Closed finally going

[Rose Edogawa]

She should have been here last year honestly, but with all the newness, being sorted into a house that wasn't with any of her family, getting used to classes, and then even getting a poor grade in one of them, well, it had been sort of the furthest thing from her mind. Now though, with the start of the new year, she figured she should at least pay the woman a visit. The boys all got their special attention from their parents during the break and of course Rica had come home from school pregnant so Rose had walked in to that and then her new siblings which she was thrilled about of course, but... there was so many of them in the house now. Even with Yuki and Corey moved out, Rica and Ru still lived mostly at home though she was pretty sure they would both be looking to move soon. That left just Hina, Jonah, Eli, Yuri, Lewis and the twins, but that was still a lot of people, more people than she could rightly handle on a good day. And so she headed to the back corner of the library, not really worried if anyone saw her, but certainly not willing to advertise her need to see the counsellor either. She just hoped the woman was nice, or... she didn't even mind if she wasn't nice, being mean might have se her off on the right path, she didn't know. She knocked and then waited, unsure of the protocol. She didn't want to walk-in if someone else was in there after all.​

 

[Maria Madison]

The years seemed to roll around faster and faster for Maria now that her own children had all graduated school. It felt as though she had blinked at Finn's graduation from Hogwarts and opened her eyes at his graduation from art school. The castle had been a lonely place at first, without any of her own kids checking in every now and then, but it was hard to feel alone for long in a building with hundreds of other people, especially since Maria had stopped isolating herself from her colleagues.

But of course a new year also brought new appointments, and Maria was glad she had taken time over the break to organise and tidy her somewhat chaotic office, as right from the start of the year she had been slammed by requests for appointments. The place was in a far tidier state than usual as she got set up for her first client of the year, smiling when she heard a knock. She got up and opened the door, smiling warmly at the girl on the other side. "Rose? I'm Maria, come on in, take a seat. Would you like a cup of tea?"

 

[Rose Edogawa]

Rose doesn't really know what to expect here, and she fidgeted with her nails as she waited for the door to open, not that it actually took very long. She worried about the stares, and how anyone might notice she won't come back out quickly enough to put it off as reading a book. She's not the studious type but then maybe people don't know that about her. She'd been focusing on one of the shelves when she heard the door open and a woman address her, which was obviously the woman she needed to see. "Um... yes, do you have it in the leaves or the bags?" She wasn't a fan of teabags, preferring the traditional leaves, but she could take the teabags if that was all that was offered. She stepped into the room and looked around. She wasn't sure what she was expecting it to look like but it was... warmer, she supposed, than she expected. She thought something more sterile maybe, like the hospital wing, or a potions lab, not so inviting like this. As she sat down, she looked back at Maria, watching her, she wasn't sure what she wanted to say, or how she wanted to say it, just that she probably should say something. "I... don't really know what I'm supposed to say now."​

 

[Maria Madison]

Maria closed the door behind Rose, glancing over to her tea setup. "I've only got bags in here, but I can send to the kitchen for some loose leaf easily." She said, making a mental note to stock some loose leaf tea for future appointments. She took a seat across from Rose, smiling reassuringly at the girl. "That's alright, I'll get us started off." She said, slipping easily into her familiar opening session. "So as I said, my name is Maria Madison, I'm the school counselor. What that means is that you can come to me to discuss anything you've got going on and I'll do my best to help. Everything you say in this room will stay in this room, your privacy is a very important part of this process. Whatever problems you have, there's no need to worry about gossip or being judged, or any of those things. When you're in here, you're free to say anything that you like. The only exception is if you tell me that you're planning to hurt yourself or someone else - in those circumstances I'm legally required to inform your Head of House and your parents, so that we can make sure everyone involved is safe." She said with a reassuring smile. "I say all that so that you can understand what to expect from these sessions, and from me. If you have any questions at any point you can always ask." She picked up the notepad and self-writing quill from her desk and set them to work taking notes for her, so that she could focus all her attention on the girl in front of her. "Now - I think a good place to start would be right here. Could you tell me about what's been happening that made you want to talk to someone?"

 

[Rose Edogawa]

Rose nodded when Maria mentioned that she could send for some loose leaf, it would certainly go towards making her feel better about this whole situation. It had taken her a long time to decide to take this step and she was still looking for ways and reasons to bolt right back out the door. The fact that she'd closed the door didn't help, though Rose knew why she'd done it, she hardly wanted anyone just walking in when she was trying to talk about what she was feeling, not that she was always entirely sure what that feeling was. She sat stiffly with her hands clasped tightly in her lap and her foot bouncing nervously against the floor as she listened to the woman speak. She was trying to pretend she was composed, but every word sent a new way of anxiety through her. Did she look as panicked as she felt?

She barely even knew where to start honestly. "Everything’s just… a lot. Like, so much. And I know I’m supposed to be fine. Everyone else seems fine." She found the hem of her robe and started to twist it between her fingers. She was hopefully going to be playing Quidditch soon and if she couldn't get over this, how was she supposed to do that? Sure, on the field she didn't feel like this, and the only time she ever felt like she was okay was when she was in the air, but, Quidditch players couldn't have this problem, they couldn't cry when they saw people coming to talk to them, or hide in their room when they knew someone was looking for them, they couldn't start shaking in the middle of a crowded room because people were paying attention. "But I’m not fine. I mean, I can’t sleep. My heart races all the time, like there’s a Bludger in my chest, and I feel like I’m going to mess everything up. I just…" She trailed off, her voice thick with frustration.

"I’m on potions for it," she added quickly, as if to reassure Maria - or herself. "But sometimes it feels like they’re not enough. And I don’t want anyone to think I can’t handle it, but… I don’t know." Her shoulders slumped as her words stumbled into silence. When she was at home and things got hard, she could disappear into her room for a couple of hours, or crawl under her bed and just look up at the enchanted stars stuck to the bottom. Her mum had put them there when she was little, and they used to hide under the bed together, but she couldn't do that here, she didn't have a place she felt like she could hide and she didn't have stars under her bed to stare at. Dad would be so disappointed if he knew she wasn't coping.​

 

[Maria Madison]

With a quick tap of her wand Maria sent off to the kitchens for some tea, knowing it would appear on her table hot and ready within no time, and she could focus on the girl in front of her. She listened quietly as Rose described her situation, a little surprised by one of the things she said. "I see." She said softly, face gentle and relaxed. "That's a lot to carry all at once. You've done an excellent job though, being aware that you need help and making the effort to reach out. It's a lot harder than it sounds." She said, considering her next questions. "You said you're on potions, so you must have talked to someone else about this before, could you tell me about that?"

 

[Rose Edogawa]

She frowned slightly, surprised by the direction the question took, but shrugged. "I mean I don'r have them all the time, just sometimes when I feel like I can't calm down, which didn't used to be a lot, and I haven't had them often, but just sometimes. I visit the nurse sometimes so it can be monitored," she said, thinking about when she'd first gone on them. It wasn't all that long ago in the grand scheme of things she supposed, maybe just before school, she'd still been at mohoutokoro then, but it hadn't seemed like such a big deal, it was only now that she was asked about it that she thought maybe she was wrong about that, "my parents got worried before, and they sent me to a healer, the potions are supposed to help quickly, but they were never supposed to be permanent he said."​