One Year On

[Trilby Kiedis]

Trilby Kiedis walked elegantly and with poise down the long staircase that led to the entrance hall. It was here she had arranged to meet Sebastian Rossi. The boy who had been her bestfriend for over three years now give or take some time inbetween where her own pigheadedness had taken its toll on their relationship. For a year exactly to the day now, they had been dating and for that reason she had gone to extraordinary lengths to look good for him. Trilby had gone through the trunk her father had sent on and inside had been an old ball gown belonged to her mother. It was much too long of course for Trilby so with the aid of a friend, she had shortened and hemmed it to suit her own taste. With a diamonte here and a cinche of the waist there, the dress was ready for the evening. She wore her hair tied up in a high ponytail, her fringe swept over to the side and slicked back to give herself a most elegant look. Her jewellery and make up were very understated, she hoped that the heels didn't make her tower over him, they were after all a lot higher than what she was used to and it had taken her a few weeks of practicing before she was confident enough to wear them.

She felt like a princess walking down the stairs and wondered what Sebastian's reaction would be to her this year. With a deep breath she turned the corner of the stairs to make the final descent down the wide stair way. Last year there had been much excitement thanks to the Triwizard Tournament and she noticed that this year, it seemed a little more subdued but that was all good she hoped.

 

[Sebastian Rossi]

After checking himself out in the mirror one final time, Sebastian rushed out of his room to head down to meet Trilby. Only for Trilby had he gotten dressed up tonight. He knew that she wanted to see him in a suit and he enjoyed making her happy so if putting a suit on could do that, he was happy to oblige. They'd agreed to meet in the entrance hall and he made his way there quickly, not wanting her to wait on him. He was nearly to the staircase when he realized with a jolt that he'd forgotten her gift under his bed. With a curse, he spun around and jogged back to his room, trying his best not to slip. The shoes he had on were very slippery and he wished he would have thought to break them in a bit more.

Kneeling down by his bedside, Sebastian felt around under the bed until he found what he was looking for. It was their anniversary in addition to it being the Yule and he hoped that the night would prove to be special. One year was supposed to be a lifetime in a teenage relationship or so he continuosly heard from lots of people, but if that was the case it was the best lifetime he'd ever lived. He smiled then, pocketed the gift and left his room for the second time.

Rushing towards the staircase, Sebastian took them two at a time, coming to a stop when he noticed Trilby ahead of him. It wasn't often that he spotted her without her spotting him and Sebastian couldn't help but watch her descent. She had taken up his challenge and the dress she wore tonight although much different from last year's dress easily rivaled it in how breathtaking it made Trilby look. He always thought she was beautiful but somehow something about the Yule season seemed to enhance her beauty in his eyes. Quickening his own pace until he was right behind her, Sebastian wolf whistled at her and then smirked as he waited for her to turn around.

 

[Trilby Kiedis]

She remembered another Yule ball, it hit her like lightening and she didn't know why but clearly now she could visualize herself and Xavier arms about one another entering the festivities. She shook her head slightly wondering where that had come from. It seemed to be happening more and more of late, even yesterday as she chatted with Sherize her dorm mate Trilby had meant to mention something regarding Sebastian but half way through Sherize had stopped her and asked her if she knew that she had mentioned Xavier's name a total of three times. She hadn't known, she hadn't even noticed and wondered if she would have to pay attention to every little thing she said tonight.

Her brown eyes scanned the entrance hall once more as she heard a wolf whistle from behind her. She seriously didn't think anyone was actually whistling at her so merely stepped aside to let whoever it was get to whatever girl he was being stupid for. As she stepped aside though her gaze drifted back only to land on Sebastian. She had always considered him handsome but tonight he had out done himself. Banishing all thoughts of Xavier she smiled for her boyfriend.
"Wow you scrub up really well... really well" the black suit looked amazing on him. Holding out her hand for his she motioned in the direction of the Grande Salle, "shall we?"

 

[Sebastian Rossi]

Sebastian was amused when Trilby didn't look back, but instead stepped to the side. He shook his head slightly wondering whether Trilby realized how attractive she was to most of the guys in the school. She's mine though Sebastian thopught to himself, glad he didn't have to share her love with anyone. When she finally looked and spotted him, Sebastian quickly took in a breath. If he thought she had looked great from behind, it was nothing to how she looked when she was facing him. He smiled when she spoke, a small blush crossing his cheeks. He was glad that she liked what she saw.

"Glad you like it" he smiled as he took her hand and leaned in to place a soft kiss on her cheek. "You definitely topped last year" he whispered into her ear seriously, "You look beautiful love." This was going to be their final Yule ball and as they made their way to the Grand Salle, Sebastian could already hear the music playing. It was a classical piece, likely part of the quartet that played during the first few hours of the ball. The more modern music hadn't begun yet.

Sebastian looked back at Trilby again, glad that they were finally at a Yule ball together from the beginning. He couldn't help but think about last year's Yule ball when he had been jealous that Clemence had been dancing with Alexius. Even before then, he had been questioning his feelings for Trilby, but it was seeing that more than anything that had led to Sebastian finally speaking frankly with Trilby about his feelings. Glancing around, Sebastian realized that they were both standing in the spot where they'd kissed under the mistletoe. It was just outside of the Grand Salle's entrance. He squeezed Trilby's hand. "Tril...Happy Anniversary" he said quietly, not wanting anyone to overhear. His thoughts went to the gift in his pocket, but he definitely wanted to wait until later to give it to her. When they were alone or in private or something. Now it was time for them to enjoy the party.

 

[Trilby Kiedis]

With his hand now firmly in her own, she felt better more anchored again and all thoughts of Xavier she knew could now be pushed aside. Sebastian kissed her cheek and smiled at him as he told her how beautiful she looked. They moved down through the entrance hall and she could not help smiling at the looks they received from others. They did look incredible together. The melodic tunes of a classical piece came to meet them and she couldn't help but smile, remembering when they had learned how to dance with one another what seemed like an eternity ago now. They had grown up so much since then. A slight squeeze of her hand in his when suddenly he turned to her, squeezing her hand in turn and whispering tentatively.

Trilby smiled at him, leaning forward and seriously not caring who was looking on. The kiss she gave him on his perfect mouth was soft and swift before her lips whispered 'Happy Anniversary' against his mouth. Straightening up once again she tugged his hand gently.
"Come on you, I want a dance" laughing lightly they made their way inside. The decor was stunning, glittering silver and white decorations strewn every where, ice cool blue baubles festooned around from the bright white christmas tree. It was beautiful. Walking to the center of the floor she smiled once more at him as the music switched to a waltz and those on the floor about them began the familiar steps that they had all learned in dance class. Trilby and Sebastian danced along with them, her hand still in his while her other touched his upper arm tenderly.

 

[Sebastian Rossi]

As she pressed her lips to his, Sebastian closed his eyes and just allowed himself to enjoy the kiss. When he opened them, he nodded his head, resigning himself to the dancing that was to come. "Ok" he drawled. The music reminded him of that time he and Trilby had attempted dancing and it put a smile back on his face. The attempt had been fairly successful but he still wasn't the type to jump and be the first on the dance floor. If it were up to him, he wouldn't even be the last on the dance floor. Tonight, he was actually in a festive mood and dancing didn't seem too terrible an idea.

As they stepped into the Salle, Sebastian found his eyes drawn to the christmas tree in the corner of the room. It was impossible to miss because of its brightness. Turning his attention back to Trilby as they stepped onto the dance floor, Sebastian busied himself with placing his hands on Trilby. He settled with gripping one hand on her waist, the soft feel of the dress's fabric resting comfortably in his grip and her other hand in his. As they began to waltz slowly, Sebastian remained quiet, his green eyes resting on Trilby's fondly.

He was silent as one waltz song slipped into another. Sebastian was concentrating on getting into the beat and only when he was sure that he wasn't about to stumble or step on his girlfriend's feet did he attempt speaking. "I think we've gotten pretty good at this" he said, an impressed look on his face. He glanced over her shoulder and saw Professor Regionne dancing with the headmaster. She was even smiling. "Looks like everyone is having fun tonight" he smiled, glad that everyone was as happy as he was, even Professor Regionne who always seemed especially dour when she was around couples. And there were plenty of those tonight. He stumbled a bit and chuckled, deciding to be quiet, and choosing instead to concentrate on his dancing again. As they waltzed their way near the Christmas tree, Sebastian once again remembered the gift within his pocket and decided to mention it. "I've got a surprise for you later" he smiled, his eyebrows raising as he tried his best to not reveal any more than that.

 

[Trilby Kiedis]

It did indeed seem as if everyone was enjoying themselves, she followed where he was looking and could not contain the smile when she saw the professor and headmaster. Another professor caught her eye but was quickly swallowed by the crowd. Trilby could have sworn she had seen the swollen stomach of the muggle studies professor but shook her head, perhaps she had been seeing things.
"We've gotten very good at this" she agreed as they seemed to flow about the floor instead of simply just dancing. Her words were too soon spoken though as Sebastian stumbled a little and Trilby chuckled.
"Maybe we need some more practice" she told him, her gaze catching a flash of cerise and looking again as the professor passed behind Sebastian. Trilby's gaze fixated on the professors stomach and noted that she really was pregnant. A slight gasp almost unnoticeable escaped her, her own near escape from motherhood still weighed heavy on her. She had never told Sebastian about the few weeks of worry she had experienced and then to make matters worse, Trilby's head turned as the music changed and a very familiar tune filled the hall.

She clung to Sebastian, her face almost buried into his shoulder as her hands tightened about him. Her body wanted suddenly to sob uncontrollably, the song was one herself and Xavier had often listened too together. Had even named it as their song. Wondering if it was karma for her to be thinking of her near pregnancy when their song came on, Trilby continued to cling to her boyfriend for comfort and support. How could she tell him that in the midst of their dancing she was miles away in the arms of another.

 

[Sebastian Rossi]

Sebastian rolled his eyes at her comment and chuckled. She was probably right. It was rather odd to him that intermingled with the students dancing were professors. Especially since some of the very professors he was dancing around were the ones most suspicious of him. Tonight it seemed that they had laid their worries to rest, which would make it the prime time for a prank. Lucky for them, he had more important worries for the night. He smiled over at his Muggle Studies professor whose stomach was bulging from how pregnant she was. He liked the woman and was going to be rather sad when she left on maternity leave. "Madame Pilon looks like she's about to burst" he noted, though she was still several months away. "She's having a boy" he added conversationally.

As the song shifted and he felt Trilby tense, Sebastian glanced down at her. He could only see the top of her head though and when she moved in closer, Sebastian moved his hand, placing it on her lower back instead. His other hand he kept gripping hers.

"Alright there, Tril? I mean I definitely don't mind the closeness, but maybe it should wait until we're alone" he smiled as he placed a kiss on her forehead. Feeling her pressed up against him always did funny things to his body and as close as she was, Sebastian was sure she could feel the increase in his heart rate and his sharp intake of breath, especially when he caught a whiff of how good her hair smelled. It reminded him of when they'd been in the lake together just before they'd frantically started making out and then gone further.

 

[Trilby Kiedis]

She wished desperately all of a sudden to be far away from here, Xavier seemed to be everywhere she turned. A laugh that sounded just like his, a boy with hair flicked to the side just like his. Eyes so piercing that she thought it was him but of course it wasn't. Sebastian's words cut through her thoughts like a knife. Madame Pilon was having a baby boy? She felt faint, could feel the room about to mist and squeezed Sebastian's shoulders to steady herself just as he joked about them being so close.

Trilby could feel his hand on her back, could feel her skin igniting and her blood pound loudly in her veins. She didn't want to see the pregnant woman, didn't want to even think about babies tonight of all nights but a memory of what she had concluded returned to her. She had been happy to discover she was not pregnant and not for all the sane reasons like her career and her life would be cut short because of an unplanned pregnancy but because the baby would not have been Xavier's and she knew days later every time she closed her eyes that the baby she subconsciously dreamed about had his eyes and his colour hair. It was also around the same time she had realised another crucial fact that she had tried to keep buried but it was bound to surface sooner or later, but why it had to be this night of all nights.

Trilby had long known she loved both boys, long known that there were differences in how she loved them but when she finally realised that she was in love with Xavier while dating Sebastian, she had suppressed it. Shoved it so deep that she was sure it would never surface. She had needed to forget him, he was dating Hilde after all and she truly believed she could make it work with Sebastian. Good, handsome, wonderful Sebastian. Her best friend and her life line. She had to do the right thing and tell him once and for all but she couldn't bring herself to do it tonight of all nights. The music changed again, a little more up tempo and she used this as an excuse to get out of the hall for some fresh air.
"Sorry Sebastian, I'll be a moment" she released herself from him but on seeing the queue to leave the Grande Salle, others obviously genuinely needing air; Trilby turned and headed to the refreshment table instead.

 

[Sebastian Rossi]

When the music changed once again and got faster, Sebastian knew that Trilby would let go of him. He was expecting that, but what he wasn't expecting was how abrupt it all was. And she didn't break away from him to keep dancing to the quicker tune. "Uh...ok. I'll be over there" he said to no one really since she was already on her way. His eyes followed her for a moment, flooding with confusion, as he watched her look towards the door and then head over to the refreshment table. He had half a mind to follow her there and find out what was going on with her, but then thought better of it. It was obvious to him that the moment she needed was meant to be alone and not with him.

With another look at her, Sebastian scratched the back of his head and made his way to an empty table. He slipped in between the happy couples dancing and nodded as he was greeted by several, trying his best to keep a smile on his face. Dropping heavily into a seat that would allow him to keep facing the dance floor and Trilby who was still at the refreshment table, Sebastian slipped his hand into the pocket on the inside of his suit and pulled out the box. He glanced down at it and a small flicker of a smile crossed his face again. It was large and slender and made of some sort of blue velvety material with a gold bow and he hoped that Trilby would like it. He'd hoped to give it to her later on, but somehow he knew that now was the best time to give it to her.

Glancing up again when he heard his name, Sebastian's eyes quickly narrowed as he hastily moved the gift out of sight. It was Mart, and he was asking Sebastian whether he'd lost Trilby and made another remark about how he'd always known Trilby would finally see the light. "Screw you..." Sebastian muttered as Mart quickly headed to the dance floor and the safety that it provided him. He looked down at his hands to see that they had balled up and he quickly released them allowing them to drop back down on the table where he engaged them by drumming on the table top. Why can't things ever go the way I plan? he wondered as with a swift shake of his head, he looked around to see where Trilby was.

 

[Trilby Kiedis]

Trilby watched people dance on the dancefloor, pushing and shoving each other this way and that as if it were all part of a synchronised mosh fest. She turned back to look at the array of food only to be faced with what was Xaviers favourites. Gasping she closed her eyes and wandered further down along the table smiling at two girls she knew from her year. They were deep in conversation and did not see or hear her approaching, Trilby wasn't intending to surprise them but as she neared she overheard Xaviers' name and could not help but move closer under the guise of foraging for food. They were discussing his latest antics on the quidditch pitch and how he was even more better looking than when he had attended the school here. She felt a pang of longing deep within herself and turned abruptly away so as not to be caught eavesdropping.

There was nothing for it really, it would have to be tonight. As much as she hadn't wanted it to be Trilby also knew now that the longer she left it, the harder it would be on Sebastian and herself. She could no longer put off breaking his heart and in turn breaking her own for causing him so much pain but how could she date him knowing that she was in love with someone else. It didn't matter that Xavier didn't want her like that anymore, she simply could not change her feelings for him, no matter how hard she had tried. Somethings were just meant to be while other things were not!

Wandering about the edges of the hall looking for Sebastian she finally spotted him and made her way slowly towards him. She felt as if her insides were about to implode, she felt herself shaking with anxiety so that she had to clasp her hands together to prevent them from doing so. The colour seemed to have seeped from her face as she kept her brown eyes on him the whole time she drew closer.
"Sebastian" her voice shook from the effort of maintaining some semblance of equilibrium, he must never know how much it cost her to do this to him, "can we talk?"

 

[Sebastian Rossi]

Sebastian glanced towards the area where the food was and saw that Trilby was no longer there. As he looked towards the crowd again, he spotted her. Seeing Trilby was usually enough to put a smile on his face, but not tonight. Something looked off about her, but he didn't know what it was all about. It bothered him because he usually did know what was bothering Trilby. They were best friends after all, and they didn't keep secrets. At least he thought so anyway.

As she walked closer, Sebastian half stood from his seat and then froze, his stomach dropping when he heard what Trilby had to say. He'd seen plenty of muggle teen movies and he knew that nothing good usually followed the words 'can we talk?' He glanced towards the door, his mind racing with everything from whether they should leave for privacy or stay, and what the 'talk' would be about. Dropping back into his seat heavily (that was one thought put into action), Sebastian's green eyes looked worried and his jaw tightened. "What's this about Tril? What's wrong?" He wanted to reach for her hand to pull her in for a hug, but she had them clasped. It made him even more uncomfortable. His eyes moved from her hands back to her face, his green eyes imploring her to speak.

 

[Trilby Kiedis]

Everything was wrong, didn't he know that? Couldn't he tell? But one look at him and Trilby knew that her Sebastian ... she paused, she could not think of him as her Sebastian anymore, it would be unfair. She had to steel herself for what she was about to say to him. There was no way she could simply do this here in a packed hall though, she was not cruel and he deserved so much more. With a soft smile on her face as if trying to assuage him she held out her hand for him to take and slowly turned so that they could make their way out of the room.
"Let's talk outside" she said to him, hoping he would see the sense in this at least. Would he know she was trying to spare him? Would he know that what she had to say should not be eaves dropped on by their peers and professors only to have him teased and ridiculed with it for ages after?

Trilby looked at him wishing she didn't have to do this but loving him wasn't enough and that was the hardest thing to realise. She had always thought that love could see them through anything yet as strong and good as their love was, it was not the love that she craved. It was not the tidal wave that crashed about and inside of her, it was not the hurricane that destroyed her or the light that blossomed inside until it felt like such a vibrant blinding force. The love she felt for Xavier was an all encompassing love, destructive and regenerative, good and bad but only any way negative because they had never been completely honest with one another. She needed to put it all right, make it all right and that had to start by doing right by Sebastian.

 

[Sebastian Rossi]

Sebastian was trying and failing to prepare himself for what might come. He honestly had no idea. As a smile crossed her face and she reached out for his hand, a slightly relieved smile crossed his face. He reached out one hand to grab hers and stood but not before quickly slipping her gift into his pocket. He tried to be as discreet about it as possible so he hoped she didn't notice. "Lead the way" he murmured, his voice was difficult to come and he swallowed hard, his adam's apple bobbing nervously.

As they walked, Sebastian glanced sideways at Trilby. She still looked beautiful as ever and Sebastian had to wonder what it was all about. He tried to think about what he might have said or done that she might want to talk about. Still, nothing came to him. As they passed by his muggle studies professor with her swollen belly, a light suddenly blinked on. holy crap. Is Tril pregnant? Is that why she's acting so weird? It made sense to him. He'd known how stupid it was for them to not use protection, but they'd done it anyway. Maybe if he'd stopped long enough to think about it, they would have but each time they'd come together, he'd found it difficult to think of moving away from Trilby long enough to retrieve some. He stole another glance at Trilby, this time at her stomach but there was no sign of anything. It was still as flat as ever. Nona is going to murder me, he thought, his hand itching towards his earring. The idea of being a dad to someone made him nervous. He could feel his palms beginning to sweat.

With a third glance at Trilby as they exited the grand salle, Sebastian forced the hand that was not holding Trilby's down and wiped it on his suit jacket, trying to remain calm. It was much quieter out here since nearly everyone was still inside. He gave her hand a small squeeze. There was no sense in panicking if that wasn't what the talk was about...but Sebastian was sure that it was. What else could it be about?

 

[Trilby Kiedis]

He took her hand and she could not help but squeeze it ever so gently, more to reassure herself that what she was doing was for his benefit as well as her own. How she would be able to face him in the corridors or the class room again after this, she did not know but she was certain that whatever friendship they did have, as strong as she had always thought it to be; she did not think for a second that it would survive this. It was the only reason she could think of that would have stopped her, nearly had but she caught sight of their muggle professor again and her resolve was steeled.

They moved out into the entrance hall but she did not stop there, the corridor leading towards the courtyard was empty and this was the way she chose. The corridor was dimly lit by hovering torches along its walls and portraits slumbered peacefully blissfully unaware of what was to transpire. Trilby released his hand then stopped walking and hastily took it again, as if needing it to give her the strength she needed for this. What words was she to use? How did you break up with someone you loved?

Looking into his beautiful eyes she nearly wavered again, took a step closer to him and with pained deliberation kissed him softly on his lips. Lips she would never again kiss. Her eyes tightly shut, a tear slid down her cheek and touched her upper lip. She broke apart and looked up at him, it was time. Slowly she released his hand and took a small step back from him. He would need space from her, would need to be apart from her when the thunderbolt hit.
"Sebastian" her voice nearly cracked in it's delivery, "I .. we.. that is ..." this was impossible, she did not know what to say and wished she could say it all in French but that would certainly not have been fair on him. An image of Xavier entered her mind for a moment and it helped her.
"I love you, I always will but ..." she hung her head, 'I have never stopped loving Xavier, I just didn't know it!' Trilby couldn't say the words she thought, that would have been much too cruel and she wanted to spare him as much pain as was feasibly possible.
"I think... I think we should break up."
She had not given a reason and she knew without a doubt that Sebastian would most likely demand one.

 

[Sebastian Rossi]

Sebastian let Trilby lead the way. She seemed to have a destination in mind, she seemed to be in charge of everything here and Sebastian couldn't help but feel that he was being dragged along on a ride he didn't want to be on. Not a word escaped his lips as they walked because he truly didn't know what to say. What could you say when you didn't truly know what was going on?

Trilby's hand in his felt warm and comforting and when she dropped it, he felt the absence immediately. The knot in his stomach grew as he reached out for her again and was glad when their hands re-connected. As she moved closer, he tried to smile at her but failed miserably even as their lips met. Sebastian's eyes closed reveling in the kiss because for some reason he knew that this kiss meant more than most of the ones he'd shared with Trilby. When she stepped back, Sebastian saw the trail of water on her face and his eyebrows scrunched together. What is going on? The words were on his lips but he couldn't bring himself to ask. He couldn't bring himself to do anything but wait for whatever was to come. He was trying to steel himself, to tell Trilby that they would deal with whatever it was that was bothering her if only she would share it with him.

As she opened her mouth to speak, he took in a deep breath and his eyes dropped to the ground. Just say it, he urged her to speak, his green eyes rising and then dropping back down. He'd deal with whatever even if it meant he'd have to leave his rockstar dreams behind and get a real job. Her next words caused him to look up sharply, his eyebrow raised, a truly perplexed expression on his face. What was she trying to tell him? Of course he knew she loved him, but he didn't know why she was adding a 'but' to it. Then...it came. The bomb dropped taking the inside of his stomach and his heart along with it. His jaw actually dropped open, a sharp laugh escaping him until he stared longer and realized she was serious.

"What?" he exclaimed, much too loudly for the silent hallway. No, no, no he thought to himself, thinking it must be some sort of mistake. Lowering his voice, Sebastian let out just one word. "Why?" It came out in a strangled sort of way as if Sebastian was trying to restrain his emotions. He had no idea what he'd done to cause her to say such a thing to him, but he knew that whatever it was he could fix. There had to be a way.

 

[Trilby Kiedis]

Trilby waited for the reaction, her palms felt damp from sweat and her insides were playing havoc with her. Suddenly Sebastian exclaimed aloud and she jolted on the spot in fright, blinking hard and wondering if this was going to get ugly, something she had not foreseen at all; Trilby was somewhat relieved when he lowered his voice.

"Does it matter why? the answer can only hurt you more and I do not want that" she hoped he would let it go but he did need an explanation, he deserved one. With a resigned sigh she moved along a step and hoped that he would begin to walk along with her. She would tell him part of the story at least and attempt to spare him the rest.

"I ... I had a pregnancy scare" she hung her head not liking this part at all, she had been on tender hooks waiting and waiting, hoping beyond reason that she would not be and that was what scared her more than anything, that she hoped she was pregnant by Sebastian! Kind and wonderful Sebastian, who would someday make a wonderful father just not to any of her children.

"It frightened me. I did not want a baby... not then" she knew this would not satisfy him at all, there were too many holes in this story, "and realised ..." Trilby stopped walking lowering her head to look at her hands clasped tightly together, "that I did not ever want a child ... with you."

 

[Sebastian Rossi]

Sebastian simply stared at Trilby when she asked whether or not it mattered. The answer to that was a loud resounding YES and he was relieved that she seemed to realize it even without his saying so. If she were truly serious about breaking up then he was already hurt beyond anything her explanation could add to. With his green eyes following her as she began to walk, Sebastian reluctantly followed, mind still reeling from the news.

Her first words brought a sharp intake of breath. So, there had been a pregnancy scare. "Why didn't you say anything?" he said in a hollow voice. They'd never kept secrets, at least that's what he thought but she had. She'd kept it all to herself. Her worries, her concerns. Leaving him out of something that could possibly have had a tremendous effect on both their lives. He didn't think it was very fair of her to be mad with him for something he didn't know and didn't want either. Not now anyway. In a bunch of years, he could easily see himself having children with Trilby.

He opened his mouth to assure her that he didn't want children now either and that he promised to be safer and smarter about their sex life in the future and that he thought she was making a big deal and jumping to conclusions over a stupid scare when her next words froze him in place. She didn't want children...with him. Him. That was the key here. Sebastian closed his eyes for a second and pinched the bridge of his nose. He felt like throwing up and punching a wall and a lump grew in his throat that told him he wanted to cry as well. "It's not like I'm eager for a child either" he pointed out to her and then narrowed his eyes, "Who is it then? Who's the lucky guy? It's obviously me whose the wrong part of the equation." The words came out bitterly, leaving a bad taste on his mouth but if she was going to break up with him, he wanted the whole truth first. He looked away from her then, unable to look at her face. He didn't want to see her upset, and if she wasn't upset, he definitely didn't want to see that. It would only make him angry to see her acting as if this meant nothing.

 

[Trilby Kiedis]

She bit her lip as he spoke but all she could manage was a shrug of her shoulders, there had been so many reasons at the time why she hadn't said anything but none seemed good enough now.
"I'm sorry" she told him, "maybe if I had said something we'd have been stronger. We'd have been able to weather everything else ..." she turned away not sure if she wanted to just run away from him or if she should just stay and see this through. Her heart felt drained, pained and her head felt sore. A pounding headache had come on and she knew that tears were seconds away.

Her hand reached out to touch his arm but she pulled it back, afraid that he would have pulled away from her anyway.
"No... it's not like that. I've been faithful to you" she told him and physically she had been, her eyes fell to the ground "You were never the wrong one in the equation, I was the one at fault. I should not have gotten into a relationship so soon after Xavier when so much there had been unfinished."
The truth would out at some point and she inhaled deeply as she lifted her eyes to look at him again.

"I never stopped caring about him. I found out a few things over the last year that I have tried to suppress because I thought we deserved a chance, that we deserved some happiness but ... I can't make you happy. I'm not the one for you. I can't be... not if I know in my heart of hearts that he ... that Xavier is the one ... for me."

 

[Sebastian Rossi]

Sebastian swallowed hard, glad when she pulled her hand back instead of reaching for him. He didn't, couldn't hold onto her. He nodded slightly when she said that she had been faithful, glad for that at least. He listened to her, barely moving, barely breathing as she spoke. When she mentioned Xavier, Sebastian's jaw clenched and his eyes flashed angrily. Now there was a name he thought he wouldn't hear again, but of course. It had always been Xavier. Always. It was Xavier who had ruined his chances with Trilby after what had happened in the greenhouse. Xavier who had ruined his chances with Clemence when he'd comforted Trilby because she'd broken up with him. And it was Xavier now, getting in the way again.

"So that's it then..." Sebastian said with a grimace and then lapsed into silence. She seemed to be pretty decided on the matter and had been for who knows how long. He couldn't believe he'd been so oblivious to it all, not realizing that his own girlfriend loved someone else the entire time. "You seem to have this all figured out, so can I go now? Or do you have another dagger you want to twist in before you run off into the sunset with Snow?" He knew his words weren't fair, but he was hurt beyond anything he'd ever felt before. What was there to say when the person you loved more than anything told you she loved someone else.

 

[Trilby Kiedis]

She felt his pain as surely as if it were her own, there was nothing more she would have liked than to cast some spell that could relieve him of it and dump it all on to herself. She shook her head slowly looking at him as a tear pushed its way out and trailed slowly down her cheek. There was no point in wiping it clean, there was no point in anything any more. She had broken with Sebastian and she had broken with Xavier. She really was the product of a dysfunctional family. Was she destined to spend her days alone? His words caused her more pain that he could ever imagine.

"I have nothing figured out except I didn't want this for you any longer. You deserve more than me, don't you understand that" she spoke quietly, "I have not seen him in months, he does not know and it does not matter. He is with someone else. I did not do this because I want to be with him. I did it because while I feel this way, it is wrong for me to be with anyone else. It is unfair to you."
Her slender hand came up to wipe the tear that had slid to her chin just as another fell.

 

[Sebastian Rossi]

Sebastian shoved his hands into his pocket and felt the gift he had inside. He let out a small sigh knowing that there was no way he was going to give her the present now. He'd probably chuck it into the nearest trash can. As he listened to her speak, Sebastian felt like going up to Trilby and shaking some sense into her. He couldn't understand how she could think he deserved more. Trilby was all he wanted, all he'd wanted for a long time even if it had taken him a while to admit it to himself. But, he certainly wasn't going to force Trilby to be with him. As she began crying, Sebastian looked down toward the ground, his own pain clearly visible. Even as she was breaking up with him and breaking his heart into a million pieces, he still felt the need to ease her pain.

His adam's apple bobbed as he fought back the urge to comfort her. He didn't think she'd let him if he approached and if he got too close to her, he knew that he'd say something stupid, perhaps even beg for her to reconsider.
"Fine" he said bitterly, pushing off the wall he'd been leaning on and standing to his full height. It was much easier to be angry.
"I'll see you around Trilby" he added, getting once last glimpse of the brunette who he dated for a year but loved for longer before he began to walk away. He didn't know why he said that because if he saw her around, it was more likely that he'd walk the other way than that he would stop and speak to her. It would only cause him more pain and he was already beginning to feel in tenfold.

 

[Trilby Kiedis]

She wanted to say more, wanted to beg for his forgiveness. Wanted to reassure him that she had loved him, did still love him but she didn't. Trilby was smart enough to know when to call her loses and taking a deep breath clamped her mouth shut so she would not say something else that would hurt him. His parting words cut through her as if they were bitter and sinister. She knew of course they would see one another around but they would no more speak to one another, no more grin mischievously at one another or smile knowingly. It was over, a year of tenderness and love, two years of friendship now all gone and she had no one to blame but herself.

She allowed herself the pain of watching him walk away before she slowly turned and headed in the direction of the alcove they had hidden in once before. The very one where the ghostly couple haunted hourly. She wanted to witness real love, wanted to see the anguish and devastation on someone else's face so that she could blot out Sebastians from her mind. She didn't think she would ever sleep again if all she could see on closing her eyes was his agony caused by her. Alone once again in the world, Trilby moved silently along the corridor almost like a specter herself. Not once did she think of Xavier because as far as she was concerned he was long lost to her and all she had left of him were memories as well. She seemed to be extremely good at creating memories for she always seemed to be the one most in need of them to cling to in her loneliness.