Closed Farther Than Ever Before

[Cedar Dunn]

Graduation had been a bizarre experience for Cedar. Just like that, his time at Ilvermorny was over. It felt both like he had spent his whole life there, and barely arrived. And now he would never go back to the place he had spent every day of the last seven years. Looking back, part of Cedar wished he had put more effort into his studies, or... anything that would give him a career path going forwards, really. He had no idea what he wanted to do for a job, but he did at least know what the next step in his life was going to be. He hadn't told anyone yet, but today Cedar was going to begin making moves to make that happen, even if it was just a small step.

Cedar had had a lot of friends at school, but he had gotten closer to Jeong than anyone else over the years, and he trusted his former roommate's judgement more than anyone. Waiting in a cafe for his best friend, Cedar sipped his coffee and tried not to let his nerves get to him. He wasn't often nervous, but he had never done anything so big or so decisive before. He knew this was the right thing to do right now, but it was a huge decision, and would change the course of his life forever. It was a relief when Jeong showed up and he was able to stop worrying about it for the moment, smiling as he waved his friend over. "Hey, man." Cedar said cheerfully, sliding a cup across the table. "Got you a coffee. How's graduate life treating you?"

 

[Jeong Mun]

Jeong felt like graduating hadn’t really changed his life as much as it should. That was probably because it was summer now, so it felt like he was just on a regular summer break from school. Somehow, he hadn’t really managed to wrap his mind around the fact that he wouldn’t be returning to Ilvermorny anymore. He would miss the school, though not the lessons. He had just always enjoyed being around so many people his age, and now he wasn’t sure what to do with his life. Being muggleborn, he still wasn’t sure if he wanted to go completely into the magical world or if he would want to try for a muggle career. He was contemplating going to muggle university too, though he also wasn’t really sure about that. As of now, he decided to enjoy this summer and worry about the future later. After all, he had magic, so he knew he would be okay no matter what happened.

There was something else on his mind too, something that seemed more pressing and important than his future career. Jeong hadn’t told Cedar he loved him before graduation, even though he had been trying to convince himself to do it. Somehow, saying something like that was scarier than graduating and having to find a place in the world. Jeong had never really dated, just flirted with a few boys at school and outside it. He’d had casual flings with several people, including Cedar. But he had to admit to himself that over the past two years, his feelings for his best friend had changed a lot, to the point where he couldn't deny being in love with him. Now they were meeting up again, and Jeong knew he had to do it today. They wouldn’t have to share a dormitory anymore, so it really was as good a time as any. He noticed Cedar sitting at a table as he entered the cafe, and immediately felt drawn to him all over again. He had a bright smile on his face as he approached the table and took a seat. His heart melted a little when Cedar told him he had gotten him coffee. “Thanks!” He said brightly as he pulled it towards him, picking up a sugar packet and emptying it into the cup. “It pretty much feels like we’re just on summer break, you know? I don’t really feel any different. Except for my hair.” He ran a hand through it with a grin. “Do you like it?” He was building up to the big confession. At least, that’s what he told himself. It would be super weird to blurt it out first thing, so he just had to wait for the right moment. "How has it been for you?"

 

[Cedar Dunn]

Cedar wasn't often nervous, but as Jeong sat down, he realised he had no idea how to say what he needed to say. Although they had always been friends things between them were... complicated, and Cedar knew his feelings went beyond the couple of casual hookups they had had over the years. He knew things would be different if Jeong had felt the same, but neither of them had ever made the first move to make things more serious. He laughed and nodded in response to the other boy's comment, taking a sip of his coffee. "Yeah, it doesn't really feel real yet. It probably will in like, a few months when we haven't gone back." He laughed softly and nodded, reaching over to ruffle Jeong's hair. "Love it, man, that suits you really well." When Jeong asked how he was doing, Cedar knew this was it. He had to say what was going on. "Yeah, man, pretty good. I... have to kinda tell you something big, though. I'm... moving." It felt surreal to say out loud. Cedar hadn't told anyone else yet, but just hearing the plan he had been considering spoken somehow made it feel more real. "To New Zealand. I... look, what my Mom and Dad did to Acacia was messed up. She's a little kid, and she's all the way on the other side of the world. I can't just leave her there, like, alone, whatever. I'm gonna get an apartment or something over there, and look out for her."

 

[Jeong Mun]

Being here with Cedar felt familiar and comfortable, and it made Jeong wish they had another year of school left. He knew he and Cedar would still see each other a ton, but it wouldn’t be the same. Jeong would just have to make sure they hung out a lot, which would definitely happen if he said he liked Cedar and if Cedar liked him back. It also definitely would not happen if Cedar didn’t like him back that way, but that was a risk Jeong was willing to take. What reasons would Cedar have to not at least try dating? They had hooked up before and it had always been awesome. “Guess so.” He said with a small shrug. “Maybe we can sneak back in, I know I could pass for a fifth year with my youthful air.” He joked, though he was pretty sure that wouldn’t actually work. When Cedar ruffled his hair, Jeong felt like he could float out of his seat from happiness. He was taking excuses to touch him, that had to mean he felt the same way. So when Cedar told him he had to tell him something, Jeong perked up and looked at him hopefully. Was this really about to happen? Was Cedar the one taking the jump? But then he no longer felt like he was floating, more like he was crashing back down to earth. Cedar was…. Moving? Moving away from him? The boy stared at his best friend in disbelief, coffee cup half raised to his mouth. “What?” He asked, putting it back down with too much force. He ignored the coffee that spilled over the edge, looking intently at Cedar. “Your sister is at school, she can’t even see you! You can just use a portkey when she has her breaks or whatever. You don’t have to move all the way over there. You shouldn’t.” He said, his voice both desperate and uncharacteristically firm. “We should both stay here. Together.” He added, trying to make Cedar understand. But he also knew it probably wasn’t going to make a difference. Jeong knew his friend, once he made up his mind he was difficult to convince. He looked down, his heart breaking as another realization struck him. If Cedar was willing to move to the other side of the world, that meant he couldn’t possibly feel the same way about him. It was a good thing Jeong hadn’t blurted out the confession before this, at least he had avoided getting rejected.

 

[Cedar Dunn]

Cedar laughed at Jeong's joke, shaking his head. "Go back for more homework? I draw the line there. I'll miss school, but not having to do homework is the only upside." He teased, though he was entirely serious on the matter. Cedar had done his best to apply himself in his final year so he'd be able to get some kind of job, but he really hadn't enjoyed much of anything about school, and would be happy to be rid of it.

Cedar hadn't expected Jeong to be happy about him moving, but he hadn't expected the vehemence of the reaction at all. Jeong seemed to be upset, genuinely upset rather than just the bit of sadness that Cedar had expected. He didn't think he had ever seen Jeong take anything this hard before. "What?" He gave a weak nervous chuckle, hoping they could just laugh off that reaction. "Man, it's not that big a deal. You can portkey over and visit whenever, I'll show you, like, hobbits or something. Whatever they have over there. It's not like we'll never see each other again. I just..." He shook his head, sighing. "I can't stay here and be, like, the kid my parents didn't kick out while she's over there alone because I was a f*ck up at school. I just wanna... be there for her, you know. So she's not on the other side of the world from everyone she knows. You should've seen her when she got home, she's so miserable over there. It sucks." Cedar had tried not to think about it, but there was no way around how angry he felt at his parents. Acacia's dismissal had been cruel, there was no way around it. He couldn't stay at home and face his parents knowing they would have sent him halfway round the world too, if they had had the chance. Somebody had to be standing up for his sister, and he could do it by sending himself after her too. "We'll keep in touch, I promise."

 

[Jeong Mun]

Jeong's heart had been broken, and he was angry at himself for it. Why had he ever allowed himself to feel this way about his best friend? Especially now that Cedar seemed not to care at all. He felt his temper rising, and as usual when that happened, he said things he didn't mean. "This is dumb." He said plainly. "All you'll do is write your sister the same letters you would if you stayed here, the only difference is that the owl doesn't have to fly as far." He glared at Cedar, his coffee forgotten. "She won't even notice anything about you 'being there' for her. She's at school! She's fine! It's your parents who messed up, that's not your responsibility." He couldn't understand this at all. Maybe it was because he had no siblings himself, but he chose to believe Cedar was just overreacting. "What are you even going to do there? It's not like you'll have some cushy Ministry job lined up with your grades." He didn't care in this moment that the words were terrible. Cedar had hurt him, so he wanted to hurt him back. In a huff, he got to his feet. "Right. Until you meet someone there and forget all about me. I know how you are, Cedar." He said with a huff. It wasn't true, even with his several flings during their school time, Cedar had never forgotten about Jeong. But Jeong was angry, and it needed an outlet.

 

[Cedar Dunn]

Ceder felt completely thrown off balance by the sudden attacks from Jeong. He hadn't thought his friend was even capable of this kind of vitriol until now. "It's not about that!" He said, exasperated, still hoping that he could make Jeong understand. "It's about peace of mind, it's about her knowing she hasn't been abandoned! Even if I'm not the one who screwed up her life, I can at least do something! I'd feel like crap just leaving her there all by herself to feel miserable, she's just a kid! She hates it so much!" Jeong's anger had hurt, but his next comment hurt more. "What are you implying? It's not like I had a cushy ministry job lined up here either, and if Mom tried to offer me anything I'd turn it down! I'll figure out a job when I get there, I can bus tables or something. Who cares! I'll be doing crap work wherever I am, that's not even part of this!" Cedar was confused by Jeong's anger, but the boy's next comment struck him at once like ice. "What?!" He asked, gobsmacked. "I... that's not how it is, dude, you'll always be my best friend." Even as he said the words, Cedar knew they weren't right. He had always thought that Jeong wanted things to be casual, just keep it relaxed. They had had a few moments, sure, but Jeong and Cedar both had had separate flings off and on. He had always assumed that the other boy wanted things to stay casual, just friends hooking up sometimes. Had he missed some signal that Jeong wanted things to become more serious?

 

[Jeong Mun]

Jeong simply didn't comprehend Cedar's logic, and that made him angry. It felt to him like maybe Cedar was just making up a reason to leave him and leave America. Maybe he simply didn't want to stick around. "So what if she hates it? You can't actually change anything by moving there." He insisted, frowning. He huffed, shaking his head. "You won't have any support there! What are you going to do? Are you fine doing crap work wherever even without friends around to support you? Don't you need anyone?" He had nearly asked 'don't you need me?', but had managed to change his wording before he said more than he wanted. Jeong's eyes filled with tears. "Yeah, I'll always be your friend." He spat, getting to his feet. "But you don't leave a best friend behind like this. Especially not so suddenly." Cedar had never before talked about leaving the country, and Jeong had simply pictured them spending more and more time together now that they had graduated. In his secret fantasies, he had even imagined them getting together and moving in together somewhere, just enjoying life. But now that was all ruined. "I bet you just want to find some new people you haven't made out with before. Guess you ran out over here." He said, bitterness and jealousy he had suppressed coming to the surface. He knew he had been as casual in his hookups as Cedar had been, but that was different. It was only now becoming clear to him how much he hated the idea of Cedar hooking up with anyone that wasn't him, and with so much distance between them there was no way he wouldn't. Jeong blinked, averting his gaze. "I shouldn't waste your time more. You should probably be packing." He said bitterly.