Closed Collateral Damage

[Eric Holland]

Eric had been in a bad mood lately, and that usually meant he wasn't paying a lot of attention to anything else. But after he'd picked up an abandoned copy of the school paper and had spotted his name in it, he'd realized there was something going on he hadn't paid any attention to. He'd been happy enough to drop a bomb on his relationship with Nicole and had appreciated Connor's support, but he hadn't put a lot of thought into what it would be like for his brother, especially as he was friends with the twins Nicole had been talking with as well. He had been a bit annoyed at the way the story had been framed in the paper, especially the line about him tearing apart a year group he wasn't even in. Like that was his fault. But he realized he needed to talk to his brother, to at least make sure he was alright. Eric found Connor by the lake, looking moody. He sat down next to him and nudged him. "You know the whole brooding angry thing is my thing, right?"

 

[Connor Holland]

The year was finally almost over, and Connor was beyond ready to go home. His life at school had turned into an absolute nightmare, and he didn't know how much longer he could put up with his former friends and their vendetta against his brother. And now Connor himself as well, all because he hadn't kowtowed to Nicole. It was freezing outside, but better than being around his classmates, so Connor had wandered around until he found a spot by the lake, chin slumped over his knees, occasionally tossing a rock into the water to watch it bloop. This was stupid. All he wanted was to go home. Connor couldn't even bring himself to look up from the lake when a piece of home found him, snorting softly and giving Eric a light elbow back in greeting. "Yeah, well, you always wanted me to be more like you." Connor grumbled, picking up another small rock and hucking it into the lake.

 

[Eric Holland]

Eric had hoped for a bit of a smile at the very least, but Connor didn't even look at him. He sighed, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Yeah, well, I'm not so sure that's what I want anymore." He muttered, sighing. "Look. Connor. I... I'm sorry." He said. "My crap... shouldn't ruin your friendships. You know, you can hang out with them. You don't have to hate them for me."

 

[Connor Holland]

Connor couldn't even really bring himself to be surprised at Eric's admission, shoulders slumping slightly. When he was younger he had wanted so badly to be more like Eric, to make his brother happy. Of course neither of them wanted it anymore, now that he felt like this. He did look up when Eric apologised though, frowning slightly in confusion. "It's not for your sake." He paused. "Or... I mean, not just for your sake. I don't wanna hang out with people who would say stuff like that about anybody. They're bullies, I just... never realised before." He sighed, slumping forward over his knees again. "And everyone believes Nicole, it's so stupid. Now they all just think I'm a violent jerk." Connor paused, sensible enough to leave the "too" off that sentence.

 

[Eric Holland]

Eric frowned when Connor said it wasn't for his sake, but he thought he understood as he clarified. "I mean..." He sighed. "No, yeah, Nicole pretty much sucks." He said with a shake of his head. "But you shouldn't stop- I mean, you still have to-" He groaned, frustrated as the words refused to come to him. "Just stay... as you are." He finally got out, awkwardly. "Okay?" There was definitely more to say, but Eric couldn't think of how to say it without sounding weird. He just hoped Connor understood his meaning.

 

[Connor Holland]

Connor snorted softly at Eric's comment about Nicole, nodding his head in agreement. He frowned as his brother went on though, looking at Eric in confusion. "What?" He asked, giving Eric a look. "I haven't... stopped... being angry at her?" He asked slowly, trying and failing to parse out what Eric was saying. "What are you even talking about?"

 

[Eric Holland]

Eric made a frustrated noise. "That's not what I mean!" He said, a little angrily. "You shouldn't... change." He said, gesturing vaguely. "Like, stay... yourself. I'm saying I don't want you to become this bitter and angry person, okay? It ... it sucks, alright? It's not fun." He said, his cheeks flushing a bit.

 

[Connor Holland]

Connor couldn't help a tiny flnch when Eric snapped, though he relaxed quickly as he finally realised what his brother was saying. "Oh..." Connor said softly. He paused for a long moment, studying his brother's face. His whole life he had looked up to Eric, wanted to be strong and tough like his brother. Of course Eric was happy being the way he was, of course he was having fun, those things had always seemed like immutable facts. Until now. "You don't... have to be angry either." Connor said softly, gently bridging the gap between them to touch Eric's shoulder. "Not... about everything." Connor knew the root of a lot of his brother's problems at Hogwarts, and it had never felt like the right time to bring them up, but... if not now, when? "I've been.. hanging out with Alice a bit this year." He said softly, meeting Eric's eyes. He knew just bringing up their cousins was a risk, but it was time to take it. "She's really nice, actually, when she's not around that Gryffindor girl. You should... give them a chance. Our cousins..."

 

[Eric Holland]

Eric laughed humorlessly when Connor said he didn't have to be angry about everything. "You think I choose to be?" He asked him, looking away. "It... it's like it takes me over, sometimes. Like with Nicole." He glared over at the water. "I know yelling at her like that was a bad idea, knew it even as I was doing it. But I couldn't... stop." He shrugged. "And sometimes it's just easier to be what people expect." He admitted. He clenched his fists when Connor brought up their cousin, whirling on him. "What?!" He snapped. "No, Connor. You can't trust her." He told him angrily. "Besides, she has nothing to do with this conversation." He added, crossing his arms.

 

[Connor Holland]

It had been a long time since Eric's outbursts had phased Connor, something he was used to by now, as much as he wished he wasn't. He had developed a system of trying to hear what his brother said rather than how he said it, which seemed to work. It was a surprise when Eric actually got at the heart of the problem all along. "Or you could prove them all wrong." He said softly. "I don't think you were wrong to... stand up for yourself to Nicole. She was being cruel, you were just defending yourself. But when it comes to other stuff..." Connor hesitated. "There's.. a counsellor, you know. She might be able to help you..." Connor was raising a lot of dangerous subjects in this conversation, but he wasn't going to dance around his brother's feelings the way he had when he was younger. Eric needed help, it was clearer now than ever, and if there was something Connor could do, he wanted to do it. He wasn't surprised at the outburst when he brought up their cousins, giving Eric a placid look. "We're talking about things that make you angry." He said plainly. "And she's nice. She doesn't have anything to do with her dad's past, she's just a nice girl who could have been our friend all along. I'm going to write to her after she graduates, and you should think about doing the same."

 

[Eric Holland]

Eric shook his head when Connor said he could prove them wrong. The thing was that he couldn't. How could he, when they weren't entirely wrong about him? "You don't get it." He said quietly. "I wasn't standing up for myself. I was humiliating her, and I knew I was doing it." He said, frowning. "The things people say about me, Connor, it's not all wrong." He finally admitted. "So how can I prove them wrong when they're not?" He hated having to put this into words, but he needed Connor to understand it. At the mention of the counsellor, however, he balked. "You mean the mother of that awful blond girl I got in a fight with?" He asked him angrily. "Yeah, she's going to give me a fair chance." He said, rolling his eyes. "I don't need an adult to fix things for me, they just let you down." He said shortly. He shook his head when Connor said he should write their cousin. "Look, you write her all you want but I'm not going to do it." He said with a scowl. "It must be so exhausting, trying to be everyone's friend all the time."

 

[Connor Holland]

Connor's face twisted in sympathy and pain as he listened to his brother describe himself. "That's not... she started that, Eric, it's totally reasonable to be upset about what she did. It's not like you did it.... unprompted and vindictive. She hurt you, and you reacted. It wasn't... the best reaction, but it's not the same." Connor sighed softly. "And you can prove you're not the way people think you are by... learning new ways to react to things?" He suggested. "If you don't think I should be more like you anymore, maybe you could... try to be more like me?" Connor could hear the hesitation in his voice, knowing he was treading into dangerous ground with his volatile brother again. He sighed softly when Eric dismissed the idea of counselling immediately. "The counsellor didn't have anything to do with that fight, you can't blame her for what her daughter did." He chose to let the subject of writing family drop, surprised he had gotten as far as he had on the topic. Though he would never say it, Connor quietly thought being nice had to be less exhausting than how Eric seemed to feel right now.

 

[Eric Holland]

Eric was a little glad Connor seemed to think he hadn't done anything wrong with Nicole, even if he wasn't sure if he agreed. Eric sighed and looked away when Connor suggested learning new ways to react to things. He made it sound so easy. Eric tensed up when Connor said he should be more like him. "I'm not like you." He snapped. "I can't just change." He shook his head. "I don't understand you." He added, admitting it more quietly. Eric sighed. "I'm not blaming her, but she won't like me much, will she?"

 

[Connor Holland]

Playing more and more dangerous conversation cards seemed to be paying off for Connor, so he decided to keep going for as long as he could. He had been on the receiving end of his brother's temper enough not to really be afraid anymore. Eric was all talk, as far as he was concerned, and Connor was becoming more and more conscious of the fact that he was stronger than his brother, if Eric did try to fight him. "Well, I understand you." He said slowly, meeting Eric's eyes. "I spent years learning to understand you. So... maybe it's your turn." He snorted softly at Eric's comment about the counsellor. "It's not her job to like you, but it's her job to treat you with respect. Do you really think the school counsellor is gonna just... I dunno, yell at you for fighting her daughter? You know she wouldn't be allowed to do that job if she was that kind of person."

 

[Eric Holland]

Eric frowned. "No you don't." He muttered when Connor said he understood him. He came close, but Eric never really felt like his brother truly did understand his anger. He groaned when Connor talked more about the counsellor, acting like she couldn't possibly hold a grudge against Eric or act on it. "I don't know why you think adults have to play by the rules." He snapped at him. "No, she won't yell at me, but that doesn't mean she can't make my life miserable if she wants. And for all I know, she would. I don't have any reason to trust her." He said sharply.

 

[Connor Holland]

Connor snorted in frustration at Eric's disagreement. "Life treats you badly, you get mad, you lash out, life treats you worse because you lashed out, you get mad and lash out more." He said pointedly, giving his brother a look. "Secretly you're really nice and you care about people a lot, but it's... easier to be angry." Connor sighed. "I get you." He rolled his eyes at Eric's disagreement about the counsellor. "She has to play by the rules because it's her job. Besides, it's been years, she probably doesn't even care anymore. Alice doesn't care anymore. Everyone is over it." Sure, Connor did still make a habit of avoiding Emily, but there was no reason to tell Eric that.