An old friend in a new place

[Jessame Rose Trewelly]

Jessame Rose was aware of the student lounge on the sixth floor, but she'd never been there. Previously, she had avoided places where large groups of people gathered, but now that she'd made her decision to become a great witch (for reasons she would not divulge), she figured she should be less secretive. Also, she hoped she might find some nice boys up there. The Hufflepuff common room had not proved a good place to find a boyfriend. She entered the room and fought her natural instinct to run straight out again. There were plenty of people inside - laughing, joking with each other, and playing games like chess... "Holy sh... did that bishop just move on its own?" Jess couldn't believe her eyes and cringed away as the bishop crushed an opposing pawn and swept the pieces off the board. "Relax, JR, it's just a game. A sick game, but just a game..."

Jessame Rose plastered a smile on her face and approached a group of older boys who were lounging on some couches. Seating herself nearby, she listened to their conversation, waiting for an opportunity to join in.

 

[Samuel Sykes]

While Jessame seated herself next to a group of older boys, Sam himself was floating around looking for a place to sit. He did not see her at first; he was looking for a flash of blonde hair rather than brown. Having not seem much of Sephora for such a long time was beginning to play on his nerves, especially since the holidays were coming up and he wanted to tell her of the good news he had received. But it wasn't to be and instead he watched out for at least someone he recognised. There wasn't many, and fewer still that he knew well enough to carry a conversation with. Yet to Sam's delight, there he spied a very familiar face that he couldn't help but walk over to. It was Jess, and he had never been happier to see a friend. Despite being so formidably large, Hogwarts was becoming quite lonely for the tall, shy boy.

Carefully lowering himself onto a ottoman fairly silently for such a large person, he reached out and laid a gentle hand on her shoulder. "Hello, JR." said Sam in his usual soft voice that had grown deeper in the past few months. He withdrew his hand but smiled at her. She had looked about ready to join into another conversation and he hated to interrupt her, but loneliness dictated that if he saw an opportunity to chat, he would take it. His classes were spent silently unless answering a question, often embarrassing himself as he was asked to speak louder. Nevertheless, amongst close friends he was himself and quite pleased to see Jessame.

 

[Jessame Rose Trewelly]

When a hand touched her shoulder and a deep voice greeted her by name, Jessame Rose thought she was in a dream. Could it be? Some tall, dark, handsome man wanted to talk to her? She turned slowly, wanting whoever it was to have time to watch her as she moved, like the men always watched the beautiful girls in movies. She smiled and looked up at... Sam.

"Oh it's just you," she breathed, obviously disappointed. "Hi Sam. Long time no see." It didn't take her long to get over her disappointment. Even if Sam already had a girlfriend, and Jess didn't really think of him that way, she figured it couldn't be a bad thing to be seen talking to a boy as cute as he was. And as much as she hated to admit it, she had actually missed talking to Sam. He was a good guy even if he could be annoying, and it was nice to talk to someone who wasn't an idiot.

"You're tall now."

Well, she never had been a great one for conversation.

 

[Samuel Sykes]

The moment Jess turned around, Sam's head tilted slightly to the side as he looked at her strangely. She was growing quite pretty. Despite his momentary bedazzlement, he didn't miss the disappointment in her eyes when she saw him and he wilted slightly inside before brushing it off. Perhaps she had been waiting for someone else and had gotten him instead; he understood, since he had been looking for Sephora in the first place, anyway. Jess mentioned that he had grown taller, and he tried very hard not to blush since he wasn't very fond of the fact. Being tall made him stand out even more, and all he wanted was to slink into the shadows and go unnoticed. As always, it wasn't to be. He returned her smile and added mildly "You're looking well these days." Not that she hadn't been looking well, but there was something about Jess that made it seem like she was growing up more ... or trying to.

"I hope your holidays were alright. I mean, between there and now there's been classes, but I hadn't gotten to talk to you about how the break went." he said, leaning back slightly in the chair to a more comfortable position. "Especially since I spent most of the time in the Hospital Wing," laughed Sam though a hint of regret crept into his voice. He had spent two months on bed rest, and now he was permanently short of breath. He wished that more people could have visited him, but it just wasn't possible during their exam times. "So how have things been going? Your classes?" he inquired.

 

[Jessame Rose Trewelly]

JR didn't miss Sam's discomfort when she mentioned his new height, and cursed herself for being so stupid as to mention it straight out like that, but that was completely forgotten when he mentioned she was looking well. Her face broke into a wide happy smile: someone had noticed! She had been making more of an effort with how she looked lately. She'd even started wearing a bra, although she didn't really need to, and she hated the thing. But it made her feel more grown up. Especially when she folded her handkerchiefs and stuffed them in the front.

She didn't really know what to say about her holidays. Her unexplained absence of a whole semester and then the first couple of weeks of this year were something she fortunately hadn't had to talk about yet. But when Sam mentioned he'd been in the hospital wing, none of that mattered.

"You were in the hospital? What happened? No-one told me! Are you okay?" Jess' mind went into overdrive, trying to imagine who might have done something nasty to Sam. Sure, he was a wizard, which wasn't commendable, but she'd never seen him be anything other than nice to anyone! In fact her emotional response to the news surprised her at first, but remembering that he had been so good to her when she was so upset, she supposed it made sense.

 

[Samuel Sykes]

Startled, Sam blinked and said hurriedly "No, I'm quite fine now, it's alright!" to appease her. The fact that Jess hadn't even known that he'd been away for so long astounded him, but then again he hadn't even known that she'd been away. Sam smiled at her reassuringly and explained. "It was alright, JR, I just caught a bit of a chest infection. I couldn't be moved to St. Mungo's so I spent a couple of months in the 'Wing to get over it. My breathing's not too good anymore, but swimming and walking has helped." Often when he described this to people they would give him sympathetic looks, as if to say 'Oh you poor dear. You must have a weak countenance.' But as it turned out, he had been kept in isolation; the infection would have floored anyone, and Sam had been as strong as an ox before he'd started coughing blood like he had. Even now he was still pale, but it hadn't stopped him from doing anything differently.

Sam frowned for a moment as he regarded Jessame with a curious expression. "Though I heard you'd been gone for a while, too. I hope everything's alright." He didn't want to just ask her what had happened so blatantly, and simply hoped that she might enlighten him. He did worry about his friends, especially Jess since every time he saw he she seemed to have changed. He wondered whether or not she had gotten over her hangups about wizard; then again, he knew her well enough to know it would take her a very long time. Once again Sam pondered the irony of Jess being the very thing she hated the most. It must be a frustrating existence, he thought sadly.

 

[Jessame Rose Trewelly]

JR was relieved when Sam said he was ok, but the way he said it made her worry that she'd panicked at the news. "Sorry, I kind of over-reacted there, didn't I?" she said, looking at her knees. She hated that she never knew what to do in social situations. That was why she had so much trouble making friends. She sighed. At this rate she'd never find herself a boyfriend. She listened to his explanation; it sounded like everything was under control now, although he must have been in pretty bad shape if he couldn't be moved. "Well I'm glad you're okay now. If I'd known I'd have visited." She smiled at him. "When did this happen?" she thought to herself in puzzlement, "Is he my friend now? I guess I must think so if I'd visit him in the hospital wing... but he likes magic!" she half frowned to herself, then quickly wiped it off her face.

"Yeah, I went home. I never wanted to come back here or see any of this magic stuff," she explained. "I went to a normal school." She wanted to say it was much better, but to be honest, it wasn't. It was just the same, only no-one talked to her there, as opposed to here, where she'd had conversations with three whole people since her return. And the whole 'no magic' thing, but she wasn't sure she was ready to address that, yet.

JR looked at her knees momentarily, then up at Sam. She felt she could trust him. "Was it weird, Sam? The way I over-reacted just before? Do you think people think I'm strange? I just never know what to do or say around people." He eyes were on her knees again, and she didn't plan on moving them any time soon. In fact, she was ready to jump up and run away if Sam made even the slightest sound of laughter. She shouldn't have trusted him after all. She should never trust anyone.

 

[Samuel Sykes]

Sam smiled and shrugged when Jess mentioned that she'd overreacted. He hadn't been taken aback at all; in his opinion, it was natural to worry about those you cared about. Even though he wasn't exactly sure that JR thought of him as a friend (though he thought of her as one), he still would have been just as alarmed had he known that she had been in peril. Somehow as confirmation of this, a thrill of worry shot through him as Sam was reminded of her own absence. So she had been going to a muggle school ... he was sad that she had felt the need to leave, but he did have a question. "Oh, that is a shame." mumbled Sam, not wanting to put her off. Cautiously, he asked what he desperately wanted to know. "So ... so if magic was ... is ... so abhorrent to you-" he paused bashfully. "Why did you come back?". Not that it wasn't extremely pleasing that Jess had come back. To think that she might have disappeared off the face of the earth and he wouldn't have known what had happened! Sam furrowed his brows at the thought. That really would have worried him sick.

But she asked a question that threw him off. Startled, Sam blinked and raised his eyebrows. "Well I can't say for other people, but I certainly don't think you're weird." He smiled sadly for a moment, then added "But that's coming from me. Anyway, I have trouble speaking to people and I always feel stupid, even when I'm around people I know. I don't think it's about being weird. It's about being human." Sam shrugged and smiled at Jess. "It just shows that you care about what other people think. Overreacting shows that you care about people."

 

[Jessame Rose Trewelly]

JR looked at Sam, not sure if she should tell him the full story about why she'd come back to Hogwarts. She decided she could tell him the truth - or at least part of it anyway. "I came back because... I had to. The magic stuff, it wouldn't leave me alone. Things kept happening, even though I didn't want them to. This lady from the Ministry of Magic came and told me I had to stop doing magic. I don't know how to stop it. I don't want it to happen." JR realised she'd kind of lost control and was talking too much. She took a deep breath and tried to explain more clearly: "I need to know how to control it, and stop it from happening. That's why I'm back." She'd been looking at her knees as she spoke, but now looked up at Sam to see if he understood what she meant.

When Sam said he didn't think she was weird, a huge wave of relief washed over her. Thank goodness! People thinking she was weird was one of her worst fears. She frowned along with Sam then, when he said "But that's coming from me." Something about the way he said it made JR wonder... "Maybe he thinks he's weird... maybe be is! Oh, JR, the last thing you need is a weird friend!" She wasn't sure what to think when he said he didn't always know what to say either. Was it because he was weird? Or was he right, and was it really just human? How could anyone know? Some people seemed to have no trouble in social situations. "Of course I care about people!" she snapped when he was finished. She was torn. Why did people have to be so confusing? She gave him a look as if to say "I dare you to contradict me," and waited, saying nothing.

 

[Samuel Sykes]

Sam watched Jess with a deeply serious look as she explained her reason for returning. He understood that the magic in her would have continued to bother her and it was physically important for her to learn to control it, but he wondered about the effects of it on her mental health. He could tell that what she really wanted was not to control it but to suppress it, and she did not understand that the magic was not just a habit that could be kicked but part of her very nature. Sure, she could always decide to not use magic like some witches and wizards did, but the knowledge would always be there. She had seen and heard things that would never leave her alone, and it cut him that the reason for her return was not going to help her unless she changed her attitude. But of course, there was nothing he could say. Granted, he could say something but what he really meant that there was nothing he would say. The only thing he could do was to lead by example, and simply do his best and show her that life was fine when you were a wizard. Jess had so much talent; Sam could only wonder 'If only'.

JR told him so vehemently that she did care about people that his reaction was just as strong and involuntarily. "If you care about people, then why do you judge them?" he said harshly, showing his frustration with her attitude for the very first time. As soon as the anger had come, it was gone and he visibly relaxed. "I'm sorry, that wasn't fair of me." said Sam in his usual soft, apologetic voice. "It's none of my business. So ... so, er ..." he searched for something to change the subject with, and swiftly found it. "Oh, I! I found out what happened to my parents over the holidays!" he said with his eyes brightening again. Yet they were still sad, because the news had not turned out to be so good at the time.

 

[Jessame Rose Trewelly]

When Sam snapped back at her, JR was shocked. "That's so unfair!" she thought (although it was entirely called for), "He's just like the rest of them!" But then he did something she didn't expect. Sam apologised. Jess' mouth hung open a little. She didn't know what to say. Sam was always so... nice - and yet - "I don't judge people! They judge me!" she thought, but was no longer brave enough to say it out loud. Did Sam really think that about her? Worse... was he right? Now he was saying it was none of his business... Jess had no idea what to think anymore.

Then he spilled some news! Jess remembered the reason she'd first felt a connection to Sam was because he didn't know his biological parents, even though she'd lied to him and told him she lived with hers. JR was struck with envy, but also intense excitement to hear Sam had made a discovery. He sounded happy, but deep in his eyes, JR saw something sad, "Oh Sam! What? What happened? How did you find out?" she almost reached out to touch him in her excitement and concern, but that would have been too far out of character. She felt awkward just for having thought about it.

 

[Samuel Sykes]

The frustration of moments earlier forgotten, Sam smiled and sat back a little more in his chair. "Thank goodness it's not a long story, I'd be here all week." he said, but his smile was fading. It had happened over the last Brightstone weekend. Sam had been fishing in the brook behind the garden fence when he was called in by his Aunt Lola. His sister, Candice, had suddenly taken ill and had instructed to her family to call him if anything happened to her. Hence, he was by her side within moments and learned that she had collapsed after smelling the smoke on a bonfire night. When she awoke, she told him what she'd remembered. It was the smoke that had brought the memories back for her; a fire from a long time ago when the three of them; Melissa, Candice and Samuel, had been very young children. He himself had only been a tiny baby. On that day, Sam learned that there was no point looking for his biological parents. They had died that night, and the three siblings had been separated. This he relayed to Jess, but explicitly did not mention the orphanage in Australia where he had spent the first four years of his life. The memories of it were chilling; it was why he had problems with claustrophobia today.

"And you know," said Sam, finally looking up at Jess after his story. "All this time I have been so angry at my parents. 'Why did they abandon me, why did they separate Candice and I?'. I've harboured a lot of pain from this fury ... and its all come to nothing," he laughed sadly. The words 'anger' and 'Sam' sounded very strange in a sentence together, even to him. Yet truthfully he suffered a lot of frustrations with hatred for his parents and not understanding the rest of his peers, but he kept it all down in a great boiling pot that occasionally, briefly, bubbled over. There had to be a better way of containing the stress.

 

[Jessame Rose Trewelly]

JR listened with increasing sympathy as Sam described what had happened to his parents. She was also surprised - she had known about Candice, but not Melissa, but she accepted that she and Sam hadn't, after all, been so close before, and he may have only found out since she'd left Hogwarts anyway. She felt his pain acutely when he said how angry he'd been at his parents - only to find it was all for nothing. She struggled to control her emotions, but wasn't sure she managed to hide them completely. Her eyes were wet, not just for Sam's loss, but the possibility that she may never know her own parents. All her life, she'd harboured a secret optimism that one day they'd come looking for her, but the reality of Sam's life dealt a vicious blow to that fairy tale. "Oh Sam, I'm so sorry." She wanted to tell him then about her own situation, but couldn't bring herself to admit that she'd lied to him - nor that she was actually thinking about herself as he was sharing his story of grief.

"I never knew you were angry at your parents," she said, almost adding "too" to the end of the sentence, "How come you always seem so in control, Sam? And how come you're so nice, after all this has happened to you?" JR was beginning to realise that she'd allowed her circumstances to make her bitter. She wondered with honest awe how Sam managed to be who he was through all of this.

 

[Samuel Sykes]

Sam simply smiled at Jess and accepted her sympathies with a tiny shrug. He'd somewhat dealt with the crushing blow since that time, though when he had found out he had cried for many nights afterwards. It was as if the very definition of his life, finding his family, had literally gone up in smoke. Candice had not seemed too upset about it since she had lived in the large family that had adopted her for many years without knowing anything of her birth parents. She was more interested in finding Melissa their lost sister, since she remembered having taken her to the park and being separated when the fire began. But Sam, although he now knew and loved his two siblings, had spent his entire life hating and waiting for his parents to come and explain themselves. Worst yet, his anger was completely unwarranted and he felt like a terrible person for feeling that way, though he didn't know any better when he was a little boy. When he was older ... he should have known better than to judge them. Now all that was left was an empty hole in his heart.

"You know JR," said Sam slowly with his eyes on his shoes, deep in thought. It was a strange question and he wondered why it was important to her. "I don't ... I ... I really don't understand anger. Anger, or cruelty, or hatred of any kind. Maybe I'm just naive, but I don't understand how people can live in such a way." He lifted his clear blue eyes and looked directly into his friend's dark ones. "So ... I wouldn't know how to recognise those feelings in myself. If I'd really thought about it, I shouldn't have blamed my parents when there could have been a myriad of reasons for their not coming and taking me home to them." Sam smiled again, sadder than anyone had ever seen him before. "Maybe I just didn't want to think that I was alone, after all."

 

[Jessame Rose Trewelly]

As Sam explained his thoughts, Jess sensed the deep sadness within him, and her heart went out to him. She hated to see anyone in pain like this, especially when there was no-one to blame, nowhere to direct resentment. She herself had never understood hate and anger until learning about Hogwarts and magic. Now her life seemed very full of the negative emotions. She refused to let go of them, though, they were what kept her strong here. Without them, she'd just be sick and sad.

She had to admit she hadn't thought much about her biological parents since making the decision to come back to Dumbwarts, though. She wasn't even sure how she felt about them abandoning her anymore. It was too much for the young girl to think about.

"Oh Sam, you're not alone! You've got your aunt, and your sisters. And... and me. I know how you feel. I... before I knew about you... your parents... I told you I lived with my mum and dad because I was sick of being different. I wanted you to think I was normal. But I don't know my birth parents either. I live with my foster parents. They don't look like me, and everyone at home thinks it's weird. I wish I'd told you the truth, Sam. I never usually lie." She hated to see him so sad. What could she do? At that moment she noticed a cute boy over his shoulder, and all logical thought left her brain. She shook her head, forced herself to look back at Sam, and sighed. "Don't be sad, Sam, you're not alone."