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[Justin]

This was a story I started on Sunday night, and finished up what I have so far last night. Hopefully I can extend more on what I have so far. But I think I need to put more description in to get that grasping feeling.

Any ideas or comments would be great, especially regarding on what I could do further on in the story.

Lauren rose from her couch and stepped quietly over to her television. She pressed the power button, turning it off. Static noises came out of the speakers, the television turned back on. Lauren turned around quickly, just quick enough to witness a shadow race across the back of her apartment. The figure passed, and blood began to drip from her nose. Lauren felt the blood flow down her face; she stuck her tongue out of her mouth and licked a small amount of blood from around her lip. Scared for her life and shaking uncontrollably Lauren lifted her hand, and dabbed a bit of blood from below her nostril. Shocked more than ever she watched the blood trickle down her hand, drip from her wrist, and splash onto the floorboards. She freaked out, covered her face in attempt to stop the blood flow, and began to hyperventilate. She staggered slowly over to her couch, leaned against it and dragged her feet across the floor. The lights in the hallway of her apartment flickered, still scared, she managed to slowly make progress with investigating the area. She took her hands off her face, the blood flow had stopped. Although a large amount of blood now covered her arms, and the floorboards. She continued to stagger, but eventually made it to the entrance of the hallway. Her hands, still shaking uncontrollably, grabbed the door frame; she peeped around the corner, and gradually pushed herself out into the hallway. Leaving blood-stained hand prints behind. Slowly Lauren staggered through the hallway, as rain began to pour down on the apartment building, thunder brewed in the clouds, and lightning flashed. Lauren took a quick glimpse at the door way, a fork of lightning hit a nearby tree, illuminating the room. The light reflected through the door way, and highlighted what seemed to be a woman’s face. Lauren freaked out; she twitched, blinked a few times, and tripped over. Without energy and strength, Lauren crawled across the floorboards, leaving trails of blood behind her as she dragged her body. After finally reaching the door, Lauren planted her back against it, took a deep breath, and swallowed. She shifted forward slightly, grabbed the door handle, and opened the door, not thinking about what to expect. Lightning struck, and again Lauren saw a woman standing in her doorway. Lauren gasped, and frightened she slammed the door shut. The impact caused the window of her door to smash, and glass to shower upon her body. Multiple shards of glass cut into her arm, and the wounds began to bleed. Smoke seeped in from the smashed window, and unusually guided itself towards the ground. It turned around in a spiraling motion, and revealed to have a face. The smoke’s eyes stared into Lauren’s, its bright aqua eyes lit up hers. The smoke grinned, and revealed what looked like multiple rows of teeth. Slowly it hovered towards Lauren, who pressed her back against the door, in attempt to get away from the smoke. Her plan failed, the smoke’s grin widened and laughed, and entered into Lauren’s body. Lauren passed out and collapsed onto the floor. Chapter One Lauren Derwood No one discovered the body of the unknown woman, who was later to be identified as a missing Betty, outside Lauren’s apartment until the next day, and by then Lauren had mysteriously disappeared. Police had arrived at the scene, and the corpse was taken away. The corpse had multiple wounds, blood covering her, but there was no sign of blood nearby. Inside the apartment was another story. Lauren’s blood covered the carpet; the floors, and the walls, but without her body there was nothing that could be done. The apartment was scouted from top to bottom, but there was nothing left behind that would help them locate the missing Lauren Derwood. Police didn’t know what to expect, they didn’t know whether she was the killer, or if she was disposed of. But with her blood covering her apartment, they doubted their first guess. Lauren wasn’t her normal self, although was still alive and breathing. It was as if that the smoke had possessed her, and sent her on a mission, that mission was only to be revealed with future events. Future events that not even Lauren knew were going to happen. Lauren had been traveling by foot, and she hadn’t stopped walking since she woke up after occurrences she doesn’t remember. Lauren’s conscious was in control of her thoughts, but was overpowered when it come to choosing her actions. She had a feeling that she knew where she was being taken, but had no clue when she took a right turn down a dark alleyway. What’s going on? Why can’t I do anything? She thought. She had so many questions she wouldn’t get answers for. What? Who was that? Someone said, Lauren had never heard that voice before, but somehow it was in her head. I’m... Lauren. She told the voices, who quickly answered back, Hi, Lauren? I’m Betty; I see you’re the next victim? Lauren’s mind did flips, she had no idea what this Betty was on about, she was unknown as to whether it was her going crazy, or the voices in her head. Lauren’s body twisted and turned through streets and alleyways she’d never seen before, she was clueless with everything, she had no idea what was going to happen next Officer Medley Medley had just gotten off work, and before he headed home he stopped in at the gas station. All was just an ordinary day for Medley, but little didn’t he know he was the next victim of ‘the Smoke’. The unknown future events of Lauren kicked into action, her body took control of the weather, rain started to pour, thunder brewed and lightning flashed, all so similar to Lauren’s possession. I’ve seen this all before Lauren thought, hoping for an answer from Betty, but there was no answer, it was as if she just disappeared. Thunder clapped, and seconds later, an arc of lightning followed, a power pole came crashing down, and Medley had his first glimpse of Lauren, hundreds of meters in front of him. Medley slammed the breaks, and swerved to the left. The back-end of his car swung out to the right, and smashed into a post-office box, letters blew away in the wind. Medley, now unable to start his car, punched his steering wheel with frustration, and yelled to release his anger. Rain drops splattered down onto his car’s front window, the pitter patter on the roof didn’t help much either. Soon enough the rain drops began to freeze as they ran down the window, the ice crackled. Medley’s mood changed quickly, as if he was a victim of bipolar. He was all pale, and had no idea what he was to do next. So he sat patiently in the driver’s seat of his car. Light reflected off the ice, as lightning struck yet another time. Medley wiped the fog from his side window, and peered through the rear-view mirror. He got another quick view of Lauren, who appeared to be getting closer as time passed. Medley clicked the button on his seatbelt; he took it off and quickly began to slam the door handle up and down, in attempt to get out of the car. The car had locked itself, and Medley, now shaking like a nervous wreck, was trapped inside. He looked at his gas meter; it was empty, which was weird considering he’d just gotten back from the gas station. Medley had now lost all hope in getting out alive. Street lights flickered and Lauren appeared again, this time she was standing right next to his car. Medley gasped in horror, and began to crawl over to the passenger seat. Lauren raised her arm, and punched the side window. Her blood smudged against the glass, and small shards flew towards Medley, who braced himself. Lauren reached her arm through the window; abnormally it stretched and was able to reach all the way across to Medley. Medley kicked at Lauren’s hand, which grabbed onto his foot, and dragged him back over to the driver’s side. The shattered glass cut into his back, and he groaned with pain. Lauren reached for the gun attached to Medley’s belt; he was too busy pulling through an outrageous amount of pain to notice what she was doing. Lauren took the gun, and lifted it up towards her face, her bright green eyes shined upon the gun. She grasped the weapon with both hands and aimed it towards Medley. Lauren who was shaking, loaded the gun, and pointed it at Medley’s lower body. She pulled the trigger, the bullet hit him in the upper-left leg, blood splattered on the chairs and windows, Medley screamed. Lauren dropped the gun; it bounced on the leather seat and rested against his right arm. Medley grabbed the gun, and using all the strength he had remaining, he loaded it and pointed it towards Lauren. “Die, you son of a b1tch,” Medley stuttered, and pulled the trigger. The bullet hit her in between the eyes, blood went everywhere, some of it even landing on Medley. Lauren’s body hit the middle of the road, a pool of blood slowly gathered around her. Smoke began to rise from her corpse, revealing the same wide grin and dark grey color. It rose up and looked at Medley through the window. Its bright green eyes stared at Medley, its eyes squinted, and it moved over towards him. The pain was too much now, Medley passed out.

I'm thinking of reconstructing that last paragraph, opinions would be