Closed Cold weather and warm hugs.

[Linden Kinnek]

Linden didn't know what he had gotten himself into. he was trying to avoid Lucas but there was only so much that he could do when they shared the dorm. and he had been the idiot who had signed back onto the quidditch team even though he knew Lucas was the captain. he had spent his days doing what he had always told casper he didn't need to do. moping over his broken heart. but he had put so much of his last two years into being with Lucas and now and now he was the one who was alone and broken when Lucas had everything going for him. The things that once made him proud of his boyfriend now were things that he resented him for. He had everything. people liked him, well he knew people liked him too. But he was the Hufflepuff golden boy captain and seeker of the quidditch team, leader of the brotherhood, and now head boy. He should have been proud that Lucas was head boy the two of them had talked about which of them it would be. and they had both thought the other was the better candidate. but misery bred bitterness.

Linden had been hanging out in the grounds skimming stones over the not quite frozen lake. his breath misting in cold clouds, his face staying warm thanks to the tears rolling down his cheeks. and his body shook as he tried to settle himself. He picked up a stone and threw it with a satisfying splash. before sinking down on the grass under a tree.

 

[Casper Kinnek]

Casper wasn't blind. He could see how upset Linden had been. At first, Cas hadn't really been sure what to do. He'd tried to give Linden some space. But knowing how the boy must be hurting was tearing Cas up. He couldn't focus on anything. Casper knew very well the heartache that Linden was going through. He'd been through it twice already. Cas decided today that he couldn't keep trying to avoid Linden. His own feelings be damned. Part of him was screaming at him, telling him to stay away. Cas knew he was going to hurt himself. Badly. Again. But Linden was the closest friend Casper had ever had. It didn't take too long to figure out where Linden was. Casper knew all the best haunts for a broken heart. He walked up to Linden where he was settled, and sat down beside him. He didn't speak, just laid an arm over the boys shoulders and leaned his head on Lindens, his cheek on Lindens much shorter hair.

 

[Linden Kinnek]

The cold air and cold ground helped Lin calm down. The tears were still falling but at least he wasn’t shaking. He was glad that it was cold and that he was alone out here. He had thought about trying to find Tara but she had already put up with him upset enough over the holidays and her sassy cheering up comebacks would surely only last so long. Casper was hardly around any more busy in the arts room. He could go and find him but that was Cas’ space and he was comfortably uncomfortable out here. He heard footsteps approaching and didn't bother to look up instead lowering his head wishing he still had his hair to hide behind. He held his breath trying to be quiet in the hopes that the person didn’t see him and just walked past.

Fortunately he was not that lucky and the person not only saw him but came to sit beside him. He didn’t need to look at them to tell it was casper. It smelt like cas and there was paint on his pants and shoes. He didn't realise he had wanted a hug until he felt the comfortable weight on his shoulders and he leaned towards his friend glad that he hadn’t felt the need to say anything. There was enough between them to know that the other was there. “Thank you Cas, I’m sorry” he said what specifically he was apologising for he wasn’ sure. Maybe for being so moody these last couple of weeks, or for not being there and asking how things with his mum were going, or for picking a cold slightly damp piece of grass to sit on or for the water and snot marks that were starting to form on Cas's shoulder.

 

[Casper Kinnek]

Cas smiled softly, just rubbing his thumb in gentle circles on Lindens shoulder. "Shut up," he replied affectionately, unwilling to admit how much he was enjoying the closeness. He didn't feel guilty about it for once. If he thought about it at all, he knew he would. So Cas didn't think about it. He knew talking wouldn't help. He'd been down this road a few times already and for him just being held was enough. And if Linden decided he wanted to talk, well, Cas wasn't planning on moving anytime soon.

 

[Linden Kinnek]

Lin felt himself relaxing just that closeness with cas was enough. Just knowing that his best friend was there. “Sorry I’m a mess. Why didn’t you tell me it hurt this much” he said. He wasn’t accusing Cas of keeping the information secret. But he had seen cas go through heartbreak so many times while he had been fairly lucky with things what he didn’t realise how much it actually hurt to be dumped. And even though tara had distracted him and boosted him over the holidays he still hadn’t been prepared for seeing and spending so much time with Lucas now they were back at school.

 

[Casper Kinnek]

Cas rolled his eyes a bit at the question and just squeezed Lins arm. "Well, with any luck you won't have to play through it three times," he tried to joke a bit, not wanting to be too serious and unintentionally make things worse. "Lucas is a bit stuck in his head, y'know? Give him time," Cas offered softly, trying to reassure Linden. While he had understood Lucas' aversion to being with him, there was no way Lucas would be able to go without Linden for too long.

 

[Linden Kinnek]

Linden couldn't help but smile at caspers response “I hope not. I don't know how you did it three times and are still not messed up and bitter”he said. He had always thought casper was stronger and more resilient than he seemed able to be hit back by life again and again and still be open to love and happiness. But it was only now that he realised how strong his friend was. “I gave him time. And space i tried to be there for him. Tried to cheer him up after Kasim vanished. Managed to take him to the moon like he asked. But it still wasn’t enough. What more could I do?” he said. He shifted slightly sitting up and turning towards cas. “I think you were right in the pet shop. He prefers his older friends.” he said.

 

[Casper Kinnek]

Cas was tempted to say something but bit his tongue. They weren't going to talk about him right now. He kept rubbing his thumb on Lindens shoulder, squeezing his arm gently. "Come on, Lin. You're great. Lucas is a dumbass not to see that. Any guy would be lucky to have you. You're sweet, and you've got such a big heart." Cas pulled back a bit, taking his sleeve and wiping at Lindens tears. "Lucas is hurt and wrapped up in his own head right now. I really think he's going to regret letting you go. He just... Doesn't see it yet." He gave Lin a warm smile, trying to encourage him. He wasn't sure it was working, but he was doing his best.

 

[Linden Kinnek]

Linden smiled as cas spoke. It was so nice here. Talking to cas was comfortable and relaxing as cas rubbed his shoulder rubbing the internal tension away. It sounded like all the things that he has said to cas so many times over the last few years when some silly boy had broken his heart and Lin had always been there to clean up the pieces. Now the roles were reversed and he was even more glad to have Cas there with him. “Yeah, I know he is hurt. But how am I meant to be there for him, to help him, if he hurts me too?” he said. Thinking of the letter he had sent to Connor asking for help and advice. And how he had asked Connor to check Lucas was okay because he couldn’t. He looked at Casper, his cool blue eyes and warm gold hair lighting up as the sun came out from behind a cloud. Before the boy came too close and he had to close his eyes and sit very still so as not to react as cas reached over and wiped his tears with his sleeve, glad that his face was already red from the cold. Even after he moved his hand away he could feel the fabric on his skin. He looked at cas and smiled. “You are the best,” he said. He leaned against his friend again enjoying the warmth coming off him “how did things go with your mum” he asked not so subtly changing the topic away from himself.

 

[Casper Kinnek]

Cas leaned back against Linden, shutting his eyes and enjoying the cuddling. He didn't let himself do this often anymore. He knew technically he was supposed to be comforting Linden but he was a little glad he had a reason to be close to the other boy. Did that make him a bad person?

Probably.

Cas smiled a bit at Lindens attempt to change the subject. "Okay I guess." He replied easily. "She used to be an artist, but it didn't pan out for her. She's a cleaner now. My older brother, Basil, he's a quidditch player professionally. I'm thinking of meeting him during break." Cas kept rubbing Lindens shoulder, knowing how the contact could help. "Actually, I have two little sisters. I've done some digging and... They're both here at school. I just... Haven't told them yet." He admitted. Linden could probably use the distraction.

 

[Linden Kinnek]

Linden looked up at cas and smiled. Softly. He could get used to this. Though maybe next time somewhere slightly less cold. Next time. He couldn’t allow himself to think that. No. Cas was his friend. They were friends. He wouldn’t ruin that like how his and Lucas’s friendship was now ruined. “Tara said I should move on and find someone else to make Lucas jealous,” he mused. He wasn’t sure why his sister's advice had come into his head right now. moving on was a good idea just not Cas. He was too important. He couldn’t use him like that. And certainly not now, not when it would be so easy to act and not to think.
He listened to the sound of Cas talking, feeling the rumble of his voice through his cheek. “She sounds nice. and you should definitely meet him. You always wanted a family, now you do. Just do me a favour and don’t let them replace your best friend” he said. At the next statement. He sat up. This was important. “You have two sisters at the school and you haven’t told me. You haven’t told them. Who are they? Do I know them?” he asked, now well and truly distracted from his wallowing.

 

[Casper Kinnek]

Casper's brow furrowed when Linden mentioned Tara. Tara? Maybe it was just a coincidence. He startled when Linden sat up, and looked bashful. "I... Was still trying to figure out what to do." He offered gently. "And no one could replace you," he insisted, almost quietly, and looked away. "I... Maisie Morvay is the baby. She's in... Third year? I think. And... The new transfer girl. In the year below us." He looked to Linden then, fear evident in his eyes. "I... Have no idea what to do. I've always known I was adopted. But we were so young. What if they don't know? And... How do I tell them?" He looked away, running a hand into his hair and biting his lip, his worries coming back in full force as he admitted them.

 

[Linden Kinnek]

Lin hadn’t noticed the look on Cas's face change as he mentioned his new sister, he was too busy not looking at how it looked from this angle, his jaw, his cheeks, his lips. The way they moved as he spoke. “I can come with you if you want. We could just go and watch a match and then you can decide how to go from there” he said. Not sure if that was a good idea or not but it would be an excuse to hang out.

He listened as cas described his sisters. A third year who he had never heard of. And… “um-bu-how-wha” he stuttered, not getting past half a syllable as he tried to think what to say. “Surely you don’t mean Tara? you are talking about a different transfer right? not my sister?” he said he had no ideas as to how many transfers there were but tara was his sister. Sure she had only been so for a year but that was long enough for him to claim her as his sister. To be protective over her, she had been through enough and was only just feeling comfortable with the cullens. How would she adjust to another family, how could he tell cas that his sister was a werewolf. No it had to be a different transfer

 

[Casper Kinnek]

Cas bit his lip. "I... Would you?" He asked softly, his hand drifting to the back of his neck. He was afraid to go alone. He swallowed hard as Linden stuttered upon hearing about his other sister. Immediately regretting saying anything, Cas pushed up to his feet, shoving his hands into his pockets and hating the tears in his eyes. He turned his head, hoping Lin hadn't seen them. "It doesn't matter, I'm probably wrong, I didnt- it's a dumb idea, just forget it," he managed, and turned, trying to walk away and trying very hard not to let himself slouch. Of course. They all had families, lives, things he could never be a part of. It had been silly. He wouldn't say a word. Not to his mother, who didn't know, not to his sisters. He suddenly doubted meeting his brother, too. Maybe this entire thing had been a bad idea. Cas had never belonged anywhere. It had been idiotic to let himself think maybe that could change.

 

[Linden Kinnek]

Lin nodded as cas asked if he would go to the quidditch with him. “Of course. What team does he play in?” he asked. His mum could get some tickets cheap if her old team was playing. But the chances of it being that team was slim but he would don any colours for something that important to cas even Wollongong red and black.

He hadn’t expected cas’ reaction but it was telling. The sixth-year transfer he was looking for was indeed the girl who he had spent his summer with. He felt guilty that he already had two sisters willow and ivy. He couldn’t take cas’ chance of a sister away. He got up and followed cas. “Cas i wanted to introduce the two of you anyways but you have been vanishing into the ats room all the time and i never really see you to talk. Tara is great, you will like her. Meet her and then you can decide if and what you want to tell her” he said.

 

[Casper Kinnek]

Cas shrugged at the question. "I'll have to ask, it's a German one." He replied, not remembering the name off the top of his head. He slowed as Linden chased after him, keeping his eyes on the ground. Lindens words stung Cas more than he expected them to. So you know where I am, then decide to complain I'm never around instead of just coming to talk to me? Cas felt very small, thinking he had overblown his importance to Linden. Why would he bother coming to talk to you on his own? You aren't worth anything, Casper. Behind all his pretty words, even Linden knows that. Cas swallowed hard, his hair falling forward to hide his face. "If you insist." He offered weakly, his heart thudding dully in his chest. Why did he just feel like he'd been rejected again? Linden probably hadn't even meant it, but the entire thing felt like a slap in the face. What on earth had made Casper think coming out here was a good idea?

 

[Linden Kinnek]

Of course it would not be one of the ausnz teams. “A german quidditch match that would be good. I heard that the German league is a good one to watch very skilled efficient players, no flashy tricks” he said. he bet the german teams wouldnt flirt with the oppositon to distract them. not lindens proudest move. but one that had worked none the less. He could see by caspers body language that he had said something wrong. He caught up to him and brushed his hair out of his face. He could see something hurt in his expression what had he done. “Casper. I’m Sorry. i didn’t mean to take tara off you. I know how exciting this is for you. I have told her all about you. How awesome you are. She is excited to meet you.” he said not sure if he was digging himself into or out of the hole he was in. just that he was digging. He had basically talked about casper as thought he was family, he was family, she probably almost saw him as a brother already. He removed his hand from Caspers shoulder where it had come to rest. They were close. And where it was currently resting his hand was so close it would be easy to... No. That thought had to stay there it was not allowed to finish. It could go back where it came from. “Thank you for coming to find me today. It helped and means a lot” he said.

 

[Casper Kinnek]

Casper's breath hitched when Linden brushed his hair back, and Casper shut his eyes, almost leaning into the touch. He was hesitant as Linden spoke. Casper didn't want to speak, didn't want to let Linden in. But the hand on his shoulder did him in. Cas sighed heavily and stepped back, trying to forcefully shut Linden out. He sighed, shoving his hands deeper into his pockets.

"Stop." He sounded very tired. "Just stop. You have all the pretty words in the world but you can't be bothered with me. I'm so important but even knowing where I am at any given moment you can't be bothered with me. Just... Leave me alone. I don't need your pity. Find some other broken thing to focus on. I'm fine on my own. I've been alone all my life. That's not about to change." Cas tried to push past Linden, careful not to touch him, but needing an escape.

 

[Linden Kinnek]

Linden’s morning had somehow gone from bad to good to bad again as cas lashed out at him. Yeah he deserved it but it hurt. he kept letting his guard down around cas. Getting just a little closer than he should only to be reminded for sure why he and cas could never work, there would be too much at stake with him. He hated fighting with cas. “Cas. they aren’t just pretty words. And you are not broken.” he said emotion building in his voice. He stopped before he lost his temper or his tears from before came welling back up. before he lost another friend. He took a deep breath to steady him. “you have been in the arts room. That is your space. The place you go to when you want to hide away, where you want to avoid me or be alone.” he said. “Last year I only came in because it had been ages and we had fallen out and you hadnt even been to the dorms in weeks. But we haven’t, umm, hadn’t this year so I just figured you wanted your privacy” he said.

 

[Casper Kinnek]

Casper paused as Linden spoke. Apparently even when he was trying to push Linden away he was extraordinarily weak willed. Unthinkingly, Cas reached out, barely gripping the edge of Lindens shirt. "I am broken." He managed quietly as Linden finished speaking. "I am broken, and jaded, and I'm scared. All the time. Never in my life have I been good enough. " He wavered, almost leaning on Linden but forcing himself to stay away. "I'm not avoiding you. I'm working on commissions. People are paying me for paintings." He spoke softly, pointedly staring at the ground.

"If I'm avoiding you I'm in the gardens. There's a secret spot there I found years ago that I hide in when I can't handle things." Cas hesitated and let his hand drop, pushing it back into his pocket. He still didn't look to Linden. "I've gone unwanted my entire life, Linden. I'm not enough. I've been through dozens of foster homes, orphanages. Never in my life has anyone ever wanted to be with me. That note Sebastian left? More pretty words. He hasn't written, or called, or made any attempts to see me." Casper drew in on himself. "At least in the arts room I can't disappoint anyone else. I stay out of the way. It's all I'm good for." He started walking again, not expecting Linden to stop him. Back to the arts room. Tucked away and out of sight.

 

[Linden Kinnek]

Linden hadn’t expected cas to grab his shirt. “Okay. you are a little broken. But I am not friends with you just because I want to fix you” he said. As cas continued it took all his strength not to reach towards him and hold him safe in his arms. He let cas continue not wanting to interrupt him. Having to bite hard on his lip to stop him saying something that he would regret as soon as he opened his mouth. Something honest but in that moment it would just sound like pretty useless words even inside his own head it sounded like that. As he liked being with cas and wanted to be with him. He just couldn’t capital BE with him.
Instead he cocked his head to one side. A gesture that was something a curious bjørn would do. “So you're telling me that i can come and hang out with you and my cat when you are in the arts room, And that it has taken me this long to work that out.” he said. “I could bring my homework, you can paint, bamse can purr, and we can talk.” he continued the image of an afternoon startin to fill in his head, tara could even be there too. The three siblings all hanging out.

 

[Casper Kinnek]

Cas hesitated as Linden spoke. He expected Linden to spout off more pretty nonsense, but instead Linden painted a picture that infuriatingly made his heart flutter a bit. Casper shoved that aside, scuffing his toe on the ground. "I mean... You could," he offered slowly, trying to remind himself that Linden would most likely forget in an hour and it would be silly to want something like that.

 

[Linden Kinnek]

Lin had expected cas to react in someway. But not as bashfully as he was doing. “Is that something you would like?” he asked a little slowly dubious of if he was reading it right. The idea was growing on him. When he had been in the arts room last year to find cas it had been rather homely feeling. He wasn't sure what about it felt like home they didnt have pictures like that on their wall. And it generally didnt smell like paint. He felt himself shiver and wrapped his arms around himself as a way to keep warm. “can we go inside. And get some hot chocolate with marshmallows to warm up” he said sure coffee was the more adult drink but you couldn’t knock a good proper hot chocolate with marshmallows on a cold day.

 

[Casper Kinnek]

Casper hesitated at Lindens question. Yes. No. Yes. He bit his lip. Before he could respond Linden had shivered and asked if they could go inside. "I... Hot chocolate sounds good." He offered softly.

He hesitated, before caving in to the aching urge that just wouldn't let up. Cas stepped forward, grabbed Linden by the collar, and pulled him in for a tight hug. A few tears slipped out, and he shuddered.

 

[Linden Kinnek]

There was a distinct lack of an answer from cas and lin wondered if he was just being polite and he didn't really want to share his space. Or he did in theory but not actually in practice. He smiled at the agreement for hot chocolate. “I could see if I can find Tara if you want?” he said. Offering the suggestion to him. If he wanted to meet their mutual sister he could but if he wanted it to be just the two of them, well he wasn’t going to complain.
He had just taken a couple of steps towards the castle when he felt a tug on his shirt and the warmth of an embrace washed over him. He held cas tight resting his head in the area between his neck and shoulder. He felt cas shiver and held him tighter, rubbing his hands on his back to try and warm him up. “Are you okay?” he asked wondering what had prompted the unexpected, but not unwanted hug.