I Wouldn't Say I Missed You

[Wren Louise]

Letters between Wren Louise and Aspara Tsvetkov. ​

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Dear Gus,

How’s it going, bud? I hope you’ve stayed in Trinidad and Tobago long enough for the owl to catch you, but if not, the mail service should send it on.

I’m pretty good, before you ask. Not on the road anymore, and I was feeling a bit blue about that for a while, but I’ll tell you why.

Maman and Papa sent a raven, right out of the blue, to tell me that ‘enough was enough’ and it was time to settle down. I didn’t know what they meant; I’m only twenty-three, after all; but they soon clarified. I had to procure a proper, full-time job or they wouldn’t finance my travels any longer.

I expected this, up to a point, but they’re still letting Bana meander her way about over the map. It’s not exactly fair, but then, only children complain about what’s fair and what isn’t.

More importantly, I really couldn’t think of anyone who’d take me on, let alone whom I might take in return. You and I talked about our schooling previously, and you might remember that I was only ever good at a few subjects and mediocre at everything else (not like you, Monsieur High-Achiever). Either way, there’s not much room for a Diviner at The Leaky Cauldron.

When I went home for Yuletide, I asked if pub work counted, and Maman threw the pine cone she was decorating at me (that’s a no).

As it happens, there was one establishment who could use my sad, underused credentials. Long story short, you can call me ‘Professor Louise’, now.​

-​

I’ve taken a ten-minute coffee break during the writing of this letter so you could stop laughing. You’re welcome.

It’s true, though. Merlin knows why the Fates have chosen me, but they did, and I think they’re having a giggle while I fumble through this.

I’m very scared, even now, but it’s been a month since I said yes and I think I’m doing alright. Either that, or the other Professors are waiting till I’ve completed the terms of my ‘dare’ to flip them off and head for the hills.

It's also true that I like it. I feel vaguely useful, and I’m not used to feeling that way. I think you’d like this school, actually. It may be a little strict and not at all ideologically compatible with your beliefs, but the social system here is rich and vibrant.

I feel like a small island of tranquillity gathered into an archipelago with the other adults as the tumultuous currents of adolescence swirl around us. Of course Professors are just people trying to get by as well, but it’s nice to feel so together compared to the majority.

There is a lot of very important things to work towards or against as a grown wizard, and it can be very overwhelming at times, but I can be soothed when consoling a fifth year student whose EE was not an O. It means little to the world, but it means the world to her, so I’m glad to help.

If you’re in the area, my office, classroom and quarters are open to receive you. I’ve never been to my quarters but I’m sure they’re lovely. If I can, I’ll request you bring French coffee, spiced South-African jerky for Fifi, and [cheerful description of an intimate act].

Wren
[In place of a signature, there is an ink scrawl of a small, fat bird]​

 

[Aspara Tsvetkov]

Receiving the letter on his last day of the holidays had come as a welcome surprise, he hadn't really expected it, but he was happy that it was something he'd gotten, he'd quickly found some writing utensils and wrote a response, very quickly writing out what he wanted to say, rushing through it and having to fix a number of mistakes but he liked it, and he liked Wren, it was nice to have someone to talk to that was outside of his immediate circle and spending time with Wren had it's advantages.</SIZE>

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Professor Louise,

How many times must I say, it's Aspara, I regret ever telling you my full name. I am well, the trip has been good, travelling around has been nice, although I return to New Zealand and subsequently my work within a few days. This is the first real holiday I've had in a while, if ever, and it has definitely gone well. I feel rested, relaxed, usually all I get is the odd weekend.

It is good to hear that you are well, although I'm surprised your parents would do that, the way you spoke of them, it never seemed like they minded, but I guess sometimes things and people can change. Our schoolings were very different, if I'd attended real school like you I would've likely been the same. But Professor Louise, what an incredible thing. I only laughed a little, I'm sorry, just the thought of you in front of a classroom brought me laughter.

I'm sure, however, that you are an excellent teacher, those students will be lucky to have you. My schooling, what you know of it, wasn't traditional and really it was wrong, I might not have done well in a real school environment but I think it's the better place for anyone to learn, in my schooling I stopped attended at fourteen, it put me at a disadvantage your students won't have.

I can say it is always nice to feel together in a room of people, to know you have things sorted out and be prepared. It is nice to feel like you haven't completely messed up and that your life is somewhat on the right tracks, whatever that really means. I was twenty-three when I first got the job I do, it felt amazing, I can imagine you feel the same. I felt like having that job meant real stability.

What can you tell me about Divination then Professor? Can you see the past and the future? I never once studied Divination I have no idea how it works, do I need to be with you for you to tell my future?

I would very much like to see you soon, my work will keep me busy as soon as I return, but I may just take you up on your offer to visit, evenings alone in my apartment are quiet, lonely affairs. You can feel free to pop round any time, I'll always be happy for the company, I might not always be home early, and I leave early in the morning most days but I'll always be happy for the company. Perhaps I just do not have enough friends.

How was your Yuletide aside from the pine cone incident? Do magical people receive gifts like the muggles do? I spent a rather quiet yuletide, my work gives my that time off, but I would've rathered worked, the day itself for me is just one where I get drunk, smoke a little and read. I barely remembered to get a tree for it this year, although admittedly I wasn't exactly feeling the joy of the festive season this year, it's difficult to get into the spirit when largely alone.

How are the people you work with? The students you teach, any interesting people?

Hoping to see you soon
Aspara
<SIZE size="50">not Gus

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[Wren Louise]

Dear Gus,
not Aspara

I'm afraid you'll always be Gus to me, Vegiepatch. It's sweet. I have to say how much I enjoyed visiting you. Your apartment is lovely, hearing about your work was great, and I especially loved spending time with you. I think I've missed a bit of company while I've been working. My classroom is all the way up in the North Tower, and barely anyone visits because it's such a climb.

Actually, there is one gentleman who's worth heading down the steps for. Professor Pendleton is the Potions Master here at Hogwarts, and I've never met anyone more agreeable (apart from you, of course). We have tea sometimes - well, he has tea, I have coffee- and we talk about the students and our hobbies and things. All very adult and proper. I feel like I'm playing dressups, until I head to bed in the evening and realise this is my life, now.

I'd be happy to do a reading for you, of course; I completely forgot when I came over. We were a bit ... well, busy. We could do tarot cards, or runestones, or I could read your palm; you can take it all very seriously, if you want, or you can take it as a hint and nothing more, but I like to think I'm intuitive towards these things. Hopefully anything I read from you can do you some good. From here, all I can do is go over your star chart. I'll add my findings at the end of the letter.

Speaking of Yuletide, as you wrote, we should spend next Yule together, if you've got the room. Maman and Papa insisted I stay at Hogwarts for at least three Yultides to get used to Christmas with children (I think they think this is some sort of cosmic joke), although I have birthdays with them. Stuff that. I'm bringing the whiskey next time and we'll light up the pudding together. Yule isn't meant to be spent alone.

How's your work? I promise I won't be bored reading about it, I never am, although you keep insisting I will be. I long to hear about anything other than Quidditch or detentions. Catch me up, I want to know it all.

Take care of yourself,

[Bird scribble]​

 

[Aspara Tsvetkov]

Professor,

If you think my name is bad you haven't heard the worst of it. I'm glad you enjoyed visiting me, I have to say it was definitely lovely to have the company of someone, you are always welcome back. Rightly so no one visits, with you all the way up to the north tower! I don't actually know how high that is but I assume from your words that it is pretty high. Thankfully my apartment is not high up, but it is as frequently visited as yours, no one comes to me, because I'm rarely in to greet them, unlike a professor my work doesn't stop.

It is good that you appear to have made a friend, you should invite him round with you, any friend of yours is someone I'd be happy to meet, we can be adult together, although tea over coffee seems almost an insane choice. This is your life now, but it's not a bad life. Teaching isn't for most, I much prefer being out on the streets fighting so that people can all live better. Some days I feel like the fight isn't worth it, like I'm pouring all my efforts into something that will never be, but then I speak to people and I'm reminded how sometimes it can make a real difference.

You don't actually need to do that for me, I just think it would be funny to have my palm read. I wanted to learn how to do it, just to spite my family but it's just never been something I could do, I never had the time. A star chart would definitely be interesting, I would not mind one of those, but only if you have the time.

Spend Yuletide together? I have the room, of course Wren, I'd love to spend the holiday with someone, but I'm not very holidays, didn't even celebrate them at all until I was nineteen. I barely get decorations but, I'd love to, if you can deal with the minimalism. You are more than welcome to join me during the holiday and we can spend it together. Bring the whiskey and other things which are necessary for a Yuletide.

My work is as always busy, though as it tends to during this time of year it had gotten a little more quiet, or just slower, I find myself seeking out extra work to do just to keep occupied. I'm half tempted to get a second job, I mean the extra income would not be unwelcome, but I know that come January I wouldn't have the time, unless I got some night shift work. An old friend of mine who teaches at Beauxbatons brought along one of his students and I was able to talk to her about what I did, and I think I might have made a positive impact there. I tried and failed to quit smoking, which wasn't a great few days but all is right again, and that about sums up my life. Not much changes, the hotter, drier weather is nicer than the heavy rain.

I look being able to see you again soon, and should I get you a gift for Yuletide, I've never had to buy gifts before, do you want a gift?

With Care,

Vegiepatch
​

 

[Wren Louise]

Dear Vegiepatch,

I miss you. It is very cold in the castle, and the wind cuts right through me. Hopefully not for very long; I've made another friend, an older Professeur who is very small and has a lovely wife who sends me food. I try to eat it all, but you know me; sweets are life. With a bit more meat on me, I won't have to turn myself into sushi with linen every evening.

I must confess, I find myself melancholy. There was never a time when I wasn't surrounded by people, you understand. Traveling was never lonesome - I was never not surrounded by people, and even though I was often apart from them, watching them made me feel a part of it (whatever 'it' is).

I suppose I would feel less the outsider if I ventured from the towers more often, but being a teacher has exhausted me to the point where I leave only to have the occasional cup of tea (coffee!) with Professeur Pendleton and Professeur Tuuri. I miss human contact the most. It is a wonder that Hogwarts does not allow teachers to live in the castle with their spouses and families - there is certainly enough room.

I have been kept busy guiding my fifth and seventh year students through their examinations, and that has been a joy to witness. My most curious student, Monsieur Brocken, asks many questions and delights me with his enquiries, even though he hasn't much talent for divining. He reminds me of you - he argues most passionately for the rights of all men and women, and thinks of the school as a controlling institution designed to dull the minds of the young and keep them subservient.

I can't say whether I agree or disagree, but my opinion about it is neither here nor there. All I can say is that I am very proud of his commitment, and Brocken has further encouraged my faith in him by organising a Pride event on behalf of the Wild Patch Club. I gave him a blessing, and he made just the same face as you did when I first did so to you.

I have attached your star chart and my small predictions for you in the next half of the year. May they bring you comfort and encouragement. I believe you must continue in your endeavours to bring you purpose and to improve the world around you, even when they feel futile. You will succeed.

Forgive me my despondence earlier in the letter - I feel that I cannot wait till Yuletide. May I be permitted to visit you over the school holidays? If you're amenable, I'll stay for a week.

Yours,

[Bird scribble]

(P.S. The only gift I need from you is your company. I, however, intend you spoil you utterly. What other use have I for my wages? Also, is my English improving? Professeur Pendleton is an eloquent man, and I am trying to be a little more like him.)​

 

[Aspara Tsvetkov]

Professor,

I am very pleased to hear that you have made another friend, it would sadden me greatly if you were alone every night, and since you appear to have the sweetest tooth I have ever met, I have enclosed a few muggle sweets you might enjoy, I tried to find healthier options but such things apparently don't exist. I hope they manage to make you feel better.

I feel that I more than most would understand your melancholy, for I feel it often too, when I am home and not work, alone, I long for the company of others, I long to be in amongst the crowds, to be out speaking to people, helping them, just being active and always surrounded, perhaps it is why I likely take on far more work than I should, but I digress, and I want to say is that I understand you Wren, I wish I could provide some aid to it, but I can't fix it when it happens to me, so I have no cure. Do venture outside whenever you have the opportunity, those friends of your would likely welcome more frequent visits.

That student, sounds like a man after my own heart, I am glad that the education system has not entirely failed all of it's students and allows some to express themselves and think outside of the box. I am pleased that the school has a pride event, they are so crucially important still, and I am more than sure that he appreciated the blessing more than I. Funnily I used to know a family of activists with the surname Brocken.

I am more than certain Wren, that you guide these students correctly and wisely towards achieving their best grades.

Thank you for my star chart, I will pin it to my wall, and refer to it often, trusting in all the predictions you have divined for me. Wren, of course you may visit, stay as long as you would wish, I would be warmed and grateful for your presence, this time of year has it's difficulties for me, and some company would be greatly appreciated. My door is always open to you Wren!

Your english has always appeared great to me, I have never seen much issue with it.

I must admit before I head out into the cold morning that these long, cold winter nights, and their short days easily dampen spirits, the heavy rain and less than desirable weather do not make work easy, I am glad that I can do magic for if not, this cold snap would easily seep into my apartment. I come home shivering, and unable to leave my bed, I can honestly say I can not wait to be able to have some company and find some warmth with you in these long weeks.

With Care,

Vegiepatch
​

 

[Aspara Tsvetkov]

Professor,

I have had the worst of days, just one of those days were nothing seemed to go the right way, and I write this half way through the night, 4am to be precise and I have just arrived home and though I knew you were busy at school, I had wished for you to be here, there would've been nothing I'd want more than to curl up by your side and feel the warmth of your body next to mine after the day I've had. I feel so tired, but the events of the day play in my mind and I knew the best thing for me to do was write to you.

You know what was suppose to happen today, or well yesterday now, we've been talking about it, it was such an important rally and march, but I don't know what happened, the weather for one was awful, and things got out of hand, just so quickly. I feel so ashamed I couldn't do more to help, and I know that you've been so great and supportive about the work I've put into it. Every word either in these letters we send back and forth or when it's just us in my apartment.

I'm fine, there was a little bit of a scuffle, and I was making sure to drag people away, get them to safety but I assure you I'm fine. The muggle doctors gave me some medication, but as soon as I get paid I can pick up some magical stuff, and that'll help better, but don't you worry about me, I'm all fine! Muggle doctors over react.

Your semester back must be going well? From what you've been saying it's definitely been busy for you. I've been working on the french homework you've given me, and if you're able to teach me even the smallest bit of your language I'm sure your students will definitely always manage. You are an excellent teacher Wren!

Will you spending Christmas with me again this year?

I can't wait to see you again, which will hopefully will be soon. I have a few days off, just to rest up, so it would be good to see you then. I know you'll probably be really busy and therefore can't, but I just. I just miss you. Write back soon, I can't wait to here about how you've been recently. Tell me about how your day has been. Just hearing from you will be lovely.

With Love,
Your Vegiepatch
​

 

[Wren Louise]

Dear Aspara,

Please stay at your apartment. I am coming to visit A.S.A.P.

If you are not at home, I will wait.

Stay safe, in the meantime.

Wren​