What's the matter with you....

[Lily Drage]

Lily needed to get out of her dorm for a bit. Not wanting to venture to a part of the castle where she might run into Blake, she decided to stay up in the towers. Making her way over to a window, she sat on the ledge and curled up, her head back against the frame. Looking outside, she started to cry. She lost Blake, she was part of the reason that Kat split with Sumner. She fully secured her place as failure.

Looking out over the grounds, she felt her heart breaking again and again. She was not sure what to do to make things right for any of them.

 

[Blake Zepline]

Blake was furious. He had been in the Great Hall forking his uneaten potato salad, gravy and lamb chops when he heard his name escape the lips of one of the Slytherin first years.
"... you know, that prefect boy Blake Zepline's ex-girlfriend... yeah her - she was caught kissing one of her friends' boyfriend; Sumner. Heard Lily's the reason they broke up yesturday..."
Blake met eyes with the younger student, and though the poor kid was innocent, Blake glared at him. Blushing and scared, the boy's voice trailed off before he could finish the rest of his story. Dropping his fork onto his plate with a loud clatter, Blake pushed his uneaten meal away from him, stood abruptly and turned to the Ravenclaw table scanning for Lily.
When he could not find her, he stalked out of the Great Hall and up the stairs, heading for the towers. Though Lily was no longer his girlfriend, Blake could not help but feel as if his heart had been ripped out of his chest, again. The Lily he had fallen in love with, and still loved to this moment, was not the same Lily as he remembered. First she had betrayed him, and now she had betrayed Kat, her friend? Blake was angry and hurt, and though he had spent every moment at school this year avoiding Lily, he wanted to confront her. Did she really not love him at all anymore that she was already moving on to the next guy? He could feel the tears brimming his eyes, but he didn't want to cry anymore. He was done being the pathetic charity case that he was.

Lily was sitting on the ledge of one of the North Tower windows when Blake found her, and though she was looked just as beautiful as he remembered her from their last encounter, he pushed the silly thought from his mind.
"Already over your frenzy with Slytherin boys, huh?" Blake shot, stepping out of the shadows of the staircase. "Or is your new challenge stealing other girls' boyfriends, or just your friends' boyfriends?"

 

[Lily Drage]

Lily felt her heart drop from the tower as she heard the all to familiar voice fill the air around her. Closing her eyes, she willed the tears that were falling to go away and slowly wiped her cheeks as best she could without letting on that she was crying. Turning around to face him, the sight of Blake without his normal silky tresses still shocked her. She was surprised when he came to school that he had chopped his hair short, but beyond that, the hardened look on his face. It was all her fault and she knew it. She had failed him. She was not strong enough to resist Ford.

Standing up on shakey legs, Lily took a few steps forward from the window. "You would think that wretched gossip magazine was still running the way that rumors fly around this school and twist things out of context." She wanted to shout at him that she only wanted one Slytherin and he was standing right in front of her. And that the situation she found herself in yesterday was all his fault. If he had forgiven her, she would never have been bawling in the hallway and making Sumner pull her out of sight of the school.

 

[Blake Zepline]

"Oh, so Kat and Sumner aren't broken up because of you?" Blake asked rhetorically, his voice cold and accusing. He wanted to tell her how hurt he felt, how hurt he was still feeling, because of her. He wanted to her know that he was miserable because of her. And he wanted to know how she could move on so quickly to another guy. How easily it was for her to forget him already.
"Gossip or no gossip, rumors always start with the truth." He remembered the rumors about him and Lily, and how by one version or another everyone knew that she had cheated on him with Ford in the least. There was truth in that, so why wouldn't there be truth in this?

 

[Lily Drage]

"No, I am not the reason that they broke up. Kat is. She pulled Chace into the broom closet. She is the one who was full out kissing Chace Harker and never noticed that Sumner was in that closet trying to help me pull myself back together." Lily looked at Blake as tears threatened to spill over again, but she really didn't care. Let him see that she was a mess. Let him see what being apart from him was doing to her. "The only reason Sumner and I were in the closet to start with was because I fell apart and he wanted to spare me the humiliation of being seen by the rest of the school." She crossed her arms over her chest and turned around. Tears started to fall down her cheeks. "Sumner and Kat are very good friends of mine and I would never do anything to purposely hurt either of them."

 

[Blake Zepline]

"Oh, but you can hurt me?" Blake interjected angrily, ignoring Lily's fake tears. He was still hurting, and every day he hid himself in his dorm because he could not stand seeing her knowing they weren't together. He suddenly felt bad for believing that stupid boy in the Great Hall, but at the same time he felt a wave of heat rush over him. For so long he had kept everything bottled up, barely talking to anyone about what had happened. He needed to confront Lily properly about the past. He needed closure.
"I have been falling apart everyday over you, Lily. You might not have been kissing Sumner, but I can't ignore how much it hurts me to hear it anyway. I still love you like I did then, and I wish I didn't. I wish I could forget about you as easily as you seem to have forgotten about me."
It was all Blake had in him to hold back the tears, to keep his voice together. And yet, inside he felt his heart shredding into smaller bits and pieces, if that were even possible anymore.

 

[Lily Drage]

Lily took a few steps to the window as Blake spoke, then turned to face him. "Hurt you? I never planned to hurt you Blake. It just happened. Do you not realize that I have been beating myself up every day since it happened?" She started to pace around a bit. "You have no idea how hurt I have been. I made a mistake that cost me the one thing in the world that I wanted to keep forever. Why do you think Sumner pulled me into that closet to put myself together. I saw you in the hallway and broke down. I was literally sobbing on the floor, Blake. I miss you so much it hurts to simply see you. I can't stand the pain I see in your eyes. I stay in the tower as much as I can so I don't have to see you, but it doesn't help that I have Defence at the same time you have History."

She stopped pacing for a moment and looked at him. "I know I don't deserve to be with you. I know I can never appologize enough to make it up to you. Ever." Turning around to face the wall again, she spoke softly. "And I never said we didn't kiss. It just was not what you thought. Sumner was so pissed to see Kat snogging Chace that he grabbed the closest set of lips he could find." Tears continued to flow down her cheeks. With that admission, she knew that there was no chance at all of reconciling with Blake. Though she was not the one to initiate the kiss, talking about it out loud felt like she was pounding the final nail in the coffin of their relationship.

 

[Blake Zepline]

It made Blake feel better to hear Lily tell him how hurt she was too. And as he considered this, he wondered if he loved her enough to forgive her. The truth was that he did, even though his pride was wounded. Lily's tears didn't seem so fake to him anymore, and he wanted nothing more than to wipe them away forever. He could fix this, couldn't he? All he had to do was forgive her, and concentrate on moving forward and not on the past. For a moment in contemplation, Blake felt his heart soar the way it used to, and it surprised him. Lily could still make him happy, even when she had been the one to break him in the first place.
Then she told him that Sumner had kissed her, and the moment was long over. Was it possible to break a broken heart, Blake wondered as he felt the tears finally roll down his face. It didn't matter that Lily hadn't kissed Sumner first, or even how torn apart she seemed to him over their break up. All that ran through Blake's mind was trust. He could forgive Lily, take her back, and try to forget what had happened in the past. But what he could not and would not do again, was trust her. He had extended that luxury before, and she had betrayed him, and he was reminded of this now. How many Fords or Sumners were out there for Lily? He was just one Blake, one insignificant boy who she probably thought she loved. He stood no chance, and he could see that now.
"I'm sorry for coming to see you..." Blake said softly, turning away from Lily to hide his shameful tears. "It was none of my business. I have to go."
It was the hardest thing Blake had done in his life, to turn away from Lily while she was crying, and to walk away when his whole being wanted him to stay. But all the same, he picked himself up and strode, head bowed, down to the darkest part of the castle to be alone with his pain.

 

[Lily Drage]

"Blake..." Lily cried as she turned to him again, watching his back as he walked away from her. "I'm sorry. I never wanted to hurt you." She fell to her knees as she said this, his form retreating down the steps. Burying her face in her hands, she sobbed there on her knees, knowing that she had ruined things once and for all.

 

[Blake Zepline]

Blake could hear Lily's sobs as he descended the stairs, and though he tried, he could not ignore them. In one quick stride, he bound up the stairs and came to his knees on the floor before Lily. Taking her cheek into his palm, he silently lifted her face and wiped away her tears. He had meant to say something to sooth her, something to make her stop crying. But instead of giving her words of comfort, Blake found that he was giving her a kiss before he could stop himself.

 

[Lily Drage]

Lily was shocked when Blake was suddenly on his knees before her, wiping away her tears. Then just as suddenly, he was kissing her. Lily felt her heart sing as she moved her hands to his face, allowing herself to lean into the kiss, to enjoy it. This was home. This was right. How could she ever have betrayed him? Blake was her first and only love. and she knew this was what she wanted above all others.

 

[Blake Zepline]

That familiar scent of Lily, the curve of her lips, her soft skin; all sucked him under. But as much as it felt right, it felt wrong. These lips had touched another's, and this girl was no longer his. Pulling away for air and to clear his head from all the things that screamed at him to take her back, Blake turned his face away.
"We can't be together," Blake said, more to himself now than to her. If he could convince himself, then would it surely hurt less. But still, it hurt all the same. "I'm sorry... But goodbye is all we have left for each other." And he was right.

 

[Lily Drage]

Lily was flying. She had hope for the first time since she left California. When they pulled apart, Blake turned away from her and she felt her blood run cold. This couldn't be happening again. "Blake, don't say that," she said just above a whisper. "This can't be it." Tears flowed again freely down her face, her hands moving to turn him to face her, to look at her. "Blake...can you not forgive me? I love you. Please. You have to forgive me. You have to forgive me..." Her voice trailed off, dying like she knew her chances of forgiveness were.

 

[Blake Zepline]

"Even if I forgive you Lily, I just..." Blake said, pushing her hands away from him. "I just can't forget what happened. And because of that, I could never trust you. Things would never be the same again."
The finality and truth to his words hurt him as he spoke them. But there was no use in believing that everything could be okay again, because he was sure it couldn't. It would take more than love and forgiveness, and Blake just didn't possess that will to 'move on' like everything was okay when it wasn't. So he kissed her, big deal. It could never change the way he felt and the hurt he felt. Blake was at heart a snake, with an ego the size of an elephant, and with the instinct to never give anyone the chance to stab you twice in the back. Or in this case, the heart.
"I wish we were together... But you were the one who threw me away when you kissed Ford. How can I ever forget that?"

 

[Lily Drage]

Lily sat stunned. He never would trust her again. That was worse to her than him screaming at her to get out back in California. "I wish we were together too, Blake. I wish I could rewind time and take it all away. Take away all the pain for you. But I never threw you away Blake. I was finally able to see clearly what I wanted. You." She dropped her head into her hands again, doing her best not to sob. "I love you so much it hurts. I want to be with you, Blake."

 

[Blake Zepline]

Blake felt so torn between himself. He wanted to take Lily back, but his pride wouldn't let him. And as much as he wanted to believe her when she said she wanted him, a part of him couldn't. There was so much conflict, Blake could barely even breathe properly.
"I'm sorry... I just can't," he blurted, "It's just too much for me to take all at once. I haven't even started forgiving you, and already you want me to forget? To trust you again?" Blake shook his head slowly. "I can't. I won't."

 

[Lily Drage]

The tears that she worked hard to keep from falling again began to pour down her cheeks. This was it. Blake would never take her back. At least not anytime soon. Dejectedly, Lily spoke. "I- I understand." She couldn't say anything else. She just sat there, on her knees, her head in her hands. It was over. Nothing she had to say would change that. She was the reason they were apart. Her. No one else.

 

[Blake Zepline]

He knew his words had struck home, and he was truly sorry for adding salt to Lily's wounds. But he needed time, and he knew better than to string someone along with false hope. Managing a weak smile that did not touch his eyes, Blake added, "You know that I still love... Don't forget that."

 

[Lily Drage]

Raising her head up to look at him, she was shocked to hear him say that he did in fact still love her. "I will always love you Blake. I mean that." Taking a deep breath, she spoke again. "And I really am sorry." She felt more like a failure than ever before. Her first love, her first relationship lay before her a shattered mess. Reaching forward, she took his hand, wanting to hold on for just a moment longer, knowing it would be the last time.

 

[Blake Zepline]

Blake let the warmth of Lily's fingers spread out over his own, wanting to hold onto something he had felt so denied of as of late. He had one last tear to shed, and it trickled down his face helplessly. Getting up from his knees, Blake held out his hand for Lily to take. When they were both up and standing, Blake ran his hand through his hair, missing the feel of his long hair.
"I guess I'll see you around then, Lily," Blake said, trying to sound better than he felt. "I really wish things were different." With that last sentence hanging in the air, Blake squeezed Lily's hand one last time before he let it go, turning and making his way down to his house for the second and final time.

 

[Lily Drage]

Lily felt her heart break again and again as they had talked, but this last one was the worst. They had finally had their closho sure. The whole thing was finally over. They were irreparable. They were as broken as her own heart. The tears had finally stopped flowing down her cheeks. She clung to his hand as long as she could.

She stood up when he helped her up, holding on to his hand "Me too," she whispered. As he pulled his hand away, she felt her life slipping away with him. All her hopes and dreams of their life together were gone in that one instant. Lily watched as Blake walked down the stairs. Her arms wrapped around her, as if she needed to hold herself together. She watched his retreating form as long as she was able, watching him walk away from her and out of her life forever. Tears started to fall again as she turned and headed back to her dorm, knowing he was really gone.