Beginning to Understand Each Other

[Jessame Rose Trewelly]

Finally, Jessame Rose found herself, Sam still in tow, at the cliffs, with the wind in her hair and the smell of the ocean making her homesick. She hadn't been here before. The cliffs were out of bounds to students, and Jess didn't break rules intentionally, but this was where she'd walked to, so she sat down and stared at the choppy grey sheet of water that stretched to the horizon.

She sat and she stared, and she wished she was back home. She sat and she stared and she thought of holidays in Arthur's Pass, that she'd always thought of as 'magical,' not knowing there was such a thing as real magic. She sat and she stared, and she forgot Sam was sitting next to her. Clear, salty tears leaked from her green eyes. Jessame Rose let go and cried. She cried as she hadn't allowed herself to do since arriving at Hogwarts. She wailed as if mourning a loved one. She tasted the tears that rolled into her mouth, and she wished with all her heart that that: the beauty and wonder of a tear drop; or the crunch of snow under the first footstep outside on a frosty morning; or the warmth of being enveloped by your father's arms; she wished that those things were the extent of the magic in the world. She wished the ugly magic she had come to know in the past ten months did not exist.

 

[Samuel Sykes]

Sam followed her all the way across the grounds, heading towards the cliffs. He knew perfectly well that students were forbidden to come here, but it did not even cross his mind as he walked. It was a long way and he furrowed his brow in worry for her. Eventually they stopped at the very precipice of the land where it fell away into breathtaking ocean. He had only been seeing the lake for some time, and the sight and smell of the ocean brought his spirits back. Unfortunately for Jess, it did not.

“Oh Jess,” said Sam to himself as she fell to pieces before him. He couldn’t stand to see anyone like this, especially this girl whom he had noticed struggling the entire time here. He could no longer watch, and so he lowered himself beside her and stared out to sea. On instinct, he would have reached out to hold her, but this moment belonged to her and wasn’t for him to intrude upon. Even so, he sat close by and stared out to sea, the sympathy for her sorrow written all over his face. Finally Sam looked up at her with his companionable silence and removed a handkerchief from his pocket that his aunt had given him. Softly he pressed a tear away with it on her cheek and handed it to her. “I’m sorry,” he said gently. The words carried more than his apology for bothering her like this. He was sorry for her pain and fear, and sorry it had come to this point.

“Why hasn’t anyone noticed this?” said Sam, both to himself and her. It was a valid question. Could no-body else see through the disagreeable exterior to the girl who was angry, homesick and needing someone to listen?

 

[Jessame Rose Trewelly]

When Sam spoke, it took Jess a moment to register where she was and who he was. She was momentarily angry, but then sobbed again at the relief of having someone sitting next to her, willing to listen. She took the handkerchief he offered and let his apology sink in. It was nice that someone was apologising for all the horrors the magical world held. Why had no-one apologised before? Why hadn't the muggle liaison officer, who arrived shortly after her Hogwarts letter, made even the slightest attempt to recognise that she had lost her childhood, her whole life with that 'invitation'?

The sadness of Sam's words floated around the two eleven-year-olds, seated at what seemed like the edge of the world. Jess sniffed, trying to bring her wracking sobs under control. She didn't know the answer to that question. Jess didn't have any answers. Only questions and accusations.

"You don't even know me, Sam; why do you care?" Jess didn't know herself if it was a genuine question or an attempt to get him to leave.

 

[Samuel Sykes]

Sam furrowed his brow at her. "If not me, then who?"

It wasn't meant to be an arrogant statement at all. But how could he pass this by? How could anyone just walk away after seeing her like this? Perhaps they didn't see the suffering. Or perhaps they didn't care. Sam couldn't believe that some people felt nothing for others, even if they were strangers. There were only one or two people that Sam didn't like and he'd still give his all to save them in a dire situation, no matter what the cost to his own life. He was weighed down by the troubles of others. If he didn't help people there would be no relief for him.

"What has knowing you got to do with anything? Do I need to know you to see you are hurting? Maybe it isn't so obvious to someone else, but I can tell and I won't leave you alone like this." he said as he watched the tears creep down her face. "Why don't you tell me what's going on." How you feel, why you feel that way, everything. Anything to help you. Please, Jess.

 

[Jessame Rose Trewelly]

Jess was touched by Sam's words. In fact, the longer he sat there the more she felt like crying. Somehow, it wasn't so bad that people she didn't like were being led down the path of evil, but when she realised she might actually like someone who was being brainwashed into liking magic... that was a whole new thing. It was more upsetting. She knew, deep down that she was capable of surviving it, but she had no idea how to go about helping others. She had very little idea how to go about talking to others, for crying out loud!

"It's just not fair!" she sobbed, no idea she sounded like every other 11 year-old when things don't go their way. "I'm not supposed to be here. I don't belong! How can you be so nice about everything? This place is awful!"

 

[Samuel Sykes]

Sam sighed at her outburst. He didn’t begrudge her feelings in the slightest, but somehow it hurt to hear her say such things about magic- about Hogwarts. He hadn’t realised that hearing her standpoint made him feel terrible about himself. Seeing her hate magic so was like another way of saying “I hate everything that you stand for.” She certainly didn’t mean it as a personal attack he knew, but Sam still felt a pang at each word. He was a wizard; that was who he was and will ever be. Hogwarts was his home now, and Jess hated it. A line of worry and sadness appeared over his forehead.

“I think this is the reason that witches and wizards are in hiding,” said Sam sorrowfully. “Imagine if everyone felt just the same as you. We wouldn’t be able to survive in the world for long.” For although the wizarding population could easily stop attacks from muggles, they wouldn’t. To them, that would upset the natural balance of things. Muggles and magic had to live apart.

“Don’t think that I have a problem with your opinion, love,” said Sam. “Maybe we are just freaks. But I know I can’t help the way I am, and neither can you.” he turned his body to look at her. “There’s a lot of arrogant witches and wizards out there who you would be right to dislike. But there are others as well, kind good people whom the life of magic is all they’ve ever known. It is their culture and history. No-one can help who they were born as.” Don’t let her see you’re hurt he commanded himself. It’s the last thing she needs right now.

“In the meantime, chin up. There’s food, shelter and beautiful scenery.” Sam smiled as the wind whipped past them on the high cliffs. "But don't cry anymore..." I can't look. It hurts to see you sad.

 

[Jessame Rose Trewelly]

Jess wiped at her tears as she listened to Sam. The occasional sob still shook her body, but she was over the most of it now. She still felt empty and angry, and those emotions coloured Sam's words as they entered her brain. When he had finished, she sat silently for a while, processing, before eventually speaking.

"If they gave up magic they wouldn't need to hide. There are people who have been born to a life of crime and violence, too, and some of them break that cycle, and look how much better their lives are. I'm not saying it wouldn't be hard, but you can't always take the easy way. Eventually you have to look at what's going on and face the fact that what you've been doing all along is actually wrong. Sure, it sucks, you're used to it, but think how much better it would all be if there were no magic anymore!" Jess spoke passionately. She didn't look at Sam, just pleaded at the ocean. It was so important for people to understand this. Like people who didn't recycle because they'd never thought about it: once they realised what they were doing and that it was wrong, they could make changes that might be difficult at first, but eventually it became second nature to recycle, and everyone benefitted.

"Yeah, there's food, made by magic;" she spoke bitterly. She didn't actually know where the food came from, but the fact that it appeared as if from nowhere on the tables every meal-time led her to believe it wasn't 'real' food. "There's shelter, but we're surrounded by magic, and yes, there's beautiful scenery, but what's the point? Magic is like pollution. Eventually it will ruin it all." To Jess, magic was unhealthy and hazardous to be around. It was even worse to use it, she was deeply afraid that she would lose a little of her soul when she was finally forced to perform magic of her own. She knew she couldn't hold out forever, and her disinclination towards standing out from the crowd meant she wouldn't make a big fuss, but she was not going to like it!

Now, she finally looked at Sam. "I'm sorry, too. You said you were before, and I'm glad you are, but I really am too. I don't want to upset anyone, I just want to help. Can't you see what magic is doing to us? It's forcing us away from our friends and families; it's taking over our minds. We're all human, and we have to learn to live together. We can't do that if some people insist on keeping hold of magic. It's going to lead to war eventually! I don't want anymore people to be hurt, it's just not fair!"

 

[Samuel Sykes]

Sam was completely and utterly dumbfounded. Who had told such things to Jess?
"Jess. You can leave Hogwarts if you want to. No-one is forcing you to be here."
Sam knew for a fact that magic itself was never vicious. It was a wondrous power that had potential for both good and evil. Despite her arguments, Jess had taken a very simplistic view of the concept. He frowned to himself as he sat, thinking for a moment. She was saying that magic was taking them away from their families. What family? thought Sam wryly. If anything, I am eternally grateful for being here. I've been given a family and a place to belong.

"You are not forced to stay," Sam told her. "This is not an order, it is an invitation. It was a invitation to all of us. Some students grew up within a magical family, but many more started out just like you, thinking they were muggles. Many felt as though they were different, and never quite fit in. Here I was offered a family and a place to belong." He looked at Jess solemnly. "It isn't for everyone, I've learned. But you have to understand…" This was a important moment. "Don't judge until you've seen it all." This was a strange conversation to Sam. It seemed to him like Jess was visiting a new country and had decided to hate every inhabitant for their culture and practices. Naturally she wouldn't see it like that at all, but it was not unlike some sort of unfounded prejudice.

He smiled. "Have you seen a unicorn yet? Before you decide to leave, I'd like to show you one. They're beautiful." Because she will leave eventually if things continue like this. To Sam's surprise, he found that he didn't want her to go. Even if she hated magic, he could see that she had such a good heart.

 

[Jessame Rose Trewelly]

Jess felt that Sam had completely missed the point, and she felt deeply saddened by that. Why couldn't he see? She was afraid he would end up like all the rest of them, blindly doing what he thought was good until it turned even him bad. She shuddered to think of Sam as being eaten alive by the magic inside of him. She didn't know how she knew, but she just did, that the more you used magic, the more it took a hold of you. She liked Sam, but she feared it might already be too late for him. What was she going to do?

She sulked a little and said petulantly, staring at her dirty fingernails, "My parents made me promise to stay at least one term." Then she looked up at Sam and almost whispered, "They're scared of me, you know. They don't understand the magic and they don't know what I'm capable of." She was glad they didn't know the full, awful truth, like that you could actually kill someone with magic. "I don't think they believe I'm a muggle still." She wanted to hide her pain from them, they didn't deserve to be worried, not after they took her in and treated her as their own for all those years...

Jess was somewhat stumped at Sam's assertion that he had a family here, and a place to belong. She imagined his life in an orphanage and wished she could change it. "Gangs offer a family and a place to belong, too, why do you think they're so successful? This is the same, Sam. They're preying on you because you think you have nowhere else to turn." Then, suddenly, the fight was gone out of J.R. She sensed it was a hopeless battle. Sadly, she said, "You think I'm delusional and I know I can't change your mind, but you do have another choice, Sam. I want you to know that. I've seen enough. I've spent every spare moment in the library, I know about all the awful things magic can do. I know how terrible it makes me feel, I've seen what it's done to some of the other students here. Have you seen them? They're deranged. There's a fifth year who ran outside in the middle of the night and howled. Normal people don't do that. It's magic gone to the brain. You think you're strong enough to resist it now, but..." She trailed off. It just made her so sad to think of Sam like that.

When he mentioned unicorns, Jess was about to look at him sadly for believing such a thing, then a flash of all the crazy things she'd seen since learning about magic ran through her mind, and she had to admit that it was quite possible that unicorns existed too. "Sure. Show me a unicorn." She looked out across the silver grey ocean. After a moment she said "Just because I don't like magic doesn't mean I don't like witches and wizards; they're people too. I like you. I just wish you'd stay away from all this. You can, you know."

 

[Samuel Sykes]

The more Sam listened, the more he was certain that he was getting absolutely nowhere with this. He hated being treated like a brainwashed child, but what did it matter? Could he not enjoy her company even without the aid of magic? People were people whether they could do tricks or not.

"I'm sorry if you had higher hopes for me." said Sam apologetically. "I grew up in both the muggle and wizarding world, so I know them both inside and out." he smiled at her. "I'm a bit too muggle for this school. Everyone else like to play Quidditch or charm their hats to sing. I like to go swimming, do calligraphy and play soccer." In the end, it didn't really matter what she thought of magic, did it? There wasn't much magic in him anyway. "I'm sorry about your parents. I wish I could say that they'd get used to it in time, but that seems impossible if you can't, yourself. I don't blame you," he sighed.

Either way, this might be a lot more interesting than playing the woe-is-me game and trying to change each others minds. He wanted to show her something beautiful. "One good thing about the wizarding world is the animals. Things not even I knew existed wander the forest just under our noses. Faeries, goblins, unicorns, centaurs... oh, and werewolves of course." Sam's brow furrowed like it did whenever he was worried or sad. "You saw a girl howling, did you? She must have been a werewolf, the poor thing. I wonder why she didn't take the wolfsbane potion. That's so dangerous!" He shook his head to himself. He was starting to get a bit cold on the cliffs, and he was eager to show her what Care of Magical Creatures had for the day. "Come," he smiled at her, holding out his hand politely to her and he raised himself to his feet. "Would you like to see a unicorn?"

 

[Jessame Rose Trewelly]

Jessame Rose was deeply disappointed in Sam. She admired him for being so nice, and honest, but she regretted crying in front of him and telling him how much she hated magic. It clearly hadn't made much difference, and although he seemed trustworthy, she didn't trust him to keep what had happened to himself. Her ears perked up at the mention of soccer. "Well we can play soccer together. There's a muggle sports club we can sign up for."

A year ago, if someone had told J.R. there were unicorns and fairies and centaurs, not only in existence, but alive and well in New Zealand, her eyes would have lit up. She would have fallen over herself in excitement and wonder. But now she was just too bitter to find joy in the Sam's descriptions. She shuddered at the idea of a werewolf running around the school, but smiled up at Sam as he held out his hand for her. If that was what he wanted, she'd let him show her a unicorn. She'd smile and even pretend to be enjoying her classes and making friends. Having realised she couldn't change Sam's mind, she wanted only to stop him worrying any more than he needed to. She felt bad that the things she'd said might play on his mind, so she decided she'd let him think he'd won. He couldn't make her believe magic was good, but she could make him believe that he could.

J.R. put her small, rough brown hand in Sam's pale one and stood up next to him. "Lead the way, I can't wait."

 

[Samuel Sykes]

Or so she thought she could convince him. Sam's face fell slightly as she added on the 'I can't wait' to her sentence. It just didn't sound right coming from a girl who had so passionately expressed her hatred for all things magic only a minute before, crying into his handkerchief about the unfairness of it all. He took her hand anyway, but gave her a look. "Just a tad too much enthusiasm there, love," he told her as he let go of her hand to lead the way down the rocky path. It was his polite way of saying that he had seen right through it like glass and that she probably shouldn't try it again.

The problem was Sam was being slightly swayed by her view. You're too impressionable, he told himself firmly. In a way, Sam felt that he wasn't much of a magician anyway. He could fly pretty well and he brewed potions like no other did, but that wasn't magic. That was pure physical skill. In terms of magic, he was terrible at charms and transfiguration and had no interest in History of Magic. Nothing could make him hate magic, but Sam had lied a little also. He hadn't gained a family here. He was still very much alone as he shouldered everyone's problems.

He was just like her, except for the fact that he didn't feel wronged by magic. Maybe he shouldn't be here after all. Why are you thinking these things? It's not as if you're like her and have a proper family to go home to. You might as well just stay here and suck it up, He turned to smile at Jess, now not a hint of sadness in his voice. "You don't have to pretend, I'll still understand either way. Let's just see the unicorns and have a nice day." That was rich coming from Sam- he basically wore his heart on his sleeve. Just don't change your views, Sam. She's being a bit closed minded about this and you have to remember that, he told himself. But even he could see that she had a fair few points.

 

[Jessame Rose Trewelly]

Jess smiled to herself as Sam saw through her 'change of heart.' She could see through him, too, and she knew her argument had made at least a small impression on him. She would wait. She would continue to be 'happy' and wait.

"I know I don't have to pretend. Neither do you. Let's go see the unicorn." She let him lead the way, her happy act already making her feel lighter on her feet.

 

[Samuel Sykes]

What did she mean, I don't have to pretend? thought Sam, perplexed. Even so he gave her a genuine smile and they began to walk down to the animal pens near the greenhouses. As they walked Sam chatted in a merry fashion about this and that. He asked many things, like her hobbies and whether or not she had siblings. Even though they had disagreed somewhat, it was a companionable walk.

Ten minutes later they stopped by the dirty glass corner of Greenhouse one and Sam turned to look at her. "The white ones are the babies, and the silver ones are the adults. I don't think we're allowed to touch them, those horns are wicked sharp. But even so, they're very beautiful. The professor's catch one or two and look after them for a week while they teach the students, and then they are released back into the forest."

With that information session over, Sam lead her around to the pens. Right by the fence stood one of the adult unicorns. It was many hands taller than some of the largest horses Sam had ever seen and as they approached, it lifted its great head and stared at them with one shimmering eye. Even though he had glimpsed one before, Sam was still speechless for a moment. The horn was longer than he thought it would be and spiraled around to a point like he had seen in books. Well, muggles got this one right, thought Sam to himself in awe.

 

[Jessame Rose Trewelly]

Jessame Rose was glad it wasn't an awkward walk. She told him she liked to play sports and run around and they even agreed to go swimming together in the lake soon. She told him she had no siblings, but described what her parents did and learned a little more about his aunt. She was pleased that talk didn't turn to magic, and wondered if he was avoiding the topic on purpose or just because he genuinely was more interested in muggle things. Jess suspected, happily, that it was the latter.

J.R. knew Sam had all the same classes as him and wondered how he knew so much about the animals. In any case she listened intently and followed him around to the pens. An enormous silver horse stood by the fence, eyeing them with one liquid eye. Its horn spiralled up from its forehead, much longer that Jess had ever imagined when reading fantasy books. She stared up in awe. It was truly massive. "I wonder why we've been lead to believe they're not real?" she said, meaning muggles as a whole when she said 'we'.

 

[Samuel Sykes]

Sam became slightly uncomfortable at the question, although he didn't show it. The answer was that muggles were obliviated if ever they glimpsed one of those magical beings. Even so, he furrowed his brow at the thought. It was a good question. He understood why witches and wizards hid themselves, but why keep them from knowing about these sort of creatures? Perhaps they really didn't know about them. In any case, these sort of creatures themselves, from both wizards and muggles alike. What a strange relationship between us and these, thought Sam to himself.

"Strange," Sam commented at her question. All of a sudden, he wished that Jess could meet Artemis. She was like him only a lot more bold. Of course, she was also part-goblin. The little girl was older than them but absolutely endearing. She wore the sweetest little dresses that she made herself, and knew everything about any creature you could name, especially magical ones. It was she who had told him all about unicorns. Hopefully one day she'd take him into the Forbidden Forest to meet the centaurs. Apparently they were on reasonable terms with each other.

Sam stepped a little closer to the fence to get a better look, and to his surprise, the unicorn stuck its nose out to the both of them. "Ahh, this one's a teenager." said Sam. They were a lot friendlier, and it was only now that he noticed an even larger unicorn standing off to the side with its baby. "I think..." he paused. The unicorn snuffed. "I think it wants a scratch," Sam looked at Jess.

 

[Jessame Rose Trewelly]

((Sorry for delay, had a rough Sunday))

Jessame Rose watched Sam and the unicorn introduce themselves to each other. She was shocked when he pointed out an even larger one standing a little way off, but was distracted from any thoughts of fear when Sam suggested the teen-aged unicorn wanted to be scratched. Jess automatically held out her hand. Not because she particularly wanted to, but because that was what you did to get an animal accustomed to you. Jess had no great love for animals, but a grudging respect. Part of her reluctance to grow attached to any animal was out of guilt, although she wasn't aware of it. She had an unconscious, but well-formed notion that animals had more right to the world than humans, who had spent pretty much their entire lives trying to destroy the planet.

The unicorn took in the smell of Jess' hand and apparently trusted it enough to nudge it gently. Jess let it, surprised as she always was with animals by the softness of it. When the unicorn seemed comfortable with her, she reached her arm up it's long face to scratch it. The unicorn lowered its head even more to allow Jess to reach. "I didn't know it would be so big. Or nice." She thought about the fact that witches and wizards appeared to have hidden this wonder from muggles, and resented them further, but didn't let it show on her face. She didn't want to scare Sam off with her bitterness.