Closed Complementary Colours

[Hayley Elridge]

It was the day after Valentines, and romance was on Hayley's mind.She'd only spent one Valentine's Day with Lizzie, but nevertheless on such a relationship-focused day it was inevitable that her thoughts would continually drift back to that past . . . and to possible futures. She hadn't wanted to act yesterday, while she was busy having fun with her friends, and when any rejection would inevitably make things awkward for the whole day. But today . . . today, perhaps, things would be different.

Hayley and Harley sat side by side in their usual spot under the tree by the lake, sketching and talking. Nothing seemed different from usual, but soon, Hayley hoped, if she kept her nerve, everything would be. Hayley was practising shading by doodling abstract shapes and then trying to make them look three-dimensional, not paying much attention to her work: she had more important things in mind. "It's weird," she said, continuing the conversation, "I'm definitely over the whole debacle with Lizzie, but I still couldn't stop thinking about it yesterday."

 

[Harley Tsuji]

It was strange, but after Valentines had passed, Harley almost felt as though a weight had lifted. It had been a long time since she had had any lingering feelings for Odette, and the other girl's loss at the end of last year had dissipated any last flares of anger she was still holding on to. It was hard to carry anger at someone who was hurting so much. Valentines, a year since their big fight, though, had felt like the last step to letting go. Harley had seen Odette dancing with her new girlfriend, and felt nothing but relief. That chapter of their lives was closed, and there was nothing to do but move on.

Moving on presented its own set of challenges though. It had become impossible to ignore how different she felt around Hayley. The fluttering in her stomach had become a new facet of their friendship, something Harley had to ignore when they hung out, had to avoid her gaze lingering too long, hugs squeezing too tight. There was no denying that this was a crush, but Harley was determined to make it go away. Her friendships were the only consistent things in Harley's life, and she didn't want to jeopardise any of them. It would be so easy for feelings to drive Hayley away, and then what? Harley didn't know if she could cope. So it was better to ignore them, focus on just enjoying the time they spent together. They had been hanging out one on one more than usual this year it felt, with Rose and Rory busy in their own pursuits, and it was nice to just be together, working on their own projects in comfortable silence. Harley was focused entirely on her drawing, sketching out a portrait of Rose from memory. It wasn't exactly right, but it was good practice. She was pulled from her focus though, when Hayley spoke. She glanced at her friend, surprised, and her heart skipped a beat. Was Hayley planning to try and get back together with Lizzie after all? "Damn, that sucks." She said noncommittally, watching Hayley's expression. "Did... something happen?"

 

[Hayley Elridge]

Hayley was painfully aware of the nearness of Harley, the warmth of her skin where their bodies almost touched. She had been living with this too long for it to feel anything but natural, and she had wanted for so long to not have to hide it any more, and the thought that this might be the moment put jitters down her spine and butterflies in her stomach. She tried to breathe normally, focus on her drawing and not on Harley, keep calm and collected for now.

It seemed, though, that Harley had misinterpreted what she meant about Lizzie, and a sharp jolt of panic shot through Hayley. "No, no," she assured her, trying her best to continue to sound casual. "It's just like, being Valentines got that stuff on my mind. Don't you get that with Odette?" She paused, ran a hand through her hair, trying to collect her thoughts. She added some more shading to one of her shapes, absently, while she spoke. "Lizzie . . . was a mistake. Looking back, I don't think we were even that into each other. We definitely didn't have anything in common, apart from being gay and thinking the other was hot." It still filled Hayley with firey embarrassment to think about how fundamentally she and Lizzie had failed to discuss anything of importance until that fateful day. How could they have been so dramatically politically and philosophically opposed, and not even realised it? How could she have settled for a physical attraction to a buff girl who could hit bludgers good? Of course, Hayley knew the answer to that, really. It was because Harley had been taken and Hayley had been upset.

 

[Harley Tsuji]

Harley couldn't help the relief that flooded her when Hayley confirmed she wasn't interested in getting back together with Lizzie. As much as Harley didn't want the feelings she couldn't ignore to ruin their friendship, Harley didn't know how she would feel if Hayley dated someone else. The fact that Hayley dating someone was a possibility hadn't really struck her until now, and Harley couldn't quite stop thinking about how much that would hurt. She pulled herself together quickly to answer Hayley's question though, shrugging. "I mean, not, like... I dunno. She's doing her own stuff, y'know?" The truth was of course that Odette had been on her mind a lot, but not in a way Harley could explain easily. Valentines had felt like the final closing of a door, like a point where Harley could step back and see the events of a year ago without emotions clouding them. They had both made mistakes, and ultimately, the relationship hadn't been right. It was time to move on, and Harley was glad to have gotten to that point, even if figuring out what direction to move was easier said than done. Harley laughed slightly at Hayley's assessment of her relationship with Lizzie, shrugging. "Hey, there are worse reasons to date someone." She grinned, elbowing Hayley gently in the side. "Glad you're getting over her though. You've got better things to do with your time than being pissed off at a girl who could probably suplex you."

 

[Hayley Elridge]

Harley had an odd smile on her face, something in her expression that maybe only someone who knew her as well as Hayley would pick up on. She didn’t know what to make of it. She didn’t know if she could make anything of it, without her own emotions clouding her judgement. She nodded at Harley’s comment about Odette, though it didn’t entirely make sense to her. “I’m glad you’ve gotten to that point,” she said, meaning it more than Harley could know. Hayley kind of regretted admitting she still had Lizzie on her mind, if that was how Harley felt, but she wouldn’t lie to her, not ever. She chuckled. “Well, you’re not wrong. But there are better reasons too.” Like everything about Harley. Every detail, her smile, her mind, her philosophy, the way that strand of hair draped delicately over her face, everything screamed that here was a better reason. And now she understood it a bit more than she had at the time, Harley’s reasons to date Odette were better. They’d had something in common, and an emotional intensity already between them, even if it had been an ill-fated beginning to a relationship. Now she wondered whether, if things had been slightly different, Harley and Odette might have worked . . . and what she would have done if they had. “Hey,” she said, half-joking, “half the people I’m pissed off at could probably suplex me. Seems to be a trend of mine.”

 

[Harley Tsuji]

Harley nodded, glad that Hayley didn't pursue the subject further regarding Odette. She felt strange now, talking about her ex girlfriend with Hayley, and was happy to drop the subject with a nod. She laughed at Hayley's comment about Lizzie, nodding. "I mean, true." She smiled. As strange as her feelings made the subject, it was kind of nice to talk about relationships with Hayley. Harley felt a bit like this was an area where she had been immature in the past, even while dating Odette she hadn't really looked at relationships seriously, and turning a new eye to the subject was making her realise how much she had grown in the last year. Harley laughed loudly at Hayley's next comment, nodding sagely. "True. We gotta stop picking fights with beaters, we're gonna get our arses kicked sooner or later."

 

[Hayley Elridge]

Hayley couldn’t keep this up for much longer. The tension in her was growing unbearable, and Harley knew her too well to stay oblivious to it for long. She had hoped for some way to just . . . drop it into the conversation, but maybe that had always been an unrealistic expectation. Should she . . . say it, out of the blue? Would that freak Harley out too much? Paralysed by indecision, she drew a few more random lines on her page, and began shaping them into faces. On second thought, she definitely shouldn’t do it right after they’d been talking about Odette, that would be weird. “Yeah,” she agreed vaguely, realising she had to say something, unable to prevent an anxious note in her voice. Then Harley, wonderful Harley, said something she could genuinely laugh at, helpfully distracting her from her thoughts without even knowing what they were. She snorted. “Hah. As if either of us are capable of not picking fights. Besides, I bet we could take ‘em, if we were together.”

 

[Harley Tsuji]

Harley noticed a strange note in Hayley's voice, but didn't question it, figuring the subject of exes was just a rough one all round. She was relieved that Hayley sounded better after laughing, chuckling herself as she shook her head firmly. "Nah, dude, no way." Harley laughed. "Maturity has granted me the wisdom to know when we're gonna get absolutely destroyed in a fight, and if we tried to fight two beaters we would definitely wind up in hospital wing." She grinned, putting on a sage voice to impart her very serious wisdom.

 

[Hayley Elridge]

Hayley laughed again at Harley's comment, nodding ruefully. "Yeah. I guess you're right. Though I wasn't proposing fighting both of them at once." She lapsed back into silence, returning to her drawing. In the corner of the page, she began to sketch out a rose. This was it. Nothing to hold her back now. She was going to say it. But now the moment had come, she found her mind whirling with doubts and anxieties. What if Harley reacted badly? This could ruin their friendship, and if it did that would be devastating. It would change things, irrevocably, and if it changed them for the worse . . . Hayley didn't know how she'd cope. But she couldn't just do nothing. This was a good time, perhaps the best chance she'd ever get. And it might just change things for the better. Here she had in her grasp the opening to the best possible future, and how would she ever forgive herself if she missed it? She couldn't keep this secret from Harley. Not any more. She wouldn't. Hayley took a couple of deep breaths, delicately outlining the rose on her page, not looking at Harley, not yet. Okay. Now. "I have something to tell you." Hayley's heart was pounding in her head and her chest and all through her body. She looked up, into her best friend's beautiful brown eyes. This was it. "Harley, I . . . I love you."

 

[Harley Tsuji]

Harley chuckled at Hayley's concession, falling back into easy silence with her as she returned her attention to her drawing. It was comfortable to just sit and draw with Hayley, no complication, no drama, nothing needing to be said between them. Harley leaned closer to her drawing, absorbed in the shading around Rose's nose for a while, though she looked up again when Hayley spoke, curious and strangely on edge. What could Hayley have to tell her? "What's up?" She asked, noncommittally, hoping it wasn't anything serious. The last thing Harley needed was any more disturbance in her complicated life. The next words out of Hayley's mouth were definitely not what Harley had expected though, and her brow furrowed slightly in confusion, searching Hayley's face for a moment to try and understand. This... surely this was Harley's own feelings confusing her, and she didn't want to give anything away over a misunderstanding of a friendly gesture. Laughing quickly, Harley gave Hayley a light elbow, grinning a little too wide. "Love you too, goofus." She said affectionately, and quickly looked back down at her drawing, trying to ignore the tremble in her hand. That had been too close.

 

[Hayley Elridge]

Hayley froze, waiting for Harley's reaction, but when it came it was nothing like anything she'd expected. The thought that Harley could misinterpret her so badly, brush it off like a joke when Hayley had never been more serious, came as a shock. This wasn't how this was supposed to go. She had to understand. "No, well, yeah, that too, but I mean . . . I mean I love you. Romantically." Hayley's breath was coming fast and shallow, and her tongue tripped over her words. A cold panic gripped her. This did not bode well. Even when Harley did understand, it didn't look good. She looked into Harley's eyes, beseeching her, begging her to understand, and to give something back. But Harley looked back at her page, and Hayley was left staring at the back of her head, helpless and in pain. She opened her mouth to say something else, but what else could she say? Harley. Harley please. I need you. There was nothing else in the world but the two of them and the thumping of Hayley's heart and the deep ache in her chest.

 

[Harley Tsuji]

Harley was still trying to control the nervous thump of her heart when Hayley spoke again, and it took her a moment to even believe the words she was hearing. She looked up at Hayley again, searching her friend's familiar eyes, and was shocked when what she saw there mirrored her own feelings of nervous hope. Harley opened and closed her mouth, trying carefully to choose her words. "I... sh*t." She said shakily, dropping her pencil and running a hand through her hair. "Hay, I..." Harley's heart was bursting to return the sentiment, to finally express the feelings that had been twisting her gut for months now, but memories of her disasterous breakup with Odette blocked the words in Harley's throat. Losing Odette had been painful, but if things went wrong, Harley didn't know how she could ever separate herself from her best friend. Bridging the divide between them, Harley reached over and laced her shaking fingers with Hayley's gently. Looking into Hayley's eyes again, everything Harley had been worrying about fell away. Those were concerns that could wait for later, and after wanting to do so for months, Harley couldn't resist the temptation any longer to lean over, pressing her lips to Hayley's.

 

[Hayley Elridge]

Hayley's anxiety rose to a peak as Harley looked back at her. She couldn't think. There was nothing but the pounding of her heart. But there was something in Harley's eyes that she hadn't seen there before, something almost . . . hopeful. Could it be? Could she possibly be so lucky, did she dare to think that Harley might be . . . She couldn't even finish a sentence in her head, it was filled with Harley's eyes and the way her voice shook as she, too, stumbled over her words. Everything was frozen in this moment, and the touch of Harley's fingers intertwining with her own. Hayley took a breath, but before she could do anything with it Harley's lips were on hers. The touch was electric, it shivered through Hayley's entire being, like nothing she'd ever felt before. She leaned into the kiss, dropping her sketchbook carelessly to wrap her other arm around Harley's shoulders. This . . . this. This was all she'd ever wanted, and it was better than she had ever imagined it could be. She held Harley close and kissed her, and she didn't want to ever let go.

 

[Harley Tsuji]

Harley didn't think acting on impulse had ever worked out so well for her in her life. There was something about kissing Hayley that just felt right, her friend's familiar scent, the warmth of Hayley's fingers laced with her own, the slight height advantage Harley had. The moment was intoxicating, and it was all too easy to lose herself in the kiss, forget about all the problems this could cause, all the worries she had about her feelings, with Hayley's lips against hers. Part of Harley knew they should stop, should talk about this, but it was easy to ignore that voice when the moment felt so right.

 

[Hayley Elridge]

Hayley didn’t think anything had ever felt so right as this. But even as that thought entered her head, a host of other thoughts began clamouring for attention, all the things she had lost in the beautiful, perfect moment. This would change things, irrevocably, she hoped for the better, but she had to be sure Harley felt the same. Part of her didn’t want to talk about this, just wanted to kiss infinitely and do nothing else, but she was very aware that they needed to be on the same page. Reluctantly, she pulled away, squeezing Harley’s hand with her interlocked fingers, and leaned comfortably against her. “So, um, is this . . . are we . . . ?” Apparently Hayley’s ability to form coherent sentences had not returned, but she could not bring herself to mind. She knew Harley would understand, and hoped she would agree.

 

[Harley Tsuji]

Harley didn't think anything had ever felt as right as this moment, just kissing Hayley, holding her close and not worrying about anything else. But the moment couldn't last forever, and as Hayley pulled away, Harley felt a jarring crack in her heart as reality rushed back in all at once. The happiness on Hayley's face broke her heart, and Harley almost couldn't bring herself to speak, feeling like the cruelest person in the world as she spoke. "I.... I want to." She said hesitantly, heart racing. "But... I mean, f*ck, you're my best friend, what... what do we do if it doesn't work?" Harley felt hollow as she let all her fears finally tumble out at once. "What if it goes wrong, and we can't... make it work, and... and then we're not friends anymore?" Harley pulled away to wipe the tears threatening to burst forth, her heart breaking as she spoke. "I... It's probably too late, it... I've ruined everything already." Maybe, maybe if Harley hadn't been so stupid, everything would be fine. If she hadn't let her impulsiveness win, if she had talked to Hayley instead of jumping in for the kiss. But it was too late now, there was no way to take that kiss back, no way to put this aside and pretend she just wanted to be friends.

 

[Hayley Elridge]

Hayley’s breath trembled as Harley spoke, and she knew she had the same worries Hayley did. But how could they let that stop them, when it was clear they felt the same, when nothing had ever felt so right? “Oh, Har.” Hayley felt her heart would burst as Harley started crying. Impulsively, she pulled her close, embraced her and stroked her hair and hoped beyond hope she could convince her that this was okay. “I . . . I know it’s scary, and I worry too, but . . . We’ve been best friends for so long, we’ve been through so much together. I know this changes things, but do you really think trying something new could break us apart?” Hayley forced herself to breathe deeply; she couldn’t start crying too, she had to say things. “That was . . . so good, and I want this, and you want it too . . . can’t we at least give it a go?” She was glad Harley couldn’t see her face right now, see the ugly desperation written on her features. She’d waited so long for this, and hoped so hard, she couldn’t let their doubts get in the way, even if they were valid. And she couldn’t let herself believe they were - her bond with Harley could survive anything. This wasn’t like their previous relationships - Harley had let herself love someone she hated, Hayley had dated someone she barely knew. This was nothing like that, it was infinitely better, Harley had to see that.

 

[Harley Tsuji]

As nice as the comfort was, as Hayley embraced her Harley pulled away, shaking her head slightly and taking deep breaths to get her tears under control. This conversation couldn't work if she was a blubbering mess, and Harley had had enough of ruining relationships because she let her emotions take charge over her head. She sighed shakily and shrugged, staring at her hands as she thought about this. It was too much to lift her eyes, Harley knew if she actually looked at Hayley she wouldn't be able to talk rationally. "It... I want to. I really want to." Harley said shakily. "But we can't... just assume everything is going to be okay. People break up over stupid stuff all the time, it'd be too easy to..." Harley shrugged, trailing off. There were a thousand things that could go wrong, there was no denying that, but as Harley raised her eyes and looked at Hayley again, it was difficult to care. There was no suppressing the feelings she'd ignored for months any longer, and finally Harley caved, shaking her head slightly. "F*ck it..." She mumbled, leaning in to kiss Hayley again urgently, a kiss that felt like home.

 

[Hayley Elridge]

As Harley pulled away, Hayley suppressed a sigh, picking up her sketchbook again and staring blankly at it. “I . . . I know. But what I mean is . . . if we broke up, I think our friendship could survive it.” Hayley really didn’t want to think about the prospect of breaking up with Harley, especially not when they hadn’t even got together. But she was right to think about it, right to worry about the future. Hayley just didn’t want possible futures to destroy the present. “I . . . I’ve wanted this for . . . a really long time.” Hayley stopped as Harley’s eyes met hers, and she could see the hunger in them. “I . . .” she began, and trailed off again as Harley kissed her. The kiss was full of feeling and of comfort, and Hayley embraced it, but beyond that she didn’t know how to react. It was clear that Harley was confused, that she didn’t know how to feel, and Hayley couldn’t think how to help her, not when she was so dramatically biased herself. So she just leaned into the moment, and hoped it would sort itself out.

 

[Harley Tsuji]

Kissing Hayley was a feeling Harley didn't think she'd ever get tired of. It felt natural, an easy extension of the bond they shared, but thrilling and new all at the same time. It was difficult, but this time Harley was the one to end the kiss, pulling back with a soft, slightly nervous sigh. "I... like you so much." She said softly, one hand cupping Hayley's cheek, faces inches apart. "Let's... just be careful about this, yeah? I don't know what I'd do if I lost you..."

 

[Hayley Elridge]

This was . . . blissful, this was everything Hayley had hoped for and more. Hayley's lips were soft and warm, her touch sweet and familiar and yet oh so different. Everything had changed, everything Hayley had hoped for for so long. She couldn't help the enchanted smile on her face as Harley pulled away, even as she sensed her friend . . . her girlfriend? . . . was still nervous about this. And while Hayley shared her concerns, she would do everything she possibly could to reassure her. This was right, this was how things were meant to be, and Hayley would do anything to ensure it continued. "Of course. We can do this, I know we can. I won't lose you, not for anything."