Throw Away My Fears

[Zara Cohen-Knight]

Not long after all the students had gone home for their holidays with their family - including Zara's twin who she had seen off with a hug - the girl was left alone with her thoughts. It was not new lately so she painted a lot but after telling Xavier everything that she could bare to she was too scared to paint. She was too scared to move a step out of normalcy for fear that this would make her freakiness just as legitimate as saying out loud that she was gay had legitimized it in the most terrifying of ways. She knew that her 'boyfriend' had tried to comfort her but she couldn't take it. She didn't want to hear what he had to say about it because Zara wasn't ready for anyone's thoughts about it. She was barely ready for her own thoughts about it. The only point that it had really drawn out was that she had treated Darcy unfairly. As alone as the girl was and she felt Zara knew that her best friend was going through a tough time with Christmas being around. It was something that even the little Maydl could understand. She quickly wrote a note and hoped for the best.

D,

Please come to the lounge. We really should talk.

Z.

Zara felt her stomach tighten because this was her first time possibly alone with Darcy since she'd figured it all out and moreover it was her first time since Zara had not only realized she was gay but possibly that Darcy was too after seeing the girl with the blonde shiksa. There was so much she felt but she could not be sure if she was even right to when she didn't even know if the object of her affection would visit with her.

 

[Darcy Pratt]

Darcy would be lying if she said she was not surprised to have gotten a note from Zara asking her to meet her at the student lounge. After the way Zara had blown up at her this past winter/summer break, she didn't think the Ravenclaw girl would ever want to be her friend again. Darcy always acted like she didn't know why the dark-haired girl had kicked her out of her home, but deep, deep down, she knew why. The sixth year was ashamed to admit it to anyone, let alone think it herself. But she knew Zara had caught her accidentally staring a little too long or her gaze lingering and it had weirded Zara out. She didn't blame her, it was the kind of reaction she expected from anyone if she were ever to tell them about herself, which is why Darcy had kept it secret for so long. But now that she and Zara were no longer talking and the worst was out there to the person she had cared for most in the world, it didn't seem so crucial to keep it such a secret, so she had slowly been testing the waters.

But to be in the same room as the dark-haired girl once again now that they both knew that Darcy was attracted to girls was something she didn't know if she could handle or not. Still, there was no way she was not showing up in hopes for a reunion with her best friend. Darcy made her way up the empty castle from the dungeons and walked into the lounge. It was empty except for Zara because nearly everyone had gone home for the holidays. Darcy's heart beat faster when she saw Zara there but she smiled tentatively as she walked over to her. "Hey," she said softly, not taking a seat quite yet in case this visit ended up being short.
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[Zara Cohen-Knight]

Zara was sitting, ashamed and nervous, when she heard a familiar voice ring through her ears and she looked up. There was an expression on her face that read of just pure anxiety because she hadn't been so close to Darcy since she had discovered that she had a crush on the older girl and what that really meant. She was jealous of the blonde that she'd taken to the Yule Ball and hated this about herself too. It was a lot to bare for one girl, really. But still she tried a smile and said, "Hi." The girl stood up but did not yet move to go closer. "Thank you for coming," Zara added as she looked into the girl's hazel eyes feeling sick while she waited for a reaction more than 'Hey' because she was at a loss for what to say.

 

[Darcy Pratt]

Darcy could feel her heart in her throat as she waited to see what Zara would do now that she was here. The dark haired girl had smiled at her and stood up, which Darcy took as a good sign. "Hi," she repeated again, smiling a little this time. "Of course," she replied, when Zara thanked her unnecessarily. She just hoped this meant Zara would give her a chance to apologize and explain herself. "How are you?" she asked tentatively. She wished she could hug the girl because she had heard what happened to her and her common room but she was afraid Zara would freak out again and think she was trying to make a move on her. So instead the two girls stood awkwardly, simply staring longingly at each other.
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[Zara Cohen-Knight]

There was a strange intimacy that Zara felt looking into Darcy's eyes as if the girl could read all that she felt so she didn't hold her gaze too long for fear she would express too much. The girl was jealous of the blonde that got to be on Darcy's arm and confused about everything she felt these days but mostly she missed her best friend so the girl said, "I miss you." She tried to make it seem as this was merely a thing of friendship with a sheepish smile as she was 'dating' Xavier. As far as anyone knew there was no reason to be suspicious of anything more.

 

[Darcy Pratt]

Although it should've ached to hear that Zara missed her and to feel so far away from her, she smiled instead. She took a few steps forward as she said, "I missed you too, so much." Darcy rushed forward and wrapped her arms around Zara in a tight embrace, hugging her friend for all the times she hadn't been able to talk to her over the past few months. She held on tighter for a little longer before finally stepping away. "I hope that was okay," Darcy said a little uneasily. "How are you?" she breathed out. She kept her hands on Zara's shoulders as she scanned her face for any signs of distress over everything that had happened in the past year.
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[Zara Cohen-Knight]

Zara could hardly express how much she had missed her friend being by her side but with their arms wrapped around one another and the tightness in her chest ebbing away she didn't feel like it was necessary to say. Somethings were better left unspoken so after they stepped away from one another, Zara put her hands to her side fearful that anything more would be clear for the reason they had their separation. She didn't know if she could stand to tell Darcy about her feelings for her or any girl for that matter because it was too scary and she was sure that it was wrong. Darcy asking if the hug was okay was nodded off dismissively, of course it was okay although it had made her think of how great it would be to kiss the girl too. This was not okay but that was not Darcy's fault. "I'm..." Zara paused to think of how to answer this. There were two options as there were for most things. Lie or be honest. Unfortunately, the truth was complicated and twisted with so many factors that the Ravenclaw had only one clear cut answer for the sake of brevity. "Fine. It's good to talk to you." She smiled sheepishly, knowing that Darcy could call her out on the lie very easily but hoped that the additives would keep from prying questions just yet. "How are you doing?" she asked, looking into the girl's eyes.

 

[Darcy Pratt]

"I'm," she also paused, considering how best to answer the question. She thought of how she had come to terms with how she felt and then thought of Olivia, suddenly feeling bashful yet guilty, though she didn't know why. She didn't feel ready to talk about her blossoming feelings for Olivia just yet, at least not to Zara, who should be the one person she could tell anything to, but she was glad to be talking to her at all so she would avoid the subject for now. "I'm good, too," she nodded, smiling at her. Darcy let her hands fall from Zara's shoulders and took her hands, squeezing them lightly and guiding her to the sofa so they could sit. Darcy kept an appropriate distance from her as she sat and said, "Have you painted anything new since we last talked? I'd like to see them." She decided to talk about a safe topic they both liked but it was also the truth.
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