Leading away

[Katsuo Arai]

Holidays were always almost hell for the future warrior named Ryuu Arai. Rather than having the traditional holiday, he had to train like never before, and Ryuu's body was beat. Bruises outlined his chest cavity, and his eyes were tired and lacking the usual life that held him. Ryuu's ghostly white arms perched upon the window seal as he gazed down at the lawn below. The wind caught his hair, and the sun shone on his white form, giving him an almost gray appearance. A black tank top draped his shoulders and chest, and his legs were encased in black jeans.

The young Gryffindor had nothing more to really go on for him other than learn as much magic as humanly possible and serve his purpose as a warrior, a guardian. He could do nothing else, and being raised to do other things that of a warrior, and it cost him being able to socialize, cost him looking like a normal boy and not some ghost child. Rather than feeling angry about the ordeal, Ryuu knew not how to feel to this. He did not know how a normal lifestyle was, so what if it was worse than what he went through when he got home to Japan?

 

[Merlina Caliburn]

Running headlong up to the tower, Merlina was itching to try one of the many gifts she had gotten for the Yule Tide holiday. The glass fairies seemed to dance in her hand as she ran up the steps, bursting out into the tower she exclaimed with delight when she saw her best friend. She had thoroughly missed him over the vacation and though they spent much of their free time together it never seemed to be enough for her. She knew she had to give him the space he so valued but she hated thinking of him alone.

"Ryuu!" she was at his side in seconds a huge beaming smile on her face, Merlina had long lost the awkwardness of being around him. No longer did she constantly want to touch him to see if he was real or to simply hold his hand, she refused often to resist the urge to fling her arms about him and had grown out of feeling cheated by this as well. Knowing her feelings for her best friend ran deep were one thing but also knowing that he did not see her in that way at all had been a savage blow to her but one she had put behind her or at least shoved so deep as to be nearly forgotten, until moments like this came when she had not seen him in some weeks and her heart felt elated almost bursting with happiness to see him.

It was just as well she had a glass fairy in each hand or she would have tried to hug him only to later kick herself for doing so.
"How are you? How was your vacation?"

 

[Katsuo Arai]

Eyes lost in thought, body stiff as a rock, it wasn't until that one voice that called his name snapped in back into the horrid and twisted reality. Merlina Caliburn. The only girl he had met and somewhat felt bonded to and has accepted him for the way he was. His sore and aching body turned to face Merlina. This had to be the first time she had seen him without robes or his trenchcoat. His skin was scarred, but the most evident one was a huge slash on his neck that would proceed down to his chest, and the bottom of his ribcage. He also had a tattoo given to him by his father when he was six of two angel wings on his back.

"My vacation was excruciating. Much training in such minimum time." Ryuu's silky hair was pushed from his pale, pale eyes as they steadied upon Merlina. Instead of them being icy and cold as he held them for others, they were soft and full of concern for her. It was as if soon, he would come to realize that maybe he was born to protect her. To be with her and by her side for all of eternity. However, how Ryuu felt about anything that was not in his household was foreign to him. He could not analyze this feeling he had toward Merlina. It just was. Ryuu spoke once more, his tone lacking any emotion except utter exhaustion, "And how was yours?"

 

[Merlina Caliburn]

She was fortunate that she did not drop the glass fairies when he turned to face her. Her mouth instinctively opened when she saw the scars he wore like a badge of honor.
"Oh" she gasped as her eyes fell to the one on his neck, her eyes half shut as if absorbing the pain he must have felt. Reaching across she put the fairies down on the window sill and turned to look at him.

"Excruciating? oh Ryuu, what did they do to you?" a small gentle hand reached out, her finger tips grazing the sliver of the scar as her eyes looked beseechingly into his. She couldn't help the tears that welled up for him, could not stop the helplessness she felt that she had been nowhere near him, had been unable to offer him even a modicum of comfort while he so obviously suffered.

How could she even begin to talk now of holly wreaths and mistletoe, panetone cake fresh from the oven, gifts laid out by the hearth and the family all gathered singing ancient yule tide wizarding carols. How could she speak of scalding her thumb on the plum pudding because she had been too eager to wait for it to cool? When her dearest friend in the entire world had been enduring senseless pain. It was too much to contemplate and without considering the implications on their fragile friendship she wrapped her arms about his shoudlers, taking care not to brush against his neck. Wanting only to offer his some comfort.

"Oh, Ryuu. You can't go back. You just can't. The next scar might go deeper than that one" she released him again indicating the scar on his neck.

 

[Katsuo Arai]

Ryuu stared at the ground, pale lips slightly parted. How could he tell her that? Why did he not just lie? But that would go against his morals, against the ways of a warrior. Ryuu breathed deeply, and he said, "Just training. It is what I go through, what other ancestors have gone through. It must be done, and it is inevitable." Ryuu has grown up never having a choice, and this was just another obstacle to him. There was nothing that can be changed, and he would have to continue this hell until he was ready to protect those in higher power.

Ryuu failed to flinch when she touched scar upon him. "This scar was of my own faults. I should not have tried that weapon when I was not fully prepared to handle it." Because of all the accidents and beatings he endured while growing up, his skin was tough, yet soft, and he lost most nerves to know what physical pain done to most of his skin and some muscle felt like. It would be dangerous when he was older. He would not be able to tell if he was fatally injured. Ryuu turned his gaze to Merlina once more, and he said, "I am honored that you wish me no pain, Merlina, but I must return back during the break. I have to fulfill my duties to the roles given. I don't have a choice." Ryuu received the hug, but he failed to return it. He was not used to affection, but hers, he did not flinch at her touch.

 

[Merlina Caliburn]

She listened to him with a heavy heart, training. She hated that he had to do that, it seemed pointless to her but she would never say so to him. It mattered to him and that was all that mattered to her. Merlina just did not like how exhausted he became because of the rigors of what his family put him through.
"Well it might be inevitable but that doesn't mean I have to like it" she told him petulantly looking once more at the scar on his neck, it looked so sore.
"If you insist on keeping to this course then there's only one thing I can do" she would not accidentally lose him to some blade that pierced the thick skin that she could not, "I will get my cousin to show me how to perform some healing spells and to brew some healing creams. Someone has to take care of you".

Her blue eyes looked at him and she smiled, her pale features brightening slightly.
"You're going to be the death of me if I have to worry about you all the time, can't I have one vacation whereby I don't come back afraid of what condition you're going to be in?" she had reason to smile as she realized they had come along way together. He had not flinched from her touch, had not returned it but not definitely not flinched from her.

 

[Katsuo Arai]

Ryuu smiled faintly. He had come a long way from when he first started school here in Hogwarts. He didn't even know how to smile when he arrived, but now, he did. Even if it was a tiny one, it was still something. Ryuu said, "You would be surprised on how much I don't feel anymore. My body has adjusted reasonably and that is not required of you to do." He paused for a moment, before he continued, "But if it makes you feel any better..." Ryuu would only allow Merlina to do such a task for him, to him. After all, it was only natural to him now. Ryuu struggled not to think upon these reasons or thoughts.

"You don't need to waste any worries on me. No one has ever died in my family that has gone through this training. Every vacation you have should not have any negative thoughts upon my condition. I was raised to do this." Ryuu may be tired from the training, and somewhat sore, it was nothing really to worry over. Ryuu was tough, and because of this, he was able to do things that some could not. However, the older he would get, the less powerful in magic he would be.

 

[Merlina Caliburn]

Merlina didn't like him talking like that, how he didn't feel anymore. She frowned and walked away from him, stopping when she reached the window sill opposite and looked out as a raven soared past.
"Is it that you don't want to feel anything or you become indifferent to feeling things because of this training?" she asked him, her voice like an empty hope. A longing that she wished for him, he would miss out on so much if he cut himself off emotionally, did he not know this? Time spent with her passionate Italian family had done her no favors where he was concerned. Every emotion she felt concerning him was brought to the fore in record time. She kept her back to him as she fought the mixture of emotions that swarmed her.

"You still don't get it do you Ryuu?" she wanted to look at him but figured what was the point, he would probably be looking off in the other direction anyhow, taking very little notice of her and how he made her feel, "You are not a waste of my time, I don't care that you were raised to do such dangerous things. I do care... that you could get seriously hurt from doing them. It's part..." she had to at least inject some upbeat feeling into this or he would run for cover, reject her like back in first year when she had tried to kiss him, "it's part of my job description as your best friend".

Still she could not look at him, especially now as her eyes filled with tears that she knew she would not, could not shed for him. He would see it probably as weakness, Merlina was suddenly very acutely aware of the beautiful pale skinned boy, his cerulean eyes and his scars. She wanted desperately to turn to him and hold him, to care for him but knew it was all futile dreaming. All of it.

 

[Katsuo Arai]

Whether his words meant both emotionally and physically, it was a mystery even to him. How much he missed out on, not knowing every emotion out there, not knowing how he should feel about certain things, and how he should not. Her words caused him to stare at the ground. The emptiness of her voice, it affected him, in a way that he could not explain. Instead of analyzing and acting upon it, he dismissed it until he was ready to take on such challenges. His black hair fell into his face once more, pale eyes closing. "It is not of what I want on how I feel. This training I must go through, I have...missed out. I do only what I know to do, and if your words mean something more, then it is beyond my understanding." Indifferent to feeling things...

Though his pale eyes did not stare at Merlina, he listened intently. Ryuu breathed softly and silently. "Anyone could get seriously hurt from doing what they do everyday. Such dangers lurk behind every corner. If I was raised normally, like every other person in this school, without the vigorous training, then I could get seriously hurt by playing Quidditch." Ryuu's gaze landed on her for a moment. "Caring... I may not understand that yet, but it is out of my control, and I cannot change it. However, hurting yourself out of this caring for another, best friend or not, it is not..." Ryuu fell silent. He could not find the proper English word to fit. He thought for a moment, before he finished, "right..."

Ryuu stared at the ground once more, his back to Merlina, his hair shielding his face, hiding all that was within. Ryuu was raised not to want things from others, but this time, there was an exception. He murmured, "I don't want you to be hurt in case something bad happens..." Not just because of him, but anything rather. Ryuu did not care, if he understood, what he went through. It did not bother him, for it was the only thing he ever knew. Coming to this school was perhaps the best thing that has every happened to Ryuu, opening up a new world, new emotions to feel. But Ryuu could not learn that of the other world fast enough... What it means to be a friend, what it means to care.

 

[Merlina Caliburn]

She turned to look at him then her face flustered, tinged red from excessive emotions warring through the adolescent. She was on the precipice of something huge and she could not reach it, felt as if she were to reach out for it she would fall off, lose herself completely but this was Ryuu and any feelings that were circulating within her were there because of him and yet, he felt nothing. He did not understand about what he was doing to her just by being him alone.

She knew he was right in his very detached speech about people getting hurt doing everyday things but she didn't care about everyone she cared about him. Merlina looked at the perfectly straight back as he had turned from her and sighed as she moved slowly over to him.

"I don't want you to be hurt in case something bad happens..."
his words stole through her gave her the gentle delicate push that sent her spiraling out of her depth. That surely meant he cared, somehow she had managed to break through his defenses. Her heart beat with something akin to hope while a braver more fierce emotion, gentle and consuming all in one breath gave her the courage to reach out her hand and gently touch his back. She placed the palm of her hand on the valley between his shoulder blades softly.

Her voice when she spoke was soft and low, a whisper of the feelings that had begun to grow in her from their very first meeting.
"It is too late for me. It was never in my power to be able to stop ... caring for you" her hand moved slowly over the ridge of his left shoulder blade, gliding tenderly to the hard muscle of his arm.
"Not once I started".

 

[Katsuo Arai]

Ryuu heard her walk, but made no movement himself. Only his hair swayed in the gentlest of breezes. No sound, but he felt her touch. How could one so soft, so caring, bother with a being like himself? So extraordinary, so out of place. It was confusing Ryuu but he simply dismissed his thoughts for another time to dwell upon them. Now was not the time, as he kept from reflexing, which at a touch, Ryuu would have released some of his skills from training. Anyone else, he would not bother holding back, but from her, he did. It took much self-control. He may not be a deadly weapon yet, but he could inflict harm if he so wished to.

The way she said those words, with feelings that he could not understand, it caused him to glance once more in Merlina's direction. However, that voice of Ryuu's subconscious once more filled his mind. "You can never return what she feels. You barely even belong in this world of hers." Was his subconscious right? Will he ever start caring for her in the same way that she does him? It was not right having something like this one-sided. It wasn't fair to her. "It is beyond my understanding to feel what you feel. To me, whoever has the power is cruel." The words weren't mean, but more or less fragile. He barely understood what he was saying anymore.

 

[Merlina Caliburn]

As he turned to face her Merlina's hand dropped slowly to her side. She looked into the beautiful eyes and wished deeply that he would try just once to reach for her. It didn't have to be out of love or anything other friendship but just once... she glanced down at his hands. Trying to imagine the weapons he might have used while she had been playing silly games like tossing snowballs and building snowmen back home. Their worlds were so different, so completely out of balance with one another and yet she felt so strongly that they were like two sides to the same coin. This made her smile though the words he was now speaking to her should have made her react in some other way.

She reached deep inside her pocket and took out an old coin. When she had been on holiday with her father in France three years earlier she seemed to fall constantly, bump into things and drop things as if she were the biggest clutz ever and then one day she had found a coin on the street and had shown it to her father. The coin depicted an angel and though he had told her it was a muggle coin it was supposed to have magical properties, luck being one of them.

Merlina convinced her father was merely telling one of his tall tales to make her feel better had smiled but she had carried the coin with her most every day since and on those days she was guaranteed not to have any incident befall her. Reaching out she put the coin into his hand.
"If I can't be there to look out for you then maybe this will" she looked up into his pale blue eyes again, "I am not giving up on you Ryuu. You're my best friend in the entire universe" and I love you this she felt deeply but did not say "I know someday you'll feel something."

She stepped away from him to the window sill again and picked up her glass fairies. Turning around she leaned against the wall to look back at him.
"I guess it depends on what power doesn't it? I feel strongly for you so yes, you have power over me in that sense but it isn't in a bad way".

 

[Katsuo Arai]

Ryuu took the coin in his hand, and he stared down at it. He would prize this very coin, and took it as a token of something. Ryuu could not think of the right word for this, but nonetheless, he would carry it with him no matter what. She had given it to him, thus he must do this deed. It was a simple task, and Ryuu would not dishonor it. “I have angels from the heavens looking after me, and this coin will remind me when I am in the deepest darkness of the abyss when I return home to my family to resume training.” Ryuu bowed his head to stare at the coin. It too had an angel upon it. Already, he felt connected with it.

“And you are in my life, and that means something. I have yet to see what my purpose of being with you is, but for now, I think it is ‘best friends’.” Ryuu had a sense to protect her as well. He was her protector, but he often thought that the only person who could hurt her most is him. Especially with his training. Magic wise, he could not do much at all. After all, the Arai’s were talented with their physical nature, not with their magical. Her last words were rather disturbing, and caught Ryuu off guard. Ryuu murmured, “I wish not to have power over you, but there is nothing I can do, but if it is not bad, then I will not oppose…” Ryuu wondered though, what power was it? What feelings did she have for him that were so strong? It was beyond his understanding, and Ryuu wanted to reach out and actually take in what she knew.

 

[Merlina Caliburn]

She loved that he seemed to already treasure the coin but talk of an abyss, a deep and dark one at that had her clenching her hands so tight that she nearly crushed the glass fairies.
"Ouch"
The sharp wing tip of one nipped her and she put it down to look at the pin prick spot of blood. It was nothing of course but it kept her face from betraying any emotional outburst that she might have otherwise displayed to him. She became so visibly engrossed in the tiny nick as she tried desperately to banish images of Ryuu in a deep dark abyss. But no matter how hard she tried, she could not and became as a result more upset.

Outwardly it would appear that the tiny nick must have been beyond excruciating. She did not care, though she thought he might consider her weak after this. Especially after the huge scars he carried. She kept her eyes averted from him as a sob stole through her.
"There is nothing at all bad in how you make me feel" she just truly wished someday he could feel likewise for her, "best friends". She concurred trying to smile though the vivid images were now firmly locked in her head and she could no more banish them than stop caring for him.

 

[Katsuo Arai]

Ryuu narrowed his pale, pale blue eyes upon her. He approached her, closing the distance. His hand reached out to see what she had done, seeing just a tiny nip from whatever had gotten to her. Ryuu murmured, “Best friends…” That word barely meant anything to him, but it meant much much more than other words in themselves. Ryuu was fairly surprised that she displayed such pain in something so small. Could it be that some people just did not have the ability to suppress what they felt? Ryuu whispered, “There may not be anything bad in how I make you feel, but sometimes me being around you might seem like a burden if I cause you so much stress.” Ryuu’s eyes fell to the ground. Something struck him, but he did not know what it was. “But I…I want you to choose what we do from here. Choose for me, for I know not what would be wrong, and what would be right.” Ryuu wanted to turn and walk out, but he would not do so without Merlina at his side. A subtle, almost invisible smile lined his lips.

 

[Merlina Caliburn]

If electricity could really be carried between two bodies then Merlina knew that she felt it the moment he touched her hand. Her eyes finally looked into his and she wanted nothing more than to hug him. Fearing his retreat from her she did not try, though her body seemed to ache for further contact with him. Merlina put it all down to being young and stupid and not understanding anything of the world about her or boys in general. As he spoke she closed her fingers gently around his hand, her eyes never wavering from his.

He had just given her a very strange, a very difficult undertaking. She too was afraid that she would make the wrong decision for them. She wanted to be so much more than his best friend but also believed that they were both probably too young to go down that route at all, it didn't matter that others their age were enjoying that sort of relationship. Merlina knew without a shred of doubt that herself and Ryuu were not like others their age. There was only one other description for them that she thought would fit, would help them and their situation. She did not know how he felt about her because he never seemed capable of feeling anything. He cared in his own way but would he agree with what she was about to say.

"I am afraid of choosing the wrong thing too. You.. you don't cause me stress. People who care for other people will always worry about them. It's only natural that the things you do, that are fraught with so much danger will always give me cause for worry. Always" she looked at the ground that he seemed intent on looking at too until she lifted her head and with her free hand palm up, gently lifted his so she could look at him.
His cerulean eyes were devastating but she smiled into them now.

"I don't think we're really even best friends you and I, soul mates. I think that is what we really are, soul mates. I don't know what it is we must do other than be there for one another as we have been" her cheeks tinged slightly embarrassment washed over her. She had never spoken like this to anyone, her family may have been a bunch of passionate Italian purebloods but discussing emotions was not high on their agenda. She moved her hand from under his chin though her other still held his.

"I cannot choose for you but I can tell you this, my heart is yours Ryuu. From the first moment we met I knew that much. I know I ... I kissed you then and I am sure I probably promised that I wouldn't do it again and I won't. No matter how much I might want too or like too. When you are ready, if it is me you choose then I will be here for you but if ..." a sudden sadness seemed to engulf her afraid now at the very thought of her next words, "if you find when you are older, when we are older that you like another then please... please let me know. Don't keep me waiting forever".

 

[Katsuo Arai]

Ryuu couldn’t help but wince when he too felt that electrifying shock. However, that only made his grip firmer, but still gentle. He could not lie and say that he did not like this feeling. “Human nature…” It was the only two words that seemed to fit the category. Human nature was something he had yet to really understand. He embraced her touch, and he narrowed his eyes upon hers. His eyes bore into hers, not in a threatening situation, but trying to understand. “Soul…mates?” He did not understand this term, but perhaps she would explain later.

But it was something noticeably interesting considering the change in tone of her cheeks. “To be honest, Merlina, I do not think I will develop any types of feelings toward another. But I will tell you if that happens. I never want to see you hurt, Merlina, especially because of me.” Instantly, his fingers curled around her hand, and Ryuu faintly smiled, “I believe that it is time to go down to the Great Hall…” Ryuu did not know that he was showing affection now.

 

[Merlina Caliburn]

There were few things in her life that brought a smile to her face but the pressure of his hand holding hers was definitely one of them. He cared and she could feel it, not just in the subtle movements he made now but in his eyes. The mirrors to the soul. Merlina felt buoyed up for the first time in so long, her best friend was beginning to react to emotions. She didn't know if this was a bad thing for him in regards to the training he was subjected too but figured that no amount of knowledge where emotions were concerned could ever be a bad thing. She had felt reassured also that he seemed not to have any plans to tie himself to anyone else but that could all change in the blink of an eye, matters of the heart usually did. Not knowing what she would do if he ever did discover what love truly was and discovered it with someone else, Merlina smiled at him as his fingers curled around her hand.

Her gaze fell to it, loved looking at the intricate pattern their interlocking fingers made before she looked up to his the gentle yet faint smile on his face, her own face lit up then. Answered his smile with one of her own.
"Yes Ryuu, it is time" she felt happy, content with that fragile glimpse of emotion that he had displayed. There might be hope of them after all, for no friendship in Merlina's eyes could surely succeed if only one person cares. It took both and now she knew that somewhere along the line, somehow Ryuu was beginning to care.