The opposite of great

[Jacob Kingsley]

Jacob knew that this part of the castle was sort of out of bounds. But he was feeling sort of out of bounds himself. Being back at the castle after so much life had happened to him was tough. Everyone was talking about how great their Christmas had been. His had been great too, and then everything had crumbled.

Stepping over a fallen log near the actual cliff, Jacob took a seat, staring out over the pristine lake. It was so calm and beautiful, but everything in his life was pretty much the opposite of that. Leaning his elbows on his legs, Jacob dropped his head into his hands and sighed as he admired the view.

 

[Emilia Manning]

Emilia had been sad about returning to school, she missed her family and home already. Evelyn and Athena were probably having fun together in Gryffindor tower, and once again she felt herself bored and wandering around alone. In the distance, she noticed a familiar figure and a smile crept onto her face without her realizing. Jacob Kingsley was a friend. At least, she hoped he thought the same thing. They had talked last year at the lake, which had been very nice. Perhaps they could catch up about their holidays and perhaps it would make her feel a little bit less alone. But as she started to follow him, she realized where he was going and faltered. The cliffs were fairly dangerous and scary, and she had planned to stay away from them if at all possible. Hanging back, she watched him for a moment before finally deciding to follow him. He wouldn't let her fall off, surely. As she approached, she noticed he was sitting down and watching the view. Maybe she should have left him alone after all, but here she was now. There was nothing to be done about that. "Um, hi Jacob." She said quietly, hoping not to startle him. If he fell over the edge because of her, that would be very bad.

 

[Jacob Kingsley]

Jacob didn't get to enjoy the silence for long at all before he heard a vaguely familiar voice. Thankfully, her face was much more familiar, and Jacob broke into a smile albeit a slightly sad one. "Oh, hey Emilia" he said, sliding over on the log to give her some space if she wanted to sit, flicking a creepy crawly away as he did. "What brings you up here?" he asked. Jacob had never been up here before, so he wondered if it was just a popular space because it was slightly forbidden, or if it drew people like him who needed a little bit of quiet. It required some effort to reach the cliffs so he figured most people who arrived had a reason of some kind.

 

[Emilia Manning]

Emilia noticed that Jacob's smile didn't seem entirely happy, and faltered. "Am... I disturbing you?" She asked uncertainly, looking around for anyone else that he may be meeting here. "I can go, if you want..." She watched as he made space on the log or her, though she checked carefully for any other crawling insects before actually taking a seat. His question embarrassed her, and she tucked some hair behind her ear as she looked away. "I saw you go here." She admitted, suddenly nervous. "I wanted to say hello... maybe catch up?" She dared a glance in his direction, wondering if he would find that annoying or even creepy. That hadn't really occurred to her before, but now she wished she hadn't been honest. But lying would have been even worse, as she was very bad at that. "I can leave." She offered again, hesitant. Maybe she had made too much of the moment at the lake last semester, maybe he didn't want to talk to her more.

 

[Jacob Kingsley]

Jacob kept chipping at a piece of wood on the log. It was peeling off slightly and he was just helping it along, dropping the chips onto the ground, as he listened to Emilia mention that she'd followed him up with the hopes of catching up with him. He knew that he should probably say something to her, offer her a reassuring smile, or something but doing either of those required far more effort than he felt capable of putting forth today. Today was one of those days where he was really missing his Aunt Kiera, even though he wouldn't have been able to see her even if she was alive. He'd have been in school like he was now but she'd have been in Ollivanders probably making a wand...not dead.

Even though she was now seated beside him, Jacob got the feeling Emilia was about a second away from leaving since he wasn't exactly being inviting. He turned to her, his knee leaning against the log. "No, I..." he said, feeling a ball in his throat. Now, he was confused about whether he wanted her to stay or go. Jacob didn't know what he wanted right now. He wanted someone to be close and he wanted to be left alone all in the same feeling. Just someone. "Stay" he said before he forced his gaze to the sky, hoping to stop the pull of gravity from allowing his tears to escape. It was working so far and he forced a question, his voice a little more shaky, the pitch far different from how he usually spoke as he worked fast to distract himself. "Get anything good for Christmas?" he asked. It was the same question he'd been asking everyone as if hearing that other people had a good holiday would make his crappy one more bearable.

 

[Emilia Manning]

Emilia watched Jacob uncertainly, unable to settle on what to think. She wasn't sure if he wanted her here or not, and a part of her wondered if maybe he wasn't sure either. She felt bad now for following him, though he didn't say anything about that. When he told her to stay, she felt a little relieved and she nodded. "I will stay then... for a bit." She said, giving him a small smile. But she noticed the way he looked up at the sky, the tenseness in his posture and the shakiness in his voice as he spoke. Something was wrong, and she didn't think it was her presence. Unsure how to proceed, she decided to just answer his question. "I did... I got some new dresses. I know that doesn't sound very exciting but I was happy." She said softly. The dresses had made her feel pretty, a bit like Evelyn. "What about you?"

 

[Jacob Kingsley]

Jacob was glad that she played along and didn't ask any questions of him he didn't want to answer. He was a bit surprised by her answer, not taking her for the excited about dresses type though, to be fair, he didn't know her very well. She was right. Hearing about dresses wasn't terribly exciting to him but it was doing the trick, and for today anyway, he loved dresses. "Dresses huh?" he gave Emilia a smile before sighing. This was the trouble with asking that question. It was often turned back to him and while he was fine talking about his presents, he couldn't honestly say that his holiday had been great. "I got a new broom...and a new lens for my camera" he replied looking down at his fingers. "But I couldn't even enjoy them. My aunt died on Christmas" he said, a tear falling on his jeans. He wiped at his eye, not happy that the traitorous tear had escaped.

 

[Emilia Manning]

Emilia nodded when he repeated her, a faint blush appearing on her cheeks. Perhaps she should have named some of her other presents, but this had been her favorite part. Hogwarts had been hard for her at first, being away from her family, but being back had highlighted to her a little that she had grown during the year. The new clothes she had received had made her feel older, and that had made her feel more confident. At least, for a time. She smiled when he listed presents and was about to ask him about his new broom when he also told her his aunt died. Emilia froze for a moment as she processed the information, her smile falling away. The sight of Jacob wiping at his eyes somehow pushed her into action again, and she carefully placed a hand on his arm. "I'm so sorry, Jacob." She said sincerely. Losing someone that close in the family had to be hard. Her mind immediately went to her own aunts, it would be heartbreaking to lose them. Here she had been talking about silly dresses while Jacob had been grieving. Emilia wished she could take back the past few minutes, though Jacob didn't look like he minded. "That must have been horrible... are you doing okay?" The question slipped out of her, and she wondered immediately if it was the wrong thing to ask. Of course he wasn't okay, would he be angry with her stupid question? Briefly, she bit her lip, before continuing. He had told her before she knew the right thing to say, and now she was worried his opinion about that would change. "I'm sorry. I don't know if that's the right thing to ask." She admitted, sighing softly. A part of her wanted to hug him, but she had no idea if that would be the right thing to do either. Nothing like this had ever happened to her, so she wasn't sure what she would want in this situation.

 

[Jacob Kingsley]

Jacob felt the gentle pressure on his arm and found it comforting. His family had seemed to have fallen apart under the pressure of their loss, everyone retreating to their own space to handle the loss instead of coming together. Jacob kept his gaze down because he didn't want Emilia to see him cry, even though no more tears fell. He felt them right there just under the surface, but he didn't fear any more tears falling for the moment. As Emilia struggled to comfort him, Jacob finally turned to her and looked up. His nose was a little red, the tip always turning red when he was about to cry. Jacob knew that it was hard. He was going through the loss and still didn't know how to help his family. He hadn't know what to say to Jemma either, and he knew that she needed him even though she hadn't come back to his house after the funeral. Jacob shrugged. "I don't know either. I think...i think that sometimes I feel ok but then other days I kind of feel really sad. Like today." Jacob knew that Emilia hadn't expected this. " It's ok if you want to leave. I'm probably not good company today, Emilia." He tried to give her a smile though it was a pretty small one.

 

[Emilia Manning]

Emilia had never had to comfort someone like this before, not over something this big. But she didn't think leaving right now would be the right thing to do. It would make Jacob feel like his sadness was a bad thing that scared others off, at least that's what she would think. Emilia nodded at his answer to her question, thinking it over. "I think that is normal." She said softly. "You will probably be sad about it for a long time, but not all the time." She hesitated. "And I think it's okay to be not-sad sometimes too. Just as it is okay to be sad like today." She blushed, having no idea if what she said even made sense. "I don't want to leave, only if you want me to." She said softly. "I want to be your friend. You helped me feel better at the lake, and though I don't think I can make you feel better I can maybe help you feel a little bit less sad. Or less alone." She bit the inside of her lip then to shut herself up. She was unsure of her words again, and wouldn't be surprised if he did ask her to leave. His smile looked very sad, and it made her feel sad as well.

 

[Jacob Kingsley]

Jacob listened to Emilia, a small sigh escaping his lips. Right now, it felt like he was going to be sad forever, and that didn't feel really good to think about. It was nice to have someone tell him that it was ok to be sad though. His parents had told him that too, but he still felt like he needed to be brave in front of them. They were so sad that he didn't want to make them even more sad by seeing him so sad. If that made any sense. Jacob wasn't even sure that made to him, and he was the one thinking it. Jacob didn't know why or how he'd lucked out in finding a friend like Emilia, but he was glad that he had. She was kind and caring always when he seemed to need it most. "I want to be your friend too" Jacob gave her another small smile, his hands stuffed in his pockets. "Is it ok if we sit quietly for a little while? Together?" he asked, hoping she wouldn't be offended by that. Jacob liked the idea of quietly watching the lake with some company.

 

[Emilia Manning]

Emilia was very aware of her luck, as she had never felt as sad as Jacob was now feeling. Her aunts and uncles and grandparents and parents were all fine, and the thought of any of them dying was enough to make her stomach feel like it was in knots. What she had said to Jacob was what she thought would be nice to hear, but she really wasn't sure. She always tried to think of her mother and what she would say. Her mother never failed to make her feel better when she was sad. She gave Jacob a small smile in return when he said he wanted to be her friend. That made her happy. His next question was an easy one to answer. Immediately, she nodded. "Yes, of course." She said quickly. "That... that sounds nice." Then she remembered he had said 'quietly' and she bit the inside of her lip. When silences fell, Emilia tended to feel like she had to fill it, like she was being bad company and boring. But now maybe it was a good thing, not something bad. She folded her hands in her lap and looked over at the lake, happy to be here for her friend.