Closed You ask, I answer

[Ilija Olaf]

Ilija had made his way up to the seventh floor corridor before he could convince himself that this was a stupid idea. This year had been quite frankly horrible, and now with his sisters leaving, and his friends leaving, he didn't really feel like he had anyone left to talk to at all. He didn't count his therapist either, talking to her wasn't exactly filling him with confidence that he did have a friend left at the school. There was something though that seemed to try and bug him for answers whenever she laid eyes on him, and maybe that was what he needed right now. The fifth year was stood shaking as he laid his eyes on the Gryffindor portrait, asking a random student if they could ask if the girl he was looking for was in there before he could stop the words leaving his lips. No, this was a good thing, he was sure of it. Maybe she didn't want to see him or maybe she was busy, but it would be a good thing to open up to someone wouldn't it? Heck knew he needed to. Ilija was trying to hold back his emotions and waited in anticipation, fiddling with the cuffs of his sleeve, trying not to panic although it was most certainly on the edge. He was feeling hot and cold and shaky all at the same time, but in spite all that, he didn't think being anywhere else right now was going to do him many favours either.​

 

[Katy Miller]

Katy couldn't believe how fast her year was already over. She felt like she was forgetting or missing things left and right as the last few weeks were finishing up, and that was just in regards to stuff around the school, not even her exams. When a passing Gryffindor mentioned a boy was out in the corridor looking for her, Katy was sure she'd somehow forgotten about something with Elliot, quickly running through a mental checklist so she'd know what to apologize for as she made it out to the hallway, surprised to see that it wasn't Elliot at all.

"Oh, hey Ilija!" Katy said, walking over to the Hufflepuff. "Someone told me a scared looking Hufflepuff was looking for me I just figured it was Elliot," She said brightly, her smile faltering when she realized Ilija looked legitimately miserable. "I'm going to assume this isn't some valiant declaration of love," She joked gently, giving him another sympathetic look. "You okay?" She asked, leaning against the wall nearby and patting the stones next to her.

 

[Ilija Olaf]

Ilija swallowed nervously, and he couldn't quite tell if he was going to be sick or not, maybe he was just imagining it. He didn't have to wait too long though for Katy to appear, and he was just glad that she had been inside and that she didn't seem too angry that he'd asked to meet with her. He knew Elliot from the team although he didn't know too much about that boy, was he nervous a lot too? He shook his head, not sure whether Katy was joking or not when she wanted to know if this was a declaration although it most certainly wasn't the case. "You.. ask a lot about me." Now that he was here, Ilija wasn't exactly sure how to get to the point he was trying to make. "I'm not okay. I haven't been okay for ages." He knew it was pathetic but there was nothing he could do to stop the tears that left his eyes, quickly wetting his cheeks and he didn't even bother to swipe them away. "Sorry, I.. I don't want to bother you." In truth he hoped that Katy would do what she would always do, push him for an answer until he told her. He was so tired of holding all of this in but no one else that he was friends with these days seemed to care enough to want to know why, and in all honesty the reason behind what he was doing were just eating him up inside. ​

 

[Katy Miller]

Ilija looked pretty pale and shaky, and for a moment Katy was ready to suggest she could take him to the hospital wing. But the memory of last time he'd looked this awful when she'd first met him made her think perhaps this wasn't something a quick pepper-up potion or cheering charm could fix and she did her best to stay quiet as he tried to muddle his way through it. She was surprised when he started crying, ferrying him gently over to a quietly part of the corridor. "Hey, no it's alright, I'm super nosy, so you can tell me anything. I want to be bothered, honest," She said earnestly, hoping a little humor might make him feel less miserable. "What's been going on?" She asked, thinking vaguely back to Ilija freaking out in the bathroom or to his earlier dismissal of his girlfriend's rose on Valentine's. Seemed like perhaps he was having a rough year. Katy admittedly didn't know Ilija super well, but she knew surely talking about it might help, and she wanted nothing more than to try and help him fix whatever it was.

 

[Ilija Olaf]

Ilija let Katy move him away from the front of the portrait, not really able to resist even if he'd wanted to. He was relieved that she still seemed curious enough to find out what had been going on with him, and really at this point it wasn't taking much for him to spill the metaphorical beans. "Erm, so, I don't really like talking to people, and even if I did I don't think I can. Not properly." Heck, Ilija knew this was going to be complicated but he needed to get better at explaining himself. "I've.. I've always been shy. I liked this girl a few years ago and she's just.." what was the right word to describe the Hufflepuff? Did it matter right now? "Anyway, I..I made a friend in third year and Padme was the first person to ever really notice me," thinking back to the time in owlery, they'd come so far since then. It hadn't been through lack of trying either. He'd tried to befriend Alice on a few occasions but always felt like she had better things to be doing than talking to someone as pathetic as he was. "She was really sweet. She cared about me," Ilija was still shaking, the next part was what he felt most guilty for, "At the start of year we started dating and.. I agreed that it was what I wanted because I thought it would mean I could forget Alice. I know that it was dumb and it was stupid, but I did like Padme, I just thought I could learn to love her like she wanted me to." He knew he sounded ridiculous, all of this over a little girl trouble? "I thought I could convince myself that I liked her instead of Alice, and then you gave me that rose and I knew it was wrong but I couldn't stop. And then.." Ilija shrugged. "We broke up at the Valentines Dance because I kept letting her down. We would plan to go to events and I couldn't help it. I have this..anxiety..and I can't even do simple stupid things," tears were still falling down the Hufflepuff's cheeks as he peered out the window, anything to not look into Katy's eyes. He needed to get it out before he felt the judgement. "I lost the only person who even cared and I was only trying to do whatever she wanted me to do and now I haven't got anyone except this nurse I see sometimes. I just annoy everyone and I'm so tired of not being good enough" his shoulders were bouncing up and down as he cried. He'd pushed away the only person who'd ever paid him any attention, all because he was too wrapped up in his own world, and now he was left with nothing. ​

 

[Katy Miller]

It was almost impressive how much Ilija made Katy think of Elliot, the same protective instinct rising up in her when he looked so miserable. She listened patiently as she could though as Ilija worked his way through some sort of explanation. She had to piece a few bits together, like who Alice was, but Katy managed to hold her tongue until it seemed like Ilija was finished, looking at miserable as ever. "Well, that's a lot to unpack," She said slowly. "But it sounds like you learnt your lesson on trying to force yourself to have feelings for someone you don't, so go you," She said with a sympathetic pat. "I know it'll be hard but I think you've just gotta be patient with yourself and take some chances to make more friends. And talk to them. Please talk to them if you're scared or freakin out or something. I think most people don't care if you're honest," Katy said with a shrug. That probably was totally true, especially in school, but she couldn't exactly tell Ilija to lie about his feelings until he finished school, that wasn't going to help. "I don't think you're annoying. You do kind of have this kicked puppy energy about you but some people might find it endearing," She said scrunching up her face. "You're on the quidditch team right? Maybe you can start with your teammates and make some solid friends or something," She offered, already planning to poke Elliot into checking up on Ilija after she'd left.

 

[Ilija Olaf]

Ilija knew he'd just dumped a heck of a lot of information on the Gryffindor that he didn't really expect her to be able to understand it all or its context. He hadn't expected her to be able to pull out something positive from it all though and the fifth year looked back at Katy when she told him at least he'd learnt from it. "I don't know.." really Ilija didn't know how to talk to his friends, or people that he thought were his friends but how could he be sure they weren't just playing along? The Hufflepuff was taking aback when Katy called him a kicked puppy. It had never been his intention to ever need help from anyone else or appear as though he was struggling, and the wave of judgement hit his cheeks in another bright red flush. This was what he'd been trying to avoid in the first, but maybe it was what he needed to hear. Ilija nodded as she spoke about Quidditch. He'd not been on the team for two long, but he did have a dormmate that was on the team too. It wasn't really that Ilija didn't have the people to talk to though, more than he didn't trust what they said. Was Katy just saying this too so that he would leave her alone soon? No one wanted to be bothered by someone like him, so it would have made sense if she wanted to go back to doing what she had been before he had interrupted. "I made a new friend recently, she's in Gryffindor too. She asked me to go on this walk with her.." he left out the part about it being with a duck because that would probably raise more questions than it answered. As he thought back to their chat, he had to wonder whether Rowan was joking about wanting to come to his house over the holidays, although she had seemed keen. "I can feel myself falling back though." he began to say, sniffing a little as he spoke although his tears had stopped. "I don't know how I'm supposed to be a friend, without just, doing what they want. That's what friends do." It had been why he and Padme had broken up. He had spent much too long bending everything suit what he thought he had to do, and even though he knew it wasn't ideal, Ilija didn't know how he was meant to find a balance. ​

 

[Katy Miller]

Katy sighed when Ilija didn't seemed convinced on her very wise lesson explanation. Boys could be so dense about feelings sometimes. "Okay well, would you do it again? Date someone just cause you think you're supposed to?" She asked. Katy was pretty sure Elliot had learned his lesson in that regard, but maybe Ilija still needed convincing. She perked up when Ilija mentioned making a new friend, though she'd half expecting him to describe her, before reminding herself for once this wasn't about her. "Good on you," She said, giving him a gentle nudge in the arm. "Look, this is gonna sound mega cheesy but just roll with it. Best way to be a friend is to be you. I promise. You're probably gonna meet people who don't like that, but you'll be miserable if you try to make them happy so why bother," She said, waving her hand as if to physically brush away the dumb time wasters. "And talk to people. It's big and scary and whatever, but it's always better to say something," She said with a confident nod, her mind straying briefly to Emilia before making herself focus back on Ilija. Not about her. About Ilija having his mini-breakdown in the hallway right now. She could focus.