Waiting

[Kailey Harrington]

Kailey slowly walked up the north tower and leaned herself against the tower wall. She was starting to regret sending the letter out, she wasn't ready for this yet. I need to calm down she thought as she took a few deep breaths. She tried to push her thoguhts to the side as she instead focused on the amazing view. Something about Sunset at the top of the north tower seemed to be special to her when it came to her and Njord. It was sunset here that they first met, revealed their feelings to each other, shared their first kiss, and now this. Each of these moments played out in her mind, the casualness of their meeting, The fear of her telling him how she felt, the absolute magic that was their first kiss. She nodded her head to noone as she decided to focus on these thoughts rather than what was about to happen.

 

[Njord Aesir]

Njord ran like a mad man through the halls and up the stairs of the North Tower. On the landing just before the door to the outside he stopped and leaned against the wall. His head bent forward, leaning forward with his hands on his knees. He desperately didn't want to be late but he also didn't want to have a lung collapse during his first talk with Kailey since he left school so suddenly last year.

Njord breathed deeply and managed to get his heart to stop pounding, a little. He was as nervous as he was the first day of school back when he was eleven. He liked Kailey so much and couldn't believe it when he just ran off home without saying a word to her. In his defense his grandfather was more like a father and he needed to be there for him when it looked like he would die. But when it was obvious that his grandfather was getting better, Njord knew he should have sent an Owl to Kailey but cowardice prevented him and now here he was, months later to face the music and likely grovel at her feet.

Njord pushed the door open and saw Kailey standing at the side of tower. The redish orange and purples of the autumn twilight as a background made Njord's heart stop beating momentarily and his hands begin to sweat. I'm a total idiot he thought to himself.

He quickly brushed his hands against his jeans, and walked with purpose towards her. He tenderly grabbed her hands and looked straight into her eyes, "I'm an idiot." he said not breaking his gaze.

 

[Kailey Harrington]

"The higher up you are the better view you get." she thought hearing her playful twelve year old selfs words to Njord over a year ago at this very spot. These memories kept playing over and over as she waited, not in order nor the whole thing. Just fragments that stuck out in her mind. It was about this time that she felt herself being turned around and away from the view and her memories.

Kailey quickly took in a few breaths in and out through her nose. She accepted his hands in hers and couldn't tear herself away from his gaze. Not that she really wanted to to be honest, though they had met here for a purpose Kailey would have been willing to just stand there like that all night if he hadn't broken the lingering Silence. "I'm an idiot." The words rang through her head, sure the way he had handled things wasn't exactly his best thinking but she didn't think he was an idiot. If any thing she was the idiot in the whole situation with the way she had handled things. She realized that she had been thinking for too long and that he was probably waiting for her to say something.

She didn't know exacty how to word what she wanted to say but decided to give it her best shot. She let out a sigh, "No Njord, you're not an idiot... Sure you could have handled it a tad bit better. But everybody makes mistakes, If either of us has to be the idiot in this whole thing it would be me." she replied not breaking the gaze until guilt started to cloud her eyes.

She took in a deep breath and tried to prepare herself for his response. She had opened the box now and their was no going back, She would have to tell him about this summer and Jake. She just hoped he wouldn't be too angry and realize that it had meant nothing.

 

[Njord Aesir]

Njord listened to her speak and realized how much he missed her voice. Suddenly he wrapped her into his arms and hugged her. "I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am," he said speaking into her hair. "I missed you so much and I want to explain everything to you. I hope you'll forgive me." he continued rambling.

 

[Kailey Harrington]

Kailey quickly fell into the hug and wrapped her arms around him rather than have them hang there like limp noodles. He was warm, sure all humans were naturally warm, but the warmness he gave off enveloped her and made her feel safe. She wanted to cut him off so badly, tell him that she was the one in the wrong and ask for his forgiveness. But at that moment all she could do was clutch him tightly in the hug, not letting him go. "I missed you too, I missed you so much." she whispered shakily realizing the depth of her feelings went even deeper than she had thought.

 

[Njord Aesir]

Njord pulled away from her but held her by the shoulders. "I'm so sorry, I should have explained why I was leaving but time was not on my side..." Njord began to ramble.

"My grandfather was dying and I needed to be there. But what made me an idiot was not sending you an Owl to explain when things had calmed down. My grandfather recovered and for some reason I felt...I was....I don't know." he hung his head and dropped his hands from her shoulders.

"I guess I felt I'd already messed things up and...well...I...I was scared you hated me." Njord turned and walked to the side of the tower and looked out at the crimson sky as the sun slowly dipped below the horizon, hoping beyond hope that she would forgive him.

 

[Kailey Harrington]

Kailey didn't actually see the sun sinking below the horizion behind her but she could tell by the darkening sky that it was. I probably should have picked a better time... she thought

Kailey wanted to hit herself in the head when she heard Njords reason for leaving so abruptly. Of course it was something like that! But hearing it only made her feel worse about her own deeds. While he had been worrying over his dying grandfather who was like a father to him, she had been trying to just forget him. Even going to legnths of kissing Bruin and having a fling with a muggle boy over the summer. Kissing Bruin she felt almost no guilt for because it had been at a kissing booth and had no emotional connection whatsoever.

But the thing with Jake was a whole different story all together. As much as she didn't want to she knew she had to tell him, the guilt would eat away at her until she did. She took a deep breath and sighed. "I should have figured it was for something like that, I know you're not the type to just up and leave for no reason. I think in the back of my mind I did know it was something like that, but my thoughts and actions over the past couple months havent exactly been that rational." Kailey said

"When you left, that started a chain of events that I'm not exactly happy about or proud of. But at the time I rationalized with myself saying 'Oh this is the right thing' and blah blah blah. When I saw you in the great hall that day I wasn't exactly running away from you. I mean, I was because I wasn't ready to face you. But you being back shook up my emotions and forced me to think about this summer. I'm extremely guilty, and by the time I explain to you whats went on I'll be the one asking for forgiveness." Kailey said quickly almost unlegibly in her nervousness her hands starting to quake with fear and worry.

 

[Njord Aesir]

Njord turned and listened to Kailey blurt out her thoughts. He listened with understanding but started to feel a little unsure as mentioned a chain of events. "Why would you feel guilty?" he said coming closer her again and looking down into her face. Her features softening as the sky turned from red orange to midnight blue.

 

[Kailey Harrington]

"Well, not so much a chain of events as much as one big things thats been eating at me since it happened." Kailey replied "It happened this summer." she started, taking a deep breath and taking a small step back. "I had decided from the beginning that it would be best to just try to move on as fast as possible and that was exactly what I tried to do. I got reaquainted with some of my old muggle friends. About three weeks before the term was supposed to start one of them came to me saying that he had just found his girlfriend of two years cheating on him." she took another small step back now that it was coming out she was unable to even look at him. "Then I told him about you and what all had happened. Though we were in different situations we emphasised on losing somebody we cared about deeply. We got closer and one thing lead to another and we started 'dating' if you can even call it that seeing as it only lasted for a few days and meant pretty much nothing to either of us. It was basically a huge rebound that ended up backfiring on me when I saw you in the great hall that day." he finished off with another step back. She bit her lip and looked up at him. "I don't really know what caused me to do it but I feel extremely bad about it and would understand if you got mad at me."

 

[Njord Aesir]

Njord listened to Kailey speak, looking down at her caring more for her now then at any time in the past. His face fell when she spoke of meeting and dating someone else. "Oh." he said turning from her and looking out at the sky that was starting to display pin pricks of stars. "Do you care for this guy?" he said to the stars with a slightly shaky voice

 

[Kailey Harrington]

"We agreed to be friends, but as far as anything more than goes. I'd definitely have to say no, at the end of the summer we both talked it out and agreed that we had gotten together as a rebound. It really made me realize how far my feelings for you went. If that makes any sense at all." she replied "I still like you alot, but I'd undestand if..." she trailed off unable to finish the sentence.

 

[Njord Aesir]

Njord felt sick to his stomach. He knew he had left without explanation but..."I didn't see this coming at all..." he said more to himself then anything. "I'm...I'm not sure how I feel about it." He turned and looked at her, his look perplexed and he shook his head. "Part of me understands but another part is confused..."he said with a heavy sigh still shaking his head.

 

[Kailey Harrington]

Kailey leaned against the wall of the tower and looked not at the sky but down to the ground far below. I've ruined everything... she thought I've ruined what was probably one of the best things to ever happen to me. she thought tears pooling in her eyes, rolling down her face and dripping off to the ground below them. She didn't even realize that she hadn't just been thinking these things at all, but had been whispering them to herself.

 

[Njord Aesir]

Njord looked at Kailey, and realized she was crying. His heart began to ache. He stepped forward and raised his hand to her shoulder. Just then the words We got closer and one thing lead to another and we started 'dating' ran through his head. His arm lowered and his face became sad. "Is that all that happened while I was gone?" he whispered to her.

 

[Kailey Harrington]

She sniffed and looked up at him with a shaky nod. "Pretty much." Aside from having to turn off the TV when old Jesse McCartney videos came on VH1 classic. her thoughts added though that really wasn't anything. The thing with Bruin hadn't been much because it was to help him win a bet. She decided to wipe her eyes now, glad she hadn't worn mascara.

 

[Njord Aesir]

A small flood or relief went through him. He raised his hand and wiped a tear from her cheek, his hand lingering on her chin. Their eyes met and he searched her face for an answer, for some sign of what he was supposed to do and how he was supposed to feel.

"I don't know what to do. I missed you so much when I was gone and I was an idiot not to tell you, and maybe I'm being egotistical to think that you would have felt the same way, that you would have missed me or maybe that there would have been a small period of mourning. I don't know. I think I need to think about this." He dropped his hand from her face. Realizing at that moment that he loved her, but also worried that she might not love him. "I need some time..." he whispered, and with both hands touched her face and kissed her on the forehead. "I just need a little time." and with that he turned and walked down the steps of the North Tower.

 

[Kailey Harrington]

Kailey refused to leave it at that. She had mourned! That's all she had done for three months! Even though she had been trying to move on nothing worked and she had kept sinking deeper. Anything that had happened with another guy had been subconciously compared to him. If there had been any doubt before there wasn't any now, she loved him. She raced down the tower cutting him off at the bottom. "There was mourning, Mourning consumed me for months. Even when I was with that guy we both knew I wanted you. Sorry for trying, and failing to move on from a guy I didn't know if I'd ever see again!" Kailey said not knowing how badly she may have just screwed up. With this she turned on her heel amd made her way back towards ravenclaw tower.

 

[Njord Aesir]

Njord jumped out of the way of the door for Kailey to pass. "I..." he tried to spurt out after her but she was gone. "There you go again you idiot!" Njord said out loud to himself. "You love her you git! Just tell her" he said again. It was too late though and now she was gone. Mad at him for being confused over his feelings for her. Perhaps writing it down would be better...And the idea struck him.

((Off to the Owlry))