After Valentines

[Andromeda Fiorelli]

Andromeda had been having so many different feelings collide with one another lately that she needed time alone to sort them out and deal with them. After the play she had felt nothing but sadness for the loss of her friends life, knowing that she would never bump into the shy, serious boy in the corridors or on the stairs. She remembered their first meeting as if it were yesterday and it brought fresh tears when she did so. She felt angry for the fact that such a young life was lost and a deep seated desire to have some sort of revenge on the fools who had sanctioned such a disasterous prank. When she tried hard enough she managed to put these feelings aside to look at the other ones, the ones that were even more deep and confused than before. The ones of Brian. It wasn't really that they were confused, she just knew that even though she had to forget that night she couldn't ever forget the kiss. It hadn't been a mind blowing, jelly leg type of kiss. She had simply brushed his lips with hers but it had meant everything to her and had changed everything too.

She had perked up again as a result of her talk with Willie the schools groundskeeper but had felt rotten over her arguement with Brian. The tower incident had given her a new lease on life, she had a secret that she got to carry around deep inside her and she loved it. The simple pleasure of the memory alone, of the stolen kiss was enough to have her walking on cloud nine for the longest time.

After being down to the student club area to borrow a guitar and finding no rooms available, Andy went up to the first floor and eventually found one there. Closing the door after her, she sat on top of a desk and began to tune the instrument. It took her a few minutes to practise some chords and a further ten minutes to attempt to string a decent tune together. Her playing was rusty as she hadn't had the opportunity to play in ages but she felt like it now. She had been remembering a song she used to hear back home and couldn't wait to put it to music. As the melody came to her, she hummed it inorder to get the instrumental as good as possible. Her fingers glided gently over the strings becoming more familiar with time. Once she was happy she began to sing. The acoustics seemed really good and she was glad that her singing wasn't as rusty as her guitar playing.

I turned my head away
Didn't wanna hear what you said
You had changed your mind

I showed up insecure
But I thought you would be sure
I guess I had a lost sight

But at the end of my life
I'll look back on my life
I'll know that my life was good
At the end of my life
I'll look back on my life
See I went after you like I should
I went after what I wanted
I went after what I wanted
And I never really got it
But it don't matter at all

I guess it was a lot
To ask for these things we'd lost
I guess it was just a dream
And time changes many things
But my heart it still sings
For you, I don't know why

But at the end of my life
I'll look back on my life
and I'll know that my life was good
At the end of my life
I'll look back on my life
See I went after you like I should
I went after what I wanted
I went after what I wanted
And I never really got it
But it don't matter at all

I thought I'd spend my last days
Holding your hand
Now all of my senses lie here dead on the floor
But at the end of my life
I'll look back on my life
and I'll know that my life was good
At the end of my life I'll look back on my life
See I went after you like I should
I went after what I wanted
I went after what I wanted
And I never really got it
Everything else I lost it
I went after what I wanted
I went after what I wanted
And the rest don't really matter
It don't matter at all

click on lyrics for song to play

 

[Isabella Ormonde]

Feeling completely dejected Isabella wandered like a lost soul about the school. Everyone was in mourning and she felt sympathy for them though she couldn't empathise. She didn't know the boy at all and had never lost a friend, especially one so young. Isabella's heart was feeling betrayed by the one person she thought she could trust, James.

He had written her one letter which had been so impersonal, no emotion visible at all. He hadn't even alluded to liking her not mind loving her but she had attempted to put it down to him being busy and gave him the benefit of the doubt when she had sent him a beautiful Valentines card. Truthfully had hoped he would redeem himself for Valentines but nothing had arrived. No card, no flowers absolutely nothing. How busy was he that he couldn't spare a thought for her after all his talk and bravado in Brightstone over the Christmas holidays. She had nearly let her anger get the better of her over it but thankfully succumbed to a more rational mind set. She would just not be bothered with him anymore. Yes she loved him but it just wasn't enough anymore, he could hurt her constantly with that knowledge.

As she wandered down the first floor corridor she heard music and thought at first she was imagining it until she neared a room and very gently opened the door. She smiled seeing her room-mate there strumming away on a guitar and singing her soul out. Isabella sighed, so Andy was in love. You could tell just from the song and the way she sang it. Isabella felt sorry for her immediately and when the song came to its end, she clapped loudly as she walked further into the room.

"That was great Andy, you've got a lovely voice" she smiled sitting down on a desk opposite her, "So anyone imparticular you were singing about?"

 

[Andromeda Fiorelli]

Andy placed her hand over the strings and looked up at Isabella, turning briefly to look at the door. Didn't anyone respect privacy anymore. She would have to start putting up signs soon.
"Hiya Bells, I didn't hear you come in" not wanting to answer her room-mates question immediatly if at all, Andy picked the pletum from the desk she sat on and strummed the instrument gently. It wasn't any set piece just some chords that sounded sweet.
No" she lied, "no one at all, it was just a song".

She fell silent hoping Isabella wouldn't keep asking, would even choose to leave. She really liked the girl, she was a good roomie but this was her alone time to rumminate in private about Brian.

 

[Isabella Ormonde]

Isabella had no intention of leaving, she was despondent to say the lease and company any company was good right now. She smiled at Andy and shook her head. Isabella knew a thing or two about feelings, even a bit about unrequited love which she felt was exactly what she had with James. He certainly played hot and cold when he chose, she just was never sure of him.

"You don't have to lie but I understand you not wanting to tell me or anyone else for that matter. Love is a tricky thing" she moved on the desk she was sitting on and made herself more comfortable.
"ok we'll change the subject for now. How long have you played that thing or been singing for that matter?"

 

[Andromeda Fiorelli]

Andromeda looked shocked momentarily, just who was she to tell her whether she was lying or not? It wasn't any of her business.
"I'm not in love!" she nearly yelled, she was fourteen for goodness sake not twenty four. You didn't fall in love at fourteen, did you? Brian had said he thought he loved Zuka and though she knew she loved them as her friends, was the other kind of love not just a step away from that? She didn't know, she hadn't a clue really. Andy knew she really liked Brian, had the biggest most heart-breaking crush on him but was that love? Looking at Isabella she frowned.

Maybe the other girl did know things that Andy didn't, maybe she wouldn't mind being quizzed about them either.
"A few years on the guitar but I'm pretty rusty, you don't really get much of a chance to play around here. My grandmother trained me to sing actually but in an old Irish singing style. Seanachai, I never finished my training but I like to sing when I feel like it anyway" she hadn't had much to sing about lately.

"This love thing...well, you know what I mean. How do you know?" she sighed and put the guitar down, "How do you know when it's actually love that you feel?"

 

[Isabella Ormonde]

Isabella merely smiled at the young girls protestations but knew better than to say anything else for a while. She would speak about it herself when the time was right, Isabella was not going to rush someone is denial. She was impressed though at the girls skill on the guitar and her singing voice, mainly as Isabella had been trying both for a long time and really didn't think herself any good. Sakura had been in an all girl band in Beauxbatons for the first two years of magic school Super Nova they were called and when Isabella had heard about them, insisted she teach her how to play the guitar and teach her a few songs.

The ones she knew were not the greatest by any means.
"I do like to sing as well, what others do you know?" the question was a simple enough one but as she said it she could see Andromeda thinking hard. The question the girl asked her was to be expected but she hadn't expected it quite so soon.
"Wow, throw a girl for six why don't you? well... do you think about him often? Is he the first person you think about when you wake up and the last person you think about before you go to sleep? Is he the air you breath, the pain you feel, the laugh you share? Can you eat, can you sleep without thinking of him? Can you concentrate on mediocre things just so your mind can block thoughts of him out for all of two minutes? Do you find yourself humming and singing songs that remind you of a word he spoke, a smile he once gave, a shirt he might have worn?"
Isabella looked at the younger girl with a wise all knowing smile,
"Love is bordering on insanity sometimes because we are never in possession of our full faculties as long as our hearts and minds are consumed by someone else. Can you say you are even a fraction of all that I listed for you?"

 

[Andromeda Fiorelli]

Andromeda considered every aspect of what Isabella said, it sounded like the most crazy thing she had ever heard but yet it somehow seemed so familiar. Did she think of Brian often? Well, doh! of course did the sun rise each morning and set each evening? That question was too easy. Was he the first person she thought about in the morning and the last at night? She was nearly certain that he was but would have to double check her thoughts at those times just to be sure. Most of the questions she didn't think would get a yes answer but a good few managed too. So triumphantly she turned to Isabella.
"Nope I'm not in love then, I don't think he's the air I breath that's just stupid. You can't breath in Br... a boy" though now when she said it like that, she could remember days where she could simply just sit in class and inhale the very scent of him. She blushed and shook her head.
"Well, no... look I can't be. I'm not old enough to love someone like that. It's not practical" Andromeda attempted to think like her Ravenclaw friends which wasn't easy as she was ruled by her heart.
"I can't love him not when there's a possibility that he loves someone else" she bit her lip looking completely lost.

 

[Isabella Ormonde]

Isabella listened to the younger girl, it was clear that Andy really cared about this boy and when she mentioned the possibility that he loved someone else, Isabella understood immediately the girls predictament.
She slid off the desk and went to the younger girls side leaning against her in a sisterly fashion.
"It's hard to be in love or to love when it's not returned. I can only tell you not to waste your heart on someone like that. If he loves you at all or cares for you in any way then he might eventually come around to wanting to be with you but well, there's always that chance that he might love you as merely a friend or that he would never and could never see you as anything more than that" she knew her words were probably harsh for Andy to hear and understand, to take on board but she wasn't going to lie to her. There wasn't any point in getting the girls hopes up about a boy, any boy for that matter. They were just too unpredictable where emotions were concerned.

 

[Andromeda Fiorelli]

Andromeda's head seemed to get heavier and heavier as she listened to Isabella. Knowing that she was right didn't help her own feelings any. Brian didn't care about her in that way at all and never had, he had specifically told she was the sister he never had. How much harder could a kick in the gut get? She would have to master this somehow, her feelings for Brian were in danger of consuming her and ruling every move and thought she made. It wasn't fair.

How many times did she see other people holding hands, embracing, kissing just being there for one another, talking as if no-one else in the world mattered but them. She wanted that too but she would never have it with him and it was time she well and truly faced up to it. Of course she also knew that each year she gave herself the same pep talk and each year saw her simply falling deeper and deeper for him. Well it just wasn't meant to be, she didn't believe in destiny or fortune telling no matter how many times as a little girl she could get tea leaf readings almost perfectly right. Her future didn't hold Brian in the place she wanted him to be, at the very most he would still be her friend. With a sigh she slid off the desk and looked at Isabella as she picked up the guitar again.

"Thanks for the pep talk Isabella, it's helped alot" she heaved another sigh and left the classroom. She still had the memory of the kiss but it would have to stay locked away deep within her. It was time Andy made new memories that just simply didn't involve Brian. Hadn't that Chace Harker kissed her? So she couldn't be completely repulsive surely?