A Good Place To Think

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Toni Addison

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Rowan Wand 15" Essence of Fang of Basilisk
Toni couldn't believe that the year had just started and she already had more to think about that was possible for any normal eleven year old. Though really Toni was no normal eleven year old girl. She was afterall attending hogwarts New Zealand. This however was not the main part of her thoughts. Her thoughts involved well Sam and Beau and a few other people.

The best place Toni had heard to think was the North Tower. Without much wait that was where Toni headed. She walked up all those steps up to the North tower her Slytherin earrings rattling as she moved. It seemed silly to think that a tower could held her with all her thoughts but really it was her last hope. Toni really didnt' have many friends that she could talk about this sort of thing too. Guys just didn't want to hear thinks like this.

As Toni reached the top of the stair she walked up to the window and glanced out over the grounds. The lake looked lovely from up here but not as beautiful as her and Sam's place. Though the thought of having a secret place with Sam was almost too much to handle. With a small sigh Toni let her thoughts wonder thinking that she was completely alone. After all the tower wasn't the most populated place in the castle.
 
Jenna had just had her first class, it was great, she had it with Sam and Scorpius, right now, they were the only people she was talking to, she hadn't spoken to Zeke in a while, and she didn't miss him, she had decided she would write him a letter to tell him that she was leaving him, they after all were eleven, and it didn't matter much if she wasn't dating anyone. Actually it was odd how many people were dating, she felt like she was conforming with the best of them. Jenna rolled her eyes at this idea, not that she would call herself a nonconformist, because nowadays you were either a nonconformist, or a conformist, but the non conformity, really made you a conformist.

Jenna shook her head to rid herself of those thoughts and continued to walk around the corridors. Jenna soon found herself walking up the towers. Jenna shrugged her shoulders, she had been here before so it didn't matter. As Jenna reached the towers, she heard someone sigh in the North Tower so Jenna shrugged her small shoulders and walked up to it, careful not to slip on any of the steps, she was a big klutz.

When she reached the top she was surprised to see Toni there. great my favorite person, Jenna thought distastefully. "Hey," Jenna grumbled as she walked to the opposite end of the window so she could look out of it. Jenna sighed silently as she looked over the lake.
 
Toni had been so deep in her thoughts that she hadn't heard anyone coming up the stairs. Usually she was good at telling when someone was coming so she could prepare herself for a surprise when they spoke. Though completely consumed with thoughts of what she had gotten herself into and what she should do about it Toni did not realize a girl walking up the stairs. Until of coarse a voice signaled hey.

Toni jumped slightly as she turned around to see who it was. "Great" She said in her sarcastic tone. She couldn't help it. Out of all the people she could have run into up here it had to be Jenna. Of coarse Jenna and Toni so far did not have a good history and it all basically revolved around Sam Sam Toni thought as she turned to face the window once more.

"Hey" She finally said hating that there was now silence when someone else was in the room. It was hard enough to concentrate on her own thoughts alone nonetheless when someone Toni didn't care for was in the same room as her. Be rather friendly or at least try Toni thought. "So what brings you up to the towers?" Toni said glancing out of the corner of her eye at Jenna.
 
Jenna let her eyes roll at Toni's words then she looked at Toni through the corner of her eye, as if she was expecting Toni to set her hair on fire or something. Then she said, "Trying to rid myself of feelings for someone." Jenna didn't care that she had just shared this with Toni, Sam knew, everyone knew, and if Toni already didn't know she was a moron. Though Jenna already believed this.

After another short moment of silence Jenna felt like she had to return the question but she didn't feel like listening to Toni's answer as she didn't care at all, "What about you?" Jenna's words were dripping in sarcasm and coldness. But her face was plastered with a fake smile. Jenna rolled her eyes at herself then turned back to face the window.
 
Toni wondered what her luck was really like getting stuck in a tower with Jenna At least it's not Hoshi Toni thought trying to be positive though it was so hard to keep a positive outlook, at least when Toni wasn't with the people she liked. As Jenna answered Toni expected a smile to form upon her face, a mocking smile. But it didn't happen. She knew Jenna was talking about Sam. Sam and Jenna had a thing before Toni came along and ruined that. Now Toni could have possibly ruined everything for her and Sam. She hoped not.

"oh" Toni managed to say when Jenna told her though. It was totally out of character, no snippy remark, no rude comeback. God what was wrong with her lately? Hopefully this was all just a phase, a slight pause of almost niceness. This all had to change, but instead Toni just stared out the windown contently looking at a tree far in the distance thinking about the tree that her and Sam carved their names in.

When Jenna finally asked what Toni was doing, Toni knew that Jenna could care less. "Don't ask if you don't want to know" Toni said a hint of coldness returning to her voice as she didn't even bother to glance Jenna's way. Though something just wanted to shout out what was going through Toni's mind but Toni knew that Jenna would not be the person to tell it to. "I guess I am just trying to get my thoughts straightened out" Toni said thinking that it sounded as if she had screwed everything up already. Not even a week into classes.
 
Jenna furrowed her brow then turned to Toni with surprise and said, "Why aren't you being mean? I would have expected you to start cackling evilly or making some rude and not needed comment, this is completely out of character for you." Jenna knew that it seemed like she cared but she really was calling Toni an ignorant pig, which she whole heatedly believed she was.

Jenna felt a slight sympathetic smile form on her lips but she shook her head, trying her very hardest not to be nice to Toni as she said, "Is everything okay? What about Sam or Scorpius fine?" Jenna winced as she mentioned Sam's name then bit her lip after saying Scorpius' he was a really nice guy and liked Toni, and she felt bad for him, she wanted to get Toni and Scorpius together just so he could be happy, he had been their for her when she thought no one else would be. And she would be friends with Sam, nothing else, he didn't want anything else.
 
Toni let out a small laugh. "Sorry I'm make sure to make some awful comment about you next time" Toni said a small smile forming on her lips as she thought that maybe it was just her attitude that people know expected a comment. "I'm not that bad though" Toni added keeping herself from laughing at her own comment. Toni knew quite well if she had to be evil she could be and she did quite often to the large group that she disliked.

"oh yes everything's peachy" Toni said an obvious false happy voice that anyone could tell was fake. It was meant like that. God why would Toni be looking over at nature thinking about how bad she messed everything up if she was alright. Though when Jenna mentioned Sam and Scorpius, Toni put her head down on window sill. She had almost ruined her friendship with Scorpius beside she was dating Sam and Scorpius liked her. How on earth was she supposed to know that? Now look what she had done. Don't be stupid and spill to Jenn Toni thought picking her head up and looking blankly out at the view that seemed like nothing but colors.


"Sam and Scorpius are fine probably hanging out and playing quidditch" Toni said a smile forming for a moment as she thought about when they were all going to have a match. Toni wondered if that would be possible. "Do you still talk to Sam and Scorpius?" Toni asked for once not trying to be too mean just wondering.
 
Jenna smiled lightly then she rolled her eyes and said sarcastically, "And I'm not a Hufflepuff, come on Toni, you know you're mean. I'm mean too but I don't deny it." Jenna shrugged her shoulders at this, it was very honest, she was bitter and mean, to the people that had wronged her, she was definitely one to hold a grudge.

Jenna nodded her head and said, "A little less for Scorpius but I'm trying to get back to friends with Sam, and I guess that involves talking, I don't know about you..." Jenna let out a slight relieved sigh and she said, "Have you spoken to Scorpius about Sam yet? Unless you don't know.. Sam was pretty ignorant about it until I told him." Jenna felt her eyes begin to roll coldly at this but she blinked to stop herself and she rested her hand on the hard cobblestone on the window ledge as she thought back to that day.
 
"Keep telling people you aren't in Hufflepuff. You may just make more friends that way" Toni said a bit of her coldness in her voice coming out again. In a way it made her feel better when she was mean to someone else or maybe it was just that Toni really liked to be sarcastic and cold. Either way. Toni smiled slightly though trying to block thoughts out. Maybe she didn't have to think about it again. She she could save it for another day. If only it was that easy.

Toni was sort of glad that Jenna and Scorpius spoke but she couldn't help but be slightly jealous that she was trying to be friends with Sam again. That was one thing Toni didnt' need right now, Jenna's competation. "Do they talk about me?" Toni asked. She couldn't help but ask the question. It just seemed like she needed to know.

"Oh no" Toni said when Jenna asked if she had spoken to Scorpius about it. "Sam said he would talk to him. It seemed like a guy thing" Toni managed to say. God another thing to worry about Toni thought as she rested her head on her hand which sat carefully on the window sill. Her blonde hair flowing a bit into her face. Which was probably a good thing. Toni didn't want Jenna to see her like this, with these emotions, confusion, saddness, gulit, yet at the same time she was happy and content. if only emotions made sense anymore.

"But I didn't know until Sam told me" Toni said feeling a bit bad that she didn't realize it. How could she miss such a thing. Though really she hadn't noticed that Beau liked her either well until....
 
Jenna rolled her eyes and said bluntly, "I didn't want to be in Hufflepuff for your information, not that I expect you to care or want you to." Jenna raised her eye brows slightly and she said, "Sam and Scorpius? Together I'm not sure, but.. apart I sort of asked Knight not to talk about you Blondie.. and the same with Sam, you know so I don't say something too mean and hurt their feelings." Jenna felt her eyes roll at this.

Jenna sighed softly and said, "You should talk to him as well, so he doesn't get hurt even more, though don't tell him that you found out from Sam who found out from me, his pride could get hurt." Jenna bit her lip and said, "You okay? You seem sad." Jenna scowled at herself and thought, STOP CARING JENNA! YOU HATE HER REMEMBER?! Jenna scowled once more then zoned back in waiting for a response.
 
"Well would would" Toni said rolling her eyes. In her mind Hufflepuff was the worst house possible. It was really a pity both Sam and Wednesday were put in it. Though those were the only two Hufflepuffs that she could deal with. The other bit of them were just well Toni wasn't going to go into that...not now.

When Jenna was a bit unbelieving that Sam and Scorpius were together Toni became slightly worried. "Wait they still hang out. They are like best mates" Toni said. She was sure of it or at least she thought she was sure of it. Had she ruined their friendship. Oh great She thought.

"Probably for the best" Toni said knowing that Jenna would probably say something awful and both Sam and Knight seemed protective over Toni. Not like she felt like she deserved it now.

Toni wondered if she would actually go and talk to Scorpius about it. What would she say. 'Oh I hope you don't mind that I am dating your best mate when you had a crush on me' Toni thought thinking that this was probably the worst thing to say. "hopeless" She muttered so quietly she wasn't sure if Jenna heard her not that Toni wanted her to in the first place.

When Jenna asked if Toni was ok, Toni lifted her head up and looked at her a look of confusion on her face. "When did you start caring?" Toni asked a bit surprised that she even cared. This would probably be the best time to get a few shots in at Toni now that she was down. "And not that you care but I am a bit down at the moment" Toni said finally Don't tell her she will tell Sam Toni thought sighing a bit.
 
Jenna decided she would ignore Toni's first comment then she nodded her head slightly and said, "Of course they hang out, I've never hung out with them together though, after class today it seemed like they were pretty close." Jenna nodded her head softly and said, "When I first found out I said some pretty bad things and I think Sam is still mad at me for it, he is really bad at reading girls isn't he?" Jenna let out a sad chuckle out at this.

Jenna bit her lip and furrowed her brow slightly and said, "I..I don't know.. maybe it's because your close to Sam, I'm a bit protective over my friends." Jenna raised her eye brows slightly and said, "I could tell that much, as much as you'd like to believe I'm not an idiot, what happened?" Jenna's voice became slightly softer when she asked Toni what happened but only slightly, she was obviously trying to hate Toni still, and was failing miserably.
 
Toni sighed a sigh of relief. She hadn't screwed up everything then. At least Sam and Knight were still friends. That made things a bit better but whether or not they would both be friends with Toni after she told them what she had done. What if she didn't tell them? Would her gulit get to her so much that she would have to tell them or maybe she could just forget it. No this wasn't going away. Toni didnt' want it to. She didn't regret it at all. Maybe that was what made her feel so bad.

Though when Jenna said that Sam was reading bad at reading girls, Toni let out a small laugh "Yeah but he tries" Toni said knowing that Sam tried to be the best at reading girls. He just wasn't too skilled, but really he could read Toni decently.

Toni was a bit unsure as to what Jenna was implying when she said that she was protective of her friends She meant Sam Toni thought sternly. She didn't need anymore drama and being friends with yet another hufflepuff would cause more drama. Wouldnt' it? Another answer Toni didn't know.

"Well then I guess you are not a complete idiot" Toni said smiling slightly. In a way it was a compliment as close as she was ever going to get compliment wise at least now. "I can't really tell you details" Toni said looking out the window wishing she could say it all get it off her chest. Though Toni knew Jenna would run off and tell Sam. That was one thing Toni didn't need. "But over all I just screwed things up. Bet that makes you happy" Toni said rolling her eyes at the last comment. Jenna was probably waiting the day until Toni messed up.
 
Jenna nodded her head and said, "I know he does." Jenna's voice was full of affection and hurt and her eyes danced joyfully and sadly as she thought of Sam, and their special place, he had probably shown to Toni. Jenna sighed softly, she felt pathetic and stupid for going on with this lie to herself. I'm so pathetic and stupid!

Jenna furrowed her brow and she thought curiously, Was that a compliment? This is weird, I think I like mean Toni better.Jenna bit her lip and said, "Alright, I'm not going to push I guess then." Jenna bit her lip and said, "As long as you didn't hurt Sam I couldn't be happier at your faliure." Jenna sighed she really did have a feeling that Toni hurt Sam, and she would wait to find out if this was true.
 
In a moment Toni felt bad for Jenna about all this. Toni was worried about how bad she had screwed up but reallly she wasn't catching how badly Jenna still felt for Sam. Well Toni felt for Sam too. Toni thought she was in love with Sam, she wasn't sure if that was no longer true. She still liked him a lot and was proud to be his girlfriend even if he was a hufflepuff. That was saying a lot for Toni but still then the picture got blurred once Beau showed up. How could it be possible that Toni liked two guys? It was so complicated and so confusing.

"I'm sorry I sort of made things complicated for you" Toni said before she realized what she was really saying. Once it hit her that she actually said she was sorry Toni shook her head. "God I think I am losing it" Toni managed to say wondering what would make her want to say sorry to Jenna. Really it wasn't her fault that Sam and Jenna didn't work out. Was it? No Toni thought.

Yet when Jenna said that as long as Toni didn't hurt Sam, Toni burried her head in both her hands. This was probably the closest she had been to crying in awhile, but she didn't Toni kept her composure. "I didn't" Toni said "not yet" She added. Really she couldn't have hurt Sam if she didn't tell him. Now it was certain. She wasn't going to tell Sam, she couldn't. "I didn't mean to" She added Toni blinking her eyes a few times.
 
Jenna's eyes widened in surprise at Toni's words and she said, her surprise was clear in her voice, "What?" Jenna bit her lip and said, "You really are, it isn't even your fault, even though I like to believe it is." Jenna looked down at the water and muttered, "Why am I telling you this? I hate you." Jenna's voice was so quiet she could barely hear it, never mind Toni, so she really didn't expect or want an answer.

"I wont tell him, but what did you do? Is there anyway I can help him?" Jenna asked worriedly, she felt angry with Toni, because she could have possibly hurt Sam, her best friend, and the boy she cared for more then anything. Jenna's hands clenched into fists hoping she wouldn't resort to violence if Toni had done anything really bad.
 
Toni noticed Jenna's surprise. She couldn't help but add a small smile. Maybe Toni wasn't as predictable as Jenna thought she was. Toni seemed to surprise a few people lately. Though she wasn't sure if that was going to be a good thing in this case.

Though when Jenna said it wasn't her fault it made Toni feel a bit better. Why did she care if it was her thought. Maybe it was that one thing in this all school wasn't Toni's fault at this moment. Maybe that made her feel more comforting.

"You will tell him" Toni said looking at Jenna's face hoping to get a glimpse that she was lying. She noticed that Jenna was clenching her fist. "But I don't think I could tell you without you having a swing at me first" Toni said a smile forming on her face. Though she was ready to comeback if Jenna did have a swing at her.
 
Jenna shook her head and said, "I hate lying to him, but I've been seeing him less and less so it'll be easier. And it's not my place." Jenna frowned slightly then said, "You do know how much he hates it when people lie to him right? I'd tell him right away." Jenna laughed lightly and said, "More for protection if I call you something most likely truthful." Jenna found a slight smirk forming on her lips because she was good at fighting and enjoyed it, she had a brother and lots of boy cousins, she was taught how to through a mean punch and how to wrestle by the time she was 4.
 
Toni rolled her eyes when Jenna said she was seeing him less and less "Oh and you are trying to be friends with him. So that is why you are seeing him less and less. That makes sense" Toni said sarcasticly.

She was tempted to say sorry about the remark, but she wasn't going to. Toni had no need to say she was sorry. Toni was sarcastic and that was how it was. Yet when Jenna told her that she needed to tell him right away. How could she do that? "I don't think I can" Toni said quietly. "I don't want him to hate me" Toni added. That was never her attention. What was her intention? Toni wasn't sure.

"Oh great" Toni said letting out a small laugh. "Well I doubt I would take a swing at you" Toni said "I'd lose plain and simple" She added truthfully even though Toni felt her wand in her pocket she knew still she could probably not protect herself with the only spell she knew which was lumos.

"What would be the worse possible thing for me to do to make Sam hate me?"Toni asked dreading the answer.
 
"It's more complicated then that," Jenna sneered angrily. Jenna felt her teeth grind then said, "That's true you would loose." Jenna bit her lip and said, "Lying and cheating, his big buttons." Jenna sighed softly she had hit one of them, and she had hurt him, though he was over that she still felt awful about it.
 
Toni could tell that she was getting on Jenna's nerve. She wasn't trying to for once at least. "I know. I'm not that type of girl to fist fight. I grew up with mostly sisters" Toni said shrugging if off. Last time someone took a swing at her it was Hoshi and Jake had to get in between and saw Toni from getting a black eye. Ever since then Toni knew her limits with some people.

When Jenna said that lying and cheating were what was going to bug Sam the most Toni wanted to cry. Though she held it in. She didn't really cheat. Kissing Beau was not cheating. Was it? Toni wasn't going to ask.

"Well that's just great" Toni said sarcasticly as she looked out the window. "I should probably just walk out of this tower now before you want to kill me then" Toni said looking out the window and not making eye contact with Jenna. She hadn't admitted to anything and she wasn't sure she ever would. But it wasn't hard to figure out. Not now at least.
 
"I'm the only living girl in the family, so I can last in a fight," Jenna smirked slightly at this then she clenched her jaw what Toni spoke then she said, "Oh god Blondie...you are an idiot! Do you know how much this is going to hurt Sam? No, you don't, you probably don't even care!" Jenna felt herself begin to fume from anger and she felt the urge to punch Toni square in the face, but she was stronger then that, she had more control over her anger and she did have the satisfaction of being right.
 
Toni couldn't even turn around to face Jenna. Her chin rested on her hand as she gazed out the window at nothing in certain. For once Toni didn't even know what to say. She knew how bad she had screwed up. She was rather gulity about it. Then why wouldn't she take it back? Toni wasn't sure about that.

When Jenna said that she didn't care though Toni turned around rather fast her eyes hinting on the tears yet she wasn't crying. She was stronger than to cry and definatly not in front of Jenna. "Don't even try to tell me I don't care" Toni said her voice strong and full of anger.

Toni turned once more to face the window. "I didn't want to hurt Sam" She said her voice soft almost sad. "I didn't do anything too bad" Toni said trying to convince herself of it. It was only a kiss.
 
"But you did or will hurt Sam, when you tell him that is," Jenna said strongly then she said smugly, "You kissed someone else didn't you? Poor Sam, he likes you Blondie and you do this to him, that's low." Jenna hoped Toni would snap and start to cry or get angry or something, she deserved pain and hurt and Jenna would enjoy every minute of it, seeing Toni's screw up take place.
 
Toni knew this was exactly what Jenna wanted. "You know you two are over and done with" Toni said smirking slightly. She turned to her way of making others lower than herself to make Toni herself feel better. "No matter how this all works out, no matter how bad I've screwed up, he isn't going to fall back for you" Toni said

"And I didn't say anything" Toni said. She wasn't going to admit anything. She couldn't admit it, not to Jenna. Toni should have never started going down this road. Her guilt made her tell Jenna that she had screwed up but still Toni would get over the guilt. She didn't have to tell Sam. "And who says I going to tell Sam. He can't get hurt if he doesn't know" Toni said knowing that her logic was not the best or even if it was going to work.
 
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