Closed Didn’t Mean to Hurt You

[Professor Louis Alcott]

Louis had first assumed that not seeing Caleb around much lately was a coincidence. They were both busy, at least, he assumed Caleb was busy. But it had been too long now for it to just be that. Caleb was avoiding him, and Louis wanted to know why. Sure, ti had been a bit embarrassing to be caught that way by René, but that was no reason to stop, surely? And even if Caleb no longer wanted to make out, they were friends, so why was he avoiding him?

Determined to find him, Louis had asked around until someone pointed him outside. He spotted Caleb lying on the lawn and approached him, quietly reflecting on how nice he looked like this, dozing peacefully in the sunshine with his hair messy. Merlin, he hoped they could kiss again. Maybe it was because they hadn't talked in a while, but Caleb looked especially kissable today. Louis dropped down on the grass, facing him. He gently poked his leg. "Caleb." He said, unsure if he was asleep or not. "Caleb, it's me."

 

[Caleb Thorne]

Caleb always liked being outside. The castle could feel so claustrophobic at times. He had already explored every inch of it but at least outside on the lawn or by the lake he could find some peace by staring up at the sky. Today had been exceptionally constricting and he ended up skipping his last lesson of the day to go get some fresh air. He laid down on the grass and used his textbook as a mediocre pillow and closed his eyes. He was focusing on his breathing and the sound of the wind when he heard someone approach him. By just the footsteps he knew it was Louis and he felt his entire body tense up. Caleb had done a great job avoiding him, to the point he had almost forgot why he was running in the first place. Until he would remember the train and the casual way Louis had shrugged off their months of kisses. He knew Louis didn't owe him anything. They weren't dating. He wasn't sure if he even wanted that. But apparently he wanted something and it stung knowing Louis didn't. He knew he was caught now though but he tried to avoid anything serious for a bit longer. "Hmm, do you hear something?" he asked rhetorically without opening his eyes as if he was with someone. "I swear I can almost hear a voice..."

 

[Professor Louis Alcott]

Louis groaned in frustration as Caleb ignored him a bit more. He wasn’t someone who was easily upset, but he was starting to get a bit sad because of the way Caleb was treating him. He kicked his leg lightly. “Caleb,” he said. “Open your eyes. Why are you avoiding me?”

 

[Caleb Thorne]

Caleb was tempted to keep up his clueless act but he knew it wouldn't do either of them any good. Louis was an idiot and he was tired hiding. Finally his sat up and rubbed at his eyes as the blood drained too quickly from his head. "Because." he said exasperatedly and wished that could be enough, that Louis could read his mind. Because it felt too hard to articulate his feelings and Louis was his best friend shouldn't he just know. "Because you kissed me like it was nothing." he blurted out. "And I don't want to be your boyfriend." he added quickly. Caleb rubbed his eyes again and groaned as he searched for words again. "But I don't know. I just feel like I should matter more than the others." he finished with a sigh and felt exhausted.

 

[Professor Louis Alcott]

Louis was relieved when Caleb finally acknowledged him, smiling slightly. But the smile fell at his words, feeling a strange feeling in his stomach. Guilt? He bit his lip for a moment, twisting his hands together nervously. “Oh.” He said uneasily. “I- I mean, you do. You’re my best friend, of course, you matter more.” He said, but even as he said it he knew it wasn’t quite what Caleb had meant. “That’s… not what you mean though, is it?” He added quietly, looking at Caleb guiltily.

 

[Caleb Thorne]

Caleb groaned and leaned back into the grass, shutting his eyes tight. He wanted the earth to swallow him whole. "No." he replied glumly. At least Louis wasn't completely hopeless when it came to reading his mind. "I'm starting to think....this might not have been our best idea." he said with a sigh.

 

[Professor Louis Alcott]

Apologies for taking forever
Louis watched as Caleb leaned back on the grass. Looking at him made him feel weirdly nervous. He looked so good like this, in the sunlight on the grass. How could Louis not flirt with him? But clearly, he had made a mistake. Louis hesitated, then reached over to lightly touch Caleb's arm. "I'm sorry, Caleb... I figured we could just... have fun, but if it's hurting you maybe we shouldn't." He said with a grimace. "I'll... be normal, alright? No more flirting."

 

[Caleb Thorne]

Caleb tensed at Louis' touch but he didn't open his eyes or pull away. He listened with his eyes closed as his friend spoke. He was surprised when it started with an apology. Louis wasn't the type to admit he was wrong but neither was he. Besides it was something they both jumped into. It wasn't like either of them were at fault. Not really. Caleb tensed again when he said if it was hurting him they should stop. He hated how that sounded. Like he was the one being dramatic and emotional. He guessed on some level he was but he hated it. If his eyes were open he would have rolled them when Louis said he wouldn't flirt. He was pretty sure if his friend didn't flirt with something, he would die. Caleb let the silence between them linger. He wasn't sure what to say next even if everything Louis said was technically correct. "I think we should." he said. "Stop." he added for clarity. If they wanted to move past this things needed to be clear. Finally he opened his eyes again and blinked quickly as the brightness of the world came at him in full force.

 

[Professor Louis Alcott]

There had been a part of Louis that had hoped Caleb would laugh him off and say he didn't need to stop, that it would be fine. But he had known it wouldn't be like that. He nodded as Caleb confirmed what he said, knowing it would make him have to think about his words a whole lot more. He met Caleb's eyes as he opened them and looked away, scrambling for something to say to lighten the mood. "Maybe you could carry around a spray bottle, spray me with water if I forget." He joked weakly.