Closed Bestest Friends

[Avaria Lockwood]

When Ava awoke the morning after she'd bid everyone farewell, she couldn't help but feel sad. After sending a quick note to @Vader Hume to eat his breakfast, Ava settled into bed and began to write another letter, wishing she was at school so she could cuddle with any of her friends. She chose a glittery purple gel pen for this letter, deciding that she would use a different pen for each of her friends. She paused a few times during her letter, unsure of what to say really.

Zephyr,

I miss you already. I know I needed to do this, but I really miss you, and Vader, and everyone. I'm sending some vegan snacks I picked up a few days ago- don't worry, I made sure there weren't any nuts or anything either- so you and Rowan can share.

Elio... I have to tell you, I'm really sorry about leaving school this year. I hate that I've left you there without me. I... didn't get a chance to tell you why I had to stay home this year. I know Alice was so mad at me, I was afraid you would be too. She thinks I should wait until schools over to know my dad, to take time with him.

I lost my mother when I was ten- she was sick for a while, and I knew she wouldn't get better. What I didn't expect... was to lose my grandmother, too. I think the grief of losing her daughter broke her heart. I was sent to an orphanage for a few months until they found my dad, and after he picked me up, it was only a month or two before school began. He's never been part of my life. I... I was scared that if I didn't take this chance, now, then... I might not ever get the chance to know him. To have him be a part of my childhood.

And honestly... I had been having a bad year anyway. I didn't think anyone would notice if I took the time off. With what had happened with Philip, and this... thing that had happened with Vader... and you and Alice both had so many people around you, I honestly didn't think it would matter to anyone if I wasn't around. I'm really sorry I can't be closer to support you. I just hope you can forgive me.

Love, Avaria

 

[Elio Zephyr]

Elio was glad he’d managed to catch Ava before they’d left on the train, and while it still hadn’t really hit him yet that the Ravenclaw wasn’t going to be around, he was still happy to have something else to do in the dorms. He hated leaving them, and leaving Rowan, so anything he could do while he sat with her would help. He’d not expected to receive a message from Ava so soon though, and the prefect got to work, getting comfortable on the floor in the boys dorms, scribbling out as nearly as possible his letter to his friend. ​

Ava,

I keep imagining that when I’m in class or getting some dinner, that you’ll pop up beside me with your big beautiful smile and chatter away about your day. I won’t lie, it’s strange to be here right now. I feel like everyone’s looking at us and regardless of whether they’re doing it out of sympathy or not, it’s like we’re on display or something. More and more people are finding out now and it’s as though we can’t go anywhere without being asked questions. I miss how simple everything was. I miss you and I miss the group we used to have. You say you didn’t think anyone would notice but it’s as though we’ve lost chunks in our group Ava. It’s a bit surreal.

I remember when we were younger, you used to talk about your dad, how you’d only just found him. I never realised though that to get to that point you'd been through so much already. Honestly your optimism is pretty inspirational. I’m sorry you had to go through that, especially so close to joining a new school. You’re right though, about taking the time to get to know him. You guys have so much catching up to do and if he’s someone that you want in your life then why not jump in head first! I’ve never known you not to go after what you want, and I really do hope this year works out for you.

I love that you’re sending us snacks, even from so far away you’re looking out for us! I’ve enclosed a couple of photos that I’ve taken just of our friends. There was a huge food fight thing the first day of term after sorting, I think Vex set it up but it was nightmare. I got potato in my hair Ava, my hair. Maybe I’ll send you some every time I write so that you can feel like you’re right here at school, bet you’d love that haha. Photos that is. Not potatoes. Can’t wait until the break already, you’re gonna get the biggest hug when I see you next.

Love, Mr Zephyr

 

[Avaria Lockwood]

Ava took a moment to respond to the letter that came in, caught up in a project after she finished her schooling that morning. She had to admit, once she focused, it certainly went by a lot quicker than being in class. Still, she missed her friends. And the Professors. Like Professor North or Professor Montgomery. That night though, she finally settled onto her bed (albeit covered in paint) to write a reply.

Zephyr,

I'm sorry I'm not there with you. I could sneak into the Gryffindor dorms, sit in your lap, and paint your arms all kinds of colors. I would try to paint Rowan too, but I don't know if she would let me. I'm including a couple of vegan scones- no nuts for you- I've been gathering a bunch of recipes to learn for you guys so I'll make you something every day, I promise.

I... haven't really talked about this much with anyone. Maybe it's easier over paper? I hope you don't think less of me, but that optimism you like, its... really just an act I put on to hide how scared I really am. I'm not sure if it's the same, but... I lost my entire world, Zephyr. Everything I had was just... gone. All at once. I don't have any memories of my dad, just this old photo. And then when he did come back, I had to go to school. I've always been afraid he would forget me again and I would come back to an empty house.

It didn't help when I found out about Emily, and then Arthur. He replaced me, the first chance he had. Emily is a year younger than me. That's three months, Zephyr. How could he do that? Just... walk out on us like that.

I was so scared going into school. And honestly- it's never gone away. Philip has left me before, I can never really trust anything with my dad the way our relationship is now, and then Vader... I'm trying not to let it get to me. I am. But after everything with you and Rowan, and the way you're each others persons... I thought I got that, I thought... you know, that Vader was mine, only we were a bit easier because we weren't in love with each other.

But... I was feeling really vulnerable after Philip was trying to get in my life again, and Tyler rejected me really harshly, and I told Vader he was my person, my other half, and he just... he brushed me off, Zephyr. I drew back after that. I don't know what I expected, but I thought... even if I lost everything else, I would have him, but I just don't know. He lies to me all the time and even though it's getting better, it was years before he even began to trust me.

I know I'm supposed to be bright, and bubbly, and unshakeable, but honestly I'm just really scared. I'm going to come back, and everyone will have moved on, and I'll be alone. Again. I lost my home. I was thrown into a castle where I can't stay. I know saying I'm going to have an apartment with Vader is a bit rash, and having a solid...ish plan for my future since fourth year is a bit... extreme to everyone else, but I don't have a choice. I don't have a home, so I have to build one.

I'm sorry this letter is so dark, and it might not be fair of me to tell you this. I just... had to tell someone. I'm so scared, all the time, that I'm not enough, that I never will be enough, and everyone will leave me behind.

Thank you for the photos. And I'm sorry about the potato in your hair. If you write again I promise I'll be happier. I know this is better for me and my dad, but it's really lonely here by myself. I'm really looking forward to that hug, but I'm pretty sure you'll have to argue with Vader over who gets the first one.

I love you! Tell me if the snacks are rubbish, okay?

Love, Ava

Ava set down her pen several times as she was writing, leaning back and taking a moment to breathe, wiping the tears from her eyes. She didn't know why she needed to send this to Zephyr, but she felt like it was something she had kept to herself for too long. And if she didn't want Vader to know something, then the best thing to do was to tell Zephyr. She moved over to her dad's owl, sending the letter back to the school. She sat in the window, watching the owl disappear into the night.

 

[Elio Zephyr]

Elio had been pleasantly surprised to find that there was a snack enclosed with his next letter, presumably from Ava. A quick scan of the letter had confirmed it and he'd dashed from the Owlery back to the dorms, stopping off in the kitchens purely for a couple of plates. By the time he got back to the dorms he'd left the snacks on the bedside table for Rowan when she wanted to try it, and settled down beside her to read the letter properly. He'd not expected Ava to admit to him that her optimistic front was just that; a front, and as he read he couldn't help but think he barely knew her at all. They may have known each other for a long time but there was so much about her he didn't know, and vice versa. He was careful as he wrote his reply, trying to balance it on his leg as he wrote.​

​

Ava,

​

​

I would never think less of you, no matter what you did. I'm sorry I've never noticed that you felt like that, although I am glad you've told me now. I think it's pretty naturally to feel scared, I know I do, much more than I ever admit to. I like to think that things will find a way to work themselves out, but truth be told I have no idea what I'm doing. Some people can just be d!cks though Ava, and just because some people in your life think it's okay to treat someone poorly doesn't mean everyone will. You have to make sure you find the people worth putting in the effort for, and they are out there. Sorry, I'm probably the worst person to give out advice right now. This is hitting everyone harder than I ever thought it could.​

​

You say that everyone will have moved on when you get back, but I can also tell you that's not true. You're looking at someone who spent a year in Scotland remember! We managed a year apart then, and we'll manage again here. Just like the closest of friends we'll pick up where we left off, just like always. Please don't feel like you're forced to be happy in front of me. I'd much rather you were just your genuine self rather than felt the need to pretend. There's way too much going on around us to be able to pretend. You'll be my best friend regardless of whether or not you're cheerful. There's so much more to you than that.​

​

Love you​

Elio​

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P.S I think the snacks are a winner​

​

 

[Avaria Lockwood]

Ava had been very nervous since sending her last letter to Elio. She was sure he would be upset with her, not want to talk to her anymore or something equally horrid. She was hesitant to read his letter when it came in, but she made herself do it anyway. The relief that flowed through her as she read the letter was real.

She settled on her bed, quickly putting together a reply and stopping in the kitchen for more vegan no nut snacks to send along with it.

Zephyr

I told you I love you, right? Because I do. I really miss you. All I want to do is hug you and curl up on a couch somewhere. How are you holding up? How is Rowan? Give her my love, would you please?

My dad has been taking me around to see various colleges, but I'm not really sure what exactly I want to do. Water color art is really pretty, I think maybe something with that? There are just so many different kinds of art! Im torn really.

Oh, while we were out though I saw this person with a loooooot of tattoos, they were so intricate, I ended up talking to them for hours about their tattoos and the stories behind them. I wonder if it hurts to get tattoos? I'm thinking of getting one but I dunno what I would get....
What do you think?

I better go, my dad is calling me for dinner. I love you!!!

Ava

 

[Elio Zephyr]

Ava's letters were a welcome distraction, and a chance to talk to someone close to him without having to leave his dorm. He knew this semester would be hard but he'd never realised it would be like this. It was only the first month, how was he meant to get through the whole year?​

Dear Ava,

Rowan is.. not great. She didn't want to come back this and really I don't blame her. Whenever we do go out it's like, people are looking at you either with silent sympathetic eyes or they're trying their best to be a distraction, but we all know what they're thinking and it's just awkward. I miss when things were easy, fun even. I keep trying to convince Rowan to come to lessons with me but she only really leaves the common room to talk to Zennon. Part of me wonders whether we should both just, drop out. Maybe that's what she needs, you know?

Where abouts are the colleges you're looking at? Hope I still get to visit you when you're there! Talking of tattoos, I can tell you exactly what they're like. I never got to show you on the platform, but I got a few tattoos over the summer. Four actually. They'd sort of been in my head for over a year so I figured I may as well just get them - And yes, yes they do hurt. But they are totally worth it. I'll have to show you next time. If there's something that you love then I say go for it, they're a reflection of who you are.

Love you
El xx

 

[Avaria Lockwood]

Ava had a busy day, and ended up sleeping a lot more than she intended. She was fairly busy for a few days, and Zephyr's letter arrived unnoticed for a day or two. She felt awful when she found it, and included the painting she had been caught up in to make up for her error.

Zephyr!

I'm sorry this is late, I got caught up in my watercolors. Doesn't this look pretty? I've been playing with the water colors a lot lately. What do you think?

You're... dropping out? Well... if that's what you need, I support you. Will you guys be okay? Do you have any money? Do you have a plan at all?

Ava set aside her letter, rubbing at her eyes. The thought of him leaving... she started to bottle it up, as she always did, but she stopped herself. She took a breath, picking up her letter and slowly trying to word it.

Zephyr!

I'm sorry this is late, I got caught up in my watercolors. Doesn't this look pretty? I've been playing with the water colors a lot lately. What do you think?

You're... dropping out? Well... if that's what you need, I support you. Will you guys be okay? Do you have any money? Do you have a plan at all?

Please don't go. I know it's not easy, but we need to stick together right now. I know... that sounds really hypocritical coming from me, since I'm not actually there, but... If I'm gone, and then you're gone... I'm... scared I'll never see you again. If... you really want to go, I won't stop you, and you have my full support whatever you decide. Just... please don't jump into anything.

Colleges have been all over, I don't really know where we want to go yet. France, Italy, New Zealand, I've been looking everywhere. I'll have to talk to Tim Vader before I decide anything for sure.

If you don't show me all four of those tattoos when I see you next you're going to be in trouble, mister.

Honestly I'm a little torn right now, Zephyr... on one hand I'm really excited about your tattoos and I have a million questions, but I'm also really really scared you and Rowan will leave and we'll I'll lose you for good this time...

Maybe... maybe this is a bad idea. But... I love you. Maybe... if this isn't the stupidest idea I've had in awhile, maybe... we could get a tattoo? Like a friends tattoo? So even when you are gone, and I'm gone, there's always something to connect us? It sounds kinda silly... is it silly?

-Ava xoxo

 

[Avaria Lockwood]

Ava felt sick after the fight with Elio. She had tossed and turned all night, unable to keep him off her mind. Eventually, when she had watched the sun climb her walls for who-knew-how-long, Ava slipped out of bed and found a piece of paper.

Zephyr-
I can't stop thinking about what happened. I've never seen you angry before- I don't like it. I was scared, and I walked away because I didn't know what to do. I just... I'm sorry. I don't want to fight with you. You're right, I wouldn't have told Christian about the kiss. But not because it was a bad thing he didn't need to know. Because I know I just wouldn't think to tell him. It didn't mean anything romantic to me. I'm not attracted to you- don't get me wrong, you're a very good looking guy, you're just my Zephyr and I don't see you that way. I'm sorry if it was out of line, or if it upset you. I'm struggling with being honest- my mother and grandmother always tried to reign me in, teach me to be proper. Grandma taught me the piano in an effort to calm me down. I've been on my own pretty much since they died, my father never really... tried to teach me much about anything really deep. He's always busy working when I'm home and our conversations when we were both home were very casual.

I've never understood emotions, or how to properly express them. I was just... trying to be affectionate because you made me feel safe. I told you I was seeing Christian because I wanted to make sure you knew everything about my life- I was trying to cover the basics and hopefully work up to bigger things if you didn't react badly. I always had to hold back so I could take care of the people around me- my mother when she got sick, my grandmother as she got older, my father when he was so busy working that we traveled from hotel to hotel every few weeks before school, even Vader and his insomnia coupled with his work-a-holic nature. You told me I don't have to try with you, that I can just be me, but that is something I've never done before. I don't know exactly who I am, but if you don't hate me I do want to try and figure it out. I miss you, terribly, you mean everything to me. I don't expect you to forgive me just because I ask you to, is there anything I can do to make things better between us?

Ava

 

[Elio Zephyr]

Elio had put off replying to Ava for a good few days after receiving her letter. He was both too annoyed and too exhausted to find the right words, although eventually one evening, when he had a few minutes to spare, he wrote a message back. It wasn't much and it wasn't long, but it was better than nothing he guessed.​

Ava,

Obviously there was some misunderstandings, but I'm starting to realise that it's also something I have to change. To me, I wouldn't have kissed you if I was seeing somebody else regardless of whether or not it wasn't out of romance. How you see it is up to you, but that's why I got angry. We're not kids anymore. I understand being affectionate, although maybe it's time I stop putting that into the wrong context. It's not the first time it's got me into trouble.

Elio

 

[Avaria Lockwood]

Ava was growing more depressed the more time went on. She sat with his letter when it finally came in, and after staring at it for a few hours she wrote a simple note back, even if she was afraid of the answer.

What are we supposed to do now? Do you hate me?

 

[Elio Zephyr]

It didn't take a genius to know that Ava was hurting, but she wasn't the only one. He was struggling on his own right now for the most part, figuring himself out and looking after Rowan, that he felt as though anything he said to Ava was going to come across misconstrued. Therefore, his reply was simple. ​

I've never said that.

 

[Avaria Lockwood]

Ava didn't necessarily like the reply she got, but it was enough to give her at least a little bit of hope.

Then we can work this out. I made you snacks. This tutor is kinda helpful. And im going trick or treating with my dad. I'm sending you candy. How was your day?

 

[Elio Zephyr]

Elio had been annoyed at Ava's latest letter, and once again it had taken him a while to get back to her, this time because he didn't want to get into another argument.​

Glad you're having fun.
Honestly, you don't want to know.

 

[Avaria Lockwood]

Ava sighed at Elios note.

I'm not. I miss her. I miss you. But I have to keep going anyway. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. But I'm always here if you need me.