engulf them once more.

"So" Toni repeated though as she did a smile broke out over her lips. "I don't think I've been at a loss of words for quite some time until now" She said letting out a small laugh Just lighten up the mood a bit She thought almost hoping that thinking it would make it happen. Racking her mind for anything to say, Toni could think of nothing that was good to say at a moment like this.
 
Sam almost felt his ears burning at the awkwardness of it all. Sam noticed she rubbed her arms, even if he had a jacket he couldn't give it to her now. Sam nodded and forced a small smile that didn't uncover his teeth. "Yeah, diddo.." he said and waited for something to happen. Something like a distraction, something that would break this moment.

He looked at her, still having the feeling to scream something, to wave a flag. Let her know he didn't want this. But then why is this happening? he asked himself. It was Jenn, she would hate him. Scorpius would still be his friend but wouldn't be so happy with the situation. Sam sighed aloud. He didn't care if she heard him and her both knew this was a wreck.

Sam bit his lip, Why did it have to be so silent now? "Do....do you think it'll be awkward between us now?" He was relieved something was said. Also something that was quite relevent.
 
Toni heard a small meow fill part of the silence. Looking down and remembering that Sadie, her kitten had followed her out from the common room. Smiling slightly at the kitten and leaning over to pick her up. Remembering how she had gotten Sadie with Sam that one day when they both went shopping or more so Toni dragged Sam shopping. Petting the kitten that now rested in her arms she turned to Sam not really knowing how to answer his question.

She really wanted to say 'duh of coarse it's going t obe awkward look at it now' Though she knew that would probably be the worst thing to say. Yet something inside her knew it was going to be awkward. Not to mention it was going to be odd around everyone else. This, in Toni's mind, was just going to complicate things. But 'this' had already happened.

"Sam" She said looking up at him wanting to tell him that it wouldn't be awkward, wanting to lie for once to make him feel better. "Truthfully" Toni said letting out a small sigh. "nothing is going to be the same again" She said knowing that that was the best way she could phase it. "Did you think it wasn't going to be?" She wondered if he really thought that things would just go back to normal after this whole thing.
 
Sam smiled at the kitten which Toni bought the day, they went shopping. He was tepmted to stroke it but decided not. Sam nodded, the words did hurt. But it was reality. "Honestly." Sam said pausing before answering her question. "I knew it was kind of the end...coming down here." Sam said, the pain was back again. It hit him he would never be able to really talk to Toni again. Or just simply 'hang out. It wasn't possible.

Sam couldn't take it anymore, he needed to get out of here and fast. "I'm sorry about all of this." I don't want it to be this way! he was shouting it in his head but didn't say anything. "I..guess I'll be seeing you around." He said sadly. Looking down at his feet then at Toni.
 
Toni listened as Sam spoke. In a way she was hoping that the words wouldn't be sticking in her mind as much as they were. He knew it was the end coming down here Toni thought. Though she was basically blind sided by the visit since she hadn't expected him to come and see her so early. Didn't seem quite fair but then again not many things were. He came down here knowing it was the end. it's done She thought almost convincing herself by trying to repeat it in her mind.

When Sam said once more that he was sorry, Toni was close to just shouting out that he had to stop appoligizing. If he was really sorry none of this would be happening. It all seemed like more pity in her eyes. He felt bad that he was breaking up with her. She didn't want that. Toni refused for someone to feel sorry for her even in this case and matter. "Yeah well if you say it has to be this way" Toni said making sure that the word 'you' was stated.

Though finally Sam said that he would see her around. Of coarse they would see eachother around. She wasn't going to just stop being friends with Knight just because Sam and her weren't a couple. Toni was still going to be around unless even Knight didn't want her about anymore. If so she would have to find a different group, she guessed. Though none of that seemed to be what she wanted, what she had planned.

"Yeah" She said pausing "See you around" She repeated. Looking at Sam for a bit before placing Sadie back on the floor. "Come on girl let's go" Toni said to the small kitten as Toni turned around and started to walk away from this whole conversation hoping to just forget it.
 
Sam began walking away, leaving the mess the way it was. Not resolving anything. But the words, "Yeah well if you say it has to be this way" stuck in his mind, too much. He turned around swiftly checking to see if she was gone, she was still there! "Toni! Wait!" he shouted down the dungeons. "I don't want it to be this way, I never did. I don't know what the hell I'm doing!" he said walking faster and faster so by the time he reached her he was almost sprinting. He stared into her eyes, he was close to her, the kitten in between them. Now he was confused, he couldn't tell which was the right thing anymore. He couldn't tell wheter he risked Jenn's friendship by going back like this. He didn't know what Toni's reaction would be?
 
Toni continued to walk keeping her head up. Though she was rather surprised when she heard her name. Turning around rather confused as to why Sam wanted to still go on with this conversation. Hadn't he said everything that he wanted to say? Hadn't he broken up with her like he wanted to? It should just be done and over right?

Though the next words that came out of Sam's mind completely caught her off gaurd. "Wait what?" She managed to say. If this was a plan to mess with her mind it was working. Sensing that they were closer than 'just friends' were supposed to be. "Sam?" Toni said a bit unsure. He had just broken up with her. Was he regreting it now?

Stepping back just a few centimeters she gave him a very confused look. "You dont' want it to be what way?" Toni asked wondering what Sam was really getting at with all this.
 
Sam sighed, "I don't want us to brake up." He said simply. "But I..." he knew what he would be risking. Everyone mad at him. But it was Toni. Would he risk it all for her?

"I just want to pretend like none of this happened. Anything since Beau caem along, the fight...this." he shook his head. He now was the definition of confused. It was clearly shown on his face. He looked down at the kitten between them, he storked its ear slightly then looked up at Toni. Unsure if he had ruined things further.
 
"You don't want us to break up?" Toni repeated. Though she said nothing else deciding to hear him out. Not knowing that it was a good thing that he didn't want them to break up or not. He did break up with her but know he didnt' want to. Her thoughts were swirling around in her mind once more.

When he said he wanted to pretend like none of this happened, Toni wasn't sure how she felt about it, about all this. "I thought you said you knew it was going to end when you came down here?" Toni said her voice questioning this all. Things had just gone from done to confusing beyond belief. Sure she didn't want to break up with Sam, she didn't want him to break up with her either. Yet she just wanted to make sure that he really was serious about his change of mind.
 
Sam shook his head, he didn't want them to break up. But a lot of people did. Then he listened to her question, "I knew we were. But when you said 'If you say it has to be this way' I know its not me who doesn't want this. I just don't want to hurt everyone...including Jenna. I know you hate her but she is my best friend. Its like you and Beau. I'm sure you don't want to hurt him." But then again you probably don't want to do this. he thought to himself but made sure not to say it.
 
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