Wishing I was the only person in the world

[Alyss Summers]

Alyss was leaning against a tree, gazing out at the cliffs, a few tears trickling down her face. Her legs were stretched out in front of her. Gone was her usual facade of being the tough, evil Slytherin and she didn't know what she would do if someone had found her like this. She was wearing black jeans with a black jacket. She wasn't sure if she liked how she had been acting lately, and with Koboshi finding out about her place to think, Alyss had no where else to think except for the cliffs here. Was she really fit to be a Slytherin after all? It was midnight, and she was at the edge of the forest, wearing black so no one could see her in the moonless night. Everyone else was sleeping, and so as she sobbed loudly, she knew that no one would hear her. 'I'm not fit to be a Slytherin.' She muttered to herself, rocking back and forth. She knew that she had been acting like a cold pure-blood, but instead she was a half-blood only. What was she going to do when everyone found out?

 

[Alex Blade]

Alex chuckled as he walked through the Cliffs, remembering the last time he had been here. It had been when he was with Alyss, she had gotten weird towards the end of it though. He sighed. He hoped he didn't meet her out here today, he didn't feel like being *****ed at, and she seemed like the type that always seemed to be doing that. He didn't know that for sure, but from what he had seen last time, it wouldn't be a very enjoyable experience.

Alex sighed, and continued walking, he knew it wouldn't take him long to get bored out here. He missed Lilith, in a way, but he knew that she would never forgive him for what he did. She was one of those people who liked to keep a grudge, and, remembering what she had done to Tohoru, he didn't want to even be in the same room with her, for the time being. Alex sighed, again, and kept on walking through the forests near the cliffs.

Alex saw her, sitting up ahead, crying, and knew that this couldn't have been a coincidence. He hated it. He hated seeing people cry, and he hated seeing Alyss cry, even though she hated him, Alex liked to consider her a friend. He knew that it would probably take a while for her to feel the same way, but he couldn't leave her there like that. He walked over to her, and sat down next to her. He was friendly, still, nothing had changed.

He didn't know why the even bothered to try and talk to her, she wouldn't say anything to him, and he knew that. He couldn't help but feel sorry for her though. She was one of his friends, even if she didn't feel that way, so Alex felt duty bound to help her. He sighed, "What's wrong, Alyss?" Alex asked, his voice calm, and concerned. He didn't want her to think he was weak, so he didn't say much more then that for the time being.

 

[Alyss Summers]

Alyss felt someone sit next to her and she wiped her eyes. Of course someone heard her sobbing, and they had correctly guessed it was her. She glanced up squinting past the light which was shining in her face and she saw Alex. Of course it had to be him. Their last meeting hadn't ended too well, and now he had to see Alyss like this of all times. When he asked her what was wrong, she glanced at him, and just barely making out his features, she saw concern there. For her? For him? She wasn't sure. 'Do you really want to know?' She inquired, her voice sounding wobbly, even to her.

She couldn't comprehend why he would want to know, it had nothing to do with him and so therefore why would he care about something that didn't involve him? Alyss knew that she would only care about something that involved her, and she didn't really care much if people gossiped about her or cried because of her, instead of being upset and apologetic about it, she absolutely thrived on it. Maybe he wanted to rub it into her face though that she was being weak and sobbing, the complete opposite of what she was like the last time that they had met. That she was the weak one instead, the complete opposite of what she had been saying.

'It's a long story.' She sighed, turning to look straight ahead. How would she begin? Where would she start? Would he even understand how she was feeling or would he go and tell the others and she would get teased because of it? Was she sure that she could trust him? She wasn't sure, but one thing that she did know, she did not want to lose her popularity and her group and reputation because of what she told him.

 

[Alex Blade]

Alex smiled at her, and waited for her to go on with her explanation. He didn't like seeing her like that, even if she had been a real ***** to him last time they had seen each other. Alex didn't know exactly what his feelings for her were, but he really didn't care, either. She was his friend, so he would look out for her. He didn't care what she was like to him, she needed somebody to talk to now, so he would provide that service.

Alex chuckled at her, "You can trust me, Alyss, no matter how hard that might seem to be for you. I'm willing to sit here, and let you talk about it to me." Alex said, shrugging. He knew it would probably be hard for her to trust somebody, especially Alex, but he knew better then to press the matter, too much, if she refused. Alex would stay here with her, tonight, and they could go back to being enemies in the morning, if that's what she really wanted.

Alex knew that she didn't hate him, he could see it in her eyes right then. He was worried about her, and he knew that she would realise that sooner or later. Alex didn't hate her, even though he probably had a really good reason to hate her. Alex couldn't hate anybody, and she wasn't any different. She wasn't an exception to the rule, and as much as he hated to admit it. He liked her. Not in a romantic way, though. He didn't feel like that towards anyone.

 

[Alyss Summers]

Alyss hesitated slightly. She wanted to tell him, she truly did, but it was going to be nearly impossible for her to place her life in someone's hands. Her secrets, trusted to him? She wasn't sure if she could do it. So clenching her hands tightly, distracting herself from her thoughts, she blurted out 'I feel like lately I haven't been acting like me. I've been putting on a facade to the others, and it's not the true me. Koboshi's taken my spot to think and to put down my facade, and even though we share, I can't do it in front of someone, and Elle and I are starting a new group to rival the Dark Elites and I don't know if I'm really me anymore or if I'm losing myself! Plus everyone thinks that I'm a pure-blood, and I'm afraid what will happen if they find out I'm only a half-blood!'

She said all that without hardly taking a breath, and as soon as she had blurted it out, she knew that it would be confusing to Alex, but she was so proud of herself for telling him. She was nervous to see his reaction, and so as she glanced at him, refusing to let any emotion that passed his face not be seen by her, she bit her lip nervously. She released the grip on her hands slightly, and unclenched them.

She was prepared to run, if he responded to her secrets negatively, and she would deny it if he told anyone. After all, who were people going to really believe? Obviously her of course, her facade was that she was an evil Slytherin, and at first she thought that she was exactly that, but now she wasn't so sure. She felt like she was just hiding her true self, and that she wasn't being herself. So what was she to do?

 

[Alex Blade]

Alex smiled at her, he didn't know why she was trusting him with any of that information, but he was happy that she had. Alex had been worried about her, and he still was. Alex considered her a friend, and he was glad that she was able to trust him. He didn't know what was going on here, and he didn't know what had brought any of that on, but he didn't care just as long as he knew that Alyss had some sort of trust in him.

Alex sighed softly, whatever Alyss thought, she was clearly thinking that he would have blurted it out to a million people before he would have kept it to himself. Alex knew that this wasn't correct, and he always valued his friends secrets a lot more then he did his own. He didn't care what was going on with her, if she didn't want to tell him anything, then he wouldn't have pressed the matter, at all. He valued her right to secrecy. He could see this by how she was prepared to run away from him and run away from her secrets.

Alex smiled at her, a look of kindness on his face, he didn't care about what was going on with her life, but he would help her. "Alyss, whatever these other people are trying to invade in on, they have nothing on you. Whether you're Pure Blood, or Half-Blood, they can't take your place, because clearly you've been here longer, they need to learn the chain of command around here." Alex said, chuckling softly.

 

[Alyss Summers]

Alyss bit her lip, she knew he was right, for the majority of the part because the ones older than her and the same year as her would want to take her place, but she couldn't help the few tears that trickled down her face, as she blinked. 'But what about those older, or the Dark Elites?' She shook her head slightly, 'They'll be quite happy to kick me out.' She admitted, 'And the majority of our year are a bunch of backstabbers.'

Alyss knew that people considered her a backstabber, evil and just a nasty evil Slytherin, when all of this was just a facade. She had to act like this or else... Else... She couldn't think about it, it was just too awful to think about. She glanced towards the cliffs, and whispered so quietly, she wasn't sure if he heard, 'Sometimes I think about suicide... No one would care... My Father's dead, my mother's a muggle and she doesn't want anything to do with me, I'm just nothing to her because of my father, she left me when I was one year old!'

She glanced at him, scrutinising his face carefully to see his reaction to what she told him. 'What do I do Alex? What can I do? Surely I have nothing else to live for!' The only thing that she possibly had anything to live on was Quidditch, she loved that but there was no other purpose for life. No friends, no nothing, the only person that she might consider a friend was Koboshi, but she wasn't one hundred percent sure about Koboshi, could she trust her?

 

[Alex Blade]

Alex smiled at Alyss, serenely. He wanted to be able to comfort her, but he didn't want her getting the wrong idea about her intentions. Alex wasn't really interested in anybody at the moment, especially since what he had done to Lilith. He heard her talk about being suicidal, and everything else shot out of his mind. "You can't commit suicide, too many people would miss you.. I would miss you." Alex said, sighing at the thought. He didn't know how much he had said, and how much she would think.

Alex sighed, as he listened to her story. It was sad, for him, but he didn't want to cry. He didn't usually cry, he hadn't even done so when he had broken up with Lilith, he just wasn't that kind of person. Alex didn't know what to make of half the things she had told him, let alone what he should do. He sighed, and placed his hand over hers. "It'll all be alright, Alyss. You have people in your life who are willing to help you." Alex said, not wanting to give away too much information.

Alex sighed, and took his hand off of hers. He didn't know what else he could do, there was only so much he could say, and it all came down to whether or not she believed what she was saying to be true. "You have a life, to live. That's enough to not want to kill yourself." Alex said, a weak smile on his face.

 

[Alyss Summers]

Alyss glanced up when he first told her that he would miss her, and she continued listening in shock, to each word that he said. From there he had gone on from saying that she has people in her life that would help her, and that she has a life to live. She knew some of what he was saying was true, but people help her? Not likely. She decided to tell him so. 'No one would help me, I've been mean to too many people.' She said truthfully. 'But if I stop, then I ruin my facade, I really must keep my facade up always Alex.' She told him. The only person that might be willing to help her besides Alex, was Koboshi, but Alyss didn't want Koboshi feeling sympathetic for her after all the work Alyss had done to make Koboshi into a mini-Alyss.

'Do you know what it feels like to have a facade up where no one knows what you're really like?' She whispered, so quietly, she wasn't sure if he heard her. She could remember the times when she was a little girl and her parents were still together, but then everything seemed to go downhill from there, starting when her mother left her. That was when she had to begin to hold up a facade, especially when she heard her mother and her father arguing about her, and her mother saying she didn't want Alyss. Now with Alyss' father being killed last year, Alyss had nowhere to live, and last Summer she had to stay at the Leaky Cauldron. She wasn't sure what she was going to do this summer. 'You have no idea why I need to keep up a facade.' She whispered, her voice sounding stronger, and furious even to her ears. 'You're lucky, and you have no idea how lucky you are Alex.'

 

[Alex Blade]

Alex sighed, at her, smiling weakly. He did know what she was going through, but she was right to say he had no idea what she meant, or what she had to do all the time. He knew she was pretending to be something that she really wasn't every day of her life, and he knew that doing that wasn't good for anyone. He sighed, and smiled at her, a bit more optimistically. "You don't have to pretend like everything's alright every moment of your life, you don't have to pretend like you're something your not. You DON'T have to be a part of all of the big groups, all the popular crowds. I know that may be hard, for you, but it's what's best." He said, knowing that she would probably just ignore it all, anyway.

Alex didn't know why he was being so open to her, so reassuring. The last time they had been together, she had been a real ***** to him. Alex felt sorry for her, he hadn't seen anybody like this before, and she was really sad. He was surprised she wasn't bursting out into lakes of tears. He sighed, and look at her, a reassuring look in his eyes. If anything, or anyone, could calm her down, Alex would make sure it was him. He placed his arm around her, and smiled, "You don't have to do this alone, just remember that. I'm here if you need me. You only have to ask me." Alex said, winking at her. He hoped she wouldn't get the wrong idea, of his show, but it couldn't be helped, if she did.

 

[Alyss Summers]

Alyss shook her head at Alex, 'No, I've always been keeping up a facade and I don't know what I'm like without one now, ever since I was a little girl and my father told me that Slytherins always kept a facade, hid behind their masks, I had to. I was only four years old when he told me that!' She whispered, her eyes glistening slightly as she gazed out at the cliffs. 'And he always expected me to be a Death Eater, always telling me that I had to be a Death Eater as I grew up. She continued, her voice trailing off. 'And then when I was five, my mother and my father had a big argument, my mother told my father that she didn't want to see him again, and when he asked about me, she said that she never wanted to see me again, that she didn't care about me or him, and that I was nothing but a mistake... How do you think I felt after hearing that Alex?' She hissed, her voice sounding like venom. She hadn't told anyone this before. No one. 'And then so my father taught me that she was scum, that she was worthless, and I believed him because he looked after me! He taught me well, he loved me compared to the one that had me!'

Her voice broke on the last word, and she had to take a deep breath to compose herself. 'And then when I was a Slytherin last year, he continued teaching me, and I believed him, I teased and picked on those that were m- those of muggle descent,' She continued switching from the word mud-blood to those of muggle descent, 'and half-bloods, teasing them for being born to "scum" even though I am half scum myself.' She finished, a bit sadly at that, before continuing with her story.

'Remember how last year, Professor Styx wanted to see me privately?' She whispered. 'My father's a Death Eater like I said before, and he was on a mission, he died, but I don't think that it was no accident. I think one of his "fellow" Death Eaters murdered him.' She said saying the word fellow sarcastically and using two of her fingers on each hand to quote it. 'He wasn't acting the way they wanted him to by not going after my mother and murdering her or something, and now, if I don't keep up my facade, and I let it slip just for a moment, I will be murdered too, especially if it gets out that I told you all of this.' She whispered. 'The Death Eaters have not just access to Slytherins, but spies in the other houses, don't ever forget that Alex, and if I die, I didn't kill myself, I got murdered, no matter what it seems, understand? But I need you to promise not to tell anyone this.' She stared at him firmly, making him promise. 'I probably would've been safer in any other house but Slytherin, but now I'm not so sure...' She whispered more to herself than Alex.

 

[Alex Blade]

Alex listened to Alyss telling him another story, and chuckled a few times through it. Sure, it wasn't funny, but there were some bits where she had succumbed so easily, and believed a load of bull poop. Not all Slytherins had a facade, hell, Alex didn't have one. He was a good student, a lot of the time, and he didn't like to get in trouble that much. He wanted to be a Prefect, that was a known fact, and he wouldn't let anything take that from him, no matter what it was. He liked the position he currently held among the students, and staff. He had got relatively good marks in all his subjects, and that pleased him very much. He liked knowing that he had some kind of chance of getting his dream position, at the school.

Alex's thoughts returned to Alyss, and he could see that she was suffering inside, he hadn't known her to really open up to anyone before. He didn't know whether or not he should feel honoured, or just lucky. She wasn't usually the type for that, and really, he didn't know what to say. He sighed, and turned to look at her, he could see the look on her face. He didn't like it, though. "Well, Alyss, you've been told a lot of wrong things. Not all Slytherin's need a facade, and the best thing you can do is just to be yourself. It's what I want you to do, and what you should do. You'll feel better if you're not living a lie." He didn't know what to say about everything else, though. He couldn't say anything that would upset her.

 

[Alyss Summers]

Alyss hid her face to hide her disappointment that would've showed clearly on her face after Alex hadn't said anything else about what she said to him. She couldn't understand these feelings that she felt when she was around Alex, and she wasn't even sure why she confided into him so easily, how could she? She hardly knew him, and the last time they had talked together, well, it wasn't really a discussion, more of an argument. She swallowed down the feelings as much as she could, hiding behind her facade, the sparkle in her eyes going out, it was like Alyss wasn't there anymore, just a cold robot, it was only when she didn't hide that there was an actual sparkle there, and the only time that had been so far was with Alex.

She slowly moved her face away from her hands, turning back to Alex, 'I won't be able to do that,' she said truthfully, 'People would probably do whatever they could to hurt me, or even kill me like they killed my father.' She stated, as if it was a fact, and to her it was. 'And that's if I show them what I'm really like, they think that I'm a part of them, and if I don't, I will get killed, and no one would care, no one.' She emphasised. 'I've hurt too many people that the Aurors even think I'm a wannabe Death Eater.' She whispered, 'Everything I've been taught in my life is a lie, Alex!' The sparkle appeared in her eye when she mentioned his name, until she swallowed the feeling heavily, once more. Hopefully, this time it wouldn't come up, but she was safe with Alex, her body seemed to know it, but she didn't. 'So, if I change, people will think that I'm lying, what can I do?'