Closed All Alone and A-Lowly

[Ryan Marshall]

Life should never have come to this. Just the thought of what he was about to do made Ryan feel almost outright hysterical. He felt consumed with the desperate need to just turn and run, run, run and never look back. Like he had done so many times before. It had been so easy before, and he couldn't help thinking what a fool he had been. Thinking he was trapped back then. Ryan had never before known the true meaning of the word trapped. What once had felt like a prison now seemed to hold whole worlds of possibility. Worlds that were now and forever closed to him.

Heather was dead. There one moment and gone the next, and Ryan was hopelessly, helplessly alone. Never mind that he had been considering leaving her - now the option was lost forever. And he was trapped. Him, two children, and no one else. He was realising very quickly that he had no idea how to actually be a parent, and now here he was, having to do just that in the worst circumstances imaginable. Holden was getting into fights, Penelope was barely sleeping, and both were fighting to understand a world without their mother. And Ryan had no idea what to do with that. He knew coming here had been foolish, knew it was going to get him yelled at, but he only knew one person with experience caring for grieving children alone, and he was desperate. It had to be done. So steeling himself, Ryan reached out and knocked on Melanie's door, forcing himself to stand steady and not turn and flee. For once in his life, it was no longer an option.

 

[Eric Holland]

Eric was glad he had the day off today, though he kind of wished Minnie had the day off as well. She had started working at the Ministry, which kept her very busy. Eric had always known Minnie would make it far, though he was a bit frustrated with his own job. The Medley was... Fine, but he was working long nights and often felt tired during the day. It was why he was now on his third cup of coffee of the day, he kept hoping it would clear his brain up a bit. He was planning to pick up Minnie at the Ministry today, as a surprise. He just had to wait for a bit longer until she was done, so he was just leafing through a magazine without really reading it. When there was a knock at the door, Eric frowned. He was home alone now, as his mum was out with Eva. They didn't often get visitors, so he had no idea who it could be. Eric made his way over to the door and opened it. "What?" He asked when he saw a stranger was standing there, not caring that he was rude.

 

[Ryan Marshall]

Come over in the evening, Melanie had said. The information had flown out of Ryan's head almost as soon as it had arrived there, and it was only now that its importance truly struck him. There was no denying that the young man standing in front of Ryan was his oldest son. Eric was almost a mirror of what Ryan himself had looked like at that age, down to the furrowed brow and sharp jaw. Even the bluntness was familiar, and Ryan could do nothing but stare, taking in all at once the reality of the fact that he was seeing his son for the first time in a decade.

 

[Eric Holland]

Eric frowned at the guy standing there, who seemed to be staring at him for no reason whatsoever. Eric opened his mouth to repeat his question, or maybe to tell the guy to f*ck off, when the words died in his mouth. The guy looked familiar, strangely so. Eric suddenly felt like the world had shifted. There was no way. Eric kept on staring at the man in silence for a moment, taking in the small details he remembered. He mostly remembered them from the box of old photos he had once found as a kid, though a part of him was still convinced he had some memories of his dad. It didn't matter either way. He wasn't sure. "...Dad?" He finally breathed, the word escaping him without his permission.

 

[Ryan Marshall]

Dad. It was a word Ryan had been hearing daily for a long time now, but coming from the young man in front of him, everything felt different. Hearing about the boys from Melanie had been one thing, but seeing Eric in the flesh was another all together. He was here, he was real, the little boy from some of Ryan's most painful memories now standing in front of him as a full grown man. Hearing him say Dad, though, it dragged Ryan back to their old home in Australia, as though no time at all had passed. Back to the little boy sitting on the kitchen floor, asking for a sandwich and a hug. Dad... "...Hi, Eric." Ryan said slowly, able to hear the frog in his own throat, realising as he spoke just how choked up he was at the sight of Eric. He hadn't prepared for this reunion at all, and now that it was happening... how was he supposed to know what to do?

 

[Eric Holland]

Even with all the evidence staring him in the face, Eric hadn't been convinced he had been right. He had half expected the man to answer in confusion, only to tell them he was the new neighbor or that he was trying to sell them something. But the way he greeted him, the way he said his name, it made something snap in Eric's mind. He realized he hadn't remembered any of the things he knew about his dad, not really. The only thing he had remembered was his voice, which he only realized now that he heard it again after fifteen years. Red flashed before Eric's eyes. His dad had left, left him when he had been a little kid. He remembered a lot more all of a sudden, years and years of sadness and confusion that he hid behind anger. Anger was a safer emotion, anger was what he knew. Eric allowed it to embrace him, the only thing keeping him somewhat anchored. His face screwed up in rage as he pulled back his fist. Then he punched his dad in the face, the sound seemed to echo around them for a moment. Eric's fist hurt, but it didn't matter, this was what he needed.

 

[Ryan Marshall]

Crack. The sound of his nose breaking echoed through Ryan's head before he had any real chance to process what was happening. "F*CK!" He yelled, stumbling back and clutching his face as blood began to stream from his nostrils. The pain was near-blinding, and as Ryan blinked tears from his eyes and tried to collect himself, he remembered another thought that came too late. Eric had had behavioural problems. Gotten into fights. At the time, Ryan had tried to convince Melanie that his presence would have only made things worse, and as far as Ryan was concerned, the state of his face was pretty solid evidence of that. He blinked his stinging eyes as he looked back up at Eric, struggling to figure out how to respond. "...Is Beladie id?" He answered eventually, hands still covering his shattered nose as blood dripped from his chin.

 

[Eric Holland]

Eric had gotten into plenty of fights, but never before had he broken someone's nose. The first feeling he had was satisfaction, followed by some guilt he quickly waved off. Eric let out an angry snarl as his dad had the nerve to keep speaking to him. Why couldn't he just go away? "We don't want you here!" He yelled. "Mum wants nothing to do with you. We're FINE. I take care of us now, have since you left. F*CK OFF!"

 

[Ryan Marshall]

Breathing through his mouth was difficult with the blood tracking over his lips, but Ryan didn't want to think about how bad breathing through his nose would feel. But breathing without breathing in his own blood was taking substantial effort, and it took Ryan too long to process what Eric was actually saying, blinking through his tears at the young man in disbelief. "...She gabe me de address..." He spluttered out eventually, head still spinning. "By wife jusd died. I need helb..."

 

[Melanie Holland]

Melanie had taken the floo home. After a glass of wine, she never quite felt entirely certain about apparating. She was a bit surprised to see the living room empty, and she wondered where Eric was. His loud yelling from outside quickly answered her question. Frowning, Melanie made her way there, and she was shocked by the sight that greeted her. Seeing Ryan and Eric together was like walking into a room with funhouse mirrors. They looked so much alike, more than she had even thought. But the blood on Ryan's face quickly distracted her, it didn't take a genius to figure out what was going on. "Oh for f*cks sake." She muttered, pushing up her sleeves and grabbing her wand. "Eric, stay back." She said sharply, before pointing her wand at Ryan's face. "Episkey." She said, healing his broken nose. "I thought I told you to come in the evenings." She told Ryan dryly.

 

[Eric Holland]

Eric could barely hear what his dad was saying over the sound of the blood rushing in his ears. He shook his head, refusing to listen to what he was saying. Refusing to believe it. There was no way his mum gave him their address. What did Eric care if his wife died? Why did he even have a new wife? Why did he leave their family? But before he could hurl any of those things at his dad, he heard his mum. He turned slightly to watch her, stunned as she healed his dad's face and told him he should've come in the evening. Eric spluttered. "You don't- you knew- you told him- why is he HERE?!" He asked, his voice breaking in a way it hadn't since he was fifteen. "Mum, what the hell?"

 

[Ryan Marshall]

Ryan didn't think he had ever been quite so relieved to see someone as he was to see his ex wife. Melanie appeared like a saving angel, and the feel of his nose knitting itself back into shape was beyond relief. Ryan wiped his face on his wrist the best he could, though he knew he still looked like a complete blood-smeared mess. He looked between Melanie and Eric, struggling to figure out what to say, what to do with himself. This wasn't how things were supposed to be at all. He decided to address Melanie for now, easier than trying to untangle whatever Eric felt towards him. "Heather..." He croaked. "My wife. She's dead." Ryan had felt hollow with self-pity ever since she passed, and his eyes already watering from the punch only made the emotion show more clearly on his face. "I... I need help, Mels, please..."

 

[Melanie Holland]

Melanie got an uncanny sense of deja-vu and realized she was remembering many times when she had broken up a fight between Eric and Connor. One wild with rage, the other tearful and pitiful. Ryan's words didn't immediately register with her, she had no idea who heather was. Somehow, it still hurt a part of her to get a name for Ryan's wife, but she quickly pushed those feelings down. "Oh, Ryan..." She said, frowning a bit. "I'm sorry." She had no idea what else to say. "But I don't think I can help you." She bit back a sarcastic remark about how she hadn't learned to bring back the dead, there was no point in doing something like that. She sighed, then turned to Eric. "You should go inside, Eric, I need to talk to him." She told him firmly, though she already knew her son wasn't going to listen.

 

[Eric Holland]

Eric felt like he was dreaming, he wished he could wake up from this nightmare. His mum continued to talk to his dad- no, Ryan, as if it was the most normal thing in the world. Eric scoffed when he said his wife died. "Why should we care!?" He yelled at him. "You deserve to be alone, you left us alone!" He scowled. "Mum, you can't help him. He could just as easily have killed her himself, or something. He doesn't deserve our help." He said, looking at his mum desperately, though she wasn't looking at him.

 

[Ryan Marshall]

Ryan's heart sank as Melanie rejected him, already spiralling back to the dark pit of misery his home had become. He was trying to figure out how best to plead his case when Eric spoke again, and Ryan couldn't help choking in disbelief, staring at the young man in shock. Was this really what his son thought of him. "I didn't kill her!" He wailed, tears pricking at his eyes again as he turned back to Melanie. "Mels, please, I don't know what to do... She's gone, the kids are... they're doing so badly, they... we need help, please, Penny hasn't been sleeping..."

 

[Melanie Holland]

Melanie was usually good at being in control of a situation, but this was a tricky one to handle. If Eric had been any younger, Melanie would have ordered him into the house with her strictest voice. But he was an adult now and going through an incredible shock. Still, she rolled her eyes at Eric's antics. "Eric, don't be ridiculous." She snapped at him. "Go inside, I'll explain everything later." She winced when Ryan started speaking again. Couldn't he wait for one moment? Didn't he see he was just going to set Eric off again? She grimaced when he mentioned the kids. She hadn't known their names, but apparently, one was named Penny. "Ryan, we need to talk about this, I can see what I can do." She conceded, still not sure what she could do for him but willing to listen.

 

[Eric Holland]

Eric scowled when his mum dismissed his idea of Ryan killing his wife. He hadn't really thought it, but it was kind of satisfying to say it and hurt his dad's feelings. He frowned when his mum tried to send him inside again, but then he froze when his dad spoke about kids. He stared at him in shock, and then at his mum, who didn't seem nearly surprised enough. "Kids?" He asked quietly, his voice trembling slightly.

 

[Ryan Marshall]

Between his grief and self-pity and having just been punched, Ryan was fairly confident that he wasn't on solid emotional ground anymore. He knew Melanie was trying to do damage control, but it occurred to him far too late that Eric didn't know he had kids. Didn't know about his siblings. Looking at the young man, Ryan nodded quietly, not able to bring himself to lie. "Penny's ten." He said quietly. "Holden's eight." Ryan knew there were a billion things he owed Eric, things he would never be able to pay back even if he were inclined to try, but somehow telling the boy the truth about his siblings felt like the least he could do. "They've just lost their mum..."

 

[Eric Holland]

Hearing his dad had more kids, that he had kids he did take care of, made Eric want to scream or yell or run away or cry. He did none of those things. He stared at his dad, then found the most hurtful words he could. "Well, I lost my dad when I was three and I lived." He said coldly. "They'll survive." He couldn't think of these kids as real people just yet, that would mean acknowledging he had siblings.

 

[Melanie Holland]

Hearing more details about Ryan's new family was... a lot, but Melanie filed it all away from later. It was clear that she was the one who had to handle this. When Eric spoke, she shook her head. She snapped her fingers and turned to Eric. "Alright, that's enough." She told him, moving over and reaching up to cup his face so he would look at her. "I know you're getting a lot of information dropped on you, and I understand you're upset. But you need to either be an adult and act like it, or go inside." She told him firmly. "I can either talk to Ryan alone or with you, but if you're a part of the conversation I need you to stop behaving like a little kid, no matter how angry you are." She said, no anger or judgment in her voice. "But if you need to rage and hit things for a bit I understand that, it just can't be here right now, okay honey?" She met his gaze and waited until Eric reluctantly nodded. She kissed his cheek, then let go of him and turned to Ryan. "Alright, you need to pull yourself together too. I can try to help you, but you're going to have to do the hard work here. You're their dad." She said, reaching over to grab his arm. "I'm going to make tea and we're going to sit down and talk about this."

 

[Ryan Marshall]

Ryan couldn't help a small wince at the venom in Eric's voice. He knew this, knew he had no reason, no right to expect Eric to be okay with him. But it still hurt to hear. Especially at his lowest, at the place he had visited for help. It was a relief when Melanie took over the situation, and Ryan watched in awe as she easily defused the angry young man she had raised. If there had ever been any part of Ryan that doubted he had done the right thing, it was gone now. Melanie was all the parent these boys needed, and then some. And Heather had been that for the kids, until... Ryan tried to pull himself back to the moment when Melanie spoke to him, blinking back the fresh tears that had pricked at his eyes as he nodded. "Okay..." Ryan croaked, taking a few shaky breaths. "I... thank you..."

 

[Eric Holland]

Eric knew the words had been too harsh the moment they left his mouth, but he still wished he could say more, worse things. He nodded at his mum, taking a few deep breaths the way she had taught him. She was right, he was an adult and he could show his piece of crap dad that he was better than this. He swallowed. "Fine." He said quietly. He followed his mum and Ryan inside, his mind still reeling. But he could do this, he could be an adult.

 

[Melanie Holland]

Melanie was glad she had gotten a grasp on the situation. It was good that Connor was at work, she didn't think she could handle him being a part of the equation as well right now. She settled everyone in the kitchen, putting as much space between Ryan and Eric as she could. Melanie waved her wand to get the tea ready, then put a cup in front of each of them. She sat down and looked at Ryan. "What is it you want my help with?" She asked directly. "Are your ...kids okay right now? Is someone watching them?"

 

[Ryan Marshall]

Ryan had to admit to himself that he was surprised Melanie's technique worked on Eric, the angry young man seeming to simmer down before his eyes. He looked between the two of them for a moment then lowered his head, staying silent and downcast as he followed them into the house. Melanie's home. Where his children lived. He settled into the kitchen and waited silently until Melanie addressed him again, swallowing as he tried to figure out where to begin. "They're fine. They're with Heather's parents." He said quickly, eyes falling to his teacup. "I just... I don't know what to do." He said shakily. "I'm not... Heather was the good parent, she always... and now it's just me, and I don't know how to... help them, how to comfort them, they're so... crushed, and there's nothing I can do to make it better." He swallowed. "They're... hurting so much..."

 

[Eric Holland]

Eric had really planned to do this. To be here, to be the man his mum thought he could be. But the moment Ryan opened his mouth and started talking about his kids and how they were hurting so much, Eric knew he couldn't do this. He had been hurting too, he had also been crushed when his dad suddenly left. Did that not matter? He looked down at the untouched tea, then sent his mum a desperate look. "I- I can't." He said, feeling bile rising. "I'm sorry." He shoved the chair back and rushed out of the room, disapparating before he even completely left the kitchen.