Andromeda Francesca Fiorelli

[Andromeda Fiorelli]

​

Who Am I?

Born:
September 15th 2007

Andromeda
Greek: meaning - Leader of Men
Greek mythology:
an Ethiopian princess, the daughter of Cassiopeia, was chained to a rock as a sacrifice to a sea monster until Perseus rescued her. Also a northern constellation. Also the name of a shrub that blooms in spring.

Francesca
Latin: meaning - Free One

Fiorelli:
Italian - meaning Little Flower
Motto:
Omnia vincit veritas - Truth conquers all things.
Fiorelli Family Gift:
Unable to lie - truth tellers
Blood Status:
ancient Pureblood family

By mid 20th century the family 'gift' became seen as a curse, as the pureblood wizards discovered more and more. Especially with the reign of Lord Voldemort near the close of the 20th century - with many of the Fiorelli family being death eaters, any that were captured killed themselves so as not to divulge any secrets that would otherwise be told.

The Italian surname of FIORILLO was of the locational group of surnames meaning 'the dweller by the woods where flowers are grown'. Local names usually denoted where a man held his land and indicated where he actually lived.​

O'Brien:
Irish - meaning Exalted One
Motto:
Lám láidir in uactar - The Strong Hand Uppermost
O'Brien Family Curse:
family deaths heralded by the banshee
Blood Status:
Muggle

Anglicized form of Gaelic Ó Briain ‘descendant of Brian’, a personal name probably based on the element bre- ‘hill’, with the transferred sense ‘eminence’, i.e. ‘exalted one’.​

What Am I?​

Basic Appearance:
Deep red long hair, 5'9" tall, pale skin and amber eyes

Other distinguishing Marks:
Once there was a blackened scar that encompassed the entire left shoulder and a similar one circling her right ankle but the world reknowned healer Professor Samson Kolpeck healed these over time. Now there is only a faint trace of a scar.

Those scars were the legacy left to her by the werewolf Drago Maximus.
Other scars taper her arms and body, now after much intervention by healers and her godmothers care they look more like silver lines interwoven on her skin.
She also uses a charmed prosthetic left leg. These are all the result of her time at Durmstrang Academy.

Status:
Mixed Blood
Race:
Werewolf​

---

Family:​

Father:Giovanni Francesco Fiorelli
Date of Birth: April 23rd 1987
Status: Pureblood
Nationality: Italian
School: Hogwarts Scotland 1999
House: Ravenclaw
Graduated: Homeschooled from 2000 certified by MoM Italian branch with OWLs 2004 and NEWTs 2006
Married: July 3rd 2006 Maeve O'Brien
Children:with Maeve - Andromeda Francesca (N Callista Anison (S - September 15th 2007
with Claudia Matisse-Ormonde - daughter Sureya Matisse-Fiorelli (N October 12th 2013 (no contact with her, baby was given up for adoption)

Occupation: Sports Commentator
Wand: Ebony 13 1/2 inches, Essence of Belladonna core
Died August 12th 2018​

Mother:Maeve Margaret O'Brien
Date of Birth:July 31st 1987
Status:Muggle Born
Nationality: Irish
School:Hogwarts Scotland 1999
House:Ravenclaw
Graduated:2006 obtained OWLs and NEWTs
Married:July 3rd 2006 Giovanni Fiorelli
Widowed:August 12th 2018
Children:Andromeda Francesca (N Callista Anison (S
Married:December 21st 2019
Widowed:December 17th 2022
[c]children:[/b]Luthor Styrr Silverback - born: September 9th 2020 (N
Maya Teagan Silverback - born: December 22nd 2022 (N
Micah Daegan Silverback - born: December 22nd 2022 (N
Occupation: full time mother
Wand:Yew Wand 13 1/2"Essence of Phoenix Ash

Uncle:Patrick Robert O'Brien
Date of Birth:4th August 1988
Status:Muggle Born
Nationality:Irish
School:Hogwarts Scotland 2000
House:Gryffindor
Graduated2007 obtained OWLs and NEWTs
Married:2007 Corine Murphy
Divorced:2009
Occupation:Professional Quidditch Player: Kenmare Kestrals 2007 - 2010
Irish Team 2010 - 2018
Retired after the 2018 Quidditch World Cup after bringing Ireland to victory
Assistant Trainer and healer for Irish Team 2018
Nurse Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry NZ 2019 - 2020
Wand: left to Andromeda in his Will:
12 1/2" Osage orange, bloodwood, Padauk and cocobolo wood mix with a core of unicorn hair, especially crafted by Ollivander for its healing properties.
Died:October 21st 2022​

Godmother:Esmerelda Gertrude Smickett
Date of Birth:March 10th 1949
Status:Half blood
Nationality:English
School: Hogwarts Scotland
House:Gryffindor
Graduated:1967
Married: Douglas Harrison Smickett 1968
Children:Beverly Cassandra (N - born 1973/died 1977
Sharon Alexandra (S - 1980
Agatha Patricia (N - born August 11th 1985
Widowed:November 20th 1988
Occupation:Transfiguration Professor - Retired
Wand:Bloodwood Wand 15 1/4" Essence of Phoenix Ash
Abilities: Animagus - European Speckled Owl
Wandless and non-verbal incantations

Cousin: Merlina Acrecia Caliburn
Date of Birth:August 28th 2011
Status: Pureblood
Nationality:Italian
School:Hogwarts New Zealand
House:Ravenclaw
Wand:Eucalyptus Wand 13 1/2" Essence of Mermaid Scale​

Extended Family:Acrecia Fiorelli(aunt) married to Vincenzo Caliburn
Venus Fiorelli (aunt) single
Rodolpho Fiorelli - Sophia Adamo {grandparents}

Muggle Relatives: Grandmother: Peggy O'Brien
Maurice and Triona O'Brien: Paul 18, Sharon 15, Clodagh 12, Daniel 7
Janet and Michael Drummond: Daniel 19, Patrick 17, Denise 10
George and Alison O'Brien: Abigail & Emily 13, Aoife 9
Michelle and Kevin Morgan: Brian 16, Christine 14,Catherine 13,Sinead 8
Margaret and Denis Connelly: Eddie 17, Rachel & Roy 14,Emma 10, Saoirse & Sholadh 6
Aisling and Tommy O'Flynn

---

School:
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry NZ

House:
Gryffindor

Clubs/ Sorority:
Quidditch Team Captain
Heta Omega Sister
[demoted from prefect status]
SDA member
Club Academia member

Favorite Subject:
Herbology and Charms
Worst Subject:
Transfiguration​

</B>

Wands:​

<B>

Cherry/Maple Wand 13 1/4" Essence of a Dragon's Heartstring:
~Cherry is known to have the power of divination and is excellent for transfiguration, with Maple being the wood of longevity.

~inherited her uncles wand - a specially crafted wand made of Osage orange, bloodwood, Padauk and cocobolo wood with a core of unicorn hair made especially for healing.

Quidditch Gear:
Scarlet Streak;
wolf head engraved on cuff and inscription on shaft
Reinforced beaters bat engraved wolf paw on club of bat, Gryffindor Quidditch Robes​

</SIZE>

<SIZE size="150">Myths/Legends/Curses/Facts​

<i></i>

Power: Werewolf
Registration Number: registered Werewolf - RZK-V345-772

Fiorelli Family Curse/gift: Cannot lie, can omit the truth but can never lie
O'Brien Family Curse: Banshee foretells family death
Apprenticeship:
healer at St. Mungo's
Death Eater in Training - mentor Miss Danielle

Exam Results: ​

subject	grade	subject	grade	subject	grade [/td]
Care of Magical Creatures	EE	DADA	EE	Herbology	A
History of Magic	A	Muggle Studies	A	Charms	EE
Astronomy	EE	Transfiguration	O	Potions	O

[th colspan="6"] OWL grades[/th] [th]

 

[Andromeda Fiorelli]

Spoiler: First Year

Spoiler: Second Year term 1

Spoiler: Second Year term 2

Spoiler: Third Year

Spoiler: Fourth Year

Spoiler: Fifth Year term 1

Spoiler: Fifth year term 2

Spoiler: Sixth Year

 

[Andromeda Fiorelli]

Journal Entries: 2019

Dear Callista,

I can't believe it Calista, my letter for Hogwarts arrived today. Mom is so proud, I know Dad is too, but he left after his first year to return home to Italy. He still hasn't told me why, he just goes very quiet whenever I ask him. So lately I have stopped asking, I don't like seeing Daddy sad. I want to go whooping about like a lunatic celebrating that I've been accepted but always there is a part of me that realises I am going alone when I should be going with you. Think of all the fun we could have had, all the mischief, we would have been great study pals together. Or would you have liked to hit the books the way that I do? Mom is brilliant at potions and transfiguration, Dad is wicked at Defense against the dark arts and would you believe Charms and History of Magic. Dad says I seem to have a natural gift for divination, I can track the stars and moon and read tea leaves since I was nine. Dad says he always knew I would be that way inclined and that's why he named me after a solar system. I am nervous about attending. I hope I make friends easy, I hope there aren't any bullies like at Brasilthorpe. I couldn't go through all that again! I hear Mom calling...better sign off for now. I wish you were with me sister every day of my life...I will make a difference. I promise!

Andromeda

Journal entry September 2019

Dearest Callista,

I am sorry I haven't written for some time now, but a lot has happened.
I feel lonely even in the biggest crowd, how strange is that? Is Daddy there with you? Mom doesn't say much if anything about him, I suppose that's normal. But, sometimes I think she's acting like he never existed for her. I know things weren't great between them, they were arguing an awful lot. But, I didn't think it was that bad!
I have started school and got into Gryffindor. I really like it, the older girls are really nice as well. I made lots of new friends and even have a job as an assistant at Honeydukes. It's good. Blane works there as well! He's really nice. He doesn't treat me like some silly kid the way that Brian does!
He makes me so mad! He says he doesn't trust me now and is happy for us to be just class mates because I wouldn't tell him a secret that someone told me. I don't even write those kind of secrets in my journal incase anyone sees!
It's so unfair and he's being really mean to me about it! Alot he knows of trust!
I haven't flown yet since I got here, I have a brilliant broom at last and go around holding it because I haven't gotten permission to fly it yet. Asked Professor King, he's my head of house and DADA prof. but he told me to ask Alicia who is our headmistress. Am getting itchy feet now just thinking about flying.
Think I'll go and ask her now...
till next entry, mind Daddy keep him safe!
Love
Andromeda

Journal entry September 2019

I've come up against situations here that have both angered me and brought my principals and integrity into question! I'm only 11 years old - the world really shouldn't be this difficult!

'To Mine Own Self Be True!'

Journal entry: September 2019

Hey Callista,

Well, so begins my second week at Hogwarts. We didn't fly! Am I disappointed, of course I am! But I got to hold my broom without it looking like a ridiculous thing to do! It was a really good class, the professor is only lovely. But, maybe I'm biased because it's my favourite subject!
How sad it that? I thought I'd be falling all over herbology or history of magic (which I might but we won't have it until next semester) but no, it's flying! I must check out the books in the library about aeronautics and the best wizarding flyers ever! Actually, I would love to ask Professor King, if I could get a job at his shop over the future holidays. I mean how cool would that be, learning first hand about all the different types of brooms and what they're capable of!
Zuka gave me her doll Molly the other day! It was so sweet of her. She has helped me sleep better actually! I didn't even think to bring Newton, my snuggle bear.

I guess I thought that no-one else would be bringing their teddies or dolls. I suppose I presumed that being away from home meant I had to grow up in every way! Sad notion really! Am going to the library now to see if I can find any decent books - will get some academic ones out too, don't worry!

Love and kisses to you and Dad,

Andy

Journal entry September 2019

My dearest Callista,

Why is being 11 so much harder than when I was 10?? It is probably a stupid question! i got into trouble here at school. I tried to sneak out to fly at night, which in itself is pretty silly but the moon was amazing and the stars were so beautiful. I flew for the first time ever at night and loved it - of course that was marred by my getting caught! Professor King my HoH, as much as I loved flying I hated the look on his face - disappointment! I have to go and help the groundskeeper to make up for my punishment.
Blane is ok - he seems very sickly and I do worry about him. I like him alot Callista but I really do feel that I am too young. I don't feel any fireworks when we kiss like they say you should in the romance books, maybe that comes with age!
Uncle Patrick is working here now as a nurse. He's really good too fixed my foot the other day! was very impressed!

will write again soon - have a lot on my mind and can't find the words yet to put down on paper. I will though.


all my love always to you and Daddy.

Andy

journal entry September 2019

My Dearest Callista.... for you ...


The stars bade me welcome, they called me...
They said "Sister... come and play with us..."
I heard their laughter ring in my ears and
Vibrate through my heart - I am Andromeda -
Named from the galaxy deep in the skies...

They called me as one of them -
"Come to us", they smiled and I left my world
And soared into theirs... such a beautious place.
I was born in the sky - why then was I not born
with wings or a celestial body?

I stand on the ground as if stripped ...
How can I belong to something that is rooted?
The moon glows each night - whether she be
a crescent or an orb, she shines on me smiling.
And I cannot answer her anymore.

The star that twinkles brightest,
I know is Callista long time waiting for her
sister's presence - I am trying to reach you.
I never get very far... someday.
We will be as one amongst the stars...

Journal entry – September 2019

OMG!! my uncle Patrick wanted me to break up with Blane so what do i do!
I break up with Blane! I mean - I didn't have to, I could have tried to lie about it but that isn't me! so then what I am so down in the dumps. really!
punishment for sneaking out to fly at night, breaking up with Blane, finding the pendant Dad left in my trunk and then have an arguement with Brian!
hang on need to do this Callista.. AAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!
infuriating!! totally!!


Andy!

Journal entry October 2019

Hi Callista,

Ok, patched things up with Brian! thank goodness don't think Zuka would
be too happy about me arguing with him! But he does bug me on occasion,
not all the time!
Haven't spoken to Blane since, think he's avoiding me like the plague!
had DADA which was ok actually must do my homework assignment yet for it and Potions was ok. Had herbology today which was really great! we planted a pumpkin seed! and learnt a whole new spell!
have to run again! sorry - things are so hectic around here. i will write again
soon I promise!

love to you and daddy

Andy

journal entry October 2019

Dearest Sis,

It's been a while and I'm sorry. Time seems to get away from you here.
Good news is Blane and I are talking. Bad news is , Brian and I aren't!
I hit him Callista, full slap across the cheek. I know I'm not the type to do that
usually but I couldn't help myself, he was going to hurt his owl. What kind of
person would I be if I let him hurt some thing weaker than him?
We haven't talked now for a few days and it's affecting my school work. My DADA was a complete bust, I actually got stunned for not concentrating. My pumpkin nearly fell because of the same thing and flying!!!!!!! flying wasn't as much fun as it should have been at all.

Why do I let him affect me this way? Boys are useless at the best of times, I don't know why I worry my head about him. But he's my bestfriend and I miss
not talking to him.

On a lighter note, we have some massive festivities going on for Halloween. I have finally decided to dress up as a pixie. My nature decrees it.

will write again soon, I promise!

much love to you and Daddy

Andromeda

journal entry - November 2019

Dearest Sister,

can you even call me that now or I you? I still look human, I still feel human in part. I can smell now better than I ever could before. My hearing seems to be improving as well. And the funniest part is me waking up during the night and being able to see all around me. It was almost as if I was seeing every thing in this yellowish green colour but I could actually see. Uncle Patrick said it's called tapetum.

Callista, I am what is referred to as a werewolf. I'm not human any longer. I look it for the most part every other day of the month but I have to take a potion called wolfsbane to help lessen the effects. Patrick wants me every full moon to report to the hospital wing where no doubt I will be incarserated again.

I hate this - I hate me. I had a life Callista, it was good. I was dealing with my grief for Daddy and getting on with my life. Now I might as well be as dead as he is. I think I am, no-one is going to want to hang out and be friends with me are they? I'm too dangerous.
I'm signing off now, will write soon - can't talk to anyone else but you now.

have nicknamed myself already - if I don't find some humour in it I will go mad.

Canis Rufus is the red wolf... I get called Red on occasion now
so Red Wolf is just another step. so from hence forth to you I am no longer
Andromeda Francesca Fiorelli,
I am Red Wolf or just plain ordinary ... Canis.

final journal entry - November 2019

Callista,

I have written a journal for many years now to you but part of me feels this needs to stop. I need to put aside the childish things of my past and move on. I have grown alot my dearest sister and have been matured too much for any 11year old to have to do. But it is done.

I will miss this but a new journal must begin. I am going to Brightstone to buy a journal especially for this reason. I will no longer write my heart and soul out to you Callista, instead everything I feel, everything I need to say will be buried deep inside me. I will need it I know. I have decided after reading the book on Remus Lupin to give a better account of what it means to be a werewolf.

It will take a special journal as I won't want everyone to see it.
I will always love you and Daddy.

Canis

---

New Journal 2021​

I don't know why I'm writing a new journal, I can't even bare to write as if I'm writing to Callista anymore. I guess this is an attempt to stop the frequent nightmares that I have. The healer from St. Mungo's said that keeping a journal and logging every thing I remember, writing in it whenever I wake from one of my bad dreams should help with my overall healing. I hope he is right, something has to help.

This is the first week back at Hogwarts and I shudder to think what I would be like now if Essie hadn't gotten me out of Durmstrang. Would I even be alive? It's so hard to say, what makes it worse is the fact that my own mother did positively nothing to get me out of there and yet, Zuka and Brian had a whole escape plan made up to try and get me out. I love my friends dearly.

I have been made a prefect and can't even begin to imagine why. I feel as if part of the darkness that was inflicted on me in Durmstrang has seeped into my very soul and is just waiting to be unleashed. It is a horrible thought and though at first I attempted to steer clear of those I care about here, I know that surrounding myself with them is probably a better solution. I have never felt so loved or cared for as I do when I am here with my friends, at least not since my fathers passing.

I know at some point the try-outs for quidditch will be called and after the greeting in the common room, my old team are expecting me to try out but I can't. I did try to fly but it hurts so much. It will take time alot of time... perhaps now is a good time to relay for my own sanity what Professor Glouster the Dark Arts professor did. If it works towards my own eventual healing then relaying it on paper cannot be so bad. I haven't even told this to Zazuka yet, the shame and embarrassment are just way too much.

I was allowed to attend my Dark Arts class for a change - usually, they shut me away in the dungeon. There I had my own room, my own cell. It was from this cell that many of my 'classes' were held. Professor Glouster would bring the class down and experiment with various spells to test my regenerative powers. He would then bring them down on the full moon when after weeks of being refused my wolfsbane, I would change ...

Here he would experiment again for the class the regenerative powers this time of the wolf. The difference between my human form and my wolf form. Surely the hair was a massive give away. One day he came down with the class in the foulest of moods, the full moon had been two nights prior and I had not behaved as he would have liked me too. At least the wolf didn't but when I don't drink my potion then I cannot be held accountable for the madness that takes hold once I become a werewolf. Apparently even with all the jinxes and hexes on the bars of my dungeon cell, my rage on seeing him knew no precedent and though the magic should have flown me back against the wall as it had done many times before, the werewolves strength and determination was just ... alot stronger now. It was only the following morning that I noticed the bars on my cell had been pulled back as if in an escape attempt.

No-one came near me that day, to give me food or water or to allow me to use the bathroom. The janitor came later on that evening to repair the bent bars and told me that I had tried to attack the professor but he had hit me in my wolf form with one spell after another until eventually the wolf was defeated and lay crumbled and bloody on the dungeon floor. He had barely kept me alive again. Of course the regenerative powers of my werewolf self are amazing and I thank goodness for them, for without them I certainly wouldn't be here now.

But, when he came down to the dungeon I was surprised that he invited me to walk with him to the classroom. I did but wearily. When we finally arrived he asked me to stand at the top of the class. Here his manner changed, I could tell he was not in a forgiving mood and whatever the werewolf had tried to do, it was the human that was going to suffer long term for it. He turned his back on me and lectured for nearly twenty minutes on various dark magic spells that had no discernable cure, how many Aurors over the years had lost limbs and other body parts when they had come up against such spells. He turned towards me with venom in his eyes, that is all I can describe it as. I had no wand to protect myself against him with and would have known no spells to counter effect those he threw at me.

The first spell sent me howling in pain onto the classroom floor, writhing in agony begging him to make the pain stop.
The second he bound my body in magic like ropes and lifted me in the air, swinging me back and forth like a rag doll.
The third... the third was like a sharp firey sword hacking away at my leg. I stupidly had tried to run, to turn away to protect my face of all things. He directed his wand at my left leg and I fell in a daze to the floor.

The pain was unbearable and when eventually I woke from my unconscious state, it was to wake in the school hospital wing. It was here that Esmerelda my godmother finally found me and took me back to The Gables with her. For several days I had two of the best healers from St. Mungos come and try to heal my leg, eventually the only thing they could do was remove it and place a prosthetic limb in its place. A muggle invention with magical properties. It would be attached magically and is now charmed to resemble my own lost limb, though I know it isn't and it gives me no real trouble. I am told I will be able to fly again but the fear of people knowing that I am less that what I should be....

Revenge sat with me all summer long and I couldn't do nothing other than scream and cry with pain and agony or dream up ways to hurt those who had hurt me. Now I feel nothing for them. I am numb. I have since changed at the full moon, once again taking wolfsbane. The first incident was strange, as my leg had been removed the day before and my body had to readjust to this state before my new limb could be placed. A wolf with three legs looks funny indeed but amazingly enough once the magical prosthetic limb was put in place, my werewolf form also had four legs again. Granted one looks ridiculous compared to the other three but at least I have all limbs again.

I will keep up this journal as best I can, it will be a long year I fear. People seem to have many questions they feel I have to answer.

Journal Entry Christmas 2021

Dear Journal,

Well things go pear shaped whether I want them too or not. The first semester went about as much as planned really. I kept pretty much to myself as when I didn't I got a ton of questions fired at me. It was more awkward than anything else really. It was a struggle but I got through classes and passed exams, barely actually. My head just wasn't in it I guess. Mike is the new keeper on the quidditch team but I really didn't think they were going to hold the spot open for me now did I? At least there hasn't been any games this season so I haven't had to sit with the crowds to watch. It's been good to see Zazuka and Brian though it seems to be harder and harder to be around him. We still argue as much as ever and when we're not, we're just trying to keep the flood gates from bursting for Zuka's sake.

Being back here with Essie is great though, I didn't want to stay at the school for the holidays and she wouldn't have left me anyhow. Two of the healers from St. Mungo's are coming around tomorrow and we'll be retouching some of the charms on my leg, so that it doesn't look so iffy and so that it will move more fluidly like a normal leg. It seems pretty stiff on occasion and it doesn't yet look anything like my other leg. But that will all change thank goodness tomorrow.
Happy Christmas

Andy

Journal Entry Summer 2022

Dear Journal,

Well guess what? You'll never believe it -- of course you're bound to guess that Brian and I aren't talking but what you won't guess is that himself and Zuka are now dating. This doesn't upset me half as much as I thought it would when it happened. I was expecting it for a while, I just didn't want to admit it I guess. And why am I not upset, well I have my own font of happiness. Granted I don't get to see him every day but we do write to one another. I met him in Brightstone and we just clicked... in a strange sort of way. Being my usual hot tempered self I was amazed at how easily he can calm me, quieten the beast within me. He's patient and kind and so gentle. He also knows about my being a werewolf and didn't run from me or run about screaming his head off either. Instead, he kissed me... and told me he wasn't afraid of me.

I mean where does a girl go from there?
As with school, I tried harder with my assignments this time around and exams begin next week and I do feel as if I'm ready for them. Let's just hope that the goings on of the past few weeks hasn't upset my equilibrium too much. Quidditch training has also begun, a bit late in the year but better late than never. I'm going to be keeper/seeker depending on when or if they'll need me. Next year I'll be training up as a beater so we'll see how things go from there. It has been a strange year so far... Chace kissed me, I kissed Brian and Carlisle and I kissed one another. That's the difference I think - one person doing the kissing isn't enough, it's better when its mutual and when the feelings shared are mutual as well.

Andy

 

[Andromeda Fiorelli]

</COLOR></FONT>

2023​

<i></i>

<FONT font="Comic Sans MS">It is now 17 days, 18 hours, 23 minutes and counting since Bruin and I broke up. I say 'we' lightly. It has not gotten any easier to look at him and not be able to touch him. To talk with him and know I hide my feelings. The charade is done poorly but it is done. I wear a mask to conceal my heart from him, the only time it is removed is when I sleep.

journal entry

Tomorrow we leave the school, most of us for vacation but he is leaving for good. Never to return. Though I wish he will someday for me, I cannot live on hope. He has not given me any sign to.

Journal entry

I have kept myself busy with work both at Honeydukes and at the hospital. I fill every waking moment as best I can. So that my thoughts do not drift to Bruin. I am fine during the day but my dreams are relentless. They will not let me be; they give me no comfort - no peace. I am still his in my dreams and when I wake to the cold light of day - it is to the sharp reality of life without him... I feel like an empty vessel waiting to be filled.

journal entry

Estrella and Jaken's wedding was beautiful. At the last possible minute the ministry finally gave me the necessary pass to travel. She was stunning and he was so handsome. I ached inside when I watched them make their vows, knowing I would never have what they had found in each other. Many of our friends were there to help them celebrate. I don't know if my actions were hasty or with intent but I kissed Chace Harker. And for a brief while I was no longer empty.

Poem I

Breathe into me
Encourage my heart to beat
Pound upon my chest
to push life into these bones

I am losing
The fight, the will to go on
Without you,
Come back to me, encourage
My heart to beat.

journal entry

The days meld into one another, but thankfully yesterday the monotony of my relentless ache was broken by a new arrival to our shores. He hopes to transfer to our school and for a while upset the balance in our small home but it was good to feel something again - frustrated and angry toward Fenton and Harrison, as well as the stupid bartender but I cannot stay angry at Boris for without his unwanted attentions I would not have befriended Ruki and it is always good to have another friend.

journal entry

Arriving at the store to sort through things and place some of my own belongings about, Merlina and I were not alone for long. Two others joined us, two young men but with their arrival strange things began to happen. Nicolae stayed with me to fix the bed that Merlina broke, he kissed me in a way that even Bruin has never before. I felt as if I burnt all over but with his kiss came catastrophe. The beast within me would not stay quiet but tried to hurt those about me. Though it seemed all an illusion I fear that the evil I suspected in me is fighting for release. I saw myself as a werewolf without even the moon and it scared me to think I could have hurt them all.

Journal entry

I came upon Zazuka today and her sister. Of course I didn't know at the time who she was. Three men had them cornered and it felt good to be helping someone instead of causing mayhem and pain. Epiphany will be staying with Essie while Zuka and I are at school. she will be save there at least.

Journal Entry

School began and horror of horrors, Fenton is part of my house. It took the shine from the joy of making captain. I think it best to remove the mask and place another. I still dream of him, think of him, daydream of him, yearn for him. Sometimes it is as if Bruin has never left because he is so often in my thoughts. But he did leave and sends me owl messages reminding me to keep my studies up, to make sure I drink my potion and keep my head down and out of trouble. Nothing at all about missing me, about returning for me. With each letter I become renewed in my pursuit of happiness or a quick fix of it. For just the briefest times I am no longer empty, I am no longer broken.

poem II

I am hidden in the darkness
Find me
It swallows me whole
and still I scramble for
Release
Please... find me.
I can hear your soul but
Cannot see you.
You are too
Far away.
Hidden, obscured.
Find me.

Journal Entry

Could not resist flirting outrageously with Mike in CR. New boy Noah not bad either. It is safer to play this game than to get involved. Was told I made Co. Captain and am thrilled to share it with Kat, I have written to tell Bruin. I foolishly signed off that I was thinking of him, have left myself wide open. I just know it.

Journal Entry

Met Carlisle - still handsome, still strange, still wonderful, still able to make my heart race and my blood boil. I kissed him. At the time I thought it was because for him I felt alive, real, whole but later when I awoke from a restless slumber I knew otherwise, Carlisle makes me feel - but it is lust and nothing more. My thoughts go back time and again to Bruin, always Bruin. I can try to fill this empty vessel that I am but it amounts to nothing. It is only a game and though it seems I win when the boys respond to my flirting, I ultimately lose a piece of myself each time.

Journal Entry

My flirting it would seem knows no bounds; even the young are not safe from me. Outrageously I flirted with a 'cub'. I cringe now to think of it, I have no shame. I am not human. Slowly they are all succumbing to the beast.

Journal Entry

Violet's birthday on the lawn gave me hope where I have not seen any before. Fenton and I are friends at last. It took him dragging me off like a cave man across the garden and kissing me and me returning the kiss, for him to finally realize we should never mean anything more to one another than good friends. It is nice to know that I at least have another in my corner. The road I am taking is destroying me a little more each day. This was not supposed to happen and yet it does. I can't stop it.

Journal Entry

Another letter and I am undone. There was nothing, no affectionate sign off, nothing. I went to the pitch to fly, to rid myself of the pain he inflicts. Does he know that he hurts me? Once upon a time he would not dream of doing so - he knew my heart and protected it like it was his own. I know now he doesn't care any more not when he intentionally inflicts this pain upon me. So I allowed myself to flirt again, moving closer to the cliffs edge every time.

Poem III

If I reach for the moon
It will touch me before I can touch it
I will change and yet I still feel the same.
If I reach for you
You will never touch me though I ache for you,
I cannot change...

Journal Entry

The full moon rose gloriously and though I welcomed it, I could never look upon it. I miss seeing it's beauty, I miss seeing the grounds silvery glow from it's reflection. But I am not stupid enough to put all at risk here, so I go again to the cavern. I sat with my thoughts, ignoring Maisie for the most part. My actions, my stupidity haunts me now daily and sitting in the darkness of the cavern I wallowed in the pain they gave me. But still I know I will smile tomorrow at another boy, I will touch a hand, graze a cheek, kiss a mouth and with each action I push myself further to the brink. Am I testing him? If I fall will he come to save me? Would he still be the hero he has always been to me?

Journal Entry

Mike and I dance about each other in the name of fun. We have kissed but he expects nothing from me and I nothing from him. Which is good, for all I have left is the flesh on my bones.

Ledger Entry​

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<COLOR color="#000">Four days I have been without a journal, misplacing it is one thing but downright losing it was just foolish beyond words. So I have taken to writing in an empty ledger for now because I need to write something down. I could always try talking with Zuka of course, dependable Zuka but it is for this very reason that I haven’t gone near her either. She would know within five cm’s of her what I was feeling and as I don’t quite know myself, I don’t want to be around her right now. I know I have spent much of this year short as it is so far, flirting and kissing my way through a lot of boys but amidst all of that something happened. I can’t explain it really… but now it’s like he filters into my dreams where once there was only Bruin. I see his mismatched eyes so clearly as I close my eyes and it makes me smile.

A photograph from Bruin which I shredded as I did my friendship with Kat and Kiera. There is nothing left for me to hold on to and as I find myself slipping away piece by blessed piece . If it weren’t for my dreams of the Slytherin boy I think I would have nothing to look forward to, but I almost find myself begging for sunset so I can go to bed just to see those strange eyes of his.

I’m exhausted and have given up the fight. There is no such thing as love, at least for me. I’ve thought it through very carefully and don’t see how I could possibly love. The boy called Crispin returned my diary, asked me to the Yule ball and kissed me. My reaction to all of these, relief that it was returned, slightly mollified by who it was returned by, told him no for his request and wanted nothing more than to kiss him for all eternity. Have I become a paradox? No, just obviously a fool who doesn’t know what or who she wants. The more time that passes, I notice him more and more. About the school corridors, in the Great Hall at meal times and I find myself drawn to look at him constantly. Am I merely curious? I don’t know… but for my penance I spent the afternoon with Mike. His kisses don’t set my heart racing but that’s good. I don’t need them too, he gives me comfort and a few moments of blissful ignorance. I can just forget about emotions and ties when I am with him. He’s a good friend.

Determined to conquer these feelings that are intent on building and building inside me, I took to the pitch. I shouldn’t have I know I was angry and upset and wanted nothing more than to forget my encounter with Crispin. It drizzled somewhat and there I met Blake. I didn’t know he was finished with Lily, I thought they were one of those forever after couples but then again, I thought the same of Kat and Sumner and Kiera and Alex and Bruin and myself. Taking shelter from the rain, we kissed. It was sweet and lovely and it wasn’t anything like Crispin and I hate myself so thoroughly. When once every boy would be compared to Bruin, I now find that Crispin has become the blue print by which all other boys are judged. It is easier for me to kiss someone I feel nothing for than to kiss him or be near him.

I am crazy, stupid and utterly foolish. The only thing intact of mine and I all but threw it at Crispin tonight. I wanted to … Merlin but I can still feel his hands on me, his mouth on mine. His taste, his scent. I want to purge myself of him but find I can’t. But I’m fickle, he deserves so much more than me, so much better. How could I give anything to him when I’m broken and shallow? I once had myself convinced that I loved Bruin but have discovered over the past few weeks that I have barely thought of him at all. Every waking and sleeping moment I think of Crispin, want only Crispin. He asked me for my heart…
I told him it was already taken. What I didn’t tell him was that it was taken by him. I can’t, I’m a werewolf and he is human. He deserves someone so much better than me.

I went to the Mall today to get my mind off of Crispin once and for all and nearly did the stupidest thing possible. I met Dominicus and all but threw myself at the poor guy. It was shameful of me I know, I was kissing him and thinking only of Crispin, kissing him and wishing he would rid me of the everything connecting me to Crispin. It’s like he’s a drug that I cannot deny anymore but I have to. I’m no good. I’m no good.

A letter came today. A letter from Bruin. All this time I thought he had not wanted me, had not wanted anything to do with me and it wasn’t like that at all. He loves me, he simply wanted for me to have the space, time and freedom I needed to realize this for him too, now I must write and tell him that I don’t. I don’t love him and think I may never have or if I did it wasn’t a strong and lasting love. See… how can I even say the words I love you, when I don’t even know what love is? I say the words but they can mean everything or nothing. Can someone with a cursed soul love? Can a werewolf really love? I don’t think so….

My eyes are bleary and blood shot as I write this and its all my own stupid fault again. The Halloween feast today was supposed to be just a light heartened thing, a good laugh and nothing more but Crispin was there with Lily. Their hands all over one another, but I can’t blame him. She’s beautiful and was the cause of a massive fight between my own escort and her ex-boyfriend. It turned out to be a thorough screaming match between Kat and Lily but in between all this madness myself and Crispin were able to dance together for just the shortest time. I never felt so happy and realized in that moment, holding him and being held by him that I would never feel that happy with anyone else. It was as if he read my very thoughts and asked me if I was happy but when I told him I was, he … he got all serious and said he hoped we’d be happy. I can only imagine he meant myself and Bruin and seriously have only myself to blame for him thinking this way. But later we left the great hall together, he took my hand and walked me to Gryffindor house and I thought I was getting a second chance. To tell him I was a fool and that I would go with him to the Yule Ball and that I was absolutely crazy about him and he was who and what made me happy but I didn’t get a chance. His lips are still imprinted on my hand, he said that though he can’t have my heart maybe we could be friends… someday! I couldn’t even stop him or tell him he was wrong. The someday got me, tore through me and still does. He can’t even bare to be my friend now… just someday, any vague old day. Once again Andromeda Fiorelli messes things up good and proper. I can’t keep doing this to myself. If he doesn’t even want to be my friend, fine… I have to respect that. It doesn’t make me stop feeling anything for him though.