Just Keep Swimming

[Stefan Archer]

It was nearing Christmas, and for this man, Christmas was a difficult time of year. He was conflicted in his enjoyment of the holiday, in light of previous events which had taken place around that time. On the one hand, spending it with Kate and the rest of his family was good and fun and everything he knew the holiday was supposed to be, and on the other, he still had fourteen, fifteen years of bad christmases which no matter how good the recent ones were it would take far more to level that field, for the good to outweigh the horrendously bad. Stefan's father had died, almost nine years ago, at around Christmas and still in Stefan's mind his death was as clear and present as it had been when it happened, or well the events which had happened moments before his father's death. Stefan was doing a lot better nowadays than he had been nine years ago, he had far less nightmares, though they were still more frequent than most would have, he had far less flashbacks and he flinched a lot less, he'd become more accustom to people touching him. But, that accidental trip into the Borely had reawakened a part of the man that had set him back more than a few steps, that had halted and reversed some of the progress he'd made. The fear he had felt within that house was a fear he had felt in those years with his father, all of the bad memories that he had worked so hard to push away had just resurfaced all at once, he had been unable to stem that tide. Stefan hadn't told anyone, perhaps that was his current issue but it remained a secret, no one asked, so he didn't tell them about what had happened. But, as the month of November moved on Stefan just felt like the combination of it all was weighing heavily on his mind, preventing him from further improvement. He could scarcely imagine what it would be like next year, when it would be officially ten years, his hand rested on the scar which remained bold and ever present all these years after. He was soon to reach more years without his father than with, but his father and that life he'd lived still heavily impacted on everything Stefan did, they would always be a part of what Stefan was.

The librarian was at work early, he'd been sleeping pretty horribly so he had started coming into work earlier, it made more sense than just lingering around the house. The smell of the books in the library tended to ease Stefan's overly active mind, he could avoid Kate's questioning and worried gaze. He found it easy to just work away, listening to that low hum of students in the library attempting to be quiet, a normality he loved. It was too early for most students to be up on this day, only those incredibly studious few were already in the library. One new addition this year was however, the guidance counsellor who had his office close enough to where Stefan worked that Stefan say him fairly often, from what he knew the man's name was Daniel and he seemed friendly enough. Stefan always tried to be polite to the other man, and would often say hello to him, or greet him with a small nod, as it was fairly early and there was unlikely to be much he was needed for, Stefan ventured over to the man's office. Stefan despite working in a school where most others were dressed smartly was dressed fairly casually, he wore neat, clean clothes but they did often boil down to being jeans, a t-shirt and a jumper or sweatshirt, they were casual clothes. Today, as the library was already pretty warm with the morning sun shining in through the window's Stefan had his sleeves pushed up, warm enough for sleeves to be rolled up but not warm enough to take the jumper off, the librarian was no longer bothered when he had his skin exposed, those scars on his body would never fully fade, he knew that, he just had to live with it, and part of that had been becoming less ashamed of them. He knocked on the other man's door before waiting for a response, and then walking in, "Daniel right?" Stefan greeted extending his hand to him in a formal greeting, "Stefan, Librarian. I noticed you were here, and since it's early, I was going to ask if you wanted to join me for some tea or coffee?" Stefan smiled in a friendly fashion at the man, unsure of what supplies the man had, or if he could make his own tea, but, Stefan figured it was the nice thing to do, they worked close to one another it wouldn't make sense to then not at any point at least sit down for one cup of tea or coffee.
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[Daniel Clairoux]

Daniel was currently unpacking his office, while simultaneously trying to write a letter to his mother, and cousin, Hazel. However, talking to two quills, and trying to clean his office, was far more difficult than he assumed. He looked at the parchment for Hazel, and sighed. "No, scratch that last bit." He could not have Hazel worrying about him, otherwise she would never leave him alone. The same could be said for his mother, who was horrified at the issues he was having with Corey, and also about the fact that he decided to leave France to return to New Zealand. His father was here, she had reasoned, and they both disliked his father. She calmed after he assured her that he would not be moving in with his father. Instead, he moved in with Jonathon, and now they both worked at the local school. Both had their own offices and everything. It was all very exciting. He had already gone to visit Jonathon once, and accidently caused him to partially ruin some of the students' work, but he was sure it was okay. It was only a small essay anyway.

He had no posters up on his walls yet, but he had finally unpacked his desk, and flicked off some moving foam onto the floor, before deciding that he would probably have to pick that up anyway. He looked up after jumping slightly when he heard a knock, and smiled, secretly hoping that it was not a student needing advice - he didn't have the second chair unpacked yet. "Come in!" He looked at his visitor, identifying him as one of the librarians, Stefan. "Oh, yes. Hello!" He stood up, brushing off his pants and taking Stefan's hand, giving a firm shake. Upon taking his hand, however, Daniel found it difficult to not notice the scarring, but said nothing of it and made sure to not have his eyes linger. That would be incredibly rude. He released the hand. "I would kill for coffee right now," he said, laughing slightly. "I recently got hooked, it's terrible. I can't even unpack my office without having a cup." His hand went over his surroundings, the majority of his things still in big boxes.​

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[Stefan Archer]

Stefan shook Daniel's hand firmly, smiling brightly at the man as he did so, despite the early morning and little sleep it never hurt to be bright and friendly. Stefan was always happy to talk to people, keep his mind occupied and he no longer had as many difficulties with adults now considering he too was one, before talking to adults had been almost impossibly hard consider all that had happened to him. Now, Stefan found it easier and so he was always happy to be opening and welcoming to those around him. The librarian smiled in a friendly fashion at Daniel as he accepted Stefan's offer of something to drink, something to kick start the day. It was always good to get some coffee first thing in the morning, and way of waking up the body. Stefan himself needed some coffee anyway since he just hadn't been sleeping well since the Borely, but he knew coffee with someone else would be fun, it was a good way to spend the quiet empty moments before the day got started. He motioned for the other man to follow him, "Come on then," he told the man, "The librarian's office is always filled with tea and coffee," Stefan told him brightly, since it was actually true. He had never in all his time working there had a problem with coffee or tea, sometimes Stefan brought more, sometimes others brought stuff, they just took turns to bring new coffee or tea, though stocks never fell low. They stayed in good supplies, which was definitely a good thing, "Feel free to help yourself to the supplies whenever," Stefan told him, since they were all working on the same floor within the same area it made sense that they would share.

Stefan smiled and held the staff room door open for Daniel before motioning for the man to sit down while he prepared the coffee, "How have you been settling in?" he asked him with interest clear in his voice, he might not really need to know, but Stefan knew that making polite conversation with the man was a step forward. He just set about making coffee as he listened to Daniel's reply, going through the motions of making coffee like he had done countless times before. He turned back as the coffee pot got to work, "I'm glad the school have brought in someone like you, some of the kids could use a little guidance you know," he was referring to the amount of times he'd seen or run into students in the library upset over something or another. Having a staff member other than professors seemed like a good plan, it would help the students he was sure of it, Stefan knew that while it might not have helped him when he had been at school, his issues far larger than this man but there were plenty others that it might've. The sound of the coffee being done brought Stefan slightly out of his daze in thinking about the help Daniel would bring, he turned back to face the coffee, "Do you take any milk or sugar?" Stefan asked preparing his own how he liked it, straight, black, no sugar and then his. He placed the cup in front of him and smiled, "To early mornings,"
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[Daniel Clairoux]

Daniel followed along behind Stefan as he was guided out of his office, and through the library and nodded as he was spoken to. He was sure he would enjoy his time here, seeing as everyone so far seemed very friendly. He had already had the chance to speak to some students, and found that most were rather nice. He made a mental note to not bother storing his own coffee in his office, and decided that he would just add his own collection to the mix. It would be the most logical course of action, and he had not been sure where he would store his coffee. He smiled slightly at Stefan, and took a seat when instructed to do so. "I think I've been settling in okay," he replied, relaxing into the back of the chair. "I haven't been in New Zealand for years, and I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't happy to be back in a school environment. It's kind of hard to leave, you know?" The simplicity of having everything he needed near him was hard to ignore, and the added fact that he was doing what he felt was right, and needed to do, just made him feel good. "I also have a friend working here, the Muggle Studies professor, Jonathon Phillips." Whether Stefan would actually know Jonathon, or have merely heard of him, but that did not very much matter to him. He would probably eventually meet him, in any case.

Daniel met Stefan's face with a smile as the other man turned to face him. He nodded. "Yeah, I know. I'm not a psychologist, or anything, but sometimes people just need someone to listen to what's bothering them, and if it turns out that they might need a little more help than I would be able to point them in the right direction." He knew he would not be able to help everyone with everything, but he had to be better than the alternative. Bottling emotions never helped anyone. "Besides, some students just can't bring themselves to talk to their professors. When I was at school, I never spoke to my professors about anything, even if I knew they would be able to help. Just couldn't do it." He shrugged. "Might be the title thing."

Daniel wiggled his nose in thought as he considered how strong he would have his coffee today. "Just a bit of milk, but pile in the sugar. Make it six, please." He watched as Stefan made his own cup, and crinkled his nose at it, knowing he would never be able to swallow that mixture. "You have your coffee just like my mother. She absolutely hates sugar, and can never take me having the amount I do." She would always tell him that he was going to develop diabetes with the amount of sugar he ingested. He lifted his cup to Stefan. "To early mornings," he said, taking a sip, and sighing. "Ahh, it's so nice. How long have you been working here?"​

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[Stefan Archer]

Stefan smiled at the other man as he explained how he'd been settling in which seemed to be pretty easily, Hogwarts was a good place, the man knew that settling in was not a particularly hard thing to do, or at the very least Stefan had not found it too hard. Though their jobs were different it was easy enough to settle in to this kind of place, Hogwarts was as uncomplicated as it came. The rules were easy to follow and the other staff members were friendly enough, just enough that it was easy to talk to any of them. It was easy to just get into a good, stable routine and just live simply and happily, all that Stefan had ever wanted out of a job. Stefan loved his job, truly loved his work, it wasn't the most high powered or the most interesting of jobs in the world but it suited him, it had been exactly what he needed to even begin to heal following the horrors of his upbringing. It suited who he was, who he had become, and it was perfect to work around being at home with Kate, after all they were discussing children of their own, something Stefan had never thought possible. Stefan nodded along, "I was never particularly school, but I get what you mean," Stefan told him brightly, there was a simplicity of school, there was an ease to it, school for Stefan had been tricky and there were a lot of gaps in his education, but he could understand what Daniel meant. The other man continued to tell him about the who he knew in the school, the name was new to Stefan, he figured it was one of the new Professors. Stefan didn't have much interaction with the professors but he was kept up to date from the not-so-hushed conversations of students, or by the professors themselves coming to the library. He had never really sought out any of the professors or tried to figure things out, he just went by ear, it was in his mind a far simpler way of doing things.

As Daniel began talking about what he was, the job that he did and that the students perhaps just needed someone to talk to, Stefan nodded along, clearly in complete agreement, whole heartedly agreement with what he was saying. He knew that talking to professors for him had just simply been out of the question, he wouldn't have known where to start, and he sure as anything would not have been able to predict what might've happened had he, they might've helped they might not have, nothing could change what had happened now. He knew that even if there had been a counsellor of some sort while Stefan had been at Hogwarts, he would've been unlikely to speak to them either, since they might've done more. The fear which had plagued Stefan during those years had been enough to keep him from ever trying to talk to any adult about his home life. As he thought of that, his mind cast itself back to the Borely, to the horrors within those walls, they cast back to his father, and that deep fear he had felt, Stefan shook his head slightly and focused on what Daniel was saying, pushing those memories deep. Focusing instead on making coffee for them both and ignoring the way his heart was beating slightly faster, "Six sugars?" Stefan said in a tone of disbelief as he prepared Daniel's coffee how he liked it, which was the polar opposite way from how Stefan liked his. Though his sugarless, milk-less coffee was largely down to the fact that with his father, the foster parents and then him living alone, Stefan had just simply had no sugar, not enough money to buy such an item when there were far more pressing things. He gave the man his cup, "My dad used to drink his coffee like I do, but I don't think that wasn't because of preference, we didn't really have money when I growing up, so sugar was a luxury," Stefan could talk easily about those things, he wasn't ashamed of his family's lack of money, "I got into the habit too," he said with a smile as they raised their mugs. Stefan took a small sip of his coffee and let its bitter taste wash over him, nodding with what Daniel was saying, "Three years now, I like it. I don't think I'd want to do anything else," Stefan told him honestly with a smile, "What made you decide to become a school guidance counsellor?"
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[Daniel Clairoux]

Daniel nodded slowly. Not everyone loved school as much as he had - but then again, not everyone got into as much mischief at school as Daniel and his friends had - and still managed to pass all classes as to avoid being blasted when returning home. He was ridiculously lucky. Not everyone was as lucky as Daniel often found himself, which led him to savor life perhaps more than others. Working at a school meant that things were set to a certain rhythm, and that was exactly Daniel needed at this point in his life. The added bonus of having family in the country, and friends working in the school itself made it nearly impossible for him to ever consider leaving without some sort of catalyst. He ran his tongue across his teeth in amusement as Stefan acknowledged just how much sugar he had with his coffee. Without that amount of sugar in the cup, the coffee tasted bitter to him, and he could not stand that. It was like drinking something dead. It needed sugar to sweeten it up. He hummed happily as he accepted the mug, and nodded as Stefan spoke of past financial trouble for him and his father. Daniel was fortunate to have never had to worry about such things, his parents always had family they could turn to should it be needed, and now as an adult he had plenty of family he could rely on should it ever come to that. Hopefully, it would not. "I first tried coffee when I was really young, I took a few sips of my mother's," he explained, shuddering at the disgusting taste as it came back to him. "It was like drinking something that had died. So, I poured an uncountable amount of sugar into it, and loved it. I've been drinking heavily-sugared coffee since."

Daniel smiled slightly, finding Stefan's love of his job both inspiring, and comforting. It was not often that one could say that they would rather not to anything else, and he was happy to have found someone that loved their job about as much as he expected to enjoy his. He could not say anything definitive at this moment, as he was still very new, but he had no complaints of the arrangement as of yet. He looked down at the mug in his hands for a moment, collecting his thoughts, before replying. "Well, many reasons really. I mean, there was a point in my life where I was struggling a little, and being an overly-dramatic teenager, I assumed that my entire life was just over and it would never be great again and everything would change - it was virtually an existential crisis by how I was reacting." He smiled slightly, taking a sip of his drink. "Like I said before, I just think that kids just need someone to sit down, and talk to them. Someone that is willing to listen to them, and isn't a professor, but has more resources than say, their best friend. That was something I'd wanted in school, but didn't have, so I'm glad to provide it for these guys. Everyone needs an ear, and if I happen to get paid for doing what I've always wanted to do, so be it. It was either getting out and helping others, or remaining at home doing nothing." He shrugged now. "I just can't sit still. It's in my nature to move around, and this might sound a little silly if you don't believe in anything, but I feel that I'm meant to do this. Talk to others, let them know they're not alone, that kind of thing. I just feel that helping others is spiritually healthy for me and will put my life back into balance."​

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[Stefan Archer]

Stefan nodded along as he spoke, finding it funny the differences in how this man had first come to drink coffee and how Stefan had come to drink coffee. It had always amused him to a certain extent the ways in which people's lives were different because of the choices of their respective parents, because of the way parents were. Even if Stefan's parents hadn't really been real parents to him they had still formed large parts of him growing up. They were integral to forming the person, so hearing him talk about that, made Stefan smile. He just raised the cup to his lips and took a long sip of the drink. Just letting the bitterness consume him as he did so, focusing for that brief period of time solely on the drink in front of him. Stefan could never understand how a person could drink coffee with sugar and milk and all of that with it, he'd once tried it in his last job, one of the first days he'd been working there and he'd almost been repulsed by the taste. He like his coffee dark and bitter, it was what he was most used to and he couldn't understand why any person wouldn't want their coffee to be any other way.

Stefan continued to listen along as Daniel began explaining why he did what he did, and what had lead him on that career path, Stefan had to admit that it was admirable that he wanted to be the kind of person these students could rely on if they needed to, someone to talk to and able to know they weren't alone in any of it. Stefan wondered about how useful it would've been for Kate during her struggles, and he wondered how truly useful it might've been for him. He had never told any of the professors, he was sure that some of them had possibly known, and Elvera had eventually found out, though he'd never openly talked about it. He wondered then what the man might do, if ever a kid like Stefan walked in and said what was happening what would he then do? Clearly everything that was said, they might hope to stay between them, but a serious issue like Stefan's had been would've likely resulted in professor's being involved. Stefan took a small sip of his drink, "What would you do if someone who came to talk to you, who was looking for an ear, someone to listen but it was really serious? Like really serious," He had no way of explaining what he meant without accidentally just telling the man, Stefan didn't really hide any more, he wore short-sleeved t-shirts with ease and the scars of his past lay plainly on his arms uncovered, most others were hidden by his clothes but not for the same reasons as previously. He just didn't want this man to know so early one about what had happened in Stefan's life other than vague illusions, he wanted to know what this man would do in such a situation, he was genuinely quite curious.
​

 

[Daniel Clairoux]

Daneil cupped his coffee in his hands as Stefan spoke once more, and he could not help but think that he was being interviewed or something. However, he put it down to the fact that he was doing a job that really required people ask him questions - how could he bring about trust if he refused to share himself. However, the other man's style of question, coupled with the scars that Daniel could see, made him believe that this question was perhaps closer to heart and mind than it would to others. Everyone had their stories, their own personal struggles, but some were harder to overcome than others. He chewed on the inside of his bottom lip as he pondered the situation, plotting out an appropriate course for a 'really serious' situation.

"Well, my first priority would be making sure that the student was safe," he began. "However, I'd naturally have to tell at least the headmistress, and probably their head of house, but I'd try to get the student to do that - even if it's them writing a letter and me delivering it, or me standing right next to them in the offices, it'd be really important for them to tell so they can feel some level of control and choice. From then on, it would be out of my hands. The appropriate outside persons would have to cover - what I assume would be the home situation - and hopefully through all that the student wouldn't feel I betrayed them." He took a quick sip of his coffee when his throat felt a little dry. "I hope I won't have to do that, I mean, I'd hate for someone to go through that, and then finally decide to talk to someone about it, only to feel like they've been betrayed. But from that point on I'd make it clear that I would be available at any point, day or night. That's all I can do, really. Just give advice and hope that's enough. Maybe offer a place to stay or something, but otherwise, hands tied." It sucked, but it was reality. Just like anyone else, Daniel had many limits that he wished he could bypass.

"Tell me Stefan," he began, shifting in his seat as his own curiosity got the better of him. "What would you do?"​

 

[Stefan Archer]

Stefan sipped on his coffee slowly as Daniel talked about what he would do, Stefan knew that no matter what it was complicated, and there was perhaps no correct way of going about it, or better there was no easy way of going about it. Life was complicated and there were certain things that needed far more attention than others, things that were in those annoying shades of grey. He nodded along, wondering how frustrating it would be for the professors and the man in front of him it would to have their hands tied for some situations like he was talking. It wasn't exactly simple, Stefan knew that, he knew that had it been him telling someone about it he would've truly hated for them to go tell others, he would've likely been thankful in the long run, but in the immediateness of it, he would likely have no been keen to give the person any time of day. It would be broken trust and he knew for him it would've taken forever to trust them if they'd done that. Elvera who had helped him, had never told anyone, no matter how much she had offered, and really Stefan was thankful for that. By the time that he'd stayed with her, it had been mostly over, but it didn't stop him appreciating what she'd done.

The question turned to him, and he sipped his coffee slowly, before sighing slightly, "I don't really know," he told him honestly, trying to figure out his own thoughts as he tried to figure out what he would do, "I think sometimes someone like that just needs a friend, if they find the courage to tell you, I'd encourage them to tell someone else who could do something, but it has to be up to them. Forcing them to tell people when they don't want to might end up scaring them, or making them feel like you've back them into a corner," he said, raising an arm and lightly scratching the back of his head, in an almost nervous fashion. Stefan wasn't sure if he should maybe tell him that he had experienced such a thing and so for him he'd just reached a point where he'd thought about telling someone, but it had been too late, and being removed from situation had not helped his situation to begin with. Stefan smiled at Daniel, "I guess I'm glad that I'm just a librarian and my interactions with students are a minimum, I don't think I could do what you do," Stefan directed the conversation he hoped away from what they had been talking about before it could end up making Stefan really talk about it, while he could now talk about it, it didn't really mean that he liked to.
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[Daniel Clairoux]

Daniel nodded slowly as Stefan spoke, agreeing with what he said. But it all boiled down to Daniel's purpose here, and fundamentally, it was to help the students. Sometimes, that meant he had to contact the necessary people in order to help them, even if the student never forgave him for it. It felt like he was supposed to be their friend, a diary of sorts, but the reality of the fact was that he wasn't supposed to keep secrets for them that were serious and at risk of harming themselves or others. Bending such rules could cause more issues than fix. "It's all I can do, I suppose. Encourage, and sit in my office and hope that it all works out." It didn't feel fair, but in the end he didn't make the rules and had to follow them just like anyone else.

He smiled slightly, trying to lighten the rather sombre mood just a little bit, his previous statement felt a little bitter. "Anyway can give help to students, Stefan - even a librarian." He sipped his coffee, and savoured the taste a little before continuing. "I don't even know if I'm any good yet. We'll see, I guess. I might be jobless in a month if I suck - you never know!" He was trying to lighten the mood with some humour, and grinned as a result.​

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This is kind of horrible and I'm so sorry!