Could there possibly be an answer

[Derrik Agile]

So yesterday (Friday March 18th) i went to the movies with my friend Storm (yes this is his real name). Went to see She's out of my league which was a very funny and cute movie. But after the movies we started to talk. Apparently one of my friends girlfriend and Storm's girlfriend were having a sleep over. Thing happened caused a bit of drama to occur. What the whole situation is I'm still slightly befuddled at and won't get into that.

But...me and Storm just started talking about how his girlfriend has boundaries but doesn't always follow them and stuff. somehow we got to my relationship i had with my ex-girl (and still close best friend). But at the moment I don't know if I want to go out with her or not. We tried twice and neither of them were just at the right moment. I want to try again and don't for a few reasons:
1. I don't feel like that with her anymore
2. I don't want to go with it and hurt her (although we came to an agreement that no matter what we'll still be friends)

And here's slightly the background as to why. Currently I'm bi but more attracted to guys. As a child growing up (im only 18 and it sounds like im older) I was close to my father. As I grew older I somewhat started to gear away from him and became the all american mommas boy. I prefer to be with my mom than my dad. Me and dad beat head to head sometimes and its really annoying. but there will be times where we can sit down and we actually agree on something and talk about it while be civilized.

But when i really think about things...i don't really know what i am so i guess you can say its an identity crisis. i say this because i don't really know what I am orientation wise and its driving me mad. Of course its normal but still...for me its insane. At sometime everyone in the life experiments and stuff. I've yet to do this and thats normal too i guess. but.. i want to get that over with to find out who i am. Honestly I've come down to the conclusion that I am in fact gay ( hooray for me) but its like...i want that confirmation.

the other thing is...i've been thinking i am like this because I've gear away from my dad. I missed out on having that fatherly figured when i started to grow and i was more attached to my mother. Maybe that is the reason why I'm more attracted to guys and stuff. I just don't know. but until i get the answer i can't do anything relationship wise. so im stuck i guess because there are pieces missing. i mean i act myself and hope that in turn someone will come along the line and say "hey..wanna hangout sometime?" and see where it all goes from there but....im just lost and alone at the moment and i dont know who i am.

 

[Aroha Jennings]

Okay. Honestly I'm probably nowhere near the right person to be posting, but I'll give it a go.

So, this all looks pretty confusing, right? Well, even if I'm pretty young, I've been caught up in quite a few messy situations. People say I'm too young, but, meeh. Who cares what they think.

Try stepping back. Look at everything differently. Like you were someone completely different. Even on a different planet if you like . If you've just... decided that you're gay (which is what it looks like), then maybe you're wrong. Maybe you're right. But I don't think deciding is the way. Do you really need to know? It isn't really urgent for you to get the right person yet, right?

I dunno about 'finding yourself' and everything. I mean I struggle with that on a day to day basis. When I was a kid I used to spend a few weeks acting one way, then decide I want to be someone different and act like that until I found something else to act as.

So really, just relax a bit. Breathe. 18 isn't the time where you need to decide on everything at once. Have you considered counselling to work out some of the small stuff? Coz honestly, over the internet probably isn't the best way to work it out.

Hope that helps a bit, and didn't sound too stupid.

♥ Olivia.

 

[Fiery Claudia]

I'm 16. If you think it's too young, I don't care. I know what I'm talking about so read on.

What I want to clear in your post is that bisexuals and gays are completely different. When you're gay, yeah, you're attracted to guys and guys only. When you're bi, you like guys AND girls. When you're bi, you don't want to dress girly too much. When you're bi, you're still attracted to girls, even though sometimes you like boys more.

Don't be so caught up with the identity thing. On my point of view, if you think you're gay, then act gay. That's what you think, anyway, and no one can stop you. Being gay is not a bad thing. And then if one day you find out that you were wrong and that you're actually bi, then act bi, go out with a girl. Simple, right? You can always change. Change is also not a bad thing.

 

[Lumina Sangora]

I know a lot of people in the same situation as you and it is very confusing. As much as you probably want it to be, understanding your orientation is not something you can learn over night. It takes time. I know that's probably very grating to hear. There is nothing wrong with any orientation and there are many. Perhaps you are gay. It doesn't really matter what you are as long as you are comfortable with yourself and in truth, nobody else's opinion actually matters.

No-one can really tell you what you are because only you will know. It could be just a phase (which is an annoying thing to hear but is sometimes true) Do you really need to label yourself as one particular thing? I know that you'll want to know personally what gender you prefer but I met a girl once who said that everyone was everything but also nothing. I know someone who spent two whole years feeling dragged down, in a dark place, upset by her confusion but then, after two years, she finally met somebody like her and it was only then that she knew what she felt. It's ok to love someone the same gender or even the opposite. You're not going to know straight away and perhaps it will be years before you know. It's just waiting for that right person to come along, to help you understand, to make your heart race every time you contact them, every time you see them, that person who accepts you for who you are and who cares truly for you. It may seem more of a friendship but the girl I mentioned earlier fell in love with her best friend and has never been happier. And that girl is me.

If you need somebody to talk to then I'm here. If you want my MSN or Skype then PM me

 

[Cain Brennan]

Hey, sweety. I totally, totally get what you mean. In fact, I think we have a lot in common! I'm 18, I haven't seen any of my family members beside my mother and brother since I was five, and for most of my teenage years I identified as bi-sexual. I tried dating one of my close (female) gay friends, but it was awkward and we agreed to go back to how our relationship was originally. Most of my friends are male. I find boys so much easier to relate to and be friends with, but I find girls more physically attractive. Perhaps the opposite to you?

From my experience, you don't need to find a category for yourself. Bi-sexual, gay, pansexual, straight, asexual - I labeled myself all of these and more throughout my high school years. Now I've realized that for me, none of it matters. When I fall in love, I'm not falling in love with someone's gender, I'm falling in love with them. I don't feel the need to categorize myself anymore. If I'm attracted to somone, I'm attracted to them. If I'm comfortable and happy being with somone, and they're happy and comfortable with being with me, then there's nothing to worry about. If you're having a lot of trouble working it out, you might be the same? A lot of people say 'you're either gay or straight. Bi-sexuals are just sluts" - don't listen to it! It's becoming more commonly believed that there are very few people who are actually 100% straight or 100% gay. A study in 2006 in my country reported that 20% of the population (anonymously) admitted to having sexual and/or romantic feelings for members of the opposite sex (whereas very few considered them 100% gay).

I identify now, if I have to, as pansexual. The meaning of the term differs from person to person, but for me it means 'to be able to fall in love with someone regardless of their gender'. While I don't think what you label yourself really matters, I do know that I felt a lot better after deciding on 'pansexual'. It's a little more vague than any of the others, but still gave closure to my 'what am I?' crisis. Another way of finding this closure without actually making a definite decision is just to call yourself 'gay' but think of it as a vaguer term. Gay, queer, homosexual - these are words that modernly describe lesbians, bi-sexuals, pansexuals, asexuals, transexuals, transgenders, whatever-sexuals. You can say 'I'm gay' but still mean 'I like boys and girls' or 'I'm not sure what I like, but I know I'm not 100% straight.' Gay is a very broad term, and doesn't actually just mean 'I'm a boy and I like boys.' You can be a man in love with, and married to, a woman and still identify as gay.

Here's what dictionary.com says about the word 'gay'.

Gay
–noun
a homosexual person

Homosexuality
–noun
sexual desire or behavior directed toward a person or persons of one's own sex.

So, in most cases, 'gay' is the best category if you really feel you need or want one.


When it comes to experimenting, you could try and find a close friend who might be comfortable with it? But if not, please don't feel you need to rush it and jump into the arms of a stranger! I made this mistake, and it didn't answer any of my questions. (If anything, it confused me more.) Are there any gay support groups in your city? When I came 'out' at school, another student invited me to a local group, and I met heaps of people there and made heaps of friends, which made things so much easier. I think that knowing that there are other people around you, with the same worries and concerns, helps a lot. Websites and online communities are great too!

Having said all that, I've had some pretty dramatic and painful relationships which have really affected the way I view things and get to know people, and New Zealand is VERY tolerant of homosexuality, (a huge number of my friends and classmates were 'out') so my personal advice might not be very relevant. But I did attended a 3 day, national gay youth conference a couple of years ago. I heard a lot of amazing and touching stories, and learned a lot about myself, my friends and sexuality in general. If you want to know about it, or just need somone to vent to or talk to about anything, feel free to PM me =].

 

[Derrik Agile]

Thanks guys...all of you. You really helped me out with trying to figure this all out. Of course I haven't gotten down to exactly what i am but i've taken all of your thoughts and sort of meshed them with my own. I now see things at little more clearer. I'll be taking all this into consideration and I know my family here at HNZ will support me with any thing.
you all

 

[Aroha Jennings]

You're welcome Luis. I would put a smiley in here, but my phone omits them and I never know if they work.

 

[Link Black]

You're welcome Luis. I would put a smiley in here, but my phone omits them and I never know if they work.

She makes me giggle and wow couldn't have said it better than anyone else ♥ all of u's My friend sort of going through the same thing, and he's already told everyone he's bisexual. But I love him no matter what ♥ we grew up as neighbors for many years now, but its always good to have love and support in someone you can count on. A lot people don't have that and I know its hard to find. Trust I went in a little phase myself, but even I can't say I'm completely straight (and I have a child!) So if you ever need someone to talk to here my msn: Thaundergrounds@hotmail.com

My friend still hasn't found a mate yet, he talks to guys and girls but he still hasn't officially dated anyone yet (for as long as I met him) and he's perfectly comfortable with that. He's in no rush and his motto or what we all go by is: You do me I do you (Meaning get yourself situated in life with school, jobs, career, and living place..than while your at it that's when you can deal with being in relationship and such. Just don't fall and if you do just get right back up)

<3333 Madderz-