Closed A different type of love

[Selene Le Fey]

It was winter and exams were coming up. Selene, however, could not focus on her work. she had been sitting in the library trying to study potions but she could feel that nothing was going in. instead, she had images of half-forgotten dreams, a collection of them which had initially started at the start of semester leaving her waking up with an uncomfortable feeling in her stomach had grown and she knew that she had to do something about it even if she didn't want to. she packed up her bag and headed out of the room. she paused for a second and looked outside. it was cold out. but the winter sunlight looked warm and welcoming. maybe some fresh air would wake her up. she climbed the stairs to the Ravenclaw tower where she collected a coat a blanket and her history of magic book before making the long trip back out to the grounds. why did Ravenclaw house have to be at the top of one of the highest towers in the school maybe the founders thought that climbing the stairs was probably the only exercise some of the residents would get each day and decided to make the most of it. but Hufflepuff house was so much more accessible. she made her way outside and found a cosy looking bench she conjured some bluebell flames to add to the warmth and curled up wrapped tightly in the blanket. she would have to tell nell what was going on in her mind soon she figured that even though she tried to act like everything was normal she knew her girlfriend knew something was up but despite her doubts, nell was her best friend and she couldn't bear to hurt her. maybe after the exams. yes, no point hurting her before then. she could keep everything good for that long right? she sighed as she turned the page only half paying attention to what she was reading about ancient Egyptian magicians and myths that at any other time would have enthralled her.

 

[Nell Night]

Nell didn't really remember the last free moment she had had. If she was being honest she didn't have a free moment now, but it had been far too long since she had just caught her breath, and Arithmancy could wait. She set her study things aside and decided to just... go for a walk. Her head felt stuffed to bursting, and she needed to give the revision time to settle before attempting to cram more information in there. After the grades she had gotten last year, Nell knew she had to take her studies more seriously in future or face consequences. She was pleasantly surprised, as she was wandering the grounds, to spot a familiar head of curls sitting in the garden, adjusting her course to make a beeline for Selene. Seeing her girlfriend was the perfect way to spend this free time, and Nell crept up behind Selene, slipping her hands cheerfully over Selene's eyes. "Guess who-oo!" She sing-songed, leaning closer to kiss the top of Selene's head.

 

[Selene Le Fey]

Selene was just reading about bass when suddenly the world went dark as she felt hands cover her eyes. "I don't know. Is it Nell" she said feeling a kiss on the top of her head as she turned to look at her girlfriend. she reached up and put her arms awkwardly backwardly around nell and looked up at her. pouting slightly. she may be confused about nell and what to do with her. she trusted her dreams saying that nell would be happier dating someone else and that she too would find someone else. but she also did care deeply for her she had been her best friend since first year. and having her around was one hting tht always calmed Selene even if she had been a little more distant towards her recently bracing herself for the inevitable. "Come and sit down" she said shuffling make some room for nell and free up some of her blanket

 

[Nell Night]

Nell giggled happily as Selene identified her, leaning into the awkward backwards hug and kissing Selene squarely in the middle of her forehead. "Got me." She said happily, detangling herself and shuffling around the bench to sit next to Selene. "What are you reading?" She asked, snuggling under the blanket and resting her head on Selene's shoulder contentedly. As fed up as she was with her own studies, somehow even schoolwork felt more interesting when it came from Selene.

 

[Selene Le Fey]

Selene smiled as nell kissed her on the forehead. spending time with nell made her feel happy, feel safe, feel at home. but she felt a nag in her gut. it wasn't always going to be like this. as her girlfriend moved around her she took a deep breath. she put her arm around nell and kissed the top of her head as she rested it on her shoulder. "I am reading about ancient Egypt, the myths about Ra and Bast" she said. history of magic was one of her better subjects probably not one she needed to study so hard for. but it was one that she enjoyed, she had always loved reading about myths and never really read much about ancient Egypt. but the book of the dead was interesting. a way of recording magic for those who could read it in the myths. "how are things going for you?" she asked. a general question nell could decide if it was in relation to studying for owls or something more general.

 

[Nell Night]

Nell nodded as Selene explained what she was reading, peering down at the page curiously. "That's cool, Egyptian mythology is awesome." She said with a small smile, nuzzling into Selene's shoulder slightly. "Anyone who worships cats has the right idea." She sighed and slumped more against Selene when the other girl asked how she was going. "Blaaaaaargh." She grumbled, closing her eyes. "It's like.... every time I take a study break there's Monthly stuff to do, and every time I take a break from the Monthly there's studying I really should be doing, I'm exhausted." She said unhappily, resting more on Selene. "Can't wait for the holidays."

 

[Selene Le Fey]

selene smiled as nell commented on Egyptian mythology. and chuckled at the comment about cats. "I never really knew much about it until we covered it in class. I am more of a greek or Arthurian girl, to be honest." she said "but you are right about cats. Asteria has been a lifesaver at times, not that is is fully cat" she said. the little grey tabby had been there for her after her worst nightmares there was nothing as calming as having the purr-ball on her lap. she knew when she needed emotional support jumping into her basket when she had first done rose deliveries. she guessed it was her kneezel half that was so intuitive.
she held nell closer as she slumped under the weight of what she had to balance. it was testament to how much her girlfriend was taking on. nell was always so full of energy. this was a side she didn't often show. she held her rubbing her back in a reasuring way. "if there is anything I can do to help you know I am here. If you need a hand with anything let me know. you are my best friend. and I will always be here for you" she said. even if they broke up Nell would still be her best friend. maybe today wasnt the right time to break up. she was under a lot of pressure. she followed along with nells change of topic. "What are you doing over the holidays?" she asked. she hadn't decided. as both she and heli wanted to do different things. she would probably end up going with Helias idea.

 

[Nell Night]

Nell nodded when Selene said she hadn't known much about Egyptian myth before, chuckling softly at her comment about cats. "True! Cats are like.... third best animals. Bunnies and hamsters still win." She teased, giving her girlfriend a cheeky smile. She smiled warmly when Selene offered to help, nodding against her shoulder. Just sharing her burdens with Selene made them feel a bit less heavy. "Mmm, you're a bit more than my best friend." She teased, shifting to give Selene a quick cheeky kiss on the cheek. "Thanks, though." She added with a warm smile. Nell shrugged when Selene asked about the holidays, leaning against her. "Mmmm, just hanging out with my family. Unwinding, hopefully. What about you?" She added, glancing up at Selene again.

 

[Selene Le Fey]

Selene chuckled as nell said cats were the best before adding exceptions. "you and your rabbits" she said teasing nell slightly. at the mention of them being more than just best friends, she bit her lip lightly. She had gotten into the habit of thinking of nell as first her best friend and second her girlfriend. thinking it would make things easier for her. but it only reminded her of how much nell didn't know with what had been going on inside her head. "of course, so long as you are happy with us" she said. as much as she knew that they would inevitably have to break up she also knew that she loved nell and that the love was more like what she felt for her family than necessarily romantic love. "That sounds like a fun break. I dont know what we are doing. probably going home for a bit, then I want to go and visit aunt Maya and see summer in salem, but Helia wants to spend some time with grandma morgan." she said. "So we will probably end up going to spend the second half of the holiday with grandma morgan" she said. she couldn't say no to her twin. she had always been the one there guarding her, protecting her from nightmares but that also meant that she always got her way.

 

[Nell Night]

Nell giggled softly when Selene teased her about bunnies, but the smile slipped from her face as Selene went on. She sat up with a small frown on her face, looking at her girlfriend. "What does that mean?" She asked a little warily, meeting Selene's eyes. "Of course I'm happy with us. Are you... not?" She asked slowly, searching Selene's beautifully mismatched eyes for any answers. Chitchat about the holidays slipped from Nell's mind at once in light of this more serious subject. She had always seen her relationship as just... a default of her life, something that would always be there. It hadn't even crossed her mind that Selene might feel differently, and the thought opened up a deep pit of dread in her stomach she had never felt before.

 

[Selene Le Fey]

Selene felt the tone of the conversation shift as she checked that nell was happy. she brought her shouldters slightly and biting her lip a little. subconsciously forming a more defensive posture. "Umm..." she said trying to think of answering the question before nell, being a little more like the classic nel she was asked another one. "I am happy with you. you are beautiful, funny, smart and one of the coolest people i know" she said. glancing out accross the garden towards the lake not sure how to continue. "but I have been having dreams, I keep seeing you with someone else, you seemed really happy with them. I couldnt tell when." she said. she hadn't seen who it was. and she didn't mention that she had also had a similar dream about herself with someone else. "They didn't feel like normal dreams either. while they were less realistic visually than usual they felt more real if that makes any sense" she said looking at her girlfriend to gauge her reaction. she didn't want to hurt or upset nell. she knew that she had a lot on now and didnt want to add to her worries. but it certainly felt good to get it into the open and not be holding the worry in, she just hoped that it wouldn't hurt nell too much.

 

[Nell Night]

Nell could see the change in Selene's posture, searching her girlfriend's face for clues nervously. This whole conversation felt out of the blue, and she didn't know what to expect from it. She listened as Selene explained, though her explanation only brought more questions. "So... you're... questioning this because you had some dreams?" She asked slowly, trying to process that thought. Nell had always held more respect for divination than the rest of her family, but she still sometimes found it hard to fully grasp. "Were they like... seer dreams? Or just... dreams?"

 

[Selene Le Fey]

Selene watched nell for her reaction. she was surprised at how supprised her girlfriend was. She had sort of felt it coming for months. she had not avoided nell but had felt herself subconsciously distancing from her for some time. the blunt way nell ask her back made her think that maybe she had done a good job of acting like things were normal even if she was doubting where they were. "It isn't just that Nell. I said I love you and I do. but that love feels more like how I love Helia than how other girls talk about their boyfriends." she said. her face pinching not sure if it wanted to cry bite her lip or smile softly. she settled on biting her lip. the next question hit closer to the target "I think so. I am still training and professor Chamberlin said that it will be a while befor i get proper seer visions. but they feel different from normal dreams. and I think they are seer dreams" she said.
If you can honestly say that i am what you want in a relationship. I will ignore the dreams, think i am interpreting them wrong. I will dismiss the thought of a different type of love as storge and Agape is the only love I have experienced before. and haven't seen or felt eros expressed before."[/b] she said this was probably confusing her even further. but it was how she thought would best describe it. "i just want you to be happy." she ended almost anticlimactically.

Spoiler: words

so these are what i can tell ancient Greek words for different types of love (I came across them while reading a shadow hunters book and looked them up) so i am guessing selene has read shadow hunters books (they would kind of be her thing, or came across the words looking up Greek myths)
Storge: family love. like a deep friendship and mutual empathy.
Agape: altruistic love. the love of putting the other person's needs before yourself. in modern context usually used for the love between people and god.
Eros: kind of obviously a passionately romantic love.

 

[Nell Night]

Nell could feel her heart crystallising as Selene spoke, shock freezing her solid at her very core. Her body felt numb and inconsequential as her mind raced, recontextualising the entire last year of her life in light of this new information. Selene didn't love her. Selene had never loved her, not the way Nell loved Selene. She was standing up before she even really realised her body was moving, lightheaded and trembling. "What?!" Was the only word she could choke out, thoughts tumbling over one another far too fast to articulate. When Nell pictured breakups she thought of.... crying and pleading, but she didn't think her eyes had ever been so dry in her life. She felt frozen and numb, and even Nell was surprised at the venom that slipped out when she finally spoke. "I don't want your pity!" She snapped, shudders running the length of her limbs. She knew lashing out was a bad idea, regretted it even as she spoke, but the words were escaping before she had even a second to think about them. "I thought you loved me, I can't believe you lied!" Nell's eyes felt no closer to crying, but she could hear the waver in her voice of sobs beginning to bubble up her throat. "Forget it." She spat and turned away, tears finally beginning to run from her eyes as she stormed back up towards the castle. Of all the things that could have gone wrong right before her OWLs Nell had never expected this, and she didn't know where to begin rebuilding her fractured reality.

 

[Selene Le Fey]

Selene didn't know how nell was about to react to what she said. she htought she was being gentle and nice but her girlfriend's response, or was it, ex-girlfriend, now, cut as deep as a dagger. she was about to hold her again a reassuring hug that she still loved her but nell moved, quickly untangling herself from the blanket. "I didn't lie. Didn't you hear what I just said? I do love you. it took seeing you with someone else to realises that my love was not necessarily in a wholly romantic way" she said. fighting the blanket to get up herself. she made it one step before she tripped over it. "when you find the person that will love you with the amount of passion I saw you won't want to be stuck with me" she said her words trailing off as nell ran up towards the castle and she struggled to her feet fighting the blanket that could have been a leithifold with all the success she was having getting out of its envelopment. as she fought the fabric she watched nell heading up to the castle and saw how much she had hurt nell she could feel it in her guts. she had managed to cause the pain that she had been trying to avoid. as nell vanished into the castle she stopped fighting and just stayed where she was tears rolling down her face as she experienced first hand the real reason her mum had tried to prevent her from learning divination.