Closed Lost Boy

Archie Renner

🦁 Gryffindor | Father 🌈
 
Messages
895
OOC First Name
Anna
Blood Status
Unknown
Relationship Status
Engaged
Sexual Orientation
Homosexual
Wand
Straight 12 Inch Flexible Ash Wand with Phoenix Tail Feather Core
Age
35
It was a rare thing for Archie to lie awake at night, plagued with overwhelming thoughts swirling in his mind that kept him from falling asleep. In fact he was usually an easy sleeper, out like a light in a few minutes after Orwell finished reading to him and they settled in under the blankets. But recently things were different and Archie couldn’t turn his mind off, with too many concerns about his future and questions over his past that were still unanswered. It was enough that as he lay awake, he even thought about whether this change was due to being older, to finally hitting his mid twenties and feeling obliged to think about what the rest of his life would be like, whether he would ever find a boyfriend and get married, whether he would ever become a father, whether he would find a better job and own a house. To think like an adult for the first time, rather than to simply live life day by day without a clue what would happen to him next. Archie wasn’t used to it, actually thinking about what his path in life would be. It was too many things to think about at once, and he didn’t like it. It was complicated and he wanted it all to be simple.​
Deciding he was sick of thinking all the time, Archie eventually sighed and shifted in the bed to face Orwell. Not wanting to wake Orwell too suddenly and scare or annoy him, Archie settled with reaching his arm out, to poke Orwell’s shoulder gently. “Hey.” He uttered as he continued poking Orwell, his voice quieter and more vulnerable than usual. “Hey, are you awake?” He asked a few moments later, ready to give up if Orwell didn’t begin to stir.​
 
Orwell slept well, he hadn’t always been a heavy sleeper, the community hadn’t really been the sort of place where a person could sleep soundly, but as an adult in his own place, with his own bed, the silence tended to help him sleep. On this night, he had managed to settle into bed and doze away. He had had a rather active day and Orwell knew an active day tended to mean his mind was a little more active than most other nights. It just took a little longer for him to sleep. He didn’t mind it, that point of almost sleep where he was warm, comfortable and at ease were good feelings. It helped also that next to him was Archie, and much like Pia, his presence next to him, never failed to help Orwell settle. He was roused a little from it when a gently poke was felt on his arm and a little voice said hey. He blinked his eyes open blearily and seemed to wait to see if he’d imagined it or if it had actually happened. The poking continued and the voice spoke again, quieter. Orwell turned his head and was met with Archie looking towards him.
”I’m awake,” he said with a little yawn on his words. Orwell rubbed his eyes tiredly and turned his body to face Archie’s, he let his head settle back into the pillow and his eyes briefly closed before he forced them open again, ”What’s up?” he was looking at his friend, clear attempts to wake himself up even to talk to him. He could see from the years of knowing Archie and from his expression that he needed to chat about something, and Orwell always had time for Archie. He would always have time to listen to his friends worries.
 
Archie wasn’t sure how to put his thoughts into words, he was only really sure his mind was a confusing mess and he wanted, no, needed to talk to Orwell about it. Orwell had always been the smarter one, who knew what to do and what to say more than Archie ever could. He seemed to have the answers to almost everything whereas Archie only had questions, ones that might ever have the answers he wanted. If anyone was able to give him some kind of guidance for the many things on his mind, even while half asleep, it would be Orwell. Archie sighed as Orwell turned to face him, and did his best to explain the complicated thoughts he was having. “I just, I can’t stop thinking.” He said softly, shifting to rest his head on his arm, and frowning as he tried to find the right way to talk about everything.​
“I have so many questions about life, like will I ever get married and have children and stuff.” Those questions wove a never ending web of more confusing questions, but Archie did not have the right words to elaborate yet. “Do you think I’ll ever find a boyfriend and get married? That I’m marriage material?” Archie asked, insecurity growing worse in his chest as he thought about the realization he might never find someone to spend his life with. He had been told in the past he wasn’t boyfriend material, and at the time Archie had been relieved, happy to avoid being tied down and exclusive to anyone. However now that he was a little older he worried whether this meant he would be single forever. He worried that he wasn’t boyfriend material because he was not as put together as everyone else. That because parts of his identity were missing and he couldn't answer simple questions about himself, like when his birthday was, what his blood status was, and things about his heritage, all aspects of himself that were important in marrying someone and starting a family, it meant no one would want that with him. Not in the traditional sense, at least.​
 
Orwell shifted lightly as Archive began, he rubbed his eyes tiredly, but easily moved to meet his friend’s gaze. Orwell knew that if Archie was waking him up for something then it was important and the manner in which he said that he couldn’t stop thinking had Orwell keen to ease his friends worries. After all, if it meant that Archie had an easier time falling asleep he’d always help. Orwell was a little surprised by the nature of the question he’d asked. Of course he’d always figured that like most Archie would want to get married and have children or raise children of his own. Orwell himself had been thinking about Pia and the future. They’d been together a while, and though neither really follow societal norm, a part of him knew that he’d never love someone else like he loved Pia. In the same way that he could never love someone else like he loved Archie. Archie would be stuck with Orwell for as long as they both lived.
Orwell reached out to his friends, but instead of really taking his arm or his hand, just let his arm settle tiredly on the mattress with his hand pressed into Archie’s chest. ”You are marriage material,” his words were laced with sincerity, truly believing that Archie would find exactly what he needed in a partner, someone who provided him with the comfort and homely feeling that Pia provided him. ”There will be a boy out there for you, who’ll provide you with comfort, joy and company and then together you’ll have a family and it’ll be yours. So long as you never let them forget about old uncle Orwell,” he assured his friend, keeping his gaze upon the man with a smile on his features. It was clearly a tired smile but it was a smile nonetheless. ”Do you think you’re not marriage material?” he then asked, he wasn’t sure he’d phrased the question quite right, wanting to know why he believed perhaps that he might not, why he was giving it so much thought, why it was something keeping him up at night.
 
When Archie considered his romantic past, that consisted almost solely of flings and one night stands, as well as friends with benefits situations with a few almost-but-not-quite boyfriend relationships scattered around, he found it difficult to believe Orwell’s words. But he was nevertheless reassured by Orwell’s hand on his chest, and swallowed the lump that had grown in his throat as he responded. “I’ll make sure my kids are never too far away from you.” He said, already knowing he wanted his future family, whatever it might be, to be close with Orwell. He couldn’t wait for his and Orwell’s children to be best friends like they were, even if having a family seemed unreachable to Archie in the moment and as if it were light years away. He moved his hand over Orwell’s hand and sighed, not knowing how to answer his question. “I think no one sees me as marriage material.” He began, always having trouble putting his thoughts and feelings into words, especially when he was sleep deprived. Eventually, Archie gave up on trying to word things properly, and decided to just ramble, letting everything on his mind out and into the open. It seemed easier that way.​
“I feel like no one wants to marry me because I’m not complete, usually in marriages and stuff, the couple knows each others birthdays, right? They also know their blood statuses, because when they have kids, they want their kids to know what blood status they have. They want their kids to know who they are.” Archie explained, feeling himself become choked up as he rambled on. “I don’t know most things about myself, if someone asks me when my birthday is I have to tell them, I don’t know, probably in June, and then if they ask my blood status I just have to shrug. They stare at me like I’m dumb and it makes me feel dumb, and like I’m not good enough to have a family one day, and I don’t like it. I don’t want my children to know what that feels like.” Tears formed in Archie’s eyes but he was too tired and too overwhelmed with sadness to bother blinking them away. “Dammit.” He moved his hand from Orwell’s to wipe the tears from his face as they eventually fell. “I think because I’m stupid and not complete no one wants to marry me or have a family with me. Who would? No one who is smart would marry and have a family with someone that can’t answer questions about themselves.” Archie frowned, and shifted slightly to cover his face with one of the sheets before he sighed with frustration, sad at his situation to begin with, and annoyed that it was enough to keep him awake at night. Not knowing about his past had never bothered him so deeply before, though now he was older and considering what would happen in the rest of his life, the missing pieces made him feel worthless and hollow, as if he was one half of a person.​
 
Orwell let his hand rest easily against his friend’s chest. He let himself smile tiredly at the other boy’s response but he knew that there was more to this, that his words as nice as he tried to make them would not be that helpful to him. It wouldn’t help him feel any better, it wouldn’t actually take care of whatever was really bothering him. He let his fingers lace with Archie when the man moved his hand to him. He shook his head at the question, he didn’t think that was possible, though Orwell hadn’t met most of the people that Archie interacted with, there was no way for him to tell if they treated him in such a way that would make him believe that he wasn’t worth getting married to. He didn’t say anything, instead, shifted his body a little closer to his friend, half ready to just bring him into a deep hug. But Archie continued speaking, explaining exactly what was giving him the issues. He felt his own eyes well in sympathy as Archie got choked up talking about Orwell knew that Archie’s family or lack of knowledge about the real ones had plagued him. He had never necessarily understood, but it was like him when he’d first left his magical community, unsure of where he fit in, in a world that had to many people and rules. He let his hand reach out to Archie. He shook his head at him, ”You aren’t dumb Archie,” he assured him tiredly. ”You know that the person for you, wouldn’t mind if you didn’t know your blood status or your birthday,” he was sure that any person who got to know Archie would agree with that, but of course it wouldn’t help him as he tried to get to know people and those would of course be the first questions asked. Or certainly come up.
Orwell also knew that his own attitude, of it doesn’t matter, it’s all pointless wouldn’t help him. It plagued Archie, and a solution of just get over it wouldn’t be helpful. ”Maybe we could look for your family?” he offered, Orwell would help him, go to the ends of the earth for him. ”But you know that we’re family, and I’d celebrate your birthday every day of June if you wanted.” Orwell told him, he reached out and let his hand rest on the other boy’s cheek. He lightly stroked his cheek. ”Plus, you’ll make a great father, you’ll be so much fun, and you’ll teach them quidditch and how make a perfect scoop, I’ll be there to teach them all about anarchism and other boring things,” Orwell spoke softly, ”You have such a kind heart, you opened your heart to me when I was the weird homeless looking kid, I promise you, the children you have, the husband you’ll have will adore you for the amazing, kind hearted man I know and love.” orwell knew his sleep deprived brain was making him a little sappy but he didn’t mind. Archie deserved to hear about how amazing he was.
 
Archie sniffled, eventually lowering the sheet from his face as he wiped his tears away with his hand. He knew Orwell was smart and listened to the words he said, but it was difficult for him to believe them, when his experiences and what he thought about relationships told him otherwise. Archie had never been in an official relationship ever, and the only reason he could put behind that was not his habit of becoming too attached too quickly or making himself too available, but the fact he wasn’t a complete person, and he felt without being complete himself he couldn’t expect someone to want him in their lives. Dating him seemed like taking too much of a chance, when he couldn’t answer all the questions he was asked. Archie sniffled again as Orwell mentioned finding his family, and he shrugged gently. “I don’t know.” He said. “I feel like that’s just going to hurt me, like what happened with my sisters, and what if I find nothing? What if it’s a waste of time and I’m still as incomplete as I’ve always been?” Archie felt himself get choked up all over again as he thought about his biological family, whoever they were, rejecting him. He didn’t know if he could take that, what kind of toll it would have on his emotions.​
He reached out to Orwell for a hug, and sobbed quietly against his chest for a while, before eventually feeling the heaviness in his heart settle a little, and managing to get out a few more words. “If I look for my family, do you think it will be okay? Do you think they‘ll like me?” The thought, or rather the curiosity of finding his biological family had been on his mind for a few years and he couldn’t deny it, but there were too many possibilities that he could be hurt, for him to think about it properly. For as brave and confident as Archie was, and had always been, this unanswered part of himself was where he couldn’t find his usual bravery. It was too close to his heart, and failing or building himself up just to face rejection would break him, more than he wanted to admit. He didn’t know if he would be the same person after it all, and it was terrifying to consider moving in that direction.​
 
Orwell smiled softly at his friend, watching his expression as he seemed to take on the words. He was sure that it wouldn’t be too helpful, he knew that Archie hadn’t had much success when it came to long term relationship, though Orwell hadn’t been quite as aware as he perhaps should’ve been as to how it affected him. Finding the family that had given Archie up would not be easy and it wouldn’t guarantee that everything would suddenly be fine. That they would want to get to know him or even see him. Orwell couldn’t promise that they wouldn’t be harsh towards him. Or even if they were simply just long gone. Orwell kept his hand close to Archie, ”You would never be incomplete,” was all he could say. He wrapped his arms around Archie as the man began sobbing. He rubbed circles into his back and tried to make little reassuring noises to him. He paused at the question and then gave a little noise, ”I think it’ll be okay to look for them. I think they’ll like you. But, you know even if they don’t that won’t reflect upon you, it’ll be on them,” he wanted to reassure his friend, reassure him that it would be good, that they would be good and kind people that would want to get to know him, but he also knew that it could go badly, that they might not want to see him, get to know him, even that they might not like him. ”But, I’ll be with you, the whole time,” the man said to him, ”We’ll do this together,” he knew he wasn’t necessarily needed but he felt he could provide some needed emotional support to him. Even to just yell at them on Archie’s behalf if they were cruel to him.
 
Archie clung to Orwell, trying to remind himself to breathe as Orwell rubbed comforting circles on his back. Eventually, his sobs grew quieter and he began to calm down, sniffling and reaching to wipe the last of the tears from his eyes. He still worried he would be rejected, and knew it would hurt him emotionally in a way he had never known before, but with Orwell by his side to support him, who was his family in every way other than biologically, he might be okay. Searching for them together, rather than going through it all alone was the reassurance Archie needed. There was still a question on his mind of whether he should start searching for his family, among other things, but for the time being, Orwell’s reassurance had calmed him down and warmed his heart, helping him realize he had more than his lowered self esteem led him to believe. He sighed, nuzzling his head into Orwell’s chest. “I love you.” He said quietly. “I still don’t know if I should find them, but I am okay now.” Archie sighed again, closing his eyes. The questions on his mind were still present, although he felt better after talking about everything, and the crying had tired him out a little, at least enough for him to feel like he could fall asleep. After tossing and turning for the entire night feeling some level of relaxed was enough for him to want to try and get a few hours of sleep before he needed to wake up. “Can we stay like this for a little while?” He murmured, worrying if Orwell let go of him he would feel his emotions swell all over again.​
 
Orwell kept his gaze upon Archie, he provided the comfort that was clearly necessary for his friend, something he really didn’t mind doing this, he’d always been close with Archie and there really wasn’t anything to being this close to him. He rubbed his back slightly as Archie leaned his head more upon his chest. He smiled at the words, ”I love you too,” he replied quietly, just being sure to say it before the man continued on, Orwell hoped for the best in Archie looking for his family. His real family, he could only fear that it wouldn’t go well, that Archie would end up more hurt by people who didn’t really matter in his life, people that shouldn’t matter in his life. Orwell couldn’t understand his desire, having been surrounded with people who had loved him in their own manner, it had been a family but it hadn’t been in the same way that he knew most were. It hadn’t been the thing that Archie was looking for, but it had been enough for Orwell that he couldn’t know why Archie was so keen to find out about it. Was so keen to find it. He hoped that it would be good for him, that it would give him the answers that he wanted. At the question Orwell nodded, ”Yeah, course,” He tightened his hold on Archie ever so slightly, letting his head sit more upon the pillow and let his eyes close again.
 

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