A Long Overdue Conversation

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Sophia Stark

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OOC First Name
Kaela
Sophia had made her way from the Prefect’s Common Room without uttering a sound. She entered the corridor and walked down it, thinking to herself I need a place where Bruin and I can speak freely without interruption. Upon reaching the end of the tapestry she was pacing before Sophia turned around on her heel, her long black hair whipping aroud behind her. She walked past the tapestry twice more, thinking the same thing to herself each time.

After Sophia made her third pass the tapestry transformed into a large wooden door. She stepped forward and extened her left hand, grasping the door knob with it and turning. Sophia pushed the door open to reveal a rather cozy looking room containing a comfortable looking leather couch facing a lit fireplace with a coffee table in between.

Sophia stode forward into the room and removed her messenger bag from her torso, hanging it on a hook on the wall. She then made her way to the couch and sat down, not really sure how to proceed. Sophia decided to sit in silence and wait for Bruin to begin the conversation, staring at the fire as she waited. The flames danced oddly in her golden eyes, looking almost natural.
 
Bruin followed Sophia up several flights of stairs before finally stopping in the Seventh Floor Corridor. Bruin watched as Sophia began to pace back and forth and ultimately enter a small sitting room with a fireplace. Bruin took a seat on the couch beside Sophia, waited for a moment and then broke the awkward silence.

"Do you remember what I told you it would take to be my friend?", he asked her, wondering if she recalled one of their conversations from last year.
 
Sophia turned to look at Bruin as he spoke, repositioning her body so that she was facing him. She stared at him for a moment, considering his question. "I believe you said something about trust and being a good listener," she said nonchalantly. Sophia of course remembered the conversation they had shared but did not want to appear as if she thought about Bruin that much.
 
Bruin was surprised by how dismissive Sophia had sounded when she answered his question and it occurred to him what really bothered him about Sophia and their situation. "Yeah, that's pretty much it...", Bruin replied. "And you know what, I tried to be that kind of person for you, tried to show that I cared about you, but when it was time for you to be a friend in return, you weren't there to listen and it made me...mad, sad, I don't know..."
 
Sophia stared at Bruin for a moment, the anger welling up inside her before she answer. "I am not a mind reader Bruin," she said quite frankly, her cold demeanor becoming much more heated. "I do not know when you have something you need to say or when you just want to hear the sound of your own voice."

She knew that the comment was uncalled for, but by the time she said it was too late to take it back. Crossing her arms over her chest Sophia turned to look back at the fire. This was not what she needed right now, right before exams. Why was Bruin bringing this all up? What was the point? Had they not proven that a friendship between the two of them was impossible?
 
"Screw you Sophia! I wasn't asking you to be a mind reader, I was just asking for you to show you cared about something other than yourself. I don't know why I thought you might have changed, but I suppose I was wrong." Bruin had hoped for a better result from this conversation, but perhaps breaking the silence had been a mistake. He had invested so much energy into trying to form a friendship with Sophia only to have her ice over and walk away whenever something happened between them. Perhaps it was her turn to be left sitting alone and wondering about what went wrong for a change.

Bruin rose from the couch and headed for the door before stopping and turning near the doorway. "You know what the funny thing is? I actually kind of liked it when you slapped me at the Three Broomsticks, at least then I knew you cared."
 
Sophia continued to stare at the fire until Bruin rose from the couch. Her arms immediately unfolded and she stood, turning toward the door. "Bruin wait," she said after him, hoping he would stay a little longer. "I do care. More than I should in fact, and I hate you for it."

Sophia's golden eyes were beginning to fill with tears. She had not been so honest with anyone in a while, and here she was spilling her feelings for Bruin. Why does he do this to me? What is it about him? Sophia immediately became ashamed of herself for this gross display of emotions and sat back down on the couch, staring at the fire once more.
 
Bruin was about to head out the door when Sophia spoke, her voice freezing him in midstride. "...and I hate you for it." What the heck does that mean, he thought to himself.

Bruin turned and looked at Sophia who was now staring into the fire, evidently as confused about things as he was. "What do you mean you care more than you should? Since when does their need to be a limit on how much you care about someone?", he said in a quieter tone, without a trace of the anger that had been in his voice only moments earlier.
 
At this moment in time Sophia was extremely glad that she had decided to come to the Room of Requirements where not only could she and Bruin not be interrupted, they could not be seen or heard. One of the very odd things about Bruin was that he had the ability to make Sophia want to share everything with him, including things she did not even want to admit to herself.

She stood from the couch and turned to look at Bruin, not yet crying but tears welling up in her golden eyes making them glisten in the firelight. "I am not supposed to care about someone like you. I am a pureblooded, cold-hearted Slytherin who should care about no one but herself. Yet here I am finding myself thinking about you, caring about you. I don't want to care about you! I don't want to but I do. I can't help it. And I hate you for it. I hate that I care so much about you."

Sophia paused for a moment, tears now beginning to trickle down her cheeks. She was much more obviously emotional than usual, not looking or sounding at all herself. Without giving Bruin a chance to reply she blurted out "never mind, you don't understand," and sat back down on the couch. With her arms crossed over her chest Sophia stared at the fire as the tears streamed down her face.
 
Sophia's last statement rang true, Bruin did not understand...he did not understand why Sophia was not supposed to care about someone like him, he did not understand why she felt that pure bloods should be cold-hearted, and he certainly did not understand how Sophia could hate someone who had always been honest and fair with her. Bruin knew that he had been extremely hard on Sophia over the past term, regularly trying to agitate her with his classroom behaviour, but was prepared to move beyond that and do his part to apologize for it.

Bruin took a tentative step back towards Sophia who was staring into the fire, obviously upset, but with precisely what he could only guess. "Listen...", he opened softly. "I'm sorry if I haven't been a good friend to you the past few months. I'm sorry if I've hurt you with my words or actions and...and...and I'm sorry that you hate me..." Bruin's voice trailed off, the room now completely devoid of all sound, save for the intermittent crackling of the burning wood as it was consumed by the flames and yielded, protesting against the intense heat.
 
Having met Bruin's parents and stayed in the house he grew up with with them and Bruin Sophia had gotten a firsthand view of Bruin's upbringing. She knew how drastically different their childhoods had been and wondered if Bruin also realized this. Her best guess was the he realized they were different, but not quite how much so.

Sophia kept her eyes locked on the fire for a few moments before turning back to look at Bruin. "You did hurt me, very badly," she began in a soft, meek voice. "I don't think I've felt quite so bad before. It really made me question if this whole friendship thing is worth it. I told you I was not practiced in being a friend, and I'm pretty sure I'm still not a good one. Perhaps friendship just isn't for me."

Seeming extremely calm and oddly rational Sophia turned back to the fire. She knew Bruin would probably have something to say about what she just said, but those were the thoughts that were running through her mind. Sophia had decided to abandon trying to explain why she had trouble being Bruin's friend and instead explain why she could not be anyone's friend.
 
Bruin's instincts were to question how he had hurt Sophia when it was her actions at the Quidditch Shoppe and later at the Three Broomsticks that had led to the divisive nature of their relationship. His mouth opened, but he caught himself before words escaped, recognizing finally that Sophia probably still didn't understand how he had felt when he returned from holidays and couldn't have known that he wasn't himself at that point. Bruin attempted to speak again, but stopped as he did not want to waste words, knowing that the next ones he spoke were crucial.

Bruin stepped closer to the end of the couch, saddened to know how deeply he had hurt Sophia, especially when he knew that most people considered her anything but vulnerable. "No matter what you think, I still believe that you are a good friend...I just didn't give you the chance. I was a little mad at you for how you had walked away from me before the holidays when I told you I couldn't go with you to your mom's...and I was sad when I came back from the break because my grandparents had been...killed in an accident...", Bruin took a deep breath.

"I should have just told you, but I didn't know how...I didn't want to talk about it with anyone because...because then I guess I'd have to admit that it had actually happened.", Bruin lowered his eyes, staring at the floor midway between the two of them. He didn't intend to use the death of his grandparents as an excuse for his actions, but he hoped that it would give Sophia some insight into why he had behaved the way he had so she would realize that it hadn't been her abilities as a friend that were the root of their problems.
 
When the word killed escaped from Bruin's mouth Sophia whipped her head around, her golden eyes wide with confusion. She opened her mouth to say something but stopped when Bruin continued speaking, her mouth staying open out of shock.

After Bruin finished speaking Sophia merely stared at him for a few moments with her mouth still open and her eyes still wide. "I...I'm so sorry," she finally managed to whisper. Sophia tried to contemplate how Bruin was feeling, but she was incapable. Having a very different sense of family and having never met her grandparents, Sophia had absolutely no idea what to say or do for Bruin other than the apology she had just given him.

Sophia very suddenly bit her lip and turned away from Bruin once more. She bit down hard, trying not to cry anymore. Why do I keep crying? she thought to herself as she tried in vain to keep the tears from falling down her cheeks. Sophia simply did not know how to handle this situation, and was beginning to doubt herself more and more as the seconds ticked away.
 
Bruin had spent a lot of time alone with his thoughts over the past few months and had finally come to grips with the loss of his grandparents. They had lived life to the fullest, exploring the world and absorbing every ounce of enjoyment out of each moment of their lives. He knew that they would not want him to withdraw from life, but to honour them by following their lead and living his own life in a way that would allow him to take the best from every situation. This was how he wanted to treat his friendships, particularly the one that he had begun to forge with Sophia before things went awry.

"Thanks...but, it's okay...I mean I hate that it happened, but I know that they would want me to remember the way they lived, not the way they died. I guess that's why I wanted to talk to you now...I don't want to waste my time hurting people I like..." Bruin hoped that this made sense, although Sophia seemed even more torn up then he could have imagined.
 
Sophia sniffled and wiped away the tears on her cheeks with the back of her right hand. She considered Bruin’s words for a moment, not entirely sure of how to respond. “I just don’t know anymore,” Sophia said without entirely knowing what she meant.

“I...I’m not supposed to be friends with you! I’m not supposed to like you. This isn’t how it’s supposed to be,” Sophia exclaimed in exasperation. She frowned as she stared at the fire, wondering how it was supposed to be and if she liked that way better, or the way things had been when she and Bruin were close. The answer scared her a bit, and she had thus been avoiding the question for quite some time.
 
Bruin couldn't figure out where all this talk of how things were supposed to be was coming from. He knew that Sophia's parents had raised her with certain values, but these particular ideas hadn't surfaced before and Bruin wondered why they were emerging now.

"Listen, I don't know how things are supposed to be and I'm not going to force you into something that makes you uncomfortable." Bruin replied sincerely. "But I just needed you to know that I'm sorry for how things have been..." Bruin didn't want to leave Sophia alone, but didn't want her to feel pressured into saying something when she might need some time to think things over. "Take whatever time you need, I'll still be here when you figure out for yourself how you think things are supposed to be. Okay?"
 
Sophia was at a point in her life when she was trying to figure out who she was. Questions about how her parents had raised her and the values they had instilled in her had been brought up in her head. Did she want to be who they wanted her to be? She really did not know. The way things were supposed to be was the way her parents wanted it to be. They had implanted those ideas in her head, telling her that that was the way things ought to be.

Now Sophia was not so sure it was really the way things were supposed to be. How could that be the way things were supposed to be if she was so happy with Bruin and so unhappy living the life her parents had laid out for her?

Once again Sophia turned to face Bruin, a puzzled expression on her pale face. "I don't know how things are supposed to be either." It felt very odd to speak using contractions, so informally, but at this time Sophia did not feel like putting forth the effort. She smiled weakly at Bruin, to show him that she cared and did want him to stay.
 
Bruin returned Sophia's smile with a sheepish one of his own as he sat down beside her facing the fire. She sounded as confused as he felt about the situation and for some reason this gave him new clarity into what to say. "Well, aren't we pathetic? Two of the smartest students at the school and know idea how things are supposed to be...", he lamented. "I tell you what, as opposed to trying to figure this all out now, can we just agree not to make things more difficult for one another?"

Bruin thought about waiting for a response, but pressed on instead. "I'd like it if we could go back to a point when we could at least talk to each other...". Bruin wasn't sure if going backwards would solve their problems, but he knew the direction that they had been headed recently had not been good for either of them.
 
Sophia followed Bruin's path to the couch with her golden eyes, keeping them locked on him as he sat down. She turned her body slightly so that she was facing in toward him. When Bruin made his comment about two of the smartest students not knowing how it was supposed to be Sophia could not help but smile at him, having missed his wit and such.

"I suppose it could not hurt to be on speaking terms again. But, what about you and Ford? I cannot believe I caused such a fuss between you two."
 
(I thought you were already sitting :blink: )

"Ford and I were probably due for a blow up anyways, and well, I suppose we both figured you were worth arguing about.", Bruin replied honestly, but oblivious to how Sophia might choose to interpret his statement. "Anyways, I think we're back on okay terms. We had a little chat at the Quidditch Pitch yesterday and got some things straightened out."

Bruin sat for a moment, simply watching the fire. He valued both Ford and Sophia's friendship, but knew deep down that the strange dynamics would probably always be there, what with the very different conversation and sharing styles of all three. "Ford said that he's probably heading home with you for the holidays.", Bruin said, more as a question than statement of fact.
 
[I am, shush.]

Sophia was taken by surprise by Bruin's comment about her being worth arguing about. She did not really know what that meant, and wanted to ask but thought better of it. Surely that is not what he means, Sophia thought and stored Bruin's comment in the back of her mind.

She let out a small sigh when Bruin mentioned Ford coming to stay with her for the summer. "Well, I am hoping he can. I sent a letter to my father asking him if it is all right, but I have a feeling he is going to say no. I suppose you are going home for the break?"
 
"Yeah...", Bruin replied half-heartedly, thinking about how excited he was last year at this time with the prospect of having Sophia come and visit and how boring the coming summer was likely to be without anyone from school there to share it with. "Maybe I'll try joining one of my old teams for the summer to keep busy, I don't know."

"That's too bad about your dad.", Bruin added. "I told Ford he could come for a visit if things don't work out with going with you, so, umm, let me know if things don't...I'm sure my parents wouldn't mind seeing you again.", he said with a wry smile.
 
"I would love to come over sometime," Sophia replied excitedly. Her smile and vivacity fell immediately though. "However, my father would never allow it. He is really attempting to tighten his grip on me lately, and I do not really know why. I mean, I suppose it has something to do with this supposed prophecy, but I really do not care. I wish he would just stop trying so hard."
 
Bruin was surprised at how enthusiastic Sophia responded at the prospect of coming to visit and even more so by how quickly her enthusiasm faded. "That's too bad. Sorry to hear that he's cutting back on your freedom." Bruin had considered making a joke about offering to come and break her out, but thought better of it.
 
"It is not your fault he is acting this way, it is this forsaken prophecy. I cannot believe he is so moved by it." Sophia seemed disgusted at the thought of basing one's actions off of a prophecy of all things.
 
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